I lost my Mom to cancer on 8-5-05. She was diagnosed 11/04 with stage 4 cancer - they originally thought she had Veritgo - sent her home with antbiotics and two weeks later she still didnt feel well. She went out of pocket to her Neurologist (sp) and he did an MRI. He found 7 brain tumors. Days later she had another MRI with contrast and found 30+ more celestral (sp). They took a biospy and found that the cancer orginated in her lungs - but there was NO trace of it. Doctors were baffled. As my Mom progressively got worse about January- I quit my job and other volunteer "jobs" and spent my time with her. My Dad was by my Moms side 24/7, Unless I was there then he would run out. The months were hard, she walked less and less. We were to the point somedays of feeding her and physically picking her up to use the comode. The thing is - my Mom was my BEST friend. I'm 35 and I have friends - but everything about her and I was unconditional. She was my confidant, my mentor, she was my boys Nana. I NEVER prepared myself this. I thought I did - I read books (Final Gifts) and prayed. I would talk with her - I asked her what she wanted done, but I never talked her her about death. She did tell me she was ready - but that was in the beginning. I have NO regrets, I was with my Mom in her last moments. "I told her I would take care of the family, its ok to go" BUT, its not.... I'm hurting so much that I cannot focus on daily chores. I keep going only due to my kids, I swear if it wasnt for them - I would be on the couch (crying) 24/7. I force myself to do things. I get on these cleaning binges and I just go with them. I figure, I better or laundry just wont get done on my "down" days. I worry about my Dad - they were married 42 years. He is telling me that he has to switch the will over to me now - which I tell him I dont want to talk about. My 5 year old is acting out - which I understand is normal, my 9 year old is always checking up on me. I have been reading trying to help myself, I'm even listening to tapes from Van Praggh (sp). My Mom was a big John Edwards fan - I'm hoping she will visit me soon. I did get myself a windchime - when I hear it I say hello to her... I just ordered a book off the internet "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" are there any other books anyone can recommend? I know my post is long - but this is my 1st. My story is actually longer - but I think you get the jist of it. Any support you can offer is greatly appreciated! illuminator
