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kayc

Contributor
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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

11,669 profile views
  1. Karen, I'm glad your son is feeling better. I'm allergic to aloe vera (and so much else) but it sounds like he has the same sort of boring diet I have. I have a piece of chicken and Kale Smoothie most nights with salad or coleslaw, sometimes spice it up with a cup of homemade chicken/vegetable soup. I go to the senior site twice a week and a ladies group once a week where I have something different to change up the boredom. I eat mostly produce but it doesn't seem to help my weight. My little sister tried being vegan one summer, didn't lose an ounce, been there, done that! But I'll settle for healthy. Came down with an ear infection so now after only three hours sleep I have to make the 100 mile round trip to the doctor, ugh. Holding for them now. My insurance just dropped dental, I didn't use their's anyway as it was a scam. Prefer to pay out of pocket for my own, at least I know what I'm getting. The place my insurance covered vision is now out of business so not sure where I'll go next time. I have Fuch's Dystrophy of the Corneas which is why I can't drive at night, but also cataracts that they're waiting to get worse.
  2. I think you've hit the nail on the head. Her twin heads up our senior site now. They fired Chris, the one who did a great job and hired Attila the Hun last year.
  3. I've seen it time and again. My good friend, Jackie, got volunteer of the year award last year, this year the B**** that runs the place told her she was no longer needed. Wow. The division it's caused at the senior site isn't likely to heal.
  4. I am so sorry for your loss. That he had to go through so much in his short life seems beyond unfair. There's no shortcut through this grief, I'm afraid, if there was I would have found it by now. I lost my sister in March, and I feel some things you never get over, only learn to live with. It does help to express yourself, to not bottle it up, so I'm glad you found this site, it helps to give voice to your pain, to your missing him. My heart goes out to you in your sorrow.
  5. kayc

    Loss

    I've been told he was different when he was younger but seeing his best friend killed right in front of him in Viet Nam had it's effects, and he had an alcoholic mom that also left it's mark. He needed counseling. If I tried to talk to him about anything emotional, he'd stonewall me (shut me out). I do feel sorry for him, he was a good man, I understood him, just couldn't live with it any more. One thing I've learned, it takes more than one to make a marriage! I guess I'm too old and too exhausted to go through all this any more. Oddly enough, when I married George, the adjustment seemed so effortless, although both of us actually put in a great deal of effort. We did so out of love and want to. My son was incredulous when his dad got married to someone so messed up...he said, "Didn't he even look around before he got married?" I answered, "No, he never did, he just went to town and got another girl." As if you can build a marriage with just anyone. I feel that's what he did with me too. It's sad, he was so smart when it came to everything else! Some people put in more effort buying new tires than they do selecting their spouse!
  6. kayc

    My Kitten Got Into the Dryer

    I am so sorry, I know the loss of losing a pet especially prematurely. I haven't lost a kitten in the dryer but many have, but I did lose our dog Fluffy when he snuck into our van. I shouldn't have left the door open, it was only a minute while I was giving the cat medicine, then off to work I went. Hot day, it was closed up just outside my office. Did he bark, try to get my attention? What the vet told me has haunted me ever since. It's been about 21 years yet I've never forgotten. All we can do is learn from these experiences and be more vigilant with the next one. We can't undo it, although God knows we'd like to. I feel for your husband, the image will always be with him, just as my dog rolling out stiff into my arms when I opened the van door that night...we don't forget that. I'm so sorry, I know all of the what ifs we ask ourselves in a way to find a different possible outcome, but there is none but what happened. You aren't to blame, neither is your husband, besides affixing blame doesn't help, it only hurts more. It takes time but I hope you find some peace. Maybe you could do something with your kids to memorialize your kitten, maybe if you've buried him, you can each put a flower on his grave, a plant would be nice but not the right time of year, perhaps in the Spring? I'm so sorry, from someone who's been there.
  7. Shirley, I had Pneumonia in my mid-thirties, I recommend the shot to anyone who could be exposed to it, it's not something any of us want to go through I can assure you! My kids were little at the time and I remember I didn't care if I lived or died, I was in a bad way. My husband should not have been going off to work and leaving me alone with the kids, I couldn't take care of myself at the time, let alone them. I remember when he finally got me into the doctor, I was too weak to get dressed, he brought me to the clinic's back door in my robe and slippers.
  8. I am fortunate that I know a lot of widows...we share that common bond and I know I am not alone in what I feel and go through. It was not so when I lost George, I was 52 and left alone to deal with everything I was going through. My grief counselor who was NOT and there were no grief support groups here, nearest town way too far away to travel to, friends all disappeared. Is it any wonder I got taken in by a con who preyed on me? Not really. I wasn't clear enough in the head to see a heads up on that one. Everything I've learned was by scratching and clawing my way through it, but I learned my lessons well. It seems the most important thing we can have if we must go through this loss is support, without which it's pretty hard. Some people have that in their kids, but others either do not have kids or they're not close by or an emotional support. Gwen, the one good spot in your life has been your volunteer work, that anyone can sully that for you makes me want to give them a lashing!
  9. Ahh but alas that is the one thing some people find themselves elusive to muster!
  10. kayc

    Loss

    Well I know I tried that for 23 years with my kids' dad, and you know what? It never got any better. 23 years spent with a cold unloving person that although I cared about him and still do, the intimacy was lacking throughout. He gave nothing emotionally. It's like trying to deny yourself each and every day of your life of a very basic need. He needed help and refused to get it. We cannot fix someone, cannot change them and often cannot get through to them. Unless we are both in a state of readiness and have done what we could to heal ourselves, if need be, we are not prepared to bring ourselves to the table, so to speak, of a loving relationship. When we bring baggage to a relationship, we have just that, a relationship with a lot of baggage. Some of us can attest to that! Yes it is a choice to love someone, yes that will to love them is a commitment necessary to get us through the tough times we all experience within our marriage, but that alone is not all that is needed. One of the best books I ever bought and read is "The Five Love Languages". Such a simple small little book that is so true and makes so much sense! I bought it in my marriage to my kids' dad, and tried talking with him about it, alas he wasn't interested. I felt like I alone was working to save our marriage and it's kind of like trying to swim ashore in an ocean without a life jacket or a paddle to help you. It ended. Oddly, he ended it. Now he's on marriage #4. Has it gotten any better for him? No. As I heard Pastor Roy Hicks once say, we live in a world where people think if something isn't working, you switch jobs, switch homes, switch partners, but in the end you realize the one common denominator is you, and it behooves our effort to work on ourselves. I have saved your post and want to share it with my women's group during the week our lesson is on marriage. Such wisdom you possess! The truth is, rather than look to someone else to be our knight in shining armor, to rescue us, to fulfill happiness in us, we need to address ourselves. And I'm all about therapy and counseling to help us! Lord knows I've probably bought a bungalow for mine...and my dentist...over the years.
  11. kayc

    I can't say goodbye

    James I am so sorry. Years ago I had sibling cats we adopted at four months. When Midnight was about two he got caught in a neighbor kid's trap on our property, down in the forest. We called and looked for Midnight for several days to no avail. On the fifth day gangrene had set in so he was able to pull his badly infected paw out of the trap and make his way back to us. It was very toxic by then and no local vets, he would not have been able to withstand the 50 mile drive to the nearest city to have him euthanized, so we had to take care of it ourselves, we knew it was too late for amputation or anything else, his whole system was affected by then. So we gave him a can of salmon and then killed him instantly. It's one of the hardest things we've ever had to go through but it had to be done, he was in incredible suffering. Autumn, Midnight's sister, was never the same again. We made sure she didn't see us "take care of" Midnight, but they were so close, she had an awareness that something happened to him and she blamed us for it. She no longer came in the house or let us pet her. She lived to be 14, her life was harder being outside but she would often hang out on the patio, she wanted to be near us, but didn't trust us enough to move in for a petting. Very very hard. If Marie will allow you to, give her lots of attention and affection, she will be grieving her brother. I am sorry you lost Claude but also glad you were able to find out what happened. Years later I had to have my Lucky (dog) euthanized and she was very close with my cat, Miss Mocha. I worried about how Miss Mocha would handle it. She sniffed her grave and then peed on it, as if to mark her as her own. She did pretty good considering they were so close and Miss Mocha seemed to idolize Lucky and follow her everywhere, imitating everything she did. I had her several more years. Coming to terms with all of this ourselves is so hard, they are part of our family, we are as close to them as our own children, in many ways, they are. I wish for you peace in the days ahead and additional bonding with Marie. You are right, not all cats are the same, they are not all aloof, the one thing cats seem to have in common is that they all have their own uniqueness. It is in discovering that uniqueness that we can fully appreciate and love them for who they are. God be with you in your sorrow.
  12. When I moved here in 77, everything fit in the back of my dad's van, including my bed. Now I'd have to hire a crew!
  13. kayc

    Loss

    Wendy, someone who used to be here with us, recommended Christian Carter's Catch Him & Keep Him, which I also thought was interesting, but it seems like the philosophy in Christian Carter's book/dvds is more what Alain de Botton is referring to as setting someone up for distrust. Interesting video...I know that I married the "wrong person" more than once. I've heard some counselors say that you "will to love someone" and therefore it's not the wrong person, but that you're not committed enough. I disagree with that as some can be diabolically wrong! I do think there's a lot of things we can do to help our marriages, learning good communication first off! All I know is, whatever went on between George and I worked. It really worked! Out of all of the relationships I've had in my lifetime, this person got me, our communication was great, we knew how to make each other feel loved and supported. Was that mere coincidence? I don't think so. I don't put much stock by coincidences, I think we did the right things that worked for each other. It helped that we started as friends and built trust with each other. I did get a kick out of what this guy had to say...how we choose what is familiar, even if that is to make us suffer! Not sure that's what we all intend, but a certain number of us seems to fulfill it!
  14. Or a cold beer or whatever makes you happy! So glad you got the worst of it behind you. Good luck figuring out where to put everything! Most people downsize before the move and then some more after the move!
  15. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks, it just seems longer. Praying for Katie and the boys.
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