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kayc

Contributor
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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

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  1. kayc

    Living with Loss

    I am heartsick. I made the 100 mile round trip to get Jackson, a Terrier/Schnauzer. He is everything on my list, he's 20+ lbs, adorable, he can smile, he's playful and likes to walk. But he's bitten me four times and bared his teeth at me...and I've only had him 2 1/2 hours. I cannot take care of a dog that bites me for everything, I can't have him around my grandkids and am scared to leave my cat alone with him. They didn't warn me that he is vicious. One of the bites is all the way to the bone and there's no doctor nearby. I cleaned and dressed it, at least he has his shots. Now I have to figure out how to get him back to them this week, sooner better than later. It's a horrible feeling, I've never returned an animal, but then none of my dogs has bitten for any reason. I'm choosing to think of this as a "visit" rather than an adoption, it helps because I know I'm going to have to let him go. He met all my criteria...if it weren't for the biting. I think it may be a while before I think of doing this again.
  2. Today would have been our 18th anniversary. It's pouring rain like no get out and I have to go to Springfield in this, hoping for no slides on the highway. Hardly slept last night for anxiety. Gwen, I hear you...got a letter from my health insurance, wants me to "go over my medicines with them", have done this time and again, why do they think I have a doctor? Blood pressure Rx in question I've been on for YEARS, it's working, why change it?! Side effects they list I don't have. Threw their stupid letter away. They apparently have a problem with one of my diabetic Rxs too but my doctor says it's safer than the other one people use, I wish they'd leave the doctoring to her.
  3. Satchel, I am so sorry. Your feelings are understandable, you've always looked out for her, been there and feel like you should have been able to save her...but sometimes it's not within our power to. I recently lost my dog who was my companion for 10 1/2 years, I lost my husband previously, and when I found out my dog had inoperable cancer, all I could do was try to get him to eat and make him as comfortable as possible...but I felt like I should have known sooner, even though the vets didn't catch it during his physical not long before that. We put responsibility on ourselves when we don't have the medical training and can't be expected to know, nor can we stop some things just because we don't want them. I'm sure you were a good sister to her all these years, and that is what she would remember. I lost my sister 1 1/2 years ago even though I fought for her...she was quadriplegic and the blankety-blank government was going to move her to a different foster care right before the holidays, I said NO and they threatened to kick her off medical insurance and I said, go ahead, you're not moving her from the best home she's ever known. (They didn't kick her off insurance, I reported the person and went above her head). She died of pneumonia within months, they wouldn't admit her to the hospital. At least she got to be with the people she loved, but honestly it makes me so mad that they just gave up on her and wouldn't do anything about her, because she was quadriplegic and they didn't figure her life counted? IDK, it's all so hard. I hope this article helps you as much as it did me: http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html
  4. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister...I lost mine 1 1/2 years ago. I had a dog with cancer in the brain and it did cause him to act out of character, so I'm sure the anger was related to the cancer, especially as she saw her life being robbed. I hope you are able to let go of taking it personally and remember who she was as a whole, over the course of her lifetime instead of just the recent years. I recently lost (another) dog to cancer and watching him go downhill bit by bit was horrible. He was suffering so I had him euthanized, the hardest decision I ever made. I also had a MIL that had cancer, she was bedridden with it for three years and I was her daytime caregiver, my FIL had the night shift. Watching her go bit by bit was incredibly hard. I can't imagine this NOT affecting them emotionally, mentally, in every way. I'm sorry you couldn't get through to the suicide hotline, perhaps you could try a different time of day. Nights/weekends are the hardest for people so they might be the busiest also. I'm sorry that is your experience. All of our friends disappeared on me when my husband died. People said stupid things. No, they don't get it unless they've been through it and even then grief is as individual as our unique relationships.
  5. kayc

    Living with Loss

    My Arlie, I love you and miss you so much. It's so hard to get used to living without you. I clean off your grave and know your sweet body lays below it, it seems so unreal. I wish to kiss your sweet face again, to hold you, to watch your ever present smile. There is no dog like you, you were wonderful to live with, a wonderful companion. You brought joy in my life, the greetings you gave me when I'd come home! I loved your excited squeal. You are one in a trillion, that is for sure. The perfect roommate. I live for the day I can be with you again. I hope the naysayers are wrong...I just can't help but feel God is too smart to waste such a precious spirit, you are His greatest gift to me. I love dogs, but you are tops.
  6. I would be so annoyed! It's 100+ mile round trip every time I get blood drawn or see a doctor, anything but handy! And I know it's hard for you to be out. I hope they do it right this weekend!
  7. Lynda, When I lost my George (we knew each other 6 1/2 years, only married 3 years 8 months) my big joy was gone. I look for what I call the "little joys", nothing too small to count, it can be anything, a stranger letting you merge in traffic (a miracle), an unexpected check, a call from my sister, getting together with friends...I have learned not to compare what is to what was, comparisons are real joy-killers. It takes practice. I was in utter shock in the beginning, never in my life expected him to die right after his 51st birthday. My heart goes out to you in our loss, this is something none of us would wish on anyone. Little by little we learn to adjust and cope but I don't think our married friends have a clue what this is like. He was my world, we were best friends, lovers, everything to each other. I realize these little things may not seem joyous to you, but I've learned to embrace anything good and not disregard it, I've learned to live in the present and take one day at a time, it has helped tremendously.
  8. I'm glad they didn't have FB when George was alive, I think they had MySpace but we didn't get into it that much...if I had FB slapping me with memories, it'd be hard. There has to be a setting to turn them off. I do have George fishing as my wallpaper there, and once in a while it asks if I want to change it...hell no! Thanks for asking!
  9. It takes time, much time, to adjust to this. In the beginning it seems inconceivable. I do enjoy some things but of course nothing is the same as it was when he was here. Lynda, you are still feeling this freshly, keep remembering to take a deep breath and do one day at a time. No, it's not the way any of us saw or planned our lives...
  10. kayc

    Living with Loss

    So I painted three rocks and put them on Arlie's grave but discovered the sealant undid when it rained, so I moved them to his doghouse as a way to honor him. I'd cleaned out his doghouse and gotten rid of the quilts because of the cancer smell, although it pained me to do so. I won't be using his doghouse again as I'll never have a dog that size again and his doghouse was actually built too big, fortunately he had a lot of fur to keep warm. It will stay there as a tribute to my boy. This place will always be his, I hope his spirit can visit and see that.
  11. You did a great job of recovery with that, I know it takes a lot of work. I hope you won't need knee replacements. Last night I injured my thumb, am hoping it's just badly bruised and not broken. It felt kind of dead/numb so I hope there isn't nerve damage. Iced it, I'm learning just how many things you use your thumb for! Shoveling snow should be fun this year with an injured shoulder and thumb and my already damaged knees and feet. Oh the fun of getting older! (I won't say old).
  12. Thank you. I'm going to look at a dog Saturday. The rescue told me he smiles but the foster dad says he does not. Disappointing. On FB someone said they hope I find the perfect dog, and I said the perfect dog I laid to rest...but I hope to appreciate another's unique qualities...I don't have hope to ever love another like I do Arlie, that place in my heart is taken. I'm painting rocks for his grave, have done three so far, I especially love the one where he's in our truck, going for a ride. When I've done a bunch of them, I'll have to photograph it for my thread. He is my heart and soul, my gentle giant.
  13. Wow, and I've had a fire going in my woodstove for 1 1/2 months!
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