erin_monahan

I'm so sorry for your loss - I cant imagine surviving the loss of two children. You're a very strong woman to have come through this as well as you have. Don't question your timing, we each do it our own way, in our own time. My little girl died 4 years ago of congenital heart defects, and the guilt is the part I've had the hardest time letting go of. Mommy is supposed to protect the child, especially during pregnancy, right? All I could think for the longest time was that I must have done something wrong. Chances are, neither one of us could have changed a thing. I can't pretend to understand what your specific details were, but I DO understand how we eat ourselves up with the "what if" game. What if I had eaten better, what if I'd have been less stressed out... we can what-if for the rest of our lives and still never know the answers. 11 years is a long time to hold on to the guilt- not to say you ever truly let go, but you should try to forgive yourself for whatever it is that you feel you did wrong - only then can you begin to heal. Personally I've found that the most rewarding thing I've been able to do since my daughter's death was to channel it into something positive, and opened a website (a bit like this one) and a charity to aid other parents who've lost children. It's a new endeavor, but already I feel like I've accomplished something my daughter would be proud of - maybe find something, some way, to do positive things to help overcome your feelings of guilt? http://www.poeticacceptance.com