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kayc

Contributor
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    20,607
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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

11,863 profile views
  1. Darrel, I'm glad you continue to come here and post. As Jame said, your posts also touch me as it's plain to see how much you love your wife. I think those of us here, we had that special something that we were the lucky ones to get, the not so lucky ones to be missing them. Jame, The single best piece of advice I got was taking one day at a time (or hour or minute or whatever we could handle). I'm glad you found this place, it literally saved me when George died. It helps to know there's someone out there that gets it and I'm not alone in this.
  2. I hope all goes well with your dog, Gwen. I understand, Arlie will soon turn 11 and that's getting up there for such a big dog, especially with his condition, but so far he's doing well considering. I hope your dog does okay going in.
  3. I'm sorry, Gwen, rotten timing leading up to the holidays, to be stranded in with a cold, not to mention how it makes you feel. I don't know if you like to read or not, but I'd be huddled on the couch with a quilt and a good book, maybe some hot cider.
  4. kayc

    Nightmares

    MAH, I'm so sorry for your loss, that must have been shocking! We don't expect our children to precede us in death that way. I'm sure it's left you feeling vulnerable about life as your dream seems to indicate.
  5. Absolutely! And that book is life altering as far as bringing revelation and understanding to us of those we love...so short and simple but revealing!
  6. He's learning hard things. Perhaps in time he'll also learn to temper it with some people can love you but fall short of what you need. You're not responsible for his view of his dad, just as he isn't responsible for yours, you are both forming your opinions by what you see. You've tried to be his protector, but we can't always protect people from hard truths. You could perhaps point out to him that it is grief affecting your dad, and that everyone grieves differently, in their own time and way.
  7. I don't know that we wouldn't have lasted (I'm pretty tenacious) but it would not have been easy. Like I said, he's a good person but not husband material in my estimation...not someone who procrastinates so much they don't pay their bills in a timely manner, I couldn't handle that, don't know anyone who would like that. To handle money so irresponsibly as to put yourself in danger of becoming homeless...no, that's a serious flaw. But he's kind hearted, sweet, mellow, has a lot of good traits. Ever heard the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath (water)!", well that's kind of how I feel with him, he makes a good friend, but as a partner, that would be tough. Everyone looks for different qualities in a partner, and he has some of the qualities I was looking for, but carried to an extreme, any trait becomes a weakness rather than a strength. Balance is so important! He got to come home from the hospital last night after five days, he's pretty glad to be home and taking seriously the life changes he's going to have to make with his diet. It's going to be a challenge until he gets used to it, but I've never heard him so serious about anything before, I think this was really a wake up call!
  8. I was in charge of making sure the bills got paid and the chores done, George helped in any way he could. But HE was in charge of our socialization, HE was the fun one, the one that was the "idea person" and I miss that. I haven't been to the coast in a few years...not because it's too far to drive, I just tend to get bogged down in working, daily existence, and it's not the same when you don't have that special someone to go with you. Most of us feel alone, even when we're in crowds, you know?
  9. Personally I'm glad it isn't a neon sign because I don't want people to feel if they don't have money, they shouldn't be here, but it's a good reminder to those of us here on a regular basis that we can support this forum in whatever capacity we are able so it continues to be here for us all! It's enough Marty donates so much time and her expertise, we appreciate her willingness to do so! It's easy to set up a Paypal recurring payment, they'll walk you through it by calling 1-888-221-1161.
  10. kayc

    Loss of Sister

    This has been my go to place for over 13 years, when I lost my husband, as no one else seemed to get how I was feeling, I was 52 and didn't know other widows at the time. Now I know lots of them and have a lot of friends that understand how I feel, but it was very different when I was grappling to deal with my fresh grief. A grief counselor can be of help too. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html As well as a grief support group. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html I highly recommend coming to a forum like this to read and post...it's a great supplement as you can come here any time day or night and it helps to know you're not alone in what you're going through.
  11. I think I know Jim well enough to know he is not manipulative, he, as an Aspie, is very blunt and has no filter, when he says something he means it. And all the more so because he didn't say it to me, but to her. But you are right, a person needs to question that particular phrase because often people will use it as a fake excuse. It was something he told her a long time ago as one of the reasons he didn't try to get back with me...he'd also told me he didn't want to hurt anyone else again and if he could do to me what he did when his mom was dying, what if something else happened and he did it again? He has not dated in the eight years since, nor have I. It's a thought that definitely occurred to me as well. If someone does something once, what's to stop them from doing it again? Not that he'd want to, but since he focuses on one thing at a time...if one of his kids was in an accident, he'd likely break up with whoever he was with to take care of them. So I'm glad he realizes that about himself to prevent hurting someone again. I think he said it perhaps out of guilt feelings for what he did to me. He was right.
  12. I realize I won't have him much longer, and that is hard. We're able to talk to each other about anything and I know when the time comes, I'm going to miss him, a lot. My son said I'm exactly the kind of person he needs and he should have kept me. I would have taken good care of him so he wouldn't be in the situation he's in. But I have also learned it's his responsibility to look after himself, not mine. I can give pointers, but you can't make someone live right.
  13. kayc

    Loss of Sister

    I am so sorry for your loss, that she died on her birthday just seems all the harder. I lost a sister this year and very nearly lost my closest sister as well and I know it's a matter of time and I'll be going through this again...to have only one sibling and lose them when your parents are already gone must be very hard, like you're all alone in the world. Did she have any children? I'm sorry for your feelings of aloneness. I'm glad you're able to vocalize your feelings, it helps to get it out if nothing else.
  14. Incidentally, Rae, one of the things Jim's daughter told me was that he didn't feel he was good enough for me.
  15. Yesterday Jim's daughter called and talked to me for an hour...he's in the hospital with CHF, pre-cardiac arrest, and A-fib...his blood pressure 190 over something, never heard of anyone's that high and still alive! I skipped the funeral I'd planned to go to and made the 120 mile round trip to go see him. I hate Riverbend Hospital, it's where they tried to kill me (over-anesthetized, my heart stopped on the operating table), you have to walk for miles to get through the parking and hospital no matter where you have to go, no one to give you directions, it's laid out crazy insane! Anyway, I finally got to him, it scares me that he's going to die in the not too distant future, I really care about this person. He has such a good heart, well not a good physical one, but you know what I mean. What a mess, he doesn't seem to have a handle on life issues, how to take care of himself not just physically, but financially, in every way. I could cry but then how would I stop.
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