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kayc

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Everything posted by kayc

  1. Yeah, I hoped that would bring someone a smile! But more than the practicality I cherish his thoughtfulness, that was an encouragement I needed. People have no idea how alone this life is. Esp. when their lives are full...that doesn't mean perfect, but very full. I remember those busy days of working and raising kids. We had very little time to think back then. Thanks, I hope the glasses are right next time too, I don't know what I'll do if they aren't, I'm exhausted from the fight.
  2. No, it's your reality. You don't owe anyone justification for your grief, it's yours, they can't "get it" having not been there. Even for those who've lost their spouse/relationship, they are all different, for some of us the loss hits us greater than those who were in a so-so relationship. George was my person, my soulmate, my everything, how can they understand?
  3. Wow, didn't know when I responded to your post that you were related to Al...so you lost your twin and he lost his wife. Too much in one family. The confusion probably came from this being his thread but you quoted Gwen's post in it.
  4. I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. My sister have always meant the world to me, I can't imagine the strong ties of being a twin, and then losing that. I lost my husband 16 years ago, that was the hardest thing I've ever been through and now growing old alone. Wherever she is, you are still connected. I truly believe we'll be with them again. Sending you hugs from Oregon. Sibling or Twin Death of A Words of Comfort
  5. You are heavily grieving relationship so I advise strongly against turning to alcohol in it. It further depresses you. We can't go through life very well numb. I'm sorry you're hurting so bad. It helps to understand the science of our body. Sodas cause depression & anxiety too, not helpful. What we eat and do does make a difference in how we're able to handle things and cope, to give yourself the best possible chance at coping to the best of your ability, take care of yourself, get some exercise to release endorphins and give yourself optimal chance at getting through this with quality of life. Nothing good seems to happen instantly but in our society we're not taught patience. Prayer/meditations help too.
  6. I did that this year, insurance too, it was way more work than I'd imagined! I spent about a month at this, full time, unbelievable! It also meant change of pharmacies. I'm glad you get to see him even if only for a bit. I got to talk to my son on the phone for an hour the other night, it was an extremely rare treat, hadn't done that since Covid hit. Yesterday I got the laugh of my life...I'd told him I'd lost so much strength that I couldn't plunge my toilet. He laughed and said, "And that's not something you want to ask of your neighbors!" Yesterday I got a new plunger in the mail....accordian style, easy...I didn't wonder where it came from. Small interactions like this make our day, more than they could realize. Dee, I just think you're one strong cookie! And I understand vision problems, my eyes are complicated...STILL waiting on my glasses that I ordered June 18, the lab keeps screwing them up. I was NOT happy the third time!
  7. Wow, I lived in Phoenix a few months, moved back to OR because I missed the mountains and trees and our bodies of water, coast, did NOT like the stifling heat! And the hard water there was hard on my system. I do remember once when it rained, everyone went running outside and danced in the rain! No one gets so excited about it here but the last few summers here it never rains...if it did, maybe we'd dance in it too! Esp. since we're always in drought and threat of fires in the summer now, never used to.
  8. I hope I die shortly after Kodie, I've lost 24 dogs and cats, it's very painful with each one, Arlie was the hardest.
  9. OMG, this sounds the most tragic situation ever heard of, I am so sorry for your pain! Marty responded well to you so nothing to add here except my deepest sympathy.
  10. It will be! Thanks for sharing!
  11. That is true. No one to do anything with, alone, always alone. Dee, I can't imagine. I know someday I'll likely have to do this, hoping I die first.
  12. I notice several posts from a couple of days ago are just now showing up this morning! I check every day but they weren't there. Wow, Karen! And in July! Will be 90s here today.
  13. Oh no, I'm so sorry, Dee, another loss. I know you'll miss your granddoggy, I still miss mine and it's been almost eight years. My glasses got screwed up for the third time yesterday, I finally blew. The gal called me back and said "What do you expect me to do?" I told her, "Apologize instead of excusing, for a start." This cost me a 120 mile round trip needlessly, and 1 1/2 months after they got paid I still don't have my glasses. Took Peggy dinner again. How do you not feel anger when someone has done NOTHING their entire life and that makes them YOUR emergency now? I care about her but I'm angry too. Julie begged off mighty quick when she discovered Peggy's condition, and she doesn't know the half of it. While she's off having lunch with her friends, it's me, at the end of the day, taking her on long treks to the doctor, an all day job. Alvin, it's good that you have that creative outlet! To actually feel productive! I wish you well with your writing. I think Kodie would like Mel's diet too! Shh...don't tell him what SHE gets to eat! He's a mooch.
  14. So long as YOU understand that grief is not weakness...in fact it's anything but! It takes a lot of strength and effort to grieve. I hope she can realize we are unique in how we handle things, so she cannot judge you for grieving...also it is YOUR relationship to grieve as you need to! I'm glad you have a counselor and that you talked with your kids. Writing a letter is a good idea, I have a "Letters to George" file in my computer, it's helped me over the years (my husband that I lost 16 years ago). It sounds as if she's judged your dad and not considered him worthy of grieving, but people are multi-faceted, and we can feel differing feelings about them at the same time, all of them valid! That is often the case as we're human and not perfect.
  15. When you enter a group you stay there on their site unless you leave by clicking on a notification or other way of leaving it.
  16. She's so beautiful, I know you miss her. Just like I miss Arlie. It's pain inside my heart.
  17. Exactly! That's why I think growing old alone can complicate our grief. The pain and limitations narrow our world. I go to my grief groups & diabetic group every day, I take Kodie to his play date every day, I talk to my sister every day. I walk every day. I visit my neighbor across the street every week. Having this routine helped me during the pandemic of social isolation. None of my neighbors wears masks unless going to the store or doctor, but none of us go anywhere much. I go to church every week, it's small, it provides PPE but doesn't police people with it either, we have a lot of people with breathing issues. I've literally prayed no one gets it! What a year...and more.
  18. FB is like a t.v., it's a tool and whether it's good or bad depends upon how one uses it. Varies greatly depending on your friends and what groups you go to. Usually people recommend groups or FB does depending on what pages you view or what you look at. Trackers everywhere we go, FB is no different!
  19. I'm glad you'll have a therapist to talk to, it's so important to have someone to talk to. I could always share with my sister Peggy but now she has dementia, everything is changed. I miss who she was. In time maybe you will feel right sharing with his sister.
  20. Hi Archie, those days never escape us, I remember Arlie every Valentine's Day, he was a rescue so I didn't have his actual birth date but always celebrated it as the vet thought it was around then when he turned a year, after I got him. My little Kodie was conceived when Arlie died, and born on my birthday! Maybe Arlie had a paw in it. One never knows!
  21. This was shared on my diabetic group but not about that so much as about stress/struggling/perfectionism
  22. Happy Birthday, Billy the Kid!! At first I thought you made him a cake, then I realized he was 75 again.
  23. I'm not real close to them at this point but we're in extreme fire danger, it can happen at any moment, one idiot does one thing wrong and we all pay...usually we don't start worrying until August but this year it started in June, I hate having the threat hang over us all summer! I keep my air filtration system going 24/7 year around. I'm in the mountains above Oakridge, the fires are southwest and northeast of us, also one east.
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