I had to put my cocker spaniel, Gwennie who was 15 1/2 years old, down on July 2, 2005. She had arthritis so bad she could barely walk and had kidney failure. I never knew how much I loved her her until that day when I held her and watched as her dr gave her that shot. I knon in my mind that I did the right thing in having her put down but it still hurts so much. I am happy that I was there for her send off on her final journey but I still want her here with me. I wish I could have cured her of her medical problems. I wonder how long this hurt will keep its hold on me, it is so unbearable. I keep looking for her when I get, or when I come home from being out, or just when I want to hug someone. when will I be able to think about her with a smile and the warm fuzzies i use to get and not the pain and tears i have now?
