SharonK

I'm so sorry for the loss of both of your parents. Since it's only been a month, the pain is still very real, I know that. My Dad passed away in April not from a heart attack, but like your Mom, from cancer. It wasn't long and drawn out. It was relatively quick and very unexpected. I was there with him as he took his last breath and it is something that I wish I could forget but it will be there with me forever. It was the most helpless feeling I think I will ever experience in my life. I tell myself that there was nothing that I or anyone else could have done, but I can tell you that as the months have gone by the thoughts of that morning creep into my thoughts a little less. I guess the cliche of "time heals" really does hold some validity. When those thoughts do get in, it hurts and then I tell myself that he's ok and he's in heaven watching over us. When he left, I know that God was with him and he wasn't alone. People tell me that I should be happy I was there, that it's a wonderful gift...I'm still not sure about that, but as time goes by maybe that will change. Do not feel guilty that you could have done something and you didn't!! You did everything you could and you were with him. I'm sure your Dad wouldn't want you to torture yourself. When I feel bad, I talk to my Dad. I know he's there. I hope you find peace. I will keep you in my prayers.

Dester & JCL, how wonderful for you that you are able to feel your loved ones. I've had the same experiences with a cousin and and an old boyfriend that have passed. My cousin lets me know he's around by a certain song coming on the radio. I've always felt it was he way of letting me know he was around. My old boyfriend does the same with "our song" and comes to me in the same dream that I've had since he passed in 1982. It's comforting to know they're around. To Maylissa, my Dad passed away on April 12th, 2005 and I've waited and waited for him to come to me. Sometimes I think I feel him in a breeze, but I guess I've been wanting something a little more personal like the smell of his cologne or something. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day missing him I think that he hasn't come to me because he's upset with me. I have such guilt over not doing more in regards to his treatment. He had a reoccurance of prostate cancer that had been in remission for 14 years. I feel like I should have been there more for my Dad & my Mom with his treatment. But what I feel the worst about is the day he passed. The nurse said he was slipping away and I had to sit there and watch him go. Sometimes when I think back at him looking at me I wonder if he was asking me to help him and I didn't. So now I feel like he doesn't come to me because I let him down. I talk to him all the time. I ask him to help my Mom to be with her because she's so lost. I ask him to be with me, but I just don't feel it. Maybe I'm trying to hard, I don't know. Maylissa, I feel confident that one day, when we're not looking for it, that feeling or sense of something will be there for us. I pray that for you and for me.

I am so very sorry you are going through so much pain. My Dad died from cancer on my parents 58th anniversary. Sometimes the pain is paralyzing. I miss him so much. My Mom misses him even more and for different reasons. I too try to remember the good times and there were a lot, but it's still so new for me and for you as well. I keep telling myself that some day the pain won't be so bad and when I think of my Dad I'll actually smile and feel good. His birthday would have been on 8/14. We went to the cemetery. It's so hard to really accept that he's there. We got together as a family and celebrated his life and his love for us. We made a toast to his memory and what he gave us as a family. I know that's what he would have wanted for us to do. Sometimes it's hard being with my Mom because she's so sad and so lonely. She's finally going to call Hospice and see if she can have a counselor come to the house. I know it will help her. I think she's doing it just for me, but at this point, I'll take it anyway I can get it. Hang on to the love you have for him and the love he had for you. Feel him in your heart, that's where I look for my Dad. Remember, you don't have to be happy all the time. It's ok to feel what you're feeling. At least that's what I tell myself. Hang in there!

JCL, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm sure it's difficult to relive those moments, but it helped me. I hope that I don't have to experience that again. As I told my Mom last night when she finally said she'd go to the Hospice support group, I'm grateful I was there with my Dad and with her too, but it's a heavy burden that I carry each and every day. My sister had been there all night, but she chose to leave because she was tired and had a headache. I resented her for that because we were all tired especially my Mom who hadn't left my Dad's side for the 10 days he was in Hospice. She slept curled up in a chair the entire time. My sister feels guilty for not being there and I've told her not to because it's something I will have to carry with me forever. I ask myself so many times, how do you move on. I'm a spiritual person, I know that my Dad is with God and not in pain anymore. I know all that....but I still have this profound sense of sadness. I try to hide it a lot so that my husband and 12 year old daughter don't see. My husband is wonderful. He loved my Dad so much and I know his grief is very real too. My daughter is amazing. She knows Grandpa is gone, but her faith tells her he's ok and that he's with her. Maybe that's what keeps me down. I don't feel him with me. I've always been a firm believer that our loved ones spirits are with us. I just haven't felt him. In my crazy mind, I've thought maybe it's because he's mad at me for not helping him and for lying to him that he was going to be ok and that he needed to fight to get better. But I really believed, we all really believed that he would be ok. The doctors never told us otherwise. They said it was the radiation wearing him down. I promised him that he would be ok. I let him down. See what I do to myself?? I'm nuts!! Thanks again for your words of encouragement!

This is my first time here. I've read so many of the entries and I hurt for all of you that are suffering from the loss of a loved one. My Dad passed away on 4/12/05. It was my parents 58th anniversary. He had a reoccurance of prostate cancer and the doctor didn't move on it quick enough. He was my hero, the man that I looked to for strength all of my life. I had to sit and watch him take his last breath and I can't move beyond that morning when he left. He was in a wonderful hospice unit and all the people there were wonderful. I miss him so much that there are days I can't hardly get out of bed. My Mom is so sad and lonely. She says she's not ready to go to a support group, but I think she really is. She lives about 25 miles away so I call her twice a day and go to her house on the weekend. I cannot get beyond that morning. I've had many people tell me what a gift I've received being able to be there when he passed. For me, it's a horrible memory. Maybe it will get better later, but right now all I can think of is that I sat and watched him take his last breath and I did nothing. He opened his eyes just before and looked an my Mom and me and I pray that he was letting us know that he was ok and that he was leaving. I my grief I sometimes think he was asking me for help, that he didn't want to go. I loved him so much. My heart hurts so much. People think you're supposed to just go on and not feel pain, but how can you do that. They think, well it's been 4 months now, you should be ok. I'm not! His birthday will be on the 14th. We're going to try and celebrate his life the way I know he'd want us to, but it's hard. To all of you out there hurting...I will pray for all of you to find peace and comfort knowing that your loved one is in the arms of God.