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Liv

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Everything posted by Liv

  1. Hi Spela, It's been a long time. Monday will be one year since I lost Larry. I want to thank you and everyone else in this forum that I have talked to over the past year. I know I don't post as much but I guess my way of coping with the loss of Larry and the loss of my father have been to stay extra busy. I just wanted to let you know that when I first lost Larry I didn't get any professional help. I thought I was strong enough to handle it on my own. But I soon realized that my friends couldn't help and no one around me understood what I was going through. I started going to a counselor and it helped. I admit to not wanting to go and there is a stigma about it, but once I was in counseling and able to open up and talk about things I realized there were a ton a people around me that were also getting help in some way.Don't be afraid of getting professional help.It does help to just say everything out loud. I've been reading and see you have a dog. I think that is wonderful. I got a second dog right before my father passed away. Since losing Larry my dogs have been my "bed buddies". They are great cuddlers eventhough they take up the whole bed but a dog is such a great comfort. I wish you the best Spela and look forward to talking to you soon. I'll try and check in more often. Stay Strong, hold your head up,cherish the memories- It will become easier, Talk to you soon, Liv
  2. Dear Bebekat, Monday will be one year since I lost my fiance. Like you I haven't posted anything in a while. With this up coming date there is much anxiety. I also recently lost my father and I think what your son and daughter-in -law did at the wedding was such a wonderful thing. I want you to know that it's ok to be in a "rut" and things will get better- all in time.It happens when you're not expecting it. Just remember those happy memories and take some time for yourself. You'll be in my thoughts this week, Liv
  3. Walt, Like I have heard and discussed with others: We NEVER stop grieving. I think we just learn to accept it as part of something we cope with everyday. Also realize everyone has their own pace and time they need to grieve. I think with the holiday's coming it will bring about a lot of emotions that may be new for some of us and old for others. Try not to think of grieving as a negative thing. It is a part of life and a part of this whole process. All I can say is you will know. Something will awaken in you and you will figure out how you want to handle your daily grieving. There is no need to rush things. Hope I was some help. Liv
  4. Hello all- It has been a while since I have posted anything. Seeing your post Walt made me think of my Larry. I was actually just going through some pictures of him. I think finding a star is something completely normal. Maybe it has something to do with the sparkle or the innocence and purity a star is. While Larry was in Iraq he really got into looking at the stars. He even picked one out for us to look at so no matter how far apart we were, we were both sharing something. Our star is the middle of Orion's Belt. After he died I could not see it for a while, but about a month later it was back. Lately I have forgotten some about looking for it (living in the city makes it hard to find!) but your post brought back a fond memory- Thank You. Take Care and Be Strong, Liv P.S. Hi Spela- Haven't chatted with you in a while. Hope all is well as can be expected. Hope to talk to you soon! Thinking of you.
  5. It was 3 months yesterday that Larry died. I actually read this poem at his funeral. I made it all the way through during the service and was strong for him. As I read that poem now I cry...
  6. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I recently lost my fiance on May 8th. Things are really tough right now I'm sure for you. I was lost at first and felt like I had no one to talk to or anyone that understands how I feel. This forum has helped me a lot. Just reading the other's stories and the poems, it helps me feel less alone. I hope you find comfort in it as I have. If you need to chat, I am here. Liv
  7. Erin & Spela, My name is Olivia. A month ago I lost my fiance Larry. He was a marine serving in Iraq.He was shot and killed during an operation 5/8/05. It was mother's day and his parents 24th wedding anniversary. I had just sat down to write a hug final paper for school (I'm graduating) when I got the phone call. I couldn't believe it. It just couldn't have been him. Of all people, why him? It bothers me when people say or I think maybe it was just ment to happen. I don't think it was at all. We had so many plans. I had booked everything for the wedding, which he always chuckled about because being in Iraq ment I had to plan it all myself. I had just bought my wedding band and had it sized the week before his death.My wedding dress is hanging on the back of my door still. It was going to be so beautiful.Reading the things everyone has wrote here has helped.It is the first thing I've found that I can try and connect with since this all has happened. During his deployment I just kept myself busy with work and school. But my life revolved around his phone calls which would come at all hours of the day. I never let my cell phone out of my site. The funeral events as I like to call them lasted for 2 weeks since we had to first fly to CT for the funeral at his home then back to Arlington Cemetary where he is buried. IT was a comfort having everyone around but then it all kinda stopped. The hardest is he was my bestfriend and soulmate. All I had was him. My friends aren't that close or they have no idea what I am going through. The day after his burial I got 3 letters in the mail from him. They were hard to read. I'm not used to crying in front of people because I'm the strong one in the group. I hold everything together. His parents were there and I try and be strong for them, but I just walked away and went to my room and cried alone which I do often. Its hard to accept comfort from others. I want him! This week I got a letter he has written to be sent me if something happened. In a way it was his goodbye but lately I get so upset. I can't hear his voice then I freak out that it's all slipping away. I'm not talking to anyone yet because I just don't know what they could really do to help. I guess that is why I was looking for something like this. For people who understand what I am feeling. I am constantly taking care of others feelings and push all my emotions aside. I've been dreaming about him lately and it is making it hard to sleep cause then when I wake up I feel awful but I just can't stay home, I have to push it aside and go on. Sometimes I am very angery and I know its ok but I know he wouldn't want me to be upset. He never wanted me to hurt or be sad (he wrote in the final letter) thats why I try so hard to push it away, I haven't decided how this will effect me down the road yet. I also have a lot of feeling of guilt. No one I have mentioned this to understands. It is this deep down pit in my heart I feel a lot. Anytime I start washing and packing up his clothes, or think about going out, or even moving my rings off my ring finger. I try and set goals to accomplish tasks but it doesn't really work. Anyways it has been nice to get some of this out. Your stories make me know I'm not alone.I'd love to chat more! My email is olawrenc@gmail.com Semper Fi, Olivia
  8. I'm 23 and one month ago I lost my fiance.He was a marine serving in Iraq.On 5/8/2005 he was shot and killed during an operation.This is all so new to me. I can't believe he is gone and that when his unit gets back he won't be there. We had so many plans. Not only the wedding but with life, children, growing old together. I just don't know what to do some days. It has been hard to relate to anyone that knows what I am going through. Lately sleeping is getting harder. When I have a good day I think maybe I'm healing but then I'm thrown a really bad day and I'm heartbroken all over again. Some of the hardest times have been getting letters in the mail, from him still, since mailing is delayed from Iraq to the US. They are comforting but sad at the same time. I just want to open this up to anyone who might be going through what I am. I still have his stuff to go through and that is hard.What do you keep? What do you give to the family? This is short and there is so much I wanna say but can't at the moment.I just wanted to get this topic out there because I know with this war many young people are losing the ones they love. Can anyone relate?
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