kayc

Mary, and aren't you glad you chose "time" over "money"?! That's what people don't get, it is our time together that is really so precious. Once gone, it cannot be retrieved.

I swear I need some "like" buttons here!

Karen, Welcome to this site, it is a place that has been dear to me the past eight years. My husband needlessly died because a doctor ignored his repeated complaints/symptoms and did not send him for testing...he suffered damage to his heart and finally his fatal heart attack. I did talk to them about it after he died as I didn't want him to ever hesitate to send someone else for testing and their life to be lost, but alas it has happened since. You are not only suffering the loss of your husband, which can be the single greatest loss in one's life, but the additional trauma of watching your daughter suffer through her struggle to survive. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Thank you for sharing WifeLess' post, that about covered it all. It could have been written by any of us as we have all experienced this. I hope you will continue to come here and be a part of this site. It makes all of the difference in the world to be able to come here and share with the wonderful people here I have come to know and love.

Last night I watched a movie "Identity Theft"...there were some parts in it that were much too crude to recommend it to anyone, but still, it made me laugh. There was one scene in there (after the snake scene) where she's beating him with fire, and I swear, I almost died laughing. (I swear the poor guy has my kind of luck.) Even thinking about it today cracks me up! A scene I won't forget for a long while. And the thought occurred to me how great it is to really belly laugh! How wonderful it is to watch a comedy and really laugh! It's very restorative.

Mary, I have a lot of catching up reading to do (you all were busy here last night!) but I just had to tell you how much it made me chuckle to learn you had "salad circle", ha! That is so funny! I swear you have something for everything imaginable...yet call yourself a hermit, ha! I'm still laughing.... Okay, on to read the rest of everyone's posts...ha ha...

Thank you for letting us know, Mary. It is unreal to me that any one person can go through so much! I'm sure it must seem unreal to her as well. I can only imagine how she must feel. I will keep praying. I know several people who have had brain tumors and lived through it without lasting side effects so I am praying that be the case for her. I'm glad the radiation will be over, and hopefully the nausea will abate as well. We continue to surround you all with our prayers. It must be difficult to properly grieve Leo when life continues to have so much thrown at you. Kay

Thank you, Anne, that is beautiful.

I am so sorry...my mom has had Dementia for years but we had to take her to court to force her to go to the doctor and get diagnosed, she would not cooperate with anyone, had stopped taking her meds, and was in fact a danger to herself by the time we finally got the prognosis. They said she needed 24/7 lock down in a Dementia Care Facility. It's been very hard watching her slide the descent and what all it has meant for her. Her home was sold and possessions disbursed. It is weird to think how it comes full cycle, but right now I focus on giving her a few good moments at a time, taking her out, listening to her, patiently reassuring her as she forgets continually. I know all too well what you are going through. I'm glad she'll be in a place where she is cared for and safe though. (((hugs)))

Chris, I know. Oh how well I know! Take a breather and think...what would Paula want for you? Do your best...for her, if not for yourself. You needn't tackle everything at once, just one thing at a time. It will all wait until you get around to it.

fae, Consider yourself hugged!

Joyce, thank you! This is a special place to have and be! Jan, so glad you are taking some time out to rest today...we are all learning from each other how to balance our lives! fae, Mary keeps us in meditation fodder, does she not! Anne, have I told you how much I love you today?

Chris, When George died the hospital hounded me for money, and at a high interest rate (29%), so I remortgaged my home so at least the interest would be lower (this is a home I'd had paid off). Years later I found that Oregon law says a spouse is not responsible for the other's bills unless they personally signed for them! I had not realized that, and I committed myself to years of debt needlessly. I'm sure it's all more complicated than that, but I would advise anyone who has lost a spouse to make a trip to an attorney before paying off the medical bills. My GF didn't pay any of her husband's debts when he died, and neither did my neighbor when his wife died. I have another 20 years to pay on my house now. As for your son, oh how well I understand, as a mother, how hard it is to not be able to step in and help your grown children! But sometimes perhaps it is for the best as it helps them to figure out how to work out their own problems, which in turn boosts their confidence and faith. But I know all too well how hard it is on the parent. My heart is with you. I do understand how overwhelming this can feel. It helps me to make a list of everything I need to do and then cross things off one by one. When you look at the list, instead of feeling everything is pressing in on you...hone in on what you feel needs to be priority that week. All does not need to be done this minute. It helps me to highlight what I cross off so when I look at my list, I notice foremost what I have done, not what needs to be done yet. It's important to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished already! When we go through something like this, just getting through the day is an accomplishment! It is those times when you have family around that bring you the bits of joy that are a respite from the continual presence of grief. Allow yourself to enjoy those times, for they are what see you through the rest of the time. Two weeks is about what I got from my daughter too, and one week with my son after George died (he got one week off from the Air Force). It is a drop in the bucket compared to what I felt I needed, but we take what we can get. I had to go back to work and I have no idea how I functioned or how bad my mistakes were that I surely made. You feel you don't amount to anything without Paula, that's how all of us feel at times, yet we all bring to the table our own talents and gifts. Even now when the bathroom fan quit working and I have no idea how to fix it and no one to call, I feel my helplessness as George surely would have tackled it with ease. We all feel the lack of our partner's abilities as we struggle with one leg on what is a two leg operation, but somehow we manage to hobble by, making do, sometimes doing without, but getting by.

It has been a while...praying you are getting through this, one day at a time, pouring all of your energy into healing both body and soul...we're here whenever you come back.

Dear fae, I do understand how much more than unsettling this all is...I have been through some really hard times in my life and can relate to your emotions. I did, as you are, whereas I could have sued, thrown stones, etc. I continued to smile, for I felt if they took my smile, that gave them power to change me and I refused to grant them that. I held my head up high, contented myself with knowing what was true about myself, and continued. But I also went through a period of hibernation for my own sanctity, and at my son's gentle prodding, finally emerged from it. It was hard at best. It was a time I will never forget and I learned and grew as a person through that time. It's something you can't really put into words, but when I see someone going through something similar, I remember and can empathize. You have our support and safety here with us.

fae, Your Wednesday weekends sounds like a good idea, anything to counteract the thugs! Do whatever you enjoy, whatever makes you relax!

Anne, I am on 100 mg Losartan Potassium (generic of Cozaar) daily and it helps me but not quite enough, my doctor is switching me to something else, which will require an additional pill to counteract the side effects. I've been on Cozaar for years to manage my BP. I hope they find a dosage that works well for you and also what causes all of this. I've only been told my heredity is the big thing, which makes me worry about my kids. You aren't "feeling sorry for yourself", we appreciate your sharing with us. I'm glad the kidney disease is staying at bay!

back to subject at hand...fae, is there some way you could cut off all contact with them? I thought when you went and packed up your other place you'd be done with them then.

So many secondary losses.,..

I think it is those "abler souls" that are here on this site. I have met a couple of widows that were "glad to have the old coot gone"...they aren't usually the ones that visit these sites...here it is the ones that had their soul mates and best friend. The deeper they were carved into our hearts, the tougher this aftermath is. Yeah, Arlie took it out once before, also the ones on my old truck (in the canopy). Skye took out the brand new window my son had just put in his place (window was open, screen was shut, but he damaged the casing as well)...and he's a dog that can't even walk! Poor Skye, landed below, outside, and couldn't even hobble off, now THAT'S pathetic! If I had new screen material I could put it in myself but will probably just take it to the builder supply and let them do it as they have a table for it and tools...

Well at least I'm good for a laugh!

I just read Marty's message (I'm slow), now I feel stupid! Welcoming those who are sent here to look after US! Haha... Oh well...

And I'm not even a violent person!

I'm so sorry, fae! Makes me want to put a gunny sack on them in a dark alley and...

My Arlie burst through my screen door last night in an escape attempt, so now I must get a new screen for it. They can be challenging in their bursts of energy!

My sweet Marys (both of you), it breaks my heart to think of your facing this seemingly alone. I know all too well how hard it is to face those hard places without our spouse by our side, or "having our back". Just know they are rooting for you, cheering you on, and have not left your side. They may not be able to talk to you like they used to, but oh they are there supporting you in the only ways they can, even now. It is times like these when I wish I could once again rest in the "abandonment to divine providence", knowing all is in His hands and for my good. I do miss that part of my faith, but the realist in me cries it is not that simple! I do know, however, that many prayers are going up for you both and will continue and you are surrounded by all of our love here, as fae puts it, in this tribe.