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kayc

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Everything posted by kayc

  1. Did you get some snow today? We're expected to get some too, I hope not too much. Am not feeling well, not feeling like shoveling snow for sure.
  2. My sister Polly says she "sends positive thoughts" because she also doesn't pray, I appreciate that! I feel today that I am coming down sick...woke up at 2 am and couldn't go back to sleep...it was 3:45 am yesterday, I sorely need some sleep! Perhaps this weekend. So far Arlie is doing well, I will count the days until 30 days have gone by and he gets his results. This morning I found a dead mouse, Kitty must have gotten it, so rat poison hadn't been needed after all!
  3. The dream sounds enlightening. I think the blink in time over there is a reminder to us to not lose hope and the being present here and now is not to get our sights so fixed on what's to come that we fail to enjoy what IS. I strive for that balance. Yes Queen Mary, do let us know how the play goes!
  4. Thank you for sharing that! You must be proud of your Pete.
  5. We tend to get wrapped up in the here and now as if this is all there is...we see what's going on in our world, the political scene, the mess they're making of the economy, etc. We forget that all this is but a blink in time and then we'll have all eternity together! To step into George's arms again, to be reunited with favorite pets lost, to see my dad again, to see my mom finally be made right in her mind and smile...THIS is what I do look forward to!
  6. Jan, the words one uses makes such a difference. We all know people who have set us off with their choice of wording, when they didn't intend to at all. When they say "You need to move on" they really mean "I just want to see you happy again" but they don't understand that "happy" in the true sense of the word may not be our choice, but recognizing what we still have that IS good in life IS our choice. And of course it sounds hollow when someone who hasn't been down this road says it, it's almost like we receive it better from someone who we know that they get it. Anne, I see depression as something that almost paralyzes someone. I don't see you in that state...yes of course you feel sad, gosh I think we all do at times, sometimes more so than other times. There's times I feel depressed but I don't mean it in a clinical sense of the word, but more just how I'm feeling at the time...I have my hardest times in the wee hours when I'm alone and sleep alludes me. It is then that I find the world's problems insurmountable and my own situation seems to have no answers. After I get up and get going I usually get more clear headed and tell myself to stay in the moment, not the past or future, and I start to feel better. For me, I think I will feel so much better when Spring truly arrives and winter weather leaves with all of it's hardship. For this week that will have to wait as more snow is falling. I try to keep in mind why I stick out the winters here...and remember how wonderful the summers are!
  7. Jan, You said you don't see how things could be any different when the situation is the same. It helps to give yourself permission to NOT be sad. Of course, we continue to miss them. Of course we feel that empty hole inside of us (mine is George shaped). Of course we have times when grief bursts hit. BUT it's not that the situation has improved (it hasn't) or that we've "gotten used to it" (we never do, never will)...but rather that we sharpen our coping skills and WE gradually adjust to the new life that is ours...like it or not. No one could "like" what has happened, but we gradually, so gradual as to not perceive it ourselves, adjust. In the beginning I could not sleep...now I do, although I still can't sleep in our bed (and for me it's been nearly eight years, so don't think you're a woos!) In the beginning my daughter had to get my groceries, as I couldn't bring myself to (it was something we'd always enjoyed doing together). In the beginning I was frantic, afraid, bordering on panic. I'm not nearly as anxious now as I was then. In the beginning it was hard for me to be on the platform at church as I didn't see George when I was looking out over the congregation...now I don't think about it most of the time. In the beginning the weekends were unbearable...now I'm used to them being what they are...rather joyless and alone, although once in a while there's something good in them. Part of that is my fault, I tend to hole up and not seek out people. And I don't plan activities because they cost money. But the point is, little by little, even though the situation hasn't changed, we do get better at dealing with it. It does take time though, more than we'd like. And that time table is different for everyone, so don't be rough on yourself or expect any certain result, it just is what it is and we'll all get through this in our own time and way. (((hugs)))
  8. I like how you put it: "one day less"...yes, one day less of forever is one day closer to being reunited with the very breath of our souls!
  9. It's hard to understand why, when we pray, God seems to answer prayers for some and not others...yet the truth is, He answers for all, just not always the way we want or what we might think. I was praying for my husband when he died. There is much we do not see or understand...I cannot know why God makes the decisions He does. I've come to accept that He knows more about things than I do so I leave the results up to Him, but I tell you, I went through a time of questioning my faith after George died. It took a while to get through it. I know this: God understands our pain and it's perfectly okay to yell at Him and beat on His chest (so to speak), He has broad shoulders, He can take it. He knows our hearts, our humanity, our questions, and even our anger. It's okay to vent and He'll still love us and be there for us long before we come out of it and long after. He knows our emotions...after all, He made us as we are.
  10. Ahh, you've come a long ways then! So long as you don't have blurred vision, headaches, or nausea...but if you do, call the doctor right away! (bump on head)
  11. I wouldn't tell them your parents passed in the house, that unnerves some people. Maybe just tell them your family used to live there and you wonder if they'd mind if you took a peek...
  12. That IS a lot of losses at once. No, life sure isn't fair. I'm so sorry you lost all three of them. I hope it gets easier with time, but I'm sure you'll continue to miss them all. It's been nearly 31 years since I lost my dad and now my mom is in a Dementia Care Center...loss is always hard to adjust to, I'm sorry!
  13. kayc

    Meditation

    OMG, I've read Thomas Merton...didn't know anyone else who knew of him. These would be cherished times to have!
  14. Shannon, My goodness, never a dull moment! I am glad you are okay and hope your neck heals quickly...maybe some heat/ice alternately? I, too, am so glad for your SIL being there for you, thank heavens! Hopefully Leo slept on through and didn't worry. I hope you can rest up today!
  15. Hang in there, I know it's not easy.
  16. Oh Cy, I am so sorry. I'm glad you found this place, we'll be here when you need someone to listen. You'll get through this, even when you don't think so. Wishing you well as you make arrangements...
  17. babben, you should have knocked, I'm sure the new owners wouldn't have minded. I did that one time with my daughter and the new owners actually were glad to hear about the house's history and a chance to ask a couple of questions. Deb, I'm sure it was good for helping you move on. Sometimes that's a hard but necessary step in the scheme of things.
  18. George was Diabetic and so am I and my whole family so I understand how you must be feeling...he must have felt really tired and out of it with it that low! The lowest mine ever was (that I know of) was 50. Usually I have the opposite problem! I hope you were able to enjoy your movie until you fell asleep...that's almost a guarantee I'll go to sleep, just turn on the tv and I'm out! I've watched the beginnings of more things! How are you doing today?
  19. I need another "like" button here!
  20. kayc

    Meditation

    It seems more peaceful that way...self acceptance.
  21. I hope this time is very special for the two of you. Do not be afraid for her, the passing is easier for them than it is for us. When George died, I begged him to hold on and he shook his head no...twice. I don't think they're afraid.
  22. I love Fiddler on the Roof! Thanks for sharing!
  23. I definitely don't have a green thumb but I plant flowers all along the back of my deck (over 30' long), in hanging pots. I should try some potted herbs as well! I tried keeping up George's vegetables after he died but they died...I figure it was a tribute to him.
  24. So young to be going through so much. I hope you sleep well and tomorrow brings improvement to both of you. Goodnight!
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