Spinjoza

After an extended hospital stay, my husband of 35 years passed away. He was supposed to get better, but whether through the carelessness of a hospital staff member or an undiagnosed condition, he needed emergency surgery which contributed to his physical decline, and finally death. He suffered tremendously the last month that he was in the hospital. Only I, my son and his wife were there to comfort him. My last memories are of me feeding ice to him because he was dehydrated; then his nurse chased me out of the room because housekeeping wanted to mop the floor. He died the following AM. After watching him suffer I'm feeling tremendous guilt. What could I have done to prevent his death? Had I been there, could I have saved his life; because I wonder if somebody gave him too much morphine or turned off the respirator. Should I have asked more questions of the Drs? Did they think that I didn't care? That day, when I called the ambulance to take him to the hospital for low blood pressure, should I have told him to sit down and relax, just give it a few minutes to see if he started feeling feeling better. Wasn't I a good wife? I was his care taker for almost a year while he had colitis, a lung and heart conditon. By the time he went into the hospital I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally from coping so long and with so much. Now, six weeks after his death I feel like I'm a member of the walking dead. I feel that my life is over and there is nothing to look forward to. My son has his own life, and I'm left alone to cope with my husband's death and my feelings of loss. Our culture is very lacking in support systems for dying. Just like everything else, it seems that money is supposed to be the cure for losing a loved one: The first thing that almost everyone asked me is how I would do financially with his passing, and the attitude of most of the people around me are "you need to get on with it." My own elderly mother said, "Isn't it a relief that he passed away. Him being so sick, and all." Even AARP has composed a list of things to do on their website when someone dies -- mostly a list of clerical things that the survivor needs to do. Oh, and let's not forget the Drs. who want their final bills, and the tax people who wanted to know if I had insurance coming. We have become a society devoid of human feelings. Why is that? 50% of the married population will experience the loss of a spouse. Why am l supposed to pretend that I'm doing fine; that I'm strong; that I can overcome the loss of a loved one, get a good paying job and have my financial ducks in a row overnight? Well, I can't, and I may never feel 'fine'; in which case Im a casualty too.

After an extended hospital stay my husband passed away. My last memories of my husband alive, are, of me feeding him ice because he was terribly thirsty, and the nurses asked me to leave because housekeeping needed to mop the room. I regret the fact that I did not tell him how much I loved him because I thought I would see him the next day.