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kayc

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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Recent Profile Visitors

12,279 profile views
  1. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, Gin. My mom got a pacemaker and it helped her greatly, gave her more energy too. I know, it's so hard to go through these challenges without the comfort and care of our husbands. (((hugs)))
  2. A medic alert wouldn't be of help in a situation where you suddenly go into diabetic coma. I'm considering cutting my Rxs in half, I had to do that once before, but I wanted to wait and see if it was all of the physical work I'd been going through causing it to drop, I think it is and if so it should settle down. This morning my B.S. was nearly 200 which is way higher than normal. The closest hospital is 1 1/4 hours away.
  3. Doreen, I am sorry you have also been going through this, my daughter lost two very wanted babies (pregnancies) and it's hard on grandparents too. My heart goes out to you in your loss.
  4. LadyJane, I am so sorry. I lost my sister a year ago this coming Friday. I'm sure it means a lot to her when you're there, I pray for comfort as you go through this with her.
  5. Gin I certainly hope you heal without issues and all is progressing normally...we'll look for your update after you see the doctor. (((hugs)))
  6. Oh Marg, I'll add you to my prayers, you can't go, you have your granddaughter to live for, I'm glad you're doing what you can for yourself, it's all any of us can do. I wrote about my scare in the other thread so won't repeat it here, but it seems many of us are dealing with the growing old alone thing, they had us, now we're going through it all alone, very different!
  7. I stopped and got dinner on the way home from church, came home and worked in the yard picking up trees/branches/debris as I did the day before...only this time when I worked up a sweat I also started feeling funny, like my brain wouldn't work, so I came in and took my blood sugar. It was 37! That's diabetic coma time! In my whole life it's never been that low! Scared me to death! I ate a chocolate bar I kept in the refrigerator for such purposes, still not high enough. Ate some meat, nope that didn't do it either. Swilled down a kale smoothie, helped some, but still not out of danger. Ate some cheese & crackers. Finally it came up out of danger zone. I needed to walk Arlie but was scared to. Called my sister and told her to call me in 1/2 hour. Finally gave him a short walk, came back and was okay. Don't know what caused it but perhaps the exercise, although I'd done the same thing the day before and my B.S. was 130 afterwards. It's kind of galling, I wasn't even hungry and had to eat all that stuff. So I'm going to have to keep a close eye on it, don't know how many test strips I went through! What aggravated me about the whole thing is that I AM ALONE! I don't have a husband to keep an eye on me or call an ambulance if needed, there's just me, my best judgment and when that's impaired, like in this situation, it can be dangerous. Gwen, I'm with you, it is hard being alone...I never minded being on my own when I was younger, but growing old alone, it's a whole new ballgame!
  8. It's become a politeness in our society, like hello or good day. I don't think they expect any answer except fine. Sometimes they don't even wait around for that.
  9. I have a cousin that seems to think I'm superwoman...instead of feeling flattered by it, it always annoys me. I've wondered why it has that affect on me, I think it's exactly what we're talking about. I'm not super anything, I just do what I have to do, same as she would if she had to, but she doesn't, she has a husband to share in everything with. My little sister got it. She called me from Spain and said (about the storm), "I can't imagine, and the worst part is you were all alone." Yep, she got it! Good luck with the taxes. I did them myself every year until last year, I finally decided to take it to a tax person. Yeah a lot of the work is getting everything together, the receipts, spread sheets, etc. now I have two 100 mile trips to make on top of it, but it is worth it to me to not have to fret doing it right. Too many tax deductions etc. are changing. I still had to be on top of it though because they missed my energy credit carryover (a glich in their software) so it goes to show the onus is still on me to be savvy and catch everything.
  10. kayc

    How is everyone?

    KD, OMG, I'm so sorry! That had to be so hard.
  11. Nicole, I am so sorry, I know this hurts and you are bewildered, not only on your behalf, but that of your children. Yes, I'm sure he's quite depressed, grief symptoms mimic depressive symptoms, so that it's hard to tell the difference...and he's had multiple major losses. It would have helped if he would have gone to a grief counselor and if he could have talked about it instead of just ghosting you. There's not a whole lot you CAN do if he wants a divorce. You do need to do what you can to protect yourself and your children. I am a little confused, you said you married March 2017 then you said he told you he couldn't wait to marry you during his uncle's funeral in Nov. 2018. ??? I get the impression you have young children under the age of ten? I would be honest with them but try to keep it simple, answer whatever questions they have short and simple...make sure they know this isn't about them and that he he has had a lot of losses that are hard for him to deal with. Kids tend to personalize and think they're at fault so it's good to let them know they aren't the reason at all, that they are the bright spot in life. Try to give them extra time and attention. Do you have family close by that can help and be supportive to you and your children? You are undoubtedly grieving the loss of your husband as well as he is grieving his losses. I hope this article will help you understand it a bit: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html
  12. No need to apologize, it's a good motto! Whatever gets us through our day, right?! To each of us different things work, sounds good to me!
  13. Oh I'm sure it does. But that's their's to deal with, and they shouldn't plague you with their unsolicited "advice". You're right, there's no fixing death. Only living with it. And that's a tall order. I guess that's why I'm trying to learn NOT to affix labels. When we try to put a label on something or someone, we're often off base. Does everything that doesn't kill us make us stronger? I don't know, I doubt that's true for EVERYTHING. That's like asking if this is really living. Again, I can't answer that. It's not like it was before, that's for sure! Are we strong because we've survived? I don't know, maybe, but it doesn't always feel like it, I know that! Going through that horrible storm recently was impacting...(I wrote about it in the positives thread)...being all alone in the pitch black, listening to trees crashing all around me, for three nights! It was the eeriest thing I've ever gone through. The hardest part wasn't the threat of death, the hardest part was the isolation I was experiencing. It reminded me of grief! I remember thinking, "I just have to hold on"...my sister Polly had told me just before the phones went dead, "This too shall pass." That helped. I hung onto her words, and reminded myself of them time and again. Now it's 2 1/2 weeks later, I've cleared Arlie's fenced yard of the trees and branches, I still have some greenery to pick up, but I no longer have to worry about him running and hurting himself on a stob. I still have the rest of the property to clean up and it'll have to wait until the snow melts. But did any of that make me stronger? Or is that something we just tell ourselves? I didn't feel strong listening in the darkness to those trees crashing down. Maybe I am stronger knowing I survived it, came through it, but maybe it's not strength at all, maybe it's just that built in will to survive that comes with our bodies. When do we get to let down? When George was alive, I didn't always have to be strong, sometimes I could let him hold me. Last night I had a dream that George came back...he'd been dead nearly 14 years, and he suddenly reappeared. He'd been as if he was asleep and yet I knew he was dead, I saw his body, it was empty and void of him! He looked just like when he left...only now I'm older, have silver/white hair in the front, weigh more, signs of aging. I remember him holding me, it was just like before, the best place in the whole world to be! He made me feel like no one else ever had, in my whole life! Protected, cared for, like everything was going to be okay. It hadn't felt like that since the day he left. But now I had to introduce him to my dog he didn't know...explain how his cat Tigger left, Lucky died...why he had no clothes in his closet. The gov't considered him a non-person, they said he was dead. We couldn't remarry, they considered him dead. He couldn't draw social security, he was "dead". They wouldn't consider the person standing before him. When I awoke, it all felt so real! What a dilemma! All I cared was he was here.
  14. It helps to have a period of no contact for your healing and clarity. Whether a person can resume as friends depends on where their heads are at but it's very individual and I know it can't work if one is secretly hoping for more. Sometimes it's in your best interest just to have a clean break, but again, it depends on a lot of factors individually. No contact is no phone calls, no asking friends (tell them not to tell you about the other person), no driving by their house, no cyber-stalking, no Facebook, etc. You are a wise person, you already know inside yourself what we've told you, you are going to be okay, it just hurts so darned much for a few months before it seems any better! We go through it, do what we can for ourselves, spend time with family & friends and positive activities, allow ourselves to mourn some...I remember having to let go of "things" he gave me, and for a time avoided places we'd spent time, but eventually even those places no longer had that emotional pain and I could resume going there. It's about giving ourselves the gift of time to heal.
  15. Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you! You are the same age as my daughter, she wanted so much to have children, but she lost two and then her husband abandoned her (now he's back trying to steal her apartment but not back in the marriage). I have lost three, one I was 4 1/2 months along, I was all alone when it happened. Like you, they did a D&C each time. The emotional impact of losing a very wanted child is great. It was so hard! My husband and I were very private with it, like you said, it doesn't help having people say stupid things. I remember the last time it happened, I had a dead baby inside of me, I had an appt. for the D&C, I attended a friend's baby shower, no one knew about the pregnancy yet except my husband and our family...I got teased at the baby shower because two friends announced they were pregnant, gals were laughing and saying maybe I should figure out how they did it, it was very hurtful! I'd been going to a fertility specialist for two years. Eventually I did go on to have a daughter and then a son, but I will never forget what I went through in the earlier years, how it felt, how hurtful people's comments were. They never would have meant to hurt me, it's just ignorance and not knowing better. River is a beautiful name and I know you will never forget your little boy. I don't know why some people go through these things. I don't think it's because it's "God's will", doesn't even make sense, but I do know He was there with me when I went through it and cares very deeply for us and all that we go through. Your River will never be forgotten, he will live on in your heart.
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