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kayc

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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

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  1. Karen, I got the impression from what Marg said that Bre is taller than her so yeah, she must be 5'8". Marg, I, too am great with numbers. I can spot something off on a report, enjoy reading statistics because they speak a story, numbers don't lie. They're concrete, something you can work with. My kids are like me in that respect. Both of them won the state mental math contests every year in school. But ask me to put something together with two or more parts? I'm out of my element. If someone shows me how to do it I can if I remember what they did but I have a hard time with reading instructions because sometimes they're written in a way I don't understand them or their drawings look like nothing I'm looking at. I'm visual. It has to be clear. I always kept manuals but nowadays they don't send manuals with things. I remember my boss threw away the manual to the new printer so everyone would ask me how to use it! I downloaded it and kept it on my PC. One of the reasons I hire someone to mow my lawn with THEIR lawnmower! One is I have hayfever, the other is I don't want to have to do the maintenance, it's beyond me. Income taxes, no problem, bookkeeping fun. I do not like doing state payroll taxes, quarterly or annual though, the feds aren't bad so far but next time's will be harder because they have something different on it I haven't heard of or studied yet. Sometimes I wonder, "When do I get to be old?" I still have to do things too much like jobs I've had. Ahh well, better than being bored I guess. Serious? You have a curfew?! Haven't heard of one here! But we can't congregate, if you don't live with someone you aren't supposed to be near them, period! Some people are breaking it, it's aggravating, they put us all at risk as these same people go to the store, gas station, etc.
  2. kayc

    Memories of Kitty

    A friend of mine was over one day and brought some Easy Cheese with him. He put some on Arlie’s nose and Arlie looked cross-eyed while trying to lick it off. Not to be outdone, Kitty wanted some and she’s been addicted to it ever since! I bought it just for her over the next ten years. She’d sit on the step stool loudly yowling until I gave it to her. She knew which cupboard it was kept in and she’d paw at it until I’d open it and give her some. Later she started sticking her little tongue in and out as if giving me the message she wanted some. She’d do her loudest begging when I was on the phone because I couldn’t hear with her carrying on and I’d hurry up and give her some to shut her up. She knew how to work it to her advantage. She'd spend hours in the kitchen, in the dark, waiting for me to come in so she could beg for some Easy Cheese!
  3. I am so sorry for the loss of your Lucky girl. (I had a Lucky girl too). I went through similar experience recently with my Arlie...getting his cancer diagnosis, it was too far gone to do anything so I provided hospice care. I ordered anything I thought would help his time left as his liver was failing. He lived 2 months 10 days past diagnosis. No amount of time is ever enough. I watched as he went downhill, the first month wasn't too bad but after that he was suffering, losing appetite, I had to bribe/coax him into eating. It is hard knowing when it is time. You think, if I hadn't done it, he could still be alive. Yes, but at what cost to him? When they die, their suffering transfers to us and we take it on. It's been 7 1/2 months and I love and miss him tremendously. I realize I'll never get over this. I can only hope to live with it. I get up, do my day, but everything is a reminder of his absence. Today I found the note I used to leave for his sitter when I went to my son's. It explained about his complicated diet, and that he had cancer. It told the words he knew. I can't throw it away. I still hold his coat that I have hanging on a chair. His leash and collar are hanging on a hook by the door, ready for me to take him for a walk. I freed him from his collar, for where he went, he has no need of it, he can roam free! Until we are together again. And I believe we will be together again, we were meant to be together. My heart breaks from you, such recent and sudden loss! It's the hardest thing in the world to get through. They mean the world to us! How do you live w/o your constant companion?! I don't know, I only know I've had to. I still talk to him, I still cry, my heart is still broken. After months of looking at rescues, my son brought me a puppy...it helps. He's not Arlie. No one is. But he's wormed his way into my heart through his own attributes/personality. He's different than Arlie, I still miss my wild-eyed boy who was goofy and fun and oh so smart! One never replaces another, but they do create their own spot in your heart and life. Arlie will always be my special one, my soulmate in a dog. http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/09/is-pet-loss-comparable-to-loss-of-loved.html https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/animal-attachment/201703/my-pet-died-and-i-cant-stop-crying https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/06/pet-loss-do-pets-go-to-heaven.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/pet-loss-articles.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/09/pet-loss-why-does-it-hurt-so-much.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/10/pet-loss-when-nothing-eases-pain.html
  4. You got a smile out of me, Karen! Nope, can't imagine using Cacti!
  5. Gwen, so glad to hear your test came back negative! Here you have to be half dead to get tested and no results for days!
  6. I'll have to make a face mask tomorrow as I need to count $ at the church Tuesday and get groceries probably Wednesday. Haven't heard/seen Trumpet Vines. We have some wild stuff I don't care for plus too many nettles (I hate those!), sprayed them but they didn't care! This afternoon the neighbors let their little dog out and her and Kodie ran back and forth along the fence, over and over, they had a ball! So cute to watch them. There's no food delivery here in the country, I'm 50 miles from shopping!
  7. Gwen, I caught myself holding my breath as reading your post, so glad you made it home same day w/o worse for the wear. Seems a stupid question for the doctor to ask! I hate to even turn on the t.v. because this is all they talk about as if we aren't living it enough. Praying for you!
  8. Just an idea I saw on Inside Edition, if you're having a hard time finding TP, try ordering from Office Suppliers, they have commercial ones that aren't in as high demand right now, won't fit your holder, but you can set it on top of the tank so it's close by.
  9. My mom had Lewy Bodies Dementia, which is kind of like a cross between Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, but she also had Leukemia, which they didn't treat because they said the dementia would get her first. She reached the point where they wouldn't let her use a walker anymore because of her falls, she'd bruise really bad. That's when it really got to her, when she was stuck in a wheelchair and I wasn't allowed to take her out anymore. so hard to watch them go through this. Have you googled his Rx for side effects? Kodie hasn't chewed up anything except his toys and my carpet padding...he split it apart and pulled out the matting! I have a board over it in the bedroom to visibly remind him it's off limits. Put a rug and rocking chair over the place in living/family room so he can't get at it anymore. When he's older I'll be able to remove both, but right now he's teething heavily. I know his gums hurt, the day he did this he'd lost three teeth and more cutting through. I got him a rawhide bone to chew on and that helps him. I keep an eye on him when he has it because I don't want him swallowing bits of it, but the texture seems perfect for teething on. I hate going out, scared of getting it at my age, but need to buy food, do my work at the church. The gov't isn't postponing payroll quarterly reports/payments!
  10. kayc

    Memories of Kitty

    Kitty would store up energy and then tear around the house full speed. One day Arlie saw her doing this and he thought, “Game on!” He jumped down from the couch and tore after her. She was NOT amused! With a sharp look in her eye she took off faster and I had to call him back. He looked at me like, “Why, Mom? She started it!”
  11. I heard Dr Oz say the opposite. But that was a couple of weeks ago, has it changed? Families ARE sharing space together, getting close. That's what's so hard about those of us going through this alone. Hoping this is over by my granddaughter's fifth birthday but I'd be surprised if it was, they will likely have to have her party a month late for extended family. Here is a video of my granddaughter's prayer "for all of the sick people:" Except now researchers said a sneeze traveled 27' with it. I don't know that any of us are safe with it if we get groceries or work. I see people breaking the rules...they don't realize that they are expanding their chances of getting it with each person they're around....they've potentially been with each person THAT person has been around.
  12. Johnny, praying good health for you and everyone...two weeks quarantine, can you go outside? It's good you had someone buy some groceries for you ahead of time! And great that you've been able to keep working.
  13. True...but I realize in early grief, grievers can't imagine the pain ever lessening. It does, we get used to the unthinkable, as preposterous as that sounds. And we do work hard at our grief, it's exhausting, just when we feel we have nothing in us. JimJim, I get what you are saying. You can sign as Jim & Nancy, don't let others' responses affect what you do/don't do, this is YOUR grief and you must handle it in the way you deem best. It is so hard to get through this that anything that gives us any semblance of comfort, so long as it's not destructive, go for it. I see no reason for any of us to let go of our spouse...they are gone physically, so we can't cuddle, talk over our day (well we can but it seems one-sided), they can't help with the chores or finances, we feel alone...so it is we learn to relate to them in a different way. I talk to my George, and I carry him in my heart. I remember how it was, the memories of all we experienced together. I was blessed and am grateful for having had him in my life...the best time of my life along with having my kids. I've also learned to appreciate what good there is now, to live in the present, it helps me not to diminish what good exists now and not to worry so much about what is to come. It took some learning to get to that place, I've tried to practice it all these years. Dre, you are right to not allow anyone to tell you what you should experience, this is YOUR grief, YOUR experience. I sense strength in your core. We don't want pity but a little understanding might be nice. We can't get it from them, not if they haven't gone through it. It's changed our world...not theirs. So true! That is a beautiful way of looking at it, Gwen. I've tried to help my sister appreciate her husband. He is alive. He is there for her. She is not alone. All she sees is how annoying he is. I keep reminding her how she would not have survived the last couple of years without him...remind her of the good things he does. I probably annoy her! She doesn't get that I have that - NEVER!
  14. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom...I love your last line, it shows what your mom was made of, and now she's passed the baton to you. I'm glad you have caring people about, your wife, sister, best friend. I think your mom waited for your sister to be there. My heart goes with you as you go through this. As for "gets better" that's a relative term. I felt the times I lost someone close to me...those were the hardest but it doesn't "get better" in that we have to learn to live in a new way, with their physical presence gone. Maybe I'm a little crazy but I still talk to my husband, mom, dog, etc, so many losses...
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