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Maylissa

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About Maylissa

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    02/02/2000; 08/23/06; 01/02/04; 09/18/07; 02/29/04
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    Female
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    Canada

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  1. That vet is TERRIBLE, plain and simple. And the lawyer is most likely 100% right, but I had just wanted to ask anyway. If he's done this before, that's obviously his modus operandi. I truly wish there is a way to get him out of practice for good, as there's no telling how many animals he's already managed to injure or kill. Maybe I'll be the first to mention it (at least here), but to be honest, it seems odd to me that your husband would have been pushing so hard to take your dogs there, especially since you already had a good vet. Do you think his reasoning had anything to do with cheaper cost? Have you tried asking him why he was so adamant about going there? This is probably a conversation worth having, although perhaps best undertaken in your councilor's office. Some people may not like to hear this, but I really feel, were it me, I might not be capable of forgiving my spouse for something this serious...at least not without a bucket-load of work on it first. Of course, I would also have a hard time forgiving myself, too, same as you. Compassion for both self and other would have to be cultivated first, and that could be a long haul. Whereas, forced forgiveness, before you're ready, if you try to push it, derails the healing process and makes things even messier. You forgive when you're ready. If you're not yet, it's much healthier to admit you're having a hard time forgiving, just as you're doing here. That honestly is where the first step of healing comes from. Then you might be able to create a desire to forgive. But for a better a chance of that coming about, I know I'd personally be booking sessions with Teresa to help with it, since animal communication, grief and guilt over our animals, and helping animals and their people, are ALL her specialties. You would be in very good and experienced hands with her. In fact, I soon have to get in touch with her myself, as I'm now very unexpectedly suffering from anticipatory grief over losing yet another one of my neighbourhood feline friends...the only one who's been left to me after losing 10 others I loved dearly through the years. I hugely needed a nicer, calmer summer, and now there goes that hope. My heart is just busting in two again -- mainly for him and how his life is going to abruptly change for the worse, but of course also for myself losing his companionship and love. He and I just spent an amazing, blissful and loving afternoon together in my yard a few days ago (I believe he already knew about his people's plan, even before I found out the next day, & was seeking solace with me). And, as cats so often do for me, I learned more lessons from him then, and another biggie afterwards. That makes it even harder to accept what's going to happen to him, and the heavy sorrow we're both going to experience. I'm still in shock, not wanting to believe this is actually going to happen. Our history together was a delightful, then sad/tragic, then happy-again story spanning about 2 years...now about to turn tragic again. He's already been through SO much in his young life, and with this latest development I could easily see him soon passing away at his tender young age from this ignorant plan by his people. Only being able to help him later via animal communion (communication) along with my distance healing work just isn't the same as physically being here for him nearly every day. To say I have become very soured on most humans is a massive understatement. I don't think I'll be forgiving these people either any time soon, for what they're about to do to him. I'm furious, and not afraid to say so because that is truthfully how I feel about it.
  2. Mentioning that to the state as well, is probably a worthwhile idea. Did you ever call that vet back to demand more info than what little they gave you? Karma can take a lifetime or longer to become manifest, so you may never see it. But when I discovered, quite by accident, that someone had been doing heinous things, I took action and reported their crimes, and there were some serious consequences to pay once they were finally caught. Based on my tips, a "sting" operation was undertaken. I did what I thought was right in order to save other innocent lives as best I could, because as they say, "God helps those who help themselves." I couldn't have lived with my conscience had I turned a blind eye and done nothing. Another famous quote I love about that whole concept is: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke Well, I DID something about it. And that's a large part of why the world is as it has become over decades. Good people doing nothing and not taking a stand for what they believe in, or what's right(er). Sometimes we just have to, and there are many taking such stands now. It's also true that there are a lot of vets nowadays who leave a lot to be desired. The more you inform yourself, the more you discover has been going on. But it's time to turn that tide around. I'm so sorry today is a very sad milestone day for you. But if you're using it as a means to seek redress for Parker, that should help. I'm sure he'd be proud of his mom's perseverance in his name.
  3. Jilly, the way you lost your Little Bear is indeed tragic and hugely agonizing, just as everyone has said, and I too am so very sorry for your whole family, and for Little Bear. I have imagined many times over (because I have an overly-active imagination) how losing a precious furry family member in these kinds of horrible ways, and not having the most-needed answers, would be so incredibly shattering, and would keep that wound open even wider than usual, as Marty already suggested. Marty took the words right out of my mouth, so to speak, but much more eloquently than I could have put it. Not to make you feel worse, but after all my own hardships and in my later years now, I do believe that old truism - "honesty is the best policy" - is a wise one for many sound reasons, some of which Marty already gently outlined. And really, I want the best for ALL of you. I will share that in reading your story I couldn't help but remember my own neighbour's story of one of their cats who was let out at night, then went missing and whose body or collar were never found (coyotes were suspected), and her thoughts and feelings around that loss. In similar fashion, she had decided not to tell their grandson the truth because he loved that particular cat dearly and was also a very "sensitive" boy, so she thought any probable 'realities' would be too traumatic for him to handle. I can't recall now exactly what lie she used, but just remember it was rather vague and general in nature. But I couldn't help thinking that in the long run this wasn't going to be healthy for him, nor for their relationship, in that it wouldn't allow them to have meaningful and deeper conversations about their shared grief over this cat, nor even of life's larger lessons when he was older. I went away even sadder about the whole situation than only about this poor cat's likely end. Then in a much later conversation, she kept repeating to me that even these many months afterwards he was still exhibiting anxiety and grief, always wondering aloud why his cat was gone and hadn't returned, how guilty she was still feeling for having lied about it and for having to repeat the lie when his pining continued. She had become quite worried about his reaction by then. It had struck me that he felt he couldn't trust life itself, due to several details left in limbo within the story he'd been given. I always wondered then, especially since he was a sensitive kid, if he had actually initially picked up on the fact that something didn't ring true (children often are quite perceptive that way), and that if he had, was he actually subconsciously suffering additional grief from a loss of trust in his grandmother, and hence compounding his grief over the loss of this cat? This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I know from painful experience that trust and honesty are some basic foundations of healthy relationships, and you can't truly have one without the other. I can never forget how my own family's lies and secrets caused me immense damage (never disclosed but discovered by me, here and there), and how that family dynamic set me up in unhealthy ways. Such choices always find ways to ripple outwards. Personally, I wouldn't want to see the loving relationship you can build with your children weakened by cracks in either of these foundational building blocks. The "known facts" that Marty mentioned still support both honesty and trust, and can open the door to tactfully and age-appropriately sharing in your collective grief to bring you all closer together, rather than creating a rift. And although your son has a medical condition you're concerned about negatively affecting, you may or may not be aware that it is now known that whatever feelings and thoughts reside within family members at any given time are energetically affecting everyone concerned, regardless of whether you're trying to hide them or not. So if you feel badly about lying, that too will get passed along in one way or another. Even uncomplicated grief had enough negative effects as it is. Therefore, I would kindly encourage you to drop that additional burden, for everyone's sake. As to your concerns over why your Little Bear suddenly became so cognitively impaired, I wonder if she had somewhat recently been vaccinated prior to? I only mention it because it reminds me of a neurological case one of our homeopathic vets dealt with, where a recent vaccination turned out to be the cause of sudden and pretty severe cognitive abnormality in a dog. Since I don't know many details of your girl's history, you might look up something like "symptoms of vaccinosis or over-vaccination in dogs" to see if that might possibly lend you any helpful information. Many regular vets (and pet parents) are still not well-versed in this, or are reluctant to look at it, and many adverse vaccine affects are still going unreported. This article might shed some light: https://www.dogsnaturallymagazine.com/vaccines-and-brain-damage/
  4. Hi Tina, Yes, this is a complicated picture. I'm very familiar with the "not warm and fuzzy" type and I could say lots about that...but that's another long topic all by itself. Good to know your husband at least DID apologize at the start. That's something anyway. The fact that he won't talk about it more now is still a problem, though, and the reasons why not and what to do about it are probably best addressed in your counseling sessions. Most of us don't know how to communicate WELL, though. And it's possible he's letting shame take control, and shame, like guilt, needs to be exposed, but with safe (and knowledgeable) people, in order to understand it, then shift it, and for true compassion to then be unearthed. I share your uneasiness and feel your hurt about his emotionally removed choice of wording of "the dog." But again, that's a much bigger topic that could have any number of causes. Here's Teresa's site again: https://www.animalsinourhearts.com/ About her AC sessions: https://www.animalsinourhearts.com/animal-communication/consultations-teresa/what-to-expect.html Her grief counseling sessions: https://www.animalsinourhearts.com/consultations/types-of-consultations/grief-counseling.html About teeth cleaning for animals, it actually IS a good, suggested preventive practice, since lack of tooth health can cause several serious problems, including with major organs, like the heart. However, since anesthesia is always a risk too, some vets suggest it's best if they do a physical dental check and only consider a cleaning if things look problematic (e.g. gingivitus, etc.), or if not too bad (e.g. just a small amt of tartar but no gum inflammation as yet), at another time when surgery for something else is also required....to avoid putting the animal under more than necessary. A good vet will also suggest daily teeth brushing at home (by you) using the proper products for animals, and/or dietary protocols that will help their teeth stay clean/er, e.g. a raw food diet and certain types of uncooked meat & bones to safely gnaw on, as just one example. Feral, or turned-feral cats, or abandoned cats, for example, even when in "managed" TNR colonies (i.e. fed commercial canned food but often "dry" food [the worst choice], watched over for obvious medical issues), commonly suffer with dental issues, often requiring several tooth extractions &/or dental abscess treatment, or they will soon die. There are always some animals who are fed total crap as 'food,' and who get very little medical care, yet still live a long time. Unfair for others, yes!, but it does happen. But that's not the usual case. Nowadays especially, diseases most animals never got 50 years ago, are running rampant, just as they are with humans (we're all One)...mainly because the world has stupidly been made to deteriorate to levels never seen before, and so we ALL suffer for it. It is said that our own souls call in experiences that push us well out of our usual comfort zones, in order to learn something highly valuable to ourselves, so that our lives can improve in different ways. This might help answer the more mystical "why" of it all. Unfortunately and most often, until we go through many steps necessary to that growth, it doesn't become clearer until later. And humans being as they are, sadly, we often aren't motivated to grow until there is enough pain present to spur us into that growth. There's always something we're supposed to be learning, like it or not, and it can certainly feel exhausting or maddening.
  5. Hmm...Quote doesn't seem to be working for me right now, so... Parker's Mom, You had said earlier: "It may be hard for someone else to understand why I still have bitterness toward my husband. He was so insistent about everything with that vet and the dental. I am constantly reminded my dog passed needlessly. I can't help but hold a grudge. I don't know when or if I will let go of that. I don't think it's hard to understand carrying such bitterness. When someone (especially those closest to you) acts domineering with you, that in itself can create bitterness, resentment, and more. And as I said before, if there is no genuine heartfelt remorse offered afterwards, that's pouring salt in an already open wound and further compounding it so that it cannot heal, or at least not readily. An admission of wrong-doing, a sincere and appropriate apology, remorse, and amends are required in order for forgiveness to be extended more easily and willingly. Without that, the wound festers and forgiveness becomes more elusive. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but nowhere in your posts have I read that such an olive branch had been proffered. So no wonder you're feeling bitterness. Quite frankly, I would be feeling outraged, plus sorrowful and grief-stricken at that kind of relational betrayal, and not simply "bitter." However, one difference I see being, had I been in your position, no husband of mine would have been allowed to get away with being domineering with me when it came to health decisions about my furchildren, especially since I was their primary, FT caregiver and their largest love. I might have asked for an opinion, but without some very sound reasoning or facts to back up such an opinion (which may have then possibly shifted my initial perspective), I would have taken my own knowledge, intuition, and whatever else into bigger consideration, and decided for myself what to do for them. Period. The result of that would have been that for any final decision I made myself on their behalf, the burden of guilt would have then fallen only on me as the final arbitrator, if it had been a bad decision. And in actual fact, that was how it was anyway, since my husband didn't take much of an "interest" in their healthcare, so those decisions usually fell solely on my shoulders. I was the one learning all I could, I was the one always speaking with their vets. He didn't want all that responsibility, so it was mainly mine. "Bad enough I am livid with myself." / "How could I forget that only a few months earlier I was disgusted with their deceit, and I vowed to my husband I would not return.? I don't know what transpired, why I returned to that horrible place." And there's the concurrent issue that makes this all the more difficult to deal with. As you have said many times, you blame yourself as well, and you share in that fault. But while it is always hardest to look at your own parts and failings, the one thing that you can say is that you are actually doing that. Why you went against what you already knew is something you'll have to work out somehow, because only you hold the answers to those questions. I wonder if hypnosis might also help unearth them for you? That's another method that, in the hands of an experienced therapist, can be quite liberating. I saw one once (she had 25 yrs experience) for grief over my boy, and while it didn't "fix" everything for me since it was only one session anyway, it certainly did me some good. It was easy, relaxing, and offered me some well-needed relief that he was indeed more than "okay" in spirit, and not angry at me at all. In essence, I experienced an otherworldly visit with him. The only thing I found annoying was that she kept rather 'interrupting' the process for me with her instructions, because what she wanted me to focus on next, I had already "been there, done that" and was zooming along to the next part! Anyway, both of these issues of yours should be explored more in therapy. The good news is, your own portion can be done with or without your husband present. As can EMDR or other trauma-based methodologies. "I'm not sure I understand about animal communicators. Since our pets don't speak, how can you communicate without the pet sitting next to you and reading your facial expressions and feeling your body language? I write letters to him and I know of course, he doesn't read. It's really a stress release for me. Even if I read those letters to my dogs who are here now, they wouldn't understand a word. They of course, don't understand full sentences." You can visit Teresa's site or others to learn about it in greater detail, but essentially, you psychically use your various corresponding senses to receive information from them, such as what you may hear them say (clairaudience), what you see them show you (clairvoyance), what you feel from them (clairsentience), what you smell (clairsalience), what you taste through them (clairgustance), or what comes through as a firm "knowing" (claircognizance). You use whichever "clairs" are dominant or more natural for you, and then learn to develop your weaker ones as well. Personally, I have 3 dominant clairs, and don't often get the others coming through, except spontaneously. (it also depends on what the particular animal's preferred way of "sending" is) They do not need to be physically present, or even physically alive to commune with them. (I also receive whatever they voluntarily wish to share with me during my healing work) There is actually no such thing really as "distance" between beings, energies, light, particles, or anything else; we are just conditioned to think there is. (think about cell phones, where you can talk to others far away, all without any hard-wiring for them in your house) Animals also don't have to know how to "read" or "understand sentences" to 'get' or receive your thoughts, emotions, or the gist of your verbiage. This is the deeper language of us all, and most of us do it without even being aware of it, but the nonhuman beings have retained this language all along. For them this is the normal way of communicating. So when you talk to your animals (including Parker), out loud, or just in your mind, or as you're writing, they can hear you, and more. This is what my beloved boy started demonstrating for me over and over again, and eventually I clued in, smartened up, and began to acknowledge it all as real. He was my biggest teacher, even after his transition. 💜💜
  6. I feel for you, Parker's Mom. Those are a lot of too-similar reminders to deal with on top of the milestone. 💔 Although, sometimes the anticipatory feelings end up being worse than the actual day is, especially if you come up with some ideas ahead of time as to what to do with/for yourself. Some people do a memorial ritual or project, or they add in something lighter as a distraction to break up the sorrow, like a simple walk, or spending some quiet time in nature. Or they just accept that they're going to feel miserable and sit and cry; here's it's the acceptance of your feelings that can help...and then sometimes you end up not crying as long or as often as you'd expected. Sometimes you plan something, then change it last minute, or simply can't make yourself follow through when the time comes. Nothing has to be set in stone. Just know that whatever you finally decide, even if that's moment by moment, it's all okay, even if you are feeling like a wreck. Give yourself that freedom to choose, and to accept however you are throughout the day. In this way, it all becomes some type of self-care.
  7. Well put, Kay and I echo those sentiments. Since I'd had some very bad experiences around deaths in my tender and vulnerable youth, knowingly, I had to wait a loooong time to feel ready at last to adopt my furkids. But when we lost Sabin so quickly and unexpectedly...since for some reason I had always imagined he'd be with me even longer than his little sister...all the vestiges of "innocence" (at least what it felt akin to) I had managed to sort of recapture in the meantime, were harshly ripped away from me again. And yet, I remember countless times I would be doting on my boy, heart just BURSTING with unfathomable and unconditional love because of our massive and mystic bond, and at the same time would feel such a terror of losing him in the future. That was oftentimes the way I was 'never taking things for granted,' as awful a way as that was. But when he actually died far ahead of my expectations and hopes, Nissa got even stronger a devotion as I could have possibly mustered...even through the utter agony of my grief over losing her brother. However, I still can and do procrastinate like crazy over all sorts of other things that also have value. 🙄 Sigh...human conditioning can be SUCH a problem.
  8. Parker's Mom, I'm sorry but this is all I have time for today as a reply, for now. I'll respond to your other post as soon as I'm able. Your other dogs might actually be shedding tears and there is probably nothing wrong with their eyes. It is human arrogance to suppose that other creatures don't or can't cry, too. But that is incorrect. I saw signs of both one of my birds and my furgirl having cried...my furgirl when we lost her brother, and my bird when we'd gone away for a week when I was a child and he was left with a woman I didn't even know. Upon our return to pick him up, one look at him and I was agonized and shocked to see his eyes all red-rimmed and watery and she told us he was morose and barely even peeped that entire week. But as soon as he saw me he became all animated and happy and began chirping. I promised him we would NEVER leave him alone with a stranger again. He softly twittered to me all the way home, was FINE once we got there (we played up a storm) and his eyes never got like that again, even during bouts of illness in later years. Teresa Wagner also has an On Demand course about "Animals Grieve, Too," which is really excellent. But to keep it simple for now, just give them your love, some explanations of what's happened and how you feel (for now, suspend the belief that you don't think they can "understand" what you're telling them), and playtime &/or walks with you to help create a "new normal" for them, as well as for yourself...something you're going to have to do anyway at some point, so it may as well be now! And as I had to do for my furgirl, "choose Life" for them. That will help you, too.
  9. If you're struggling with either where your boy is, or how he's doing... I forgot to mention that after my Sabin transitioned, the trusted Animal Communicator I had at the time (no longer doing this work) told me that his IMMEDIATE reaction upon leaving his body was a hugely exuberant and zoom-y "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I remember this!!!!" This also aligns with how many people who've had NDEs had felt upon their return to Source. So I would try not to worry about Parker not feeling happy about the state and 'place' he's in now, wherever that may be. As well, as a general rule, nonhuman beings are normally much better at releasing their bodies than most humans are. A personal story: I was once doing my distance healing work (which sadly, I didn't yet do/have when my own kids transitioned) with a dog who was being euthanized one morning (I didn't know exactly when though), and who had been in a really terrible mental/emotional state for a long time before this. Unexpectedly and suddenly, I was SO incredibly blessed to be sharing in her own actual transition when she left her body, and then reunited with her beloved brother who had predeceased her. And I can tell you it felt like nothing BUT expansive, immediate bliss, love and utter happiness!!!... just as my own boy had expressed, too, years earlier. I made note of the time during her session when this happened, and when speaking with her person shortly afterwards, this was right at the same time she had was being euthanized. I can recall that euphoric feeling every time I remember the experience. And on a recent teleclass I listened to, this statement was made by the guest speaker, who has been catapulted into fame over her own NDE: "Heaven is not a place, but a state of consciousness." ~ Anita Moorjani So please try your best to incorporate experiences like these into your conscious awareness, to help yourself gradually release some of the the fear and stop fretting quite as much about how your Little Peanut feels now. Even if he had been highly distressed before, he isn't NOW.
  10. Parker's Mom, Thanks for answering my questions. Yes, there were certainly a lot of red flags there. And anything "routine" can go wrong, but especially with the wrong vet. Most of my own lessons about who to NEVER use again unfortunately arose from emergency situations, when I didn't have time to wait and had almost no choices of emergency clinics, or vets who were available at the time, way back when: 1 local vet who anesthetized in the WRONG body part, the back leg; very old-school practice, was never done anymore then by other vets, due to higher risks. My poor boy's leg was dragging hours later but luckily finally returned to normal by early evening (I had very soon called this clinic with my concerns). Found out later things could have gone VERY wrong because of this alone. You MUST have a knowledgeable vet who stays on top of the most current practices & knowledge, and who regularly does continuing education. Years later, I found out from our neighbour that this terrible vet was a long-term alcoholic, was heavily involved in chuckwagon racing (animal abuse/neglect/exploitation, in which many horses are killed), AND had killed another neighbour's dog overnight at his home, through sheer neglect, and probably his drinking. That incidence of malpractice from injecting a cortico-steroid in contravention of the warning on the chart. That Emergency clinic's sloughing off of the x-ray result. It was only because of my insistence on making an appt with our integrative vet the next week that we found out it was cancer. A top eye specialist who was good, and very current, but after a grueling week-long treatment drug protocol he'd suggested we try for both our kidlets at the same time, which had failed to even work and had been a terrible strain on all of us, I only used gentle, natural management protocols sanctioned by our integrative vet, instead. Those were more successful, well-tolerated by our kidlets, and far less invasive, so I never went back to that vet, either. He had also suggested the option of a corneal transplant for my boy, I asked questions, then told him flat out I could never sanction having another (unwanted/homeless/used as a lab animal) healthy cat who valued their OWN life being killed for their body parts, even for my own beloved boy's sake. Such heartless practice w/i the veterinary field made me sick at heart and I lost respect for that vet, knowing our ethics and values weren't aligned. I learned that some of the best ways to safeguard your loved ones is by learning as much as you possibly can, and by thinking hard and in detail about everything involved with their health, and by talking with vets &/or techs at some length and asking LOTS of questions of them, and by never taking anything for granted or acting as if they are going to voluntarily inform you of everything if you don't ask enough questions first. (this is of course harder to do during real emergencies). And, by ensuring vets and techs are well aware of how dedicated to and highly concerned you are about your beloved animals' welfare. If they can clearly see that, and they're not any good, they may display irritation with you...and that's a clue to "run away." And, even by educating THEM about whatever aspects they may not know about, e.g. if you use alternative methods they have no knowledge or understanding of. In other words, be chatty and ultra-PROACTIVE and try not to miss anything of use, within reason. The more interested you appear in knowing about all the finer points, and in their knowledge base, the more info they should be willing to share with you, and the better off your working relationship will be. As they say, knowledge is power. You've already gained some knowledge about improving diets for dogs (although properly-balanced raw food diets are healthiest overall for both dogs and cats & can even reverse many health conditions), about that vet's sordid history, about some relevant cases involving other bad vets, and you are being pretty realistic about the possible outcome of any complaints filed. Now you just need to act on that knowledge. Otherwise it's rather a wasted effort, and could also become another failure with which to beat yourself up. Do you think it's possible you're using your guilty feelings to avoid taking the actions you'd really like to, imagining that is going to make it easier on you in the long run? I know it's the hardest thing ever to face our own flaws, but it's also the best way we can evolve and thereby improve upon our feelings and behaviour. Self-awareness is great knowledge and power, too. And easier done when you're by yourself and you have time to reflect. Potentially, you might always feel some pangs of regret (maybe still pretty intensely upon recollection at times), but here's the upside -- that keeps us humble and desiring yet more inner growth. Yet any lingering remnants of that pain can at least diminish and feel less crippling overall. Bottom line: it doesn't have to be a case of "all or nothing." Another option regarding therapy is if you can find someone who is experienced in EMDR for trauma. That would probably help you quite a bit too, both for your totally understandable distress over Parker, and for your marital trauma. Science has now (finally) been backing its effectiveness.
  11. Parker's Mom, I feel so bad for all of you. Yes, this all sounds wholly insufficient, negligent, and, as you put it, sinister. I would start writing that letter. I know it will be very hard to detail everything and relive it more again, but I suspect you will feel some relief and satisfaction for having taken a step toward seeking justice for your boy and for how you feel you failed him. And of course if it goes anywhere, an investigation might net you some answers, instead of sustained wondering, which only keeps you more stuck and in limbo. Even if you get no new answers, at least you'll know that you tried. Whereas if you didn't try, you'll likely just feel that much worse about yourself....and considering how you're already feeling about yourself, do you think you could stand to feel even worse? So you'd also be doing it for YOU. But that would also ripple out to benefit Leroy and Porter. And consider this: perhaps there ARE more records, but they were just kept from you. Wouldn't it be worth it to find out? Remember, this vet won't have to prove anything to the state or any other agency if you don't pursue this. And since you can concurrently cite a present suit already filed against him, that could really help your complaint receive more attention. But I'm unsure what you mean about him blaming the food. Does that mean Parker wasn't fasted prior to his appointment/surgery? If so, yes, he could have aspirated during surgery, and that can indeed cause death. Or did he mean that his food was not "good" for him, so he was deeming him not healthy enough to withstand surgery? If he thought so, of course he shouldn't have done anything to your boy at all until going over options with you. "Meds"?? Is this the anesthetic he was speaking about, or something else? And were you able to ask other questions which weren't answered, or were you just in too much shock at the time to think of questions to ask? (what I would expect from someone in shock, as should any professional in the business!) AbsoLUTEly, every vet should be documenting medical procedures and making surgical notations as a matter of course. And yes, you should have been contacted if there were issues with Parker's reactions to the staff. Everything about this is altogether extremely fishy and untrustworthy. And to un-empathetically say, "It happens," and leave it at that?! Whoa...BRUTAL. It tells you what kind of a cold-blooded person you're dealing with...the kind who should NOT be working with animals. 😡 Oh dear, sigh, I was just about to ask you about a necropsy, too... To my mind, that should have been one of the very FIRST things offered up afterwards, considering how unexpected this was. This guy is most likely always trying to cover his own a**. Most people don't think about those until it's too late (another one of these hard lessons learned). I had looked into one for my boy, but I learned the city-run lab that normally does them apparently "makes a real mess" of animals' bodies, so much so that they suggest you don't ask for their body back! And because I wanted to initially bury my boy at home, I couldn't agree to that, NOR to their utter disrespect of animals' bodies, as opposed to those of human autopsies. Our vet confirmed their terrible treatment of their bodies. And yet, she hadn't informed me after his death that SHE could have performed the necropsy herself. So I missed out on finding out how much cancer my boy had been riddled with, and where it all was. However, you're right -- they do NOT have to be performed w/i hours. My vet told me "a few days" is fine, and it's quite routinely done that way since they have to schedule them in, same as other surgeries. I'm very glad you got some verification of your suspicions from your regular vet on this other vet's deficient notes. And yes, to write "fractious" itself, is alarming. I find it downright insulting and wrong to call any animal such a disparaging word, much less by a supposed animal 'professional'!...basically implying that the animal is acting frightened and anxious to spite you, since its meaning includes "irritable and quarrelsome, unruly, hard to control." That's different from just "nervous," or even anxious. It's just blameshifting about your one's own lack of proper handling or other calming methods. Again, probably tells you a lot about this guy's attitudes AND lack of even basic understanding about dogs. Not to discourage you, because these crimes are on the rise and it does take activism to stop their spread, but in general, you're right -- many bad vets DO get away with murder...and egregious abuse and torture, severe neglect, etc. However, there are some who DO get charged or even stopped from practicing. The Dr. Kristen Lindsey DVM, high-profile case is one example you may have read about...despite her having loads of money and her parents' community clout: http://veterinarynews.dvm360.com/texas-cat-killing-veterinarian-loses-state-supreme-court-appeal . More cases are covered more often in the media now, which does seem to help some. That vet tech I mentioned earlier, quit because of the ongoing, secretive animal abuse she witnessed by the chief vet at one clinic here (who had also worked for the city's Humane Society earlier!), which she tried to stop, but was then threatened with termination. He then tried to blackball her from working elsewhere. But later she did find another clinic who hired her. So we can never give up the fight to help these poor victims...and from what you've said to date, I believe Parker was another victim, too. And just maybe, some of this vet's staff might actually know something and care, too, but are being threatened with termination. You might consider trying to speak to one or some of them, when you know that vet isn't in (just get someone else to anonymously call and ask if he's in), documenting any conversations you might have. I hate to touch on some of these points because of how upsetting they might be, but I'd feel remiss if I didn't try and help you "unpack" more of what could be important. So I will ask...did you actually see Parker's body before he was cremated? Or did they dissuade you from saying "good-bye," being with, and viewing him? Because if so, that would be yet another red flag that needs to be stated in your formal complaint. If they didn't offer or allow that, it could be they were hiding clues to whatever happened that they didn't want anyone to see or ask questions about. And if they did allow that later, perhaps they were busy cleaning him up first, hence the big delay in informing you? I read that article you included...and I'm not surprised. Brokenhearted over yet another horrible case, but not surprised. I can see where you're going with that. But seriously, people don't need any studies or cases to "read" animals' behaviours. They rather speak for themselves, imo, and even a general understanding of why they react as they sometimes do is helpful. But certainly, anyone in the vet/tech profession, of all things, should be quite well-versed in animal behaviour to begin with, or they should change careers! That said, I also know how most are taught to be UNemotional, UNfeeling, and totally detached (in essence, training their brains to be akin to sociopaths, for heaven's sake), in order to get them to carry out all the unethical procedures they're normally required to subject innocent animals to during their training. (that vet tech I mentioned had also refused to take part in the brutal operations, then killing of these animals during her own training, as more students are now also protesting; she still got her license) In any case, as you said, this vet already had past experience with Parker's individual personality, so had no excuse for not anticipating his reactions and either stopping what was merely an elective procedure, calling you to come help calm him, or whatever. The fact that that clinic doesn't have any good methodologies in place to deal with such anxiety in animals is also an indication of their lack of care or concern. Do you mind me asking why exactly your husband was insisting Parker go there? And why on Christmas Eve of all times? If you don't want to say, no worries. Yes, I can imagine "tension" is rather an understatement as a result. 🙁 It's probably not going to be easy working through all that, and I'm so sorry your awful story is what came of it. But at least you're both going for help with it, and that's also better than just trying to avoid the whole, painful process.
  12. Dear Parker's Mom, Oh my(!), you have been very busy and extremely resourceful powerhouse in your justice-seeking for your dear Parker, and I cannot applaud you enough for all that!!! 👏 👏👏 I pray to the angels that every single one of your hard efforts nets miraculous results, including that vet getting appropriately charged, and even banned from practicing anymore. You are one determined woman, that's for sure, and I'm SO impressed with all you've done so far! (please try and receive/take in this sincere compliment, even if you don't feel you "deserve" such praise because of your feelings of guilt) Parker is probably bark/howling up a storm in support of his dear mommy working so hard on his behalf, all out of her great love for him. 💖 I also had meant to say that, omg, what a darling boy Parker looked/s like! His sweet face is just precious! No small wonder you were so smitten. 😍 But of course it's all that he DID that was even more precious. I've caught up on your posts now, and your stories of your life together are all so very touching, and truly paint a wonderful picture for us all to get to know Parker and his antics, his unique personality, his great love for his family, and more. I've laughed, I've cried, I've done both at the same time, while reading them. How I wish you all could still be living life as it was before, with none of this pain to deal with. As I'm sure you have done yourself a kajillion times already, I just can't help but keep wondering what they did to poor Parker. Did you got ANY sort of 'explanation', or rather, excuse, from them at all??? What did they even tell you when they finally called? -- that is was the 'fault' of the anesthesia? Or was it all sloughed off with some vague "we don't really know.."? It's all so unconscionable, my head honestly just reels every time I think of it, and of what I'd feel like if I were in your shoes. I just hope you're getting through today okay, and that it's not too long before your next counciling appt. for a wee bit of respite from all the pain.
  13. Everyone, I was using, part-time, a vet who had an all-cat clinic, partly because my furkids were terrified of dogs and dog sounds. She seemed competent enough and actually did some minor dental work for each of my kids, which had gone very nicely. But when my boy got into a fight with another cat and his own fang punctured his lower lip and got stuck there, she seemingly didn't even notice (or remember) the BIG FAT ALERT in RED written right on the front of his medical file folder that clearly stated "NO STEROIDS!" unless it was a life or death situation. We had discussed the "why not" in great detail and on more than one occasion when I had first started going there, and she even personally knew our integrative vet, from whom this directive had originated. I had TRUSTED her to not only remember this vital piece of info on him, but to pull his chart out whenever we came in. But in this emergency situation, where I was panicking because of my poor boy's pain and still-embedded tooth (it had already been over 1.5 hrs since the fight as I'd had to wait for a cab to get him to her clinic), she told me she could give him a "shot" which would immediately help, prior to getting his fang released, etc. I assumed it was a pain med, but, she failed to specify what it was or inform me that it was actually a CORTICOSTEROID!! I didn't find out until only a day or two later when his eye suddenly exploded in massive watering, because his corneal ulcerations (which we had successfully been treating with homeopathics through his integrative vet; the very REASON all steroid use was highly contraindicated!) had been hugely triggered and brought back in SPADES (far worse than ever before) by that blasted drug she injected!!! I called her to tell her what had happened to him and that's when she informed me what that shot was. Mystery solved, but damage done. She DID apologize profusely and sounded quite sincerely sorry for what we were now facing because of it. But you know what? I NEVER went back there again. I didn't sue for her act of blatant malpractice, as we weren't well enough off then, and in Canada, it's not (or wasn't then) very common to sue vets (or most other people or companies, either), and she had at least admitted to her failure. But that didn't help us, because if you mix homeopathics with steroids, the exact homeopathic remedy/ies which have been individually and carefully selected for someone, and which have been WORKING to heal them on a deep level, may then never work again. AND/OR, as in my boy's case, the illness will be magnified. So she undid all the months of homeopathic work we had already done to get to a remedy that had been STOPPING his ulcerations for a long time by then...all by one act of stupidly gross negligence. And my beloved boy then continued to have bouts of more corneal ulcerations for years afterwards, making our lives more sorrowful and difficult at times. This wasn't the only instance of bad vets harming my kids though, so nope, I didn't give vets second chances for them to irreversibly screw up. Not when it came to my furkids' well-being and lives. We went through about 3 such deficient vets after we had first moved here, until I finally found and stuck with 1, then 2 primary ones - our integrative vet and later, also my girl's distance homeopathic vet out of New Mexico. Only used specialists as required, and only with a glowing reference from our local integrative vet. But even so, we ended up having some trouble with our local vet as well, at the very worst of times, that being when each of my kids were dying. I can still barely talk about it as this has left emotional scars. When you try to give your VERY BEST to your furkids, but someone else destroys it all, it's a very hard pill to swallow. And nowadays, from what I've heard and read, it's often even harder to find truly great vets who you can rely on consistently. This is really no different than with human doctors either, but bad doctoring of either sort shouldn't be on the increase, and instead more of a rarity! Kay, I had a similar experience. When my boy had to go into the Emergency Clinic overnight, after he'd collapsed one morning with ataxia from a yet-as-unknown-cause (vet thought it may have been a small stroke, but it was cancer), they took x-rays, saw some odd, blurry results in a small area...but put it down to their OLD x-ray equipment probably messing up "again," since he seemed "fine" after his overnight stay. Oh boy, nope, totally WRONG. Within the next week we had his x-rays redone by our local vet, who then consulted with the top vet oncologist in the city before giving me the terrible news. The result: rapid metastasis, not even chemo recommended it was so far advanced already, and "probably all throughout his body by now." Long story short, we lost him 2-3 weeks later, so within a month of him falling ill. Nothing has ever hurt and shattered me more than how he went, with not enough pain management or specific instructions on use offered up to us. Please ensure, if nothing else, that you're well prepared for Arlie's potential level of pain, so he can remain peaceful. That is part of true animal hospice care, but it takes knowledge and planning for in advance. I sincerely don't want to see either of you suffer for a lack of necessary resources at the ready. ❤️
  14. Okay then, good decision to leave this friendship behind, when no good can realistically come of it! That's showing strength in your own convictions, and you're better off without this sorry dude. How many others have faced this? TOO MANY!...including myself. From supposed friends, to relatives, to lots in between, and even from my own spouse, who has often kicked me when I'm (the most) down. Sometimes I haven't even found out about the gross level of betrayal meted out against me until years afterwards. It's particularly devastating when it just keeps happening. And "my way or the highway" types are incredibly draining and harmful indeed. I hope someone more suitable to the task appears in your life to help you through this. But if not, at least you can know you're acting supportive of yourself, and that's what really matters the most.
  15. Honestly, it drives me nuts that proper and respectful communication skills haven't been taught in schools all along, so we all must suffer for its lack. It's starting now, though, with some professional people on a real mission to do just that, so as to drastically change how we relate in relationships, in healthier and more loving ways. HOWEVER, this was decidedly NOT THAT, and I'm glad you made your boundary swiftly crystal clear with this "friend"! Displaced anger and frustration, potentially arising from a place of affection for Arlie, which this may have possibly been (just wildly guessing here), is still no excuse for acting so abruptly critical, along with a total lack of empathy or gentleness in tone or approach. UGH! There are too many people like this in the world and so many of us have had more than "enough!" of them. There were so many other ways he could have expressed whatever was really behind his words, but he chose not to utilize those. Now he's given you more negative feelings to have to process, on top of your anticipatory grief. So yes, looks like another re-writing of that address book is sadly in order. Double UGH. Just when you need friends the most... You're right, Kay, every day that's good is something to be able to FEEL good about, and to keep caching up in your mind and heart for the days when it's harder. Your feeling good will also of course help Arlie, too. I'm so sorry this "friend" has made it all more difficult for you. A few expletives are rearing their heads in mine, and I suppose I could have just said, short and sweet, "What a jerk!"
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