Amy61

"Quick reply" It's because I'm sitting here at work doing NOTHING! LOL I've got to get myself more focused. Wish someone could tell me how to do that....

Thanks for the reply Dancer. Similar roads we are traveling. I'm so very sorry about your mother and it is so very fresh. I could really relate to your Dad not remembering your mother died. Dad is usually aware that Mom is gone, but on several occasions he has asked me, "Amy, where is Frances?". When that happens, it's as if my heart stops. I try not to look at him strangely, but it is so hard. I usually turn the question around and say, "Where is she Dad?" and he can usually come up with the answer. I've been pretty open with Daddy. He has clearer moments and more confused times. When he seems to be thinking fairly clearly, I have told Daddy that there are times that he gets confused and that it's ok. I assure him that there will always be me, his caregiver or my brother with him to make sure he is ok. I'm learning first hand what anticipatory grief is like. With my Mom there wasn't time. She was sick but expected to be released from the hospital and then she had sepsis and was dead in 2 days. There was no anticipatory anything...only reeling shock as I helplessly watched her condition crash. I'm so sorry for your loss. Do whatever you can to take care of you in the process. That's hard to know what will do that sometimes.

My Mom, who was my best friend and biggest supporter, died unexpectedly Jan 9, 2003. My journey along this grief road has been such a roller coaster, but had dug my way out of the terrible fog. Now my Dad, who has worsening dementia, has been admitted to Hospice care. The fog has returned. I need to work, but here I sit unable to focus to complete tasks. I want to be home with him. He has a live-in caregiver. She and I are working as a team to allow Daddy to remain at home. Daddy has very bad emphysemia and a lung infection that Daddy's body just could not get rid of. In the words of his dr., his body is worn out. Death is not imminent at this time, but I'm feeling such a need to be there. I go during the evenings and on weekends. I'm a single parent, but thankfully my daughter is with her father most of the time during summer. His dr. thinks he may have 2 months left. I had almost forgotten this awful exhaustion. Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm new here and like the site. Thanks for listening....