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About Maylissa

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    02/02/2000; 08/23/06; 01/02/04; 09/18/07; 02/29/04
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  1. I'm so sorry as well, that your Molly-girl has gone missing for so long. I would personally be going out of my mind, and had always worried about something like that happening to my own furchildren as well. (why I always supervised them outside, and made sure some of our neighbours knew them) You're right that people say never to give up hope in these cases, and I've been one of them, having seen many stories of cats reunited with their families, even years later. But I also know it keeps you emotionally "stuck," so however you need to view it at any given time, is what you need to do for your own sanity. "I almost feel positive that whomever took her, knows she's ours and lives near us." I want to say, if that's what you're sensing inside, you could actually be more right than you think. So I'd like to suggest you go door to door with pictures of her and ask if anyone may have seen her, say, in someone's window, house, or such. And if you hadn't already put up laminated (more permanent) posters in your neighbourhood where many would see them (with a good, clear picture/s of her), you could still do or repeat this, too. Again, if anyone recognizes her, that could net you some leads. And you could possibly contact that shelter and plead your case in detail (don't underestimate the power of tears to move people!), in the hope that they might allow you to at least call whoever adopted the cat who looked just like her. I'm of the mind that if anyone was a truly good/vetted adopter, their conscience would bother them severely if they thought they might have someone else's cat if the family is still looking for them, and that a truly good and conscientious shelter owner would be open to cooperating in such a fashion, so see if you can speak to the owner/founder directly, not just to volunteers or staff. I have been through many similar situations myself, but from the opposite side. For example, this past spring/summer/early fall a few of us in our neighbourhood were very worried about a darling cat who was seen roaming nearly every day for hours, none of us knowing if she had a home, or if she'd been dumped or abandoned. Everyone who knew of her loved her, she was so very sweet. (had no tattoo or collar, but was obviously spayed, which I could tell by her behaviours, & I also checked her for gender) I soon stuck a temporary, elasticized collar on her with OUR phone #, hoping for an irritated call-back from whomever may have been her person. I did get an odd, local call after 2 days, but no one was answering my repeated "hello"s. And when she'd visited the next day, that temp. collar was GONE. I never could seem to follow her to see where she went when she left our yard, because she would often walk the fence-line, where I could not go. I also unfortunately could not get the help I needed (from our local rescue group) in quickly scanning her for a microchip when here, but did try going around part of our area and inquiring after her at several houses. It's a much longer, convoluted story, but at the last it did seem like she must have had a home...although it may have been a second home after initially being abandoned. (three people identified her as a cat recently taken in by a neighbour to them, but that particular man claimed he didn't know her at all, so...???) She was hugely sociable and affectionate, and spent many hours making herself comfortable in both our yard AND inside our home (and another one). At least 3 of us living within 2 blocks had fed her at one point or another, not knowing her status or if she was starving. I last saw her just before Halloween, when she hadn't been out and roaming as often by then. So even though she's not mine, I still worry about her, and will continue the search for her home if she begins coming around again. My main point in sharing this is that something like this may have happened with your Molly, too...which is why I think it's important to go carefully checking around, because someone could have indeed taken her in, blindly believing she was homeless and with the intent of doing what they thought was right by her, and NOT knowing she actually lived close by. (knowing much more than these basics in feline and human behaviour, that's why I never blindly took this this cat in, realizing she might just have people who regularly allowed her to roam around, and w/o any visible ID) Being heavily involved with cats for decades now, I can tell you that most people barely even notice the cats in their neighbourhood, or don't care about them if they do, and are therefore totally clueless as to where they may live. Any most aren't even aware they should be checking for invisible microchips, either. Being a progressive person myself, I take Rainbow Bridge as a metaphorical poem about how we can't possibly be disconnected from our beloved animals, either. My comfort comes more from both personal experiential events, and from the new science - quantum physics - which is finally catching up to ancient spiritual teachings and knowledge. It tells us that everything is 'just' ENERGY that can never die, nor be separated from the Whole of existence. And that in truth, no one and nothing is at all separate, nor can be separated by any old-time ideas of "distance." (even Einstein had posited this) Therefore, the energetic essence of someone always remains, no matter what, and physical 'death' is not really an end at all, but only another form of energy. If the new, fuller science might help you, here's one recent (indirectly related) talk that highlights the scientific FACTS around these connections. You only need extrapolate this science to 'death' and mental connection to a loved one : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ_R91PMLsE&t=1044s&utm_source=lynmctaggart&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=lynmctaggart&utm_content=Watch+Lynne+and+Bruce+Lipton+in+conversation+-+you+don't+want+to+miss+it!
  2. My heart truly goes out to you, especially at this very difficult, approaching time. ❀️ Holidays are hard enough to get through when you've suffered even a potentially anticipated loss, but what you've got to contend with goes beyond that in so many extra painful and layered ways. If anyone can try to imagine losing their child (since that's what your animals are to you, just as mine are to me) at a major holiday, and to medical wrongdoing that (even worse) went unaccounted for and unpunished, as well as trying to endure a lack of accountability, deep remorse, and support from their own spouse on top of it....well, I'm sure their hearts would break in two for you, too! That is one heckuva tough laundry list of severe traumas to deal with all at once. Your poor, aching heart. Your poor, broken spirit. 😒 It's a wonder you're still standing. But you are, however shakily that might be. And you will, if for nothing more right now than for Porter and Leroy, your other furchildren. I can only hope you will find some quiet, small moments of comforts in them, and they in you, as these 'impossible' weeks drag on. And I wish I could be there for you to hold your hand, dole out endless tissues, and give you all the empathy and hugs you deserve. You'll be in my thoughts....
  3. You're welcome, Kay. Am hoping it was helpful information for "cat lover."
  4. cat lover, This is a topic very near and dear to my heart, and a part of me, so I'm happy to answer your questions. Yes, I've used several throughout the years and also do this myself, mainly just naturally in everyday life, plus sometimes as part of my healing practice sessions with animals (if they wish to impart things to me as I work with them). It's real, and not 'black magic' or woo-woo. To me, it's most often as natural as breathing. And yes, it's very commonly done with those who have transitioned. In a nutshell, experiences can be a mixed bag depending on who you hire, their style, how much you're open to hearing whatever your animals have to impart, and other such variables. But there are many good ones out there, and fees vary, just as they do with any service, and with years and level of expertise (or fame). I might suggest you contact one of two ladies I used about 6 years ago as a double-check on what I'd naturally been getting from some dear, living cats I was involved with. But the communication itself was done with/through my own two, long-transitioned furchildren....who of course are always around me and abreast of what's going on in my life. So they could provide an overview and their own impressions of things. Ethics around who a communicator is at liberty to connect with is important. But it was very important to me to get verification (or not) of what I'd picked up myself from these 2 other cats (which I did NOT divulge to either of these women until the end of the readings), as their lives and happiness depended on this being accurate. So I hired two different communicators separately (one quite new & very inexpensive; another pretty experienced but reasonably priced), and they BOTH received the same answers and feelings I had gotten...along with (of course) clear validations that each of them was connecting with my furchildren. I got enough of everything to be certain of it all. And the heck of it is, what my furgirl, in particular, had imparted about the possible future, did in fact transpire almost a year later, further verifying that we had all indeed made the best decisions for the highest good of ALL at the time. Unfortunately, I cannot now find the less expensive one listed anywhere, but one of them is still practicing. Since it's a "temporary" site at present, I can't see what her current fees are for communications, but they were very reasonable back then. And although there is no info currently on her site about "after death" communications, I'm assuming she still does this, too, as most of us communicators do. You would have to use her "contact" info to inquire. I just re-read my notes from back then, and still think she was very good, and totally on the mark. She is also quite alike to me in her knowledge, approach and ideas, so I would recommend her on that basis, too. Also, since she's in Canada, if you're in the US, the fees might be less for you because of the US-favourable exchange rate to Cdn dollars. http://www.suebecker.net/
  5. Very sadly, Alexandra, most of us learn from these worst ways. I was quite unknowledgeable about cats, their care, vets, etc. way back in the beginning, too, as many people are, particularly when it comes to cats, vs. dogs, who have garnered more "status" in the western world. Thankfully, I didn't have to experience any serious health issues with my furbabies in their first 4 years...although I now know I had inadvertently set them up for later disease states (feeding cheap cat food & other issues), during the first years of their maturation, when it counts the most, which I deeply regret but don't blame myself for not knowing any better. After that, it became an increasingly necessary and steep learning curve, and naivety went flying out the window. We all have to start learning somewhere, from something that affects us deeply. But it's such challenges that have the potential to help us grow. And pain is quite the powerful motivator for us humans! So if you've already learned some things, you're already on the right track, and at least you know there's benefit to gaining knowledge, and that you're capable of it. Learning is a life-long endeavor, but there are many who don't ever care to learn anything of import, or who just give up and claim they "can't" possibly learn, or they know all they need to know already. They become very dangerous people, who leave great harm in their wake. But I'm sure Maya knows you're not like that, and were trying and intending to keep her alive and become well. Please remember, the pain of missing her is a measure of your love for her, and she deserves your remembrance, just for being her.
  6. Kay, I just wanted to say that after my Sabin's transition, I used to be suddenly forced to sit down outside (while out there supervising his sister/my furdaughter, Nissa) in order to sob uncontrollably and loudly, I was in so much pain and despair. But I never gave a hoot if neighbours could hear me, or what they might think. This was MY loss, MY grief, MY life, and "too bad, so sad" if anyone was "uncomfortable" with the realities of suffering such massive, personal sorrow. If anyone was, they wouldn't have been someone I would have cared to know anyway! Whereas, if they had heard and cared enough at some point to ask me why I was so heartbroken, and of course weren't prejudiced against "pet loss" and its very real effects, I may have gained a real friend. As it was, only one neighbour asked me a couple of months later if something was wrong, but only because she'd noticed I'd lost so much weight and she thought I was sick. Although I've since discovered her views on losing "pets" doesn't really marry with mine, at least that day she witnessed me bursting into (more endless) tears right in public view, and gave me a much-welcome hug and words of condolence as comfort. (and of course I've acted in kind for her, as needed through the years) I was actually surprised anyone might care even that much! So you never know...
  7. I forgot to add that even now that their bodies are no longer there, I'm finding it still bothers me to have their stone markers covered in lots of snow, or garden debris, because those, too, became another important part of their story and history with me. And I also still find myself often avoiding even stepping on those stones (which had always been awkward, being an entry point to the lawn!), it became such an ingrained habit over the years. And I realize all of this was/is irrational anyway, since I always knew their spirits were no longer residing inside their bodies to animate them, but were in reality still divinely connected to me, and everything, well beyond any temporary physical vehicles or illusory limitations. Yet I kept it all up regardless, mainly because it just felt better to treat even their former bodies with the utmost respect and reverence, because of what even their bodies had meant to me, which was a massive LOT! But that's also just a part of our western culture, whereas some other cultures have vastly different and often healthier and more freeing views on all this.
  8. I think it's extremely rare, if even possible, Kay, to ever completely "get over" the feeling of loss of someone hugely important to us. I'm sure you know you get through it, not over it. In most cases the daily crying does eventually abate, but can also be a split second away depending on the trigger, and how you're otherwise feeling at that moment. Or one still cries inside, in one's heart centre, even if not on the outside. That's how it is for me at any rate (and for some other people I've known) even after 19 and 13 years respectively, regarding my furbabies' physical deaths. And that is because they were/are THE most loving and loved ones of my life to date. It's not the same for my human losses anymore, as those relationships were nowhere near as 'pure,' amazing, or heavenly for me. So, no big surprise for me that it's been this way. No, you'll never know how you'll handle another upsetting change, until it happens. Even then, that can shift from one day to another. That's just the way it is - unpredictable. One thing that helped me a bit in the winter was to always clear off the snow as much as possible on my kids' large stone markers when shoveling. Being adjacent to the patio's edge (I had thought ahead, wanting them as close to the house as possible), it was easy enough to do, and it bothered me to leave their grave sites indiscernible from their surroundings. (well, we also had to clear a path to one bird feeder beyond, regardless) I also had a solar light to each side, to light the immediate area. (using past tense here because we have since had them and their caskets cremated, so they're indoors with me now) And during the Christmas season, I'd put little fake trees in tall-ish, weighted metal vases on their spots (tall enough to still see at least the trees under most snowy conditions), along with safe LED candles to turn on in the evenings. This all helped me feel like I was still taking some care of my babies, as a continual act of love. Still, it took about 3 winters of doing this for each one, to not feel as upset whenever I'd look out through the patio door.
  9. Oh my, that's so very sad, and once again, I'm so sorry all that happened to your dear Maya, and to you. But I do know from a TNR rescue society that works to spay outdoor pregnant cats (and neuter the males), and then spays and neuters their babies once they're old enough (generally @~12 wks), that quite a few of these cats can have serious, underlying conditions, and that not everyone survives, despite some very dedicated veterinary and home care. Abandoned, or feral or semi-feral cats left to fend for themselves very often end up unwell and need the proper help to survive and thrive. Maya's mother obviously already had more than one litter, and the risks to everyone's health increases with every one these moms are forced to go through. So it's not surprising Maya wasn't able to thrive despite being rescued by you...but it's SO very good that you did! ❀️ I do agree the first vet absolutely should have checked for underlying conditions at the outset, since both Maya's and her parents' whole history was unknown, she had been living outside for awhile, and any surgery holds risks even for healthy animals. It's just basic good sense and sound veterinary practice to do a complete health exam if the animal's been ailing, so I find it ridiculous that this wasn't even done, given the circumstances. You showed good judgement in taking her to a different vet when this first one kept making mistakes. But HIS mistakes weren't your fault -- only HIS -- and unless you're prescient yourself you couldn't have predicted the outcomes of those. We rely on vets to know what they're doing, so it's not fair to their clients or patients when they mess up. The second clinic at least did quite a bit more, even though they still couldn't save Maya at that point. It always frustrates and infuriates me when, unbeknownst to us at the time, our furbabies are subjected to what I'm just going to call "deficient" vets (&/or vet techs) or even worse ones, and damage or death results. Many people have been there, including myself. Our furbabies are precious to us, just as human children are precious to their parents, but these kinds of things even happen with humans, and of all ages. It's just that (so far) we've been accorded a bit more recourse to deal with medical mistakes or deficiencies when it affects human lives. Basically, it's a sad testament the poor model of our medical system that has existed for a long time now, and is being very slow to change. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about that big, sorry picture... But as much as that has pained me, learning as much as you can once you have experienced something like this, is a useful tool and lesson to carry forward from thereon. I also know that finding an excellent vet often isn't the easiest thing to do, and they can all make mistakes regardless. But as you learn more from these harsh lessons, you also become more empowered to ascertain who to put your trust in, and when. Even so, when we're already vulnerable (from worry and anxiety for instance), we can still falter. At core, it's often a lack of trust in our own ability to make the best decisions that really underpins our ensuing feelings of guilt. That's also our conscience at work, trying to protect us against further harm in future, i.e., wanting us to improve and just doing the job for which it was designed. That said, if we're not (competent) vets ourselves, by rights, we ought to be able to trust in their experience and knowledge, and it certainly isn't fair that we sometimes can't. After all, we shouldn't ALL have to become doctors ourselves simply in order to get good care! So you don't need to take on all that responsibility, or blame for yourself, just because you couldn't have known what you didn't know then, or might never fully know. For help with these feelings, you may want to utilize some free EFT sessions dealing with both grief and guilt: https://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/grief-hurts/ https://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/releasing-guilt-tapping-meditation/ To see what body points to tap on, here's a brief demo and explanation of what EFT is about, by Nick Ortner: How To Tap (to be clear, one point is UNDERNEATH the arm at the bra line) Hoping this helps!
  10. I'm so sorry, Alexandra. That's a very unexpected blow, since she was so young! (Maya looks totally adorable, btw) I don't understand what you mean though - "severe anemia caused by sterilization." Did the vet clinic do something wrong, or was it more about her underlying health issues?? (since spaying shouldn't normally cause anemia, or severe blood loss) Was she a rescue cat? I ask because most cats are normally spayed much earlier than 1 year since they can become pregnant at only a few months old, and spaying also helps ward off other serious diseases. I knew a wonderful young cat who came from a backyard breeder who looked similar to your dear Maya, and she also died (or was euthanized?) at around 1 year old or less. She had obvious GI issues that her people weren't taking care of, or didn't want to pay to address. I knew her given name, but I called her Gem, as that's what she was, and she only "came" to that name afterwards. It broke my heart, she was so very sweet, and deserved a good, long life. So no, age has nothing to do with the grief we can suffer when we love someone.
  11. Kay, I know how impossible all this feels, and I don't blame you for being doubtful you could "do it again." I haven't. Getting to the point of acceptance about that decision is the hard part. I figured it would take me about 10 years to feel ready to...well, ask my kids to reincarnate (part of my belief system) back to me. But life threw me devastatingly large curve balls before that point, so I never could bring myself to ask. And I still don't think I could ever bear to lose my beloved furchildren a second time anyway, as the pain was too unbearable for words. My furkids were the keenest, and most interested, witnesses to my life, too. Plus I've got no one to entrust anyone to, should something happen to me. So unless something drastically changes in the next short while before I get too old, or more ill, they were the Biggest Love Affair of My Life, and I'll probably only have memories until the day I go Home to join them. At least that's what I tell myself at the moment. I'm so sorry you don't really get any visitors, either (I mistakenly thought you had more family around, and a few nearby friends). I can relate on that count as well. And I, too, leave a few key pieces out all the time, too, on dedicated shelves in 2 rooms. Although I finally used a few of my kids' things for some of my cat friends, I mainly bought new things for them, and never used any that were my kids' favourites. Those will always remain theirs alone and they are all safely stored away, along with what I saved of Nissa's fur, and their few extracted teeth, and whiskers that had fallen out naturally. (learned my lesson on the fur when I realized I didn't have any of Sabin's, except for a tiny snippet I put in a locket) Arlie DOES look so regal and majestic in his stylish purple coat! (and he's adorable, regardless) I would have been thrilled to see that myself, because you're right, it's mainly small dogs you see with protection from the weather!...which is rather odd a perspective, imo. 🀨 Why not make them all more comfortable and safe? There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping all of his things forevermore, and out in plain sight, if that's what brings you the most comfort.
  12. WOW, Kay - 25!!! That's fantastic!! There aren't many that live that long anymore, whereas apparently lots lived to ~20 decades ago (before our world was so contaminated and adulterated, and they ate more natural foods). But sure, not all cats are the cuddly type, yet their eyes and other body language still tell you how they feel. And cats are certainly full of feelings. I'm sure she loves you though, and she must really enjoy her life if she's lived that long. (and I'll bet all that mouse catching and eating has helped her health!) And your story of what a great TEAM Arlie, you and Kitty made with the mousies made me smile SO widely! It also reminded me of my two. I had to enlist Sabin's aid in safely retrieving a couple of birdies Nissa had brought inside (she stopped catching them entirely after I'd talked to her about it πŸ’– but never had hurt any) and much later on, the odd mousie, so that, similarly, I could pick up Sabin with the critter still in his mouth, and pop them both outdoors at once. Ahhhh, the memories... I so admire your neighbour (wish I had one like that) and I'm a firm believer in TNR...especially the less common but often actually do-able TNSocialize and keep or adopt out! The owner/founder of our local no-kill rescue has had ~40 cats in her care at any given time, plus several dogs, and built an escape-proof yard (also for bunnies, etc.) and an indoor/outdoor aviary, too. But most cats are in foster care these days prior to adoption. Of course, she had to have a special license as a registered charity to keep that many animals and birds at her home. Too many communities now in both the US and Canada have unreasonably low limits allowed on numbers of pets/household. I know you'd love another doggie, but maybe it's just too early yet? After all, you've just begun the grief journey (again), and since your bond with Arlie was so deep, it may take longer than expected to begin to move forward. Arlie does sound like a really fabulous dog to have shared your life with, so your heart may not be that willing just yet to take that leap. I don't think there's any reason to let go of Arlie's things if you don't want to. I still have all of my furkids' things, even including some of Nissa's meds, and their supplements (or just the empty bottles). It all helps me to remember all the nuances of our lives together, and I'll even take the bittersweet over forgetting any part of it. Perhaps you could consider getting a shadowbox to display some of Arlie's things? And if you're the creative type, spend some time this winter drawing up a meaningful design for Arlie's fence sign, &/or paint it directly on the fence after winter? Whatever it may be, as things were changed in our home and garden, I always imagined my furkids looking on, and I'd chat with them about how they liked it, and how their presence would improve whatever it was. It helped me feel closer to them at every point. The dreaded Christmas season can be however you want and need it to be. I know it can hurt terribly whether you put things up, or don't. I couldn't bring myself to put up our main tree for a few years after Nissa was gone, but I had serendipitously found a lovely set of 3 lit mini trees (at Michael's) that I gradually decorated with memorial ornaments (I used Personalization Mall memorial gifts for several; they do a great job!) and added 1 or 2 items each year until they were full enough. I also asked for specific ones as gifts each year. We also attended a human funeral home's Christmas Memorial Event a couple of times (balling my eyes out each time), where they gave out beautiful memorial glass angel ornaments at the end (and I asked for and got extras!), three of which became my tree toppers. I LOVE those memorial trees, and do a remembrance candle ceremony beside them each season by myself. There are other things as well, like ceramic angel cats and an RGB LED cat paw underneath, and life-size cat statues under and close to the main tree now, plus more recently (took me YEARS to find) a sleek, handmade, brushed aluminum "cat reaching for a star" tree topper for the main tree. All items were slowly and carefully accumulated over the years. There are also some nice photo frame ornaments out there now; still a not-done-yet project for all the other cat loves I've had. And since you probably have others around you who may visit and (even better) who also knew and loved Arlie, these things can provide a great opener to talking about your loved one/s, and maybe even for sharing some tears and receiving some well-needed hugs. I hope these give you some ideas if you choose to do anything. But yes, I'm sure it will be very tough in any case. If nothing else, if Kitty still enjoys some play, you could shower her with some new toys, or other gifts, to create some comfort and joy for both of you. Or maybe use the art of trickery -- a cozy new cat bed she can't resist, that you could surreptitiously move over to, or next to, your lap once she's snoozing in it? I have not been beneath employing such tricks for some lap-shy cats, and it has almost always softened them in short order into cozier companions.
  13. Kay, thank you muchly ❀️for your supportive appreciation and acknowledgement of what I've tried to bring to the table over the years, especially when you're grieving so hard right now yourself, over your precious Arlie. πŸ’” It's fulfilling for me whenever I can help someone else out, and you've done that continually here for a long time, too. I really love your wish for me - "ease" in finding such people would be a very welcome energy for a change! Funny, that...just yesterday, someone who classically disregards or even opposes most of what I say, actually reached out for my help with her dog, right out of the blue! Not that I want to just be used and discarded again, but it's a surprising shift nonetheless. So your hope may already be working for me on some level! πŸ‘πŸ˜Š These 4 current cat friends are not mine, but various neighbours' cats. Two of them have been living with precarious situations, one of which is more unknown than known, where I've been trying to discover if this girl really has a permanent home now, or not. The boy has twice been emotionally wrecked by his humans (now not as willing to accept affection & is less friendly towards other cats)...yet he always comes back to visit me after each upheaval to his home life. None of that helps my depression or health of course(!), but their treasured presence whenever they visit me certainly makes me feel more normal. I give them as much as I can, given my own challenges, and as much as they are able to accept...on their own terms, but always including me being open to expanding their worlds to include more of the "good," like creative playtime...which it seems I truly am expert at, haha, and most cats sure know it! 😁 So far, I'm still allowed to twice yearly visit 2 of my treasured friends from the past, ever since they moved across town 5 yrs ago. (I would have adopted those 2, and 2 others, from their respective 'owners' had I not been denied) Sadly, one of them has since changed her mind and truly wants to come back and live with me again (I had them for their last month here, but she had also chosen me several years before then), which totally breaks my heart, but even if I could, her step-bro would be devastated to be without her. (one should NEVER break up bonded animals if it can be helped) So I'm very glad you and Kitty still have each other, as different as the relationship may be from yours and Arlie's. (if I saw rightly somewhere, Kitty's 21, isn't she?! πŸ‘) I still maintain that could shift though, and she may want to become that much closer to you now. Even one of my MIL's rescue cats (also 20 or 21 they guesstimate) has become more affectionate lately, as each of their own lifetimes wind down, and my MIL is absolutely thrilled with this unexpected blessing...something she's been hoping for, for years! We both believe she knows her time is limited and so is giving her mom her heart's desire, before she goes. I'd dearly love you to be able to experience that kind of blessing too, if at all possible, since I can understand how terribly lonely (and much more) you must feel without Arlie, and since Kitty will be sensing your pain as well. Wouldn't that be so lovely for you both?! I've always said of our relationships with animals, that our own openness, curiosity and expectations/beliefs about them highly influences how they act around us....and it turns out, science is finally catching up and this is most likely a reflection of the law of quantum physics in action. πŸ™‚ Just the act of observing or even thinking about something/one, influences the "observed"...as in that old adage, "to make a man, think him so." There have been many experiments so far that suggest this is how reality works. But being quite naive about cats when first I adopted my own 2 beloveds, I simply chose to be open to allowing them to teach me "what-all cats were about." And that, as they say, made all the difference in the world, and they blossomed into the most amazing beings I've ever personally known. After all these years of my furchildren sending me many other cats (none of whom were legally mine), still, no one can hold a candle to the near-purrfection that my own were for me. And I firmly believe, after all I've learned, that all 3 of us 'dreamed' our way into our existences on purpose, or in other words, we used that quantum "potentialization" to create our own little family. This all still takes my breath away. So everyone else is invariably "compared" to them and all fall short of the mark, but I still stay open to others showing me their wondrous potentials, because you just never know...since all of life is, at core, nothing more or less than an infinite 'nothingness' of potential waiting to happen. But geez, after reading my own words...you'd think that if I know of this, I wouldn't be able to feel so depressed! So there ya go -- I still need to do a LOT of work within myself. πŸ™„
  14. I agree. Human society, particularly in N. America, has taken quite the social and emotional nose-dive over the last few decades. And while there are also now growing numbers of people waking up to this reality and trying to inform and correct it (thank goodness), the longer someone has been alive, the more they've seen that degradation take place (assuming they're still of fairly sound mind). In too many people, "busyness" alone has drowned out the basic need for tending to what's really vital in life -- connection! And worse, very few were ever taught how to effectively create, maintain, or deepen connection, much less how to make lasting repairs when there's been a rift. People have also become so individually and collectively traumatized by our broken society and world, there's no resilience or perseverance left in them, either. And narcissistic traits have severely increased overall. Even worse....like it or not, we all pick up that lower energy from everyone and everything, therefore compounding it everywhere. It's absolutely true that friendships take effort and nurturing. But most folks won't make too much effort nowadays. If things get a little challenging for them they just throw in the towel and dump people (giving excuses or lies or just outright ignoring them), often dumping in exchange of what they believe are 'easier' friends...easier in the sense that they can get what THEY want from them, and to heck with the meaningful levels of connection. They're into unbalanced and one-sided friendships. And if you're a decent person, you end up blindsided, having thought you knew them, but suddenly there's a wide divide between their previous words and current actions, and trust is broken. And they do nothing to re-earn your trust. I've been hurt too many times by people like this, and no longer consider anyone I know a real friend. When I've inquired into if anything is wrong, I just get what I discover to be curt and lame excuses. Checklists I've seen describing "Fake Friends" have revealed that a majority of the described characteristics and selfish behaviours they display fit these supposed 'friends.' Lack of care, concern contact and connection IS intolerable, inexcusable, and can be highly damaging over time, particularly when it happens when you're at a vulnerable low point in life. For instance, I've had some of these 'friends' express shock and dismay at no family members helping me in my (now chronic, but "situational") depressive state, yet they didn't step up to help me either, and were utterly mind-blind as to how their own lack of sensitivity or action also impacted it. Yet when something emotionally damaging happened to them, they still didn't learn how to not do that to another. So they help spread trauma and grief everywhere. I've now given up on making new friends. My only real friends are local cats I've helped. They don't ever forget me or my worth.
  15. Chris-girl, I'd like to suggest you get the book, "Animals And The Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends' Journey Beyond Death" by Kim Sheridan. Her beloved ratty, June, is featured in the book, and taught her (Kim) so very much, both in her earthly living, and in her transition. https://www.amazon.com/Animals-Afterlife-Stories-Friends-Journey-ebook/dp/B000SEJJI2 You can never "replace" anybody, as we're all utterly unique. So yes, those who we resonate with on the deepest of levels do become indispensable in our lives. That said, others still have love to give us, and to receive from us, even if not in quite the same ways or to the same depth. It can be a long journey to work out "how to go on," but I hope this book might help you connect with some aspects of that.
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