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kayc

Contributor
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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Recent Profile Visitors

11,557 profile views
  1. At midnight I was asleep. I was lucky last night, didn't wake up until 3:20 am. At least not that I remember. Alas I can't get into 3 gal. of ice cream with my Diabetes, so I guess getting old doesn't even give me a free pass. I don't want to lose my feet, that's pretty good incentive to be good. Gosh, I can't drink, smoke, eat bad foods, not much I CAN do for fun! There was nothing on t.v. last night, and I mean nothing. How can there be 120 channels of nothing?! And I was too tired to read. I killed time until it was 8:20, then I went to bed. Some of us live some boring lives!
  2. OMG, are they too cute or what!!
  3. kayc

    sudden loss of father

    I'm old now, but I lost my father when I was just 29 and seven months pregnant with my first child. It's hard knowing they aren't able to share in milestones and be part of their grandchildren's lives, but I raised my kids to know things about him, to share stories with them and he's part of their history and they were raised to respect him. I don't feel like it has to be the total end when they die, that we just need to learn a new way to continue with them. It's also neat when you can share ways that the kids took after him, where they got the ability to do woodworking, their love of hiking, etc. I am sorry for your loss and your missing him, I know how hard that is. I've lost both parents, my husband (way too young), a sister, niece, nephew, many friends and pets. Loss is a part of life, I have come to realize, and I've learned to coexist with my grief. Life goes on but for those of us left behind by those we loved dearly, it continues in a different way than before. We are forever touched by them in our lives and forever notice their absence. Keep talking to him, who knows but maybe he hears you.
  4. kayc

    My sister, Peggy

    It's been a very hard road since May 10...we awaited surgery as if it would be the cure, not knowing that the pain would only get worse, and she'd have to learn to walk and do things all over again, a different way, this time more mindfully. She wanted to die. She was diagnosed with dementia, something I've realized she's had going on for years, but I'm hopeful the doctors will address it now. Her husband is of the mindset that if you don't bring it up, it will go away. it won't. It's been hard getting the straight scoop from her because of the dementia...also, perception is everything. She was at rehab for three weeks, then home. She hasn't been sleeping because of bladder issues, and they were going to send her to a Urologist, but now she's finally sleeping better, only getting up a couple of times in the night. Her husband has been taking complete care of her, closing his store and won't reopen until sometime in the Spring. She took up smoking again so now I can't visit her as she's smoking in her house, I can't be around it with my allergies and Asthma. I have been able to drop off meals for her, but can only talk to her over the phone. Her husband has been driving her to the grocery store every morning so she can walk up and down the aisles in her walker, their house is too small to get much exercise, it's 900 square feet with the attached garage included. I'm hopeful that with enough time she may heal but she won't ever be like she was pre-fall or pre-surgery. It's hard to watch someone you love go through something like this...also to know that if you went through this, there'd be no one to help you through it. It makes me think of what Gwen is going through. All we can do is keep trying our best no matter how upward the struggle is.
  5. Wow, I'm sorry about your friend, Marg. One thing you can say, she kept trying. I've been made the brunt for all my marriages, but heck, I was a great wife to all of them, one thing you learn, you can't change anyone and you'd better be careful how you pick 'em! I was 17 when I married the first time, didn't want to, but...long story. At least I got George and our marriage was good. Karen, your daughter went through a lot too, sometimes life doesn't seem too fair or kind.
  6. My "grief counselor" thought he had it all figured out too, what he would do if his wife Debi died...well he needn't concern himself about it because they're divorced now. Honestly, for him to give me a book to read a week after George died that starts out with, "I took my wedding ring off..." Really!! He hadn't a clue. He hadn't experienced it, and I'd lay big wagers he hadn't studied it in school either! My guess is he was a self-proclaimed "counselor" that thought he had all the answers to everything! Especially since he was in the country with no competition.
  7. I can't add much to what Marty has already written but I am very sorry for your losses. My own mom never appreciated all we did for her or how fortunate she was, it seemed it was never enough, but it had to be. I agree that you decide what you are willing and able to do for her, do it, and then let her backlash fall on deaf ears. These books helped me, so much so that I bought my siblings copies! https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407 https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Emotional+Blackmail https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804?ref=ast_p_ep
  8. Yeah, I remember after Jim and I broke up, he was yanking me around emotionally, giving me mixed messages, I don't think on purpose, he just didn't know what he wanted, he was a mess...it was important to realize it and steel my heart...I haven't opened my heart up since and it's been years! I'm very protective of myself after all I've been through. Tom, your number one priority is to yourself, be careful on behalf of yourself. And maybe explain to her what it's putting your through, she may not be aware. But if she's like Jim was, she may not be able to help it, it'll be up to you to protect yourself.
  9. Cookie, Well let us know when you find your poodle. They are great dogs. I wish I could have another Husky, but alas I am too old for their energy level and strength. Mine is huge! But I love him to pieces and think he'll always be my favorite dog, of all time! I just love his personality. He's so self-assured and happy, such a goof-ball, so smart and funny! Boy, I sure didn't have any idea in the beginning that there was no expiration date on this!
  10. I'm glad you have your son. We all need someone to care about, mine are my pets. I hope your dinner out with your husband goes well...Chinese is my favorite! Been a long time since I've had it. I'm glad your therapist contacted you too! Some positives for sure!
  11. The heating and air conditioning on my car decided to quit and I can't find a blend door actuator for it so my son may make it stay on defrost because that's the most essential setting. Once he tears it apart and I can get the actual part number (there's debate about the number and vendors don't seem to know or care) maybe I can locate one on eBay for him to put in next Spring. I wish he wasn't so far away from me, or that I could bring my dog with me to his house. Arlie has anxiety and I can't be gone more than one night even with a neighbor feeding him. I think it's good to make plans so we're more prepared for the holidays. I don't think people have any idea what this is like!
  12. I think it's common to lose weight in early grief...I did too, until I started doing the emotional eating and went the other way. It affects us in every way. I'm sure you will never forget the image, but with time it won't hold so much power over you, hopefully. I remember the last moment I saw George, his eyes were huge, he was in acute distress, he was having a heart attack and they were working on him...then they threw me out of the ward and locked the door behind me. I never saw him alive again. But I digress...have you talked to your therapist about doing EMDR or EFT? Anything that helps! http://blog.healthjourneys.com/update-from-belleruth/emotional-freedom-technique-eft-may-look-weird-but-if-it-gets-the-job-done-do-we-care.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html I know you're a good mom, Katie, and have no doubt you'll continue to take wonderful care of your children. I'm glad you have such good support around you, the most important thing you can have! I'm sure the shock hasn't worn off yet, it's your body's way of protecting you so it ekes it out little by little. I don't know when it'll wear off, it's different for everyone and you've been through so much, it may take quite some time. Try not to worry about it, just get through today. You're doing well! And you have all of us behind you, rooting for you! How is Caleb?
  13. I envy you all your long marriages, I wish I could have known George longer. I'd have to add up all my marriages to even come close and somehow that doesn't feel like it counts. Gwen, could you go by the nursing home just to visit on Christmas? I always have to wait until the actual day to know if I can do something because of the snow that comes and also I can't count on the country plowing the roads or doing any maintaining them. I used to go to the local museum for Christmas "dinner" at noon, but now they've done away with that, there's no place for us people who are alone to go. Not ready for another holiday season... Lately my knees have been giving me fits (I'd injured them in that fall 1 1/2 years ago), they had felt tolerable, but...at least I now have an automatic car instead of the stick shift, but the pickup is still standard.
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