I lost my mother on March 22, 2005 due to a tragic auto accident with a semi truck, she was only 60 yrs old. My father was in the vehicle also, he survived. These past 5 months have been the hardest that I have ever had. The emotions are running wild. My mother was also the glue in our family. I have 3 brothers, 1 sister and 1 adopted sister. My dad has been dealing with - if he had only gone the other way, mom would still be here. We have always professed to be a close, strong family but this has tried us to the end of our ropes. I feel that now we are just faking it. Don't get me wrong, my family still gets together fairly often. But I can feel it in the air, that there are things that want to be said but are not. I know my siblings have to be going through the same heartache I am but I do not see it. We are so afraid to open up and let the others see us breakdown. I know I am, I feel that if I opened up to them that I things would be different between us. I just want to talk to someone who knows the pain that I am in and not judge me. As we have been slowly sorting through moms things and we just shake our heads. My mother was a collector of stuff. For years, it had been a family joke why mom would buy all this stuff. Her reply was this: so when I die, you guys will have to go through it and decide what to keep and what to get rid of. We laughed then, I am NOT laughing now. It is no fun going through mom's things trying to decide what to keep and what not. I am having a hard time not getting into the mindset that why buy anything except for the neccesities? Someone is just going to have to go through it some day when I die. That is actually what goes through my head when I want to purchase anything that is not really needed. I have limited a lot of buying unneccasary items not needed for daily survival for that reason. I feel the same about seeing my former life when going through pictures. Life was so much simplier then and we didn't even realize it. No one could have told us how our life was going to change on that terrible day. I want the old times back. I miss my mom so very much. She was suppose to be around for another 20-30 yrs. I am too young to lose her. She was my rock, she always answered my questions about anything, she made me feel special when I was down and she knew how to juggle it all without missing a beat. I have a hole in my heart and being that will never be filled and at times the pain and heartcahe are just too much to bear. Thanks for listening.