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Everything posted by kayc

  1. Arlie woke me up at 2:30 needing to go out, which is rare for him, and I never got back to sleep. I'm going to pay for it today. I have to drive 110 round trip to the doctor, God if I don't hate going to the doctor, I'm getting fed up with this place and their attitudes which my sister says they get from the insurance. Maybe, but I miss my old doctor like you said, Gwen, he is a thing of the past now. I'm having to fast which I don't mind but sure miss my morning cup of coffee especially since I'm sleepy! Gwen, I'm sorry you had to deal with the ER again, I know that's no fun. I'm so envious of everyone who has someone to go through stuff with. They're already hounding me about a colonoscopy even though it's not due until September, they don't know what it's like to have such a long trip in and no one to take you...ever.
  2. Yep! We all have different systems. I read their list and haven't gotten any of them. I think perhaps Lipitor gave my family Diabetes.
  3. They don't stop and think how these things affect us, esp. the newer you are to grief. It's like rubbing salt in a wound.
  4. Cookie, Marg is right that they affect us all differently. I had an (ex) sister-in-law that started on Prozac (unfortunately AFTER I'd left the family) and it turned her night into day a different person. The old Annie was a pill, let me tell you, now she's sweet, I couldn't believe it! Figures I didn't get to see the new her! I had a coworker that was on Prozac and took herself off it (you're supposed to do so with the doctor's knowledge and care) suddenly and she turned into a bear. She even hit me when I was busy working at my desk! I'm on Buspar (Buspirone), very mild, I've had no side effects and have been on it for 11 years for anxiety. I'm on the lowest dose and maybe could stand a little more but don't want to overmedicate. I haven't had an anxiety attack in years now.
  5. Gwen I'll envy you your Cadbury egg, I have my A1C Monday morning so no can do. I don't remember George snoring, but I loved the soft sounds of his sleeping/breathing, miss it, it was so comforting to hear. Now I listen to my dog's breathing, which is also comforting as it means he's here. Johnny, that's hard. Surely you aren't the only one solo, did they not pair you up with someone?
  6. I'm sorry, I hope it gets better for you. It can take quite a while to adjust. I was young when my dad died too.
  7. Whatever I feel, it can't compare to what you've experienced, I got that time alone, but it was way too short, I'm sorry you, Mitch, and Ana did not realize that dream. I found out last night I will be alone on Easter, wish the kids could have just been up front and told me to start with. Will have to make the best of it, this is life now.
  8. @songbird24, I am sorry for your loss, I had a friend/coworker that commit suicide, I'd known him all his life, he was seeing a therapist and on medication, they were going to change his medication on Monday...he commit suicide on Sunday. I think it's common in grief to feel we didn't do enough, but this is a pretty mighty disease. I'm glad you've found a spiritual connection with him, when they die it's good to find that new way to relate to them. His pain is over, now it's getting through yours, and it sounds like you're working through that, good luck to you.
  9. My grands are age 2 and nearly 4, yes changing every day. I try to see them once a month but this month's get together got canceled, I was hoping to still have Easter but alas we make the best of what is. Johnny, I'm sorry you didn't get your Christmas alone with your wife in your home. I remember my son and his wife having their first one alone in their home, and although I hated being alone on Christmas, I understood. George and I never were alone on Christmas as he'd drive 120 mile round trip to get my mom and bring her up here, with my kids and us, then when the kids went to their dad's, we'd make the 120 mile round trip again to take my mom home to the valley. I miss that, now they're both gone and the kids long flown the coop.
  10. Oh Hon, I am so sorry, for your dog's situation, for the feelings of guilt you are struggling with, just know that this is normal in grief. I had a dog that was incontinent the last two years of her life, but I didn't have her put to sleep until her quality of life had so diminished that she was whimpering during the night with pain...then I knew it was time...I could not continue to keep her alive for my own benefit. That final decision is so hard, but that is the criteria I've always used. When that time comes you can console yourself that you gave him the best life you could and you will continue to cherish the memories and love him always in your heart. You are in the hardest of places right now, in my opinion, and I pray for strength for each day, the grace to bear it. I hope you will continue to come here, it helps.
  11. I have long said that it's not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. I've long learned it's okay to give myself permission to smile (when at last we can) and that doing so does not dishonor them or mean in any way that we don't love them to the fullest...rather it is a natural progression of things as we process our grief. It is to be coveted. I cannot imagine life without smiles in it. We've all had those days and they aren't desirable. but the fact is, we do not ever forget them, they continue in our hearts and memories and sometimes that wistfulness is so deep as to bring us pain, even years later. I have those ones I am missing and it's still hard. But hopefully as the days go by it will become easier for you, for each of us here. (((hugs)))
  12. ipswitch, Ahh, I would envy the young but for the fact I don't want a repeat of what I've been through! We had good times though, lots of memories and I cherish those good moments. Last anv. of death I'd been without him twice as long as I'd had him in my life, that felt a little weird, esp. considering I have never forgotten and love him still. Marty is right about feelings, neither good nor bad, they just are, and we're left contending with them. Our lives are not over, perhaps there is still much good ahead! One can hope so.
  13. My cousin reminded me of this today, I've watched it several times over the years as my kids' dad was an ODOT Mgr...he never blew up a whale though! This was in 1970, nearly 50 years ago...and it really did happen!
  14. I think it'd be great if you made that shadow box, to honor her and all that you shared together. Gwen, I have family, but right now you wouldn't know it. My son's vacation got canceled by his work and I haven't heard from them about Easter so I messaged him, FB says he read it but I haven't heard back, he probably was stuck at work again...my daughter I do not hear from. Message after message goes by unanswered. I feel pretty alone.
  15. Johnny, it was really hard when I had to go back to church without my George. I'm up on the platform as I'm on the praise team (lead singing) and George was always my biggest fan, smiling up at me from the back row, center aisle. When I looked out at that empty spot, it pained my heart. It was worse when someone sat in it. I had to sit in a different spot altogether, I couldn't bear to be in that area without him or seeing someone sit in his place. To this day, I'm up front and on the other side.
  16. You guys are too funny...and I doubt you meant to be, but I've never heard of a toilet seat cushion, sounds good if you spend much time there. My tax person also charges three digits, but it's worth it to me to have it done right and not worry about it. And I'm a NUMBERS person! The pastor turned in about 15 reimbursement forms yesterday, took me quite a while to get through them, had to print a report first to make sure there were funds in each code to cover it...find another place to post it if there wasn't. I was methodically going through each entry, patiently, and it reminded me of how my son has to do mechanics...maybe we have more in common than I thought!
  17. Beautiful little bundles of joy! I wish you many years of delight and joy with them!
  18. I find it takes me a while before I'm ready to adopt another, but there comes a day I want to have reason to come home, someone to fill this house with their spunk and energy, and usually another pet emerges at just the right time, not to replace one, for that can never happen, but to create their own place in my heart and home. The greatest legacy a dog can leave is unfinished business in your heart, it's then you know they truly became a part of you. I'm so sorry for your losses.
  19. Bicky's Story...bumped.
  20. I'm sorry for your loss. It's been 4 1/2 years for me, hard to believe, it seems like yesterday.
  21. @marklovesbicky I loved reading about Bicky, I don't see the stories here anymore, have you deleted them? Did you ever write a book?
  22. And that's okay. I did my own taxes until last year when Liberty wasn't handling the energy credit right I decided it's time to get a tax preparer. Sometimes it's just easier!
  23. My dear, I am so sorry for all that happened, with your kitty, with your dad and mom, all of it. I hope you will forgive yourself, you never meant for this to happen. Please don't commit suicide, life will get better but in order for you to realize that you have to live it out and give it that chance. I'm glad your kittens have you to take care of them. Try to get away and be alone so your dad won't get mad at you. I don't know where you live if you are in the US or another country. If you truly feel suicidal, here is a number to call 1-800-273-8255. I'm sorry your dad beat you, that's abuse and against the law here. You say you're 18, I hope you have a job and can support yourself soon, you and your kitties. I know what it feels like, my mom and first husband were abusive like that. All you can do is try to take care of yourself and your kittens. For now try not to cross him, I know it's hard and it's complicated...are you still in school? Are you okay physically? I know the emotional damage is far greater than any bruises inflicted. And it doesn't heal very easily. My earlier life was one of abuse, until I got away and determined no one would ever hit me again. It took a lot of counseling and learning to get through it. Meanwhile you have us to come to and talk to. Your kitty forgives you already, you didn't intend for any of this to happen. I hope in reading this article it will help you realize you are not alone in feeling responsible for a pet's death...I've been there. I didn't see my dog get into my van when the back end was open, he ended up sneaking in and being real quiet and my van was locked up all day in the heat and he died, I didn't discover it until I got off work and opened the door. I never meant any of it to happen and I was devastated. I shouldn't have left the door open, not for a moment, it was only a couple of minutes, that's all it took. You're not a psychopath, you're grieving, it's natural and normal to cry when you lose someone you love. (((hugs))) https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/10/pet-loss-curious-cats-get-killed-in.html
  24. Wish you luck on your taxes, yuck! I'm always glad when they're over for another year.
  25. Johnny, We did not even meet until our 40s but we became each other's world also. I never in my wildest dreams thought he'd die so young. I thought we'd grow old together, holding hands on our porch swing, watching the hummingbirds come to eat.
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