Elaine1982

Hun, You are doing so well!! I was 20 when i lost my mum (just over 5 years ago) and i suffered with panic attacks at the time and due to not wanting to deal with the awful pain of it i blocked it off. I'm now getting them again as didn't deal with it at the time - but that's another story. Going to the Doc is the best thing you can do at this time. In my opinion it does not make you weak - it makes you strong and brave to admit you are suffering and need help. I did the same and am only able to function due to my medication (and exercise, hypnothearpy etc). You have suffered a really terrible thing at such a young age. I felt so lost and alone without my mum, still do to be honest. But you can get through this and you are getting through it. I'd reccommend counselling or hypno or something similar sooner rather than later. Please do not leave it as long as i did. It will be painful but it must be dealt with, it just can't be bottled up or it will just make you more ill. My partner (my husband now) asked me to marry him 6 months after my mum passed too. I was happy but felt guilty too. Plus i so worried how my dad would react. I can totally relate to this hun. You're not strange and i understand why you're not feeling super excited. It's kinda wrong timing in a way. Not their fault (bless them) they just want us to be happy but 6 months is nothing in the grieving process and you're still probably a little bit in shock of it all. Reality is hitting now and that's why you're mind is finding it hard to cope - it just can't understand what's happened - i have been where you are and you will get through this. Thinking of you hun and remember you are doing the right thing for you - keep well and msg whenever you want. E x

Hi all, I totally relate to this post. I lost my mum (my best friend and whole world) just under 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. It was sudden and unexpected. When it happened i was brave for dad and didn't want to get upset in front of him incase it upset him more. He was crying all the time, a total state and i didn't want to do or say anything that would make him more sad. So i just tried to ignore that it ever happened. I don't know how i did it - i just blocked it out. Worst mistake i could have ever made. I didn't even realise i was doing it but i suppressed my feelings so much that i felt fine most of time - for the first few years anyway - everyone couldn't believe how well i was doing - not even me! But then, last summer, just before it would have been 5 years since mum had gone, the panic attacks came. I was so ill, i was convinced i had heart disease like my mum. That i was gonna die any minute. These feelings went on for months, with me visiting my doc nearly every week. The panic/ anxiety is still with me now and i have to take medication every day in order to function which i hate. But am having hypnotherapy and walking at least 2 miles a day to try and overcome this. Have tried counselling but it didn't seem to help me (maybe i left it too late - only started having it after my panic's started last summer) but the hypno is good. I just miss my mum so much and i think i just can not accept the long term 'ness' of her her not being here. I think she's gonna come back. I think that's how i got on so well to begin with with. But now it is dawning on me that i can't see her and i will have to spend the rest of life without her, which is a really awful thought. I'm so fed up and sad of feeling so physically and mentally ill and i try so hard to get well - i just don't know what i'm doing wrong. I just want to feel normal again. Then i realise i will never feel normal again - cos how can things ever be the same after such a massive loss. I try to be positive and think how lucky i am (cos i am expect not having mum) but i still feel so ill and can't seem to control it. People say to me ' if you didn't want to have panic attacks you wouldn't have them, you just don't want it enough'. This makes me so sad. I really want to be well but i'm starting to think that i'm never going to feel 'safe' again. Why do we have to die? Why can't i just cry and deal with it that way instead of feeling like i'm gonna die all the time. I sometimes don't see the point if this is how i'm gonna feel for the rest of my life. Thanks for reading guys, sorry for long post. xxx

Hey guys, My mum passed away just over 5 years ago - i was 20. I know you are never ready for it but i still lived at home and most of my life was about my mum. Whenever anything happened she'd be the one i'd call. I always worried about her going and was terrified of it happening. Then suddenly one day she was gone. Thing is at the time i handled things very well, looking after my dad etc. Had a few panic attacks but generally was ok. Couldn't believe i was doing so well - too well. Anyways, the past 12 months ish have been filled with panic attacks, anxiety, sudden pangs of wanting my mum etc. I've know all my symptons are due to my grief cos i just couldn't deal with it at the time so bottled it so deep inside that i just wouldn't think about it. But know it's making me physically ill with blurred vision, dizzy, short of breath, terrible fear will die, awful knot in my stomach. I'm on loads of meds from the doc and don't want this. I'm just so sad cos i just don't know how to move forward. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. If anyone else has experienced panic thro their grief pls respond - i just need to know i'm not a freak feeling like this. Plus i think it's been 5 years - i should be fine. I just don't know what to do xx