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kayc

Contributor
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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

11,287 profile views
  1. Polly, your pictures of the accident are horrific (in the Living with Loss section). It's a miracle she lived through it! My heart goes out to Nicole, wanting her dad. I wish she could have him. Praying for her, for you too.
  2. Rahn, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife and mother of your children. Everything changed for me in an instant when my husband died, it was unexpected and he had just had his 51st birthday. I still don't sleep in our bed and it's been 13 years. When people say it gets "better" what they mean is the intense pain from the beginning lessens and we gradually begin to adjust to our new life, not that it's ever the same or what I would call "well". Our grief doesn't have an expiration date but it evolves, little by little. I'm glad you have your children, mine were grown. This is a good place to come to, it helps to know we are understood and our feelings are validated. We all "get it" here. One day at a time is how I've had to live these last 13 years and will continue to live the rest of my life. Sometimes like George (I praise Him) shared, we have to break it down into an hour or minute, a day even seems too much, especially in the early grief.
  3. Riley Grace, a beautiful name. It will be nice to have another baby to hold, although you still have one, he's getting bigger though!
  4. kayc

    Videos Worth Watching

    I worked for a Prosthetic and Orthotic facility for six years, one of my favorite jobs...I've seen bilateral amputees, but to see someone with no arms or legs, that has to be really hard. One thought I had was, the dog seems not to notice. And he still found a way to pet/rub the dog. When you love a person, you love who they are, the package is of lesser consequence, it is the spirit of the person you love. I cry when I think of all of the amputees I have known...they don't let life stop them! They are on Search and Rescue, they climb mountains, they are avid skiers, they work construction, they dance. They are inspiring.
  5. You can be alone even living with someone. Sometimes it can be even MORE lonely as it's like an emphasized loneliness. I had that with my kids' dad. 23 years of living separate lives together. My son talks about this and that memories he had with his dad and I realize his dad included him in his life, but not me. He lived a very different life from me, complete with memories of things they did together. I was left alone to make my own way. Amazing...23 years of aloneness.
  6. I don't watch commercials. I record pretty much everything I watch so I fast forward through commercials. Even if I were to watch something live, I'd use that time to go to the bathroom, let the dog/cat in/out, grab something to eat, etc. People mention commercials and I never know what they're referring to! The only ones I care to watch are the superbowl ones. Those I'll look up on line if I miss them.
  7. That's just it, I don't. I tackle this day by day, constantly re-prioritizing. This needing a new roof was a total surprise to me, as is the washing machine leaking, the refrigerator needing replaced at 5 1/2 years, the car needing replaced, the new-to-me car needing repairs, my watch needing replaced, the medical expenses, all of this was a shock, every day something new it seems the last six weeks! I have a house that needs painted, new trim, new flooring. No one to even help me move furniture out, let alone lay flooring even if there were $ to pay for it. I see myself tripping over worn out carpet when I'm 80, no one noticing or caring until I'm long dead. I wonder, will they step over my cold body? These are the thoughts going through my mind, yet last night a friend offered to come up Monday and take a look at my washer. He even ordered a water pump for it as he thinks that's what it is...he lives 75 miles away. It means so much to me that someone would even care enough to try to fix it. I wish all of the repairmen weren't so far away, and were honest and thorough, but alas the day of the good ones seems to be gone. Still haven't gotten the bid on the roof yet. That is so sad! But unfortunately it's a thought that I think sometimes too. Maybe it comes from no longer having our partner...who else notices let alone demonstrates their love for us?
  8. By now you've made it through until the next "special day". Yes it is sad, very hard.
  9. kayc

    Mother died suddenly

    I can understand his not wanting to see a grief counselor with you, but I do hope this doesn't cause a wedge between you and that you can convey your feelings to him. We do all grieve differently, I get that...men grieve differently than women too. Yes, grief colors our perspective, everything we see life through.
  10. kayc

    My sister

    I had a close friend I worked with back before George died. Her daughter job-shadowed with me, and our families were friends, we lived about a mile apart. One day my friend left her husband and moved in with her supervisor. Her daughter was devastated. I tried talking to Cheryl about it but she poo-pooed it. I suggested she get her own place (she'd by that time moved in with her supervisor, tearing two families apart) and that this was very hard on her daughter. She chose to believe what she WANTED to believe and didn't heed my advice. Instead she pulled away from me...by this time my husband died and she moved out of town and her and the supervisor quit their jobs. My heart broke for her daughter. Sometimes people are blinded by what they want so much that they don't see and don't want to see how it affects others, let alone themselves. I hope, as you do, for resolution. Sometimes it's time to process, sometimes it's change, but oh how the in between time can be so painful!
  11. @KarenK Wow. Unbelievable. Seems the government is overreaching in many areas, our Rxs, what we can sit on on our porch, where will it end! I live in the country but even then the Dept of Forestry still tries to get their licks in. I get away with a lot more than city folks though. My son has 30+ tires stored behind our pole barn (tarped), it's not visable from the street and not visable from my driveway/house either, but he'd never get away with that in a city. Sunday he dropped by (something he never does) to get one of them on his way through from a 40 mile hike. At least I had a nice, albeit short visit from him! I sold the Civic, got a good price for it, it'll be needed for my garage/shop/storage roof, which I still haven't gotten a quote on yet. Drove up to Salem yesterday to sign papers and went to see my grandkids and have dinner with my son's family, was a nice yet quick trip in my new-to-me Volvo. Love the "turbo" feature for passing quickly! Could never do what I did yesterday in my Honda. But I'm going to miss Miss Reliability, best car I ever owned.
  12. kayc

    Flashbacks

    I am so sorry, Becky. Suicides adds such a complicated layer to grief, it's no wonder you feel numb. May I ask, are you getting grief counseling? If not, it might benefit you greatly to do so, it's hard enough navigating your way through grief, but to do it by yourself with a suicide complication seems like an uphill climb for sure. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/grief-support-for-survivors-of-suicide.html
  13. kayc

    My sister

    I can well imagine it was too soon for you to deal with. My MIL was my best friend, and I took care of her the last three years of her life when she was bedridden with cancer. One month after she died (and they'd been married 40 years) my FIL announced he was in love. We were all sickened but tried to take it in stride, as it was his right to date, but it was very tough, it'd only been one month! The lady was in his life until he died nearly 30 years later. They never married and he apparently never told her his feelings, because she did not want to remarry and was vehement about that, but they were like companions only with their own homes. She became part of our family, although my kids didn't call her grandma per sae. It's very tough when they move so quickly. It felt like it negated all that he had with mom. When we are newly grieving we are vulnerable and it's hard to think with clarity as we have grief fog. For that reason and because of his daughter, I hope he slows it down, way down! Her chatter about double dating and such is insensitive at best. You have a good grasp on things and I think it will bide you well, but oh gosh how hard this can be to take in all at once!
  14. @CarrieM How are you doing? Haven't heard back from you...I know how hard this early grief is. This place saved me, I don't know where I'd be had it not been here.
  15. I just got a call from my health insurance wanting to go over my medicines. It annoyed me. I told them I went over my Rxs with my doctor in January and I've been on them a long time and they're working. They said some Medicare rule says they have to go over them with me. So I went through it all again, explaining each and every one. She told me they're sending me a list of them to keep with me...I told them I already have a list in my purse, my doctor has a list, I have a list on my computer, so I don't need their list. She said they have to send it to me. I don't know why they want to go over the doctor's head or change what has been working. That's why I hate getting new doctors, they want to change everything and it upsets the balance.
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