kayc

Amazing, aren't they? So in tune to everything about us! Anne, waiting with you...

Mary, so glad to see you safe and sound today! I just read about your tornado warnings and was instantly worried about you and Bentley! fae, good to see your update...so does that mean you'll decide to permanently reside in AK? I guess I'm confused because I thought you had stress from going there. Glad you have a safe place to be for ten days and hope it is restful for you!

George and I were each other's best friends too. Tomorrow would have been his 59th birthday. He worked away during the week and he would always call me on his breaks, except his last one at 1:30 am because he didn't want to wake me up. I would encourage him to spend time with the guys at work on his break and he'd say, "Naw, I can talk to them any time, it's YOU I want to talk to!"

Kristen, I hope you got my email yesterday...if I sound like a mom, I can't help it!

Ahh, Bentley is so cute! He does look tired but he's still smiling! Anne, will look for your post later today.

LOL...true!

Anne, I hope you'll let us know what you learned today...if you can remember it all.

Thinking that may not be enough...

Mary, I did call, I am waiting for the Exec, Dir.' call back. If she doesn't call me back today, I will call her again. The receptionist did say that she was probably stressed over the quarantine. Still, that's not an excuse. Smiles are free, there's ways to deal with people, and ways not to. I can excuse her rudeness but am not impressed with her "controlling" manner. I know that's the foot in the door to abuse and I'm not having it.

Anne, Try to focus on the positive aspect...that he is too young for this condition and he doesn't exhibit the common symptoms. And while your vet is ruling out things, choose to believe the best possible outcome. And I'm so glad NO VALLEY FEVER! And by all means, while he is having his day out, go to the spa...and bring chocolate! (Have a piece for me too, I'm out!) And Anne...of course you're worried, I'm a mom and I'd be worried too...I worried for WEEKS about Arlie! (((hugs to you and Benji)))

I did a search for my earliest posts on, to remember...so much of that time seems a fog in my mind. I have gone back and reread the first year and beyond and I wanted to share it with you so you can know that we have been through the same things...and we have somehow survived. http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?app=core&module=search&do=search&andor_type=and&sid=c33e7222971f0bfc15b0e14285ce4542&search_author=kayc&search_date_start=06/19/2005&search_date_end=06/19/2007&search_app_filters[forums][sortKey]=date&search_app_filters[forums][sortDir]=1&search_content=both&search_app_filters[forums][sortKey]=date&search_app_filters[forums][sortDir]=1&search_app_filters[forums][forums][0]=4&search_app_filters[forums][noPreview]=0&search_app_filters[forums][pCount]=&search_app_filters[forums][pViews]=&search_app_filters[forums][searchInKey]=&search_term=&search_app=forums&st=0

Mary, thanks for pointing that out, it's true, she may remember him next time. And I guess I have to steel myself for the eventual inevitability... Thank you Marty and Mary both for your input, I needed to know if I was out of line or if this is common...I haven't heard of it before but I am learning to trust those little red flags that go off inside myself. I appreciate your feedback.

I spoke with someone in the office (separate building) and he told me Pam is a caregiver, in other words, not someone with great authority. He assured me that there is no such policy and I am free to come and go as I please and can visit her without prior announcement. He also gave me the phone number to the head person and I left her a voicemail and asked her to call me back (I was interrupted in the middle of my leaving her a message so couldn't get into it too in depth). The quarantine they said they think is food related (Norovirus?) involving Diarrhea...I hope my mom doesn't get it because she had it once and it landed her in the hospital.

It was very hard on me that she forgot who George was. George truly loved her, more than anyone did excepting my dad who has been gone for 31 years now. He called her mom, he had a way with her, he'd take her in his arms and dance with her (something she would never have allowed anyone else to do), he'd take her for rides, "the scenic route", he always called it. He made her smile and was better with handling her than any of us kids were. She loved George. It hurts me worse that she forgot him than her not knowing who I am. Even showing her a picture of him and talking about him didn't help. It just wasn't there. I know this is how Dementia is, but it also hurts, and I don't think any education can prepare you for what you feel.

She posted the "quarantine" notice while we were out. She said they want advance notice so "they can get her ready". I can get her ready. My mom can get herself ready. If I arrive and she has five coats on, I'll remove four. If she has her robe and slippers on, I'll help her pick out something to wear. Why do we suddenly need them to help her get ready?

My positive is that my son won his robot competition yesterday. He didn't get to sleep the night before, working on his project so I didn't want to bother him last night but I'm sure I'll get more details this weekend when I see him. I'm so proud of him! Update: Pictures/video posted on FB!

Shannon, I know you aren't reading right now, but when you come back I want you to know we are still upholding you in prayer and our thoughts are with you...it's been two weeks now and I know you can probably name the hours and minutes...how well I remember those early days of grief, even though my head felt like a whirlwind of fog. I am hoping the doctors will be able to help you through all of this, not only the cancer treatments, but the grief, for that affects our health as well. Keep fighting the fight...I know you can't see light at the end of the tunnel, but it exists even if we don't see it. We don't see the sun in the middle of the night but it still exists even out of sight. (((hugs))) Kay PS Mary, thank you for keeping us posted. And thank you for being there for Shannon. I know this is hard for you too.

Anne, Is it possible for your daughter to be with you when you ask these questions? Mary's suggestion was a good one, so that someone could catch what you can't absorb. It can be a lot to take in!

I took my mom out last night. One of the workers met me at the door and chewed me out for not giving them advance notice (my mom knew I was coming and was ready). In the year she's been there they've never asked for advanced notice and it was put to us like it was an open door policy, they just asked we sign her out. She was more or less a witch about it. I had a good time with my mom. But one thing saddened me, she didn't remember who George was or Don (my SIL) either. I showed her a picture of George and told her about him, she still didn't remember him, that made me so sad! But she tried to crack a joke once and that was so cute! When I brought her back they wouldn't let me come inside, they said there was a quarantine. ??? I am kind of concerned that their policies could contribute to hiding elder abuse. I talked to my siblings about their sudden requirements. Am I being paranoid about my concerns?

That's true, Pollara!

I think it's true, it helps to have a plan and stick to it. My first love (we were engaged and he broke off with me, no explanation) it took me years to get completely over. The first couple of years were, of course, the worst, but it was a long time before I could think of him without hurting. We reacquainted after 28 years and he asked me to marry him, made hits on me, etc. but I'm not interested now. We see each other once in a while as friends but it's interesting how you really can get completely over someone. After all this time he says it was his mom that broke us up...well I don't want anyone that weak an spineless or wishy washy. Do I think people can change? Yes but not usually that much. I would have to see it demonstrated as words alone don't mean that much to me and you know what? I see the same person he always was.

I'm sorry. 30 years IS a long time. But is he your soul mate if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings?

Mary, I applaud you, you have come a long ways! You are listening to your own inner heart, what you feel is right for you and for Bentley, what a good mom you are to put his needs ahead of other's wishes! All a part of parenting.

I think this is a key statement. It's kind of like when people are grieving and they want to hang onto their grief/being sad because they're afraid if they give themselves permission to be happy, it'll take them further away from the one they lost. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, but using this as an analogy. You may need to give yourself permission to be with someone right for you.

Obsessing over him IS what I meant. Yes, that's the problem. Well if it always came back, I would resume therapy. I realize you tried to busy yourself with other people and activities, but you have to continue to. And work on being comfortable with being alone. It took me years to be able to do this, I could be alone part of the time, but not living alone all of the time...now I do and am much better with it.