Jump to content

kayc

Contributor
  • Content count

    20,139
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

11,385 profile views
  1. Time is warped when we are grieving. I remember feeling like that too, now it just feels like forever ago, it's been so long, it almost feels like I dreamed him up, it's hard to believe he used to hold me...a lifetime ago. Time doesn't stand still for any of us. I know it is hard but I'm glad you have the kids to keep going for.
  2. Can you share them with us?
  3. Oh Katie, that is beautiful, and I feel that about you too...I would frame it and keep it to look at whenever I'm not feeling so brave. Just getting up every day is bravery!
  4. Will be thinking of you on Thursday, Darrell, I know how we are with them on their birthdays, in spirit and in heart, but then we are every day of the year.
  5. I hear ya there! I don't know about that, but it was drummed into me so much I still don't go there.
  6. I feel that too, we are an extended family here. We DO care about each other, I just wish we weren't physically spread out so far so we could be of tangible help besides just emotional support. I hope when you're off the antibiotics you start feeling better, I hate antibiotics, they accomplish what they set out to but the side effects are awful and it takes so long to build our body's immunities back. I hope you're on good probiotics. I do think it'll do you good to get back home with your babies, they not only need us, Lord knows how much we need them! As for the volunteering, I'm sure there's plenty of residents there with oxygen so I don't see how that would prohibit you being there, the only thing is, will it inhibit your getting around, will you have a pack strapped to you or will it be a mobile unit on wheels? It might slow you down, but I guess it depends on how big the unit is. My sister Donna had one but she was already in a wheelchair so it didn't make much difference, but now Peggy will have one too...although she didn't get around a whole lot before, but I imagine it will get in her way trying to cook, etc. Not sure how that will work, if she'll have to take it off to cook? I know when Donna went outside to smoke we always had to remove the oxygen unit first. Hoping things get better for you soon.
  7. Mitch, Everything you wrote is what I could have wrote, why a man so caring and full of zest for life had to be taken from me when he just had his 51st birthday...why he couldn't be here to know our grandchildren, retire together, go through all of life together. I used to ask why, I never got an answer, only silence. But the pain, the aching, it goes on, it doesn't stop. Ana, I used to commute 100 miles a day, I know what it is to be alone in your thoughts, they don't turn off...and now that I'm retired and when I am home, always alone with my thoughts, they still don't turn off.
  8. kayc

    I really miss Butch

    I feel that way too, Marita. I do still miss Butch, I was just thinking about him yesterday. I'd always hoped to meet him although the likelihood of that from CT to OR wasn't likely, but I cared about him and wished he hadn't made that decision, I think Allen would still be here if he hadn't set the stage the way he did. Such a wonderful family, it's very sad. Sometimes there's just too much heartbreak in this life.
  9. Brooke, I'm sorry you're going through this...I went through it too eight years ago, my fiance blindsided me by breaking up with me when he was caregiving his mother. 2-3 months later she died. A certain number of grievers feel they can't do a relationship at the same time they are grieving, all of their focus goes into their grief. They will let in friends and neighbors, but not their SO. I guess because with a relationship, they feel something is required from them but they just don't have it in them to give anything right then. We never did get back together, he doesn't trust himself not to hurt someone should something happen again, so he hasn't dated since. (we're older) We are good friends though, and I value his friendship, although I would not want to be with someone that would so easily throw me away for something beyond my control; I'd prefer to have someone who would go through thick and thin together in life. It would help if he would get professional grief counseling, you could suggest it to him, but only he can make that decision. About all you can do is be supportive from the sidelines. If he continues putting you on hold, only you can decide how long you will accept that and when enough is enough and move on. Going no contact protects your feelings for him and allows healing to come into play. You are already busying yourself and focusing on your own life and that is good. But each day that goes by and you don't hear from him, it allows resentment to come in and does damage to your relationship. You can try to be this big forgiving person, but we're human and that only lasts so long. Good luck to you, keep us updated.
  10. Gwen, It sounds like you are feeling similar to my sister, she has been in so much pain for over three months and can't come home and can't even read, she has too much pain and interruptions constantly. They're doing PT with her eight hours a day. She just wants to come home, not even sure if she'll make it. I can't imagine, what you're going through sounds hellish. You will eventually be able to go home with your dogs, won't you? I mean, are they giving you that light at the end of the tunnel? Are you in a hospital? It seems hard to understand how the place you've volunteered at for 24 years hasn't reached out to you. I know that loneliness. I'm so sorry.
  11. Not sure I put all that much stock in coincidences either. Never been to a psychic because of my beliefs so wouldn't put much stock by that either, but as for the instant connection, that's how it was with George and I. We started as friends but the connection was amazing and undeniable. I couldn't picture my life without him.
  12. Tom, I can only say how happy I am for you, both that Susan is looking out for you, and that you have someone to share in life with. I only wish you weren't halfway across the country from each other! That almost sounds crazy funny, doesn't it, ironic! But you can talk to each other, maybe facetime, visits, until you figure out what to do. Are you both retired? I don't believe feelings like jealousy are part of the next realm so it makes sense to me that Susan is wanting your best and not hung up in jealousy. I can't imagine not feeling jealous and possessive with George, even now, but I know we evolve when we reach what is next for us. Good luck to both of you!
  13. Getting used to our life as it is doesn't mean the love or missing them is any less, I can attest. I don't remember how long it took me to get used to this...maybe that is a misnomer in itself, it's not that we ever get to liking it, we'd give anything to have them back, I honestly don't know which is sadder...still being in shock over it, or getting used to the changes it's made for our lives. Getting hit with the triggers again and again and again was very hard. Now it just feels like so long ago...it makes me very tired.
  14. Joyce, that's beautiful. I never did figure out how to do George's birthday, death day, our anniversary. The quote/card you posted is beautiful. I think next time I go through one of those special days I will look for one that says what I want to say. Thinking of you today as you go through this day with him ever keenly on your heart...wishing you could be together to celebrate his day.
  15. How are you doing today, Gwen? Are you getting any stronger? Do you have any idea how long you'll be there? Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
×