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kayc

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About kayc

  • Rank
    KayC
  • Birthday October 7

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    spouse
  • Date of Death
    June 19, 2005
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Eugene OR

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Oakridge Oregon
  • Interests
    I lead a grief support group and I enjoy volunteering in my church (Treasurer & on Praise Team, choir) and the senior site, where I do the bingo prizes. I love stamping, hiking, nature, singing. I am a retired Office Mgr./Bkpr.

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  1. Gwen, I can so relate with your hassles. Didn't sleep well last night because of the stress. I have to prepay or they cancel my surgery and they didn't send a code to their portal so it won't let me register to find out how much to pay & do it, they don't answer their phone and won't get back to me, I feel stuck! Of course this place is 60 miles away.
  2. Ours never have numbers unless in a parking garage and I get claustrophobic in those. I once reported my car stolen because I couldn't find it, my mom and kids and I going all over the huge parking lot. Finally security found it...I'd thought I'd come in on the Cinnabon side of Valley River Center, instead I came in on the cookie side! See how my mind works? The next day my son told my friend that I'd reported her car stolen. Turns out our license plates were one number off and I'd remembered mine wrong. He is so observant (I am not), too bad he didn't remember where our car was! One
  3. I talk to George all the time, but then I talk to Arlie too. If I hear an audible voice I probably won't tell anyone because then I'd get hauled off. But seriously, our connection with them is so deep, we already know their responses, it helps to pour out our souls to them. So much unknown about the spirit plane and how it all works, but keep your mind/heart open for even what you don't know, accept on faith what you can't explain.
  4. I didn't know how to be without George either, it took me years to figure it out, get used to being alone. I hope you'll vent, lament, cry, scream, it's okay...it's healthy.
  5. @nashreed it could have been a bodily response or maybe her thoughts were on you? But she wouldn't have pain from their trying to resuscitate her. At any rate, their suffering is over, now it's ours taken over.
  6. It's the opposite for me. When I was raising my family, when George was here, time passed faster because we were LIVING it, and had some good times in there. Now, with loneliness, pain, no support system, it feels time is unending, looming before me because everything I'd looked forward to in my retirement is gone with George and pain.
  7. One of my pet peeves is when someone asks me about my hands and I tell them the pain is severe, day and night, no relief ever and someone 85 pipes up and says, "Oh, you're just a youngster!" dismissive of my pain. I knew someone who lived to 95, never had pain. Age is a number, it's HOW you're aging. Not like I haven't tried to take care of myself this year! It's ironic I'm hit with this now of all times, when I'm doing my level best.
  8. I understand, there are about a dozen barking hounds (each sounds like it has a dual set of vocal cords) just three houses down from me, and a German Shepherd across from me that barks terribly with a sharp piercing sound, the owners never get onto him and why for the life of me they leave him outside at night when window are open, I do not know. None of us can sleep with it.
  9. This! And no right or wrong way to grieve, only our way. We can have seemingly conflicting feelings at the same time, all of them valid. There is no "wrong" in a feeling, it's just what we have to contend with.
  10. She would not have. Once we've past that point of our heart stopping, there is no more pain. Our spirits are sometimes in a transitory place (I've had NDEs) where we're up above and watching them working on us, before we go to that next place, but no pain as they're giving compressions.
  11. We all question ourselves in early grief...it's not because we are guilty of anything, not because we "aren't enough" but more like it's our way of trying to find a different possible outcome. My husband looked the picture of health, he had a perfect physique, built like a weightlifter or wrestler, huge chest and arms, small waist, did hard physical work, yet the inside of him was quite another matter as I came to learn following his death...he had five clogged arteries, had survived a major heart attack that had knocked him out while he was driving six months earlier, leaving a severely
  12. Welcome to our site...it's with mixed emotions I write this for I want to open our family, our hearts, to you...but at the same time, knowing I wish you did not have reason to be here. We all wish that. I also want you to know that this is an ever evolving journey. A few years from now you will look back on today amazed you're still surviving and once in a while perhaps even feel you're thriving, although you will still wish you had him back, you will still love him, still miss him. You will never ever forget him. You may experience "Brain Fog" or "Widow's Brain," I've heard it calle
  13. You asked about other books, this is a favorite since beginning my grief journey, and that of many others, whether religious or not...he is authentic and knows grief as one who has known love. https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-Lewis-Paperback/dp/B00OHX6N8O
  14. I have that book and read it years ago, before I lost my husband. I've been through a lot of very hard places in my life and it was very helpful. Thank you, also, for sharing the article I have that one save too now. It's a short but very good article, I think the message is so true. @Anappa Your response is very thoughtful and rich. I can tell you're someone who gives careful thought to things. Take your time with this and do listen to your inner thoughts and gut. You know, in the beginning of my journey with Kodie, I didn't think I could love him like Arlie...and
  15. Very beautifully done! She shares in a way that I feel...this is a journey none of us wished to be on, but it's rich with, as she called it, self knowing, learning about ourselves, getting to know about ourselves in a rich way. One of those things you wouldn't trade for anything...except to have them back.
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