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Found 6 results

  1. In August 2014 Heaven, a blue nosed pit bull was rescued from death row, starved, over bred and covered in bites and stage 3 heartworms. I always wanted a blue and from her photos I knew I wanted her... in December 2014 I took her home. She had many medical issues she had to fight due to her past and at the end of this past February I knew I was losing the best thing to ever happen to me. She had a lot of friends and I invited her friends to come see her to say goodbye, we thought we had a good week left but it turned into 2 days. My husband and I took her to our vet and they had a room prepared with a blanket for her, every vet tech was with us, I was nose to nose with her looking into her eyes, she knew exactly what was happening and I told her Dr to go ahead. This wasn't my first time losing a loved Pet in such a humane way, each one is different and as her Dr told me what she was doing I told Heaven how much I loved her, she let out a sigh layed her head on my arm and she was gone. The vet techs, even the Dr was crying with me and her daddy, she was that special. I didn't want to get her go, I played with her horribly cropped ears and held her til they began to cool sobbing into her fur. The week after she died was bike week, I saw so many people who loved her and I cherished each one of their hugs, I wanted to get lost in some, never let go. I just want to bury my head in a friends arms and sob. The day I saw the woman who rescued her she hugged me and I didn't ever want her to let go. Luckily she had important visitors so I had to, lucky for her that is. I know I'm not alone in my grief but I've been down this road before and none of the losses ever hurt like this. I'm so lost without her! She was my fur baby, the Best Thing I Ever Did, the smile on my face. Is it wrong to say that losing family members didn't even hurt like this? How do parents who lose children manage? Some days I feel like I'm going to fall completely apart and my husband will find pieces of me when he gets home. The more time goes by the worse the pain gets... I don't get it? I just want her back.... so bad.. We were recently interviewed and you can read about her life... http://www.ormondbeachobserver.com/photo-gallery/after-years-of-abuse-and-overbreeding-this-therapy-dog-has-found-herself-in-the-right-home-a-senior-home
  2. I've lost many pets, but the recent loss of my best friend Heaven has hit me like no other. My heart is shattered, every day is a challenge... How do I live with the pain of her loss? I don't want to "move on" or forget, I've actually had days where I can't leave my house... I get In the shower and I start to sob, things go down hill from there. I don't understand why my pain gets worse as the days go by, in the past I'd be sad then mad then numb. I haven't even gotten throw something at the wall mad like I did when one of my cats passed suddenly. I don't know how to handle it and my friends don't know how to help. Sunday my husband and I got into it, he never really let on how much he is hurting, I try to hide my pain from him and I guess he does the same but Sunday we both kind of pounced. back in the shower the hot tears of sorrow just started and they kept coming, I curled up on one of Heavens beds holding her pillow desperately trying to smell her. I cried for hours at the same time texting my gf and the last thing she needs right now is her crazy friend adding to her stress... I got the booklet that came with Heavens remains and found this site.. Yesterday in Florida where I am stuck living a man killed his gf, her father, shot her two young sons and two other witnesses, one of the young boys died this am and his father has been on the news. I'm watching the news bawling for the loss this man feels. If I'm having this much trouble dealing with my loss I can't even begin to imagine how he is going to deal with his. ????
  3. My Mother Passed away on July 4th 2016 Let me give you background How close my Mother and I are/were We talked on the phone a few times a day, then I would go over and spend 5 or more hours with Mom, we sent each other cards once a week to cheer each other up and I would buy her flowers once a month ( she could keep flowers going strong looking fresh for 2+ weeks) She is my best friend and purpose for life. I try not to use past tenses. I'm her Son, friend, caregiver and would do anything to keep her happy, motivated and continue going with whatever I could research and buy to keep her as comfortable as possible with health issues. I would buy her nice gifts whether it was a $400 Armani Tinkerbell , sericels , even little stuffed animals ,her whole house was filled with collectibles which made her happy. The only reason I looked forward to Christmas was to see her open the many gifts I got her. She had a difficult life with a bad marriage, my father was verbally abusive to all of us especially Mom and like all women Mom tried to keep the peace and not let me get aggressive with him. When he died in 2000 she was finally free and happy but only a few good years before the health declined. She had emphysema, diabetes, kidney issues, cancer polyps etc. as the years went by things got worse with neuropathy in both hands & feet could no longer drive walking was difficult, in and out of hospitals 24/7 oxygen nebulizer prednisone, she got weaker and weaker, the last ten years she had a very rough health declining issues that made her life very frustrating and painful.I left my job for 2 year to take care of her when she had blood clots, then 3 years later I took off 3 years to take care of her so she could live at home and never go to a nursing home. 2 years ago I had a TIA stroke and I had to move in with Mom for 2 weeks because I was so weak and shaky so, we took care of each other. It was always Me & Mom whether it was Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas even though sister lives close it was Mom and I that stayed Catholic, had same political views, same taste in TV shows and the only time I felt relaxed and comfortable was going over to Mom's house and spending the day with her. I had my time with women in my 20's & 30's but my health declined with anemia, iron IV's diabetes & the TIA so we enjoyed each others company and would confide in each other and talk about the news or whatever was going on. My life was dedicated to Mom , all my time was spent trying to find a way to keep her going. Now I'm conflicted part of my brain doesn't accept she is not there, I'll have panic attacks at times. Going to the store and seeing Halloween things made me sad I would buy her a animated stuffed animal and some fun cards but got a empty gut feeling remembering I can't buy it for her and make her smile. The other part of my brain is more rational and reminds me that she was in so much pain, suffering and her body just wouldn't let her go on anymore. She had such a horrible humiliating and painful passing. It started with weakness and breathing problems. The hospital got her steady after 2 weeks but her bed sores were getting worse and painful. I guess because of the skin age it kept breaking open, she tried to keep busy on her feet even though it was painful. When she got home even though nothing changed her blood sugars went crazy, had a diabetic coma, the paramedics resolved it but then she got C diff. it makes you go all the time you can't control it and when you can't walk very much you have to wait for someone to walk you to the bathroom and help get you cleaned up. I tried my best but then she got dehydrated and incoherent which was heartbreaking to see. Back to the hospital. Horrible waiting for nurses to change you plus was multiplying the bed sores. The hospital pushed her out after 2 weeks so she went to a rehab which I researched and got the best possible but again she had to wait to be changed , I did my best bringing in her favorite food, although she couldn't each very much. The rehab people are polite, helpful did their best but when you keep going over and over it takes everything out of you and was embarrassing, painful and frustrating. I got Mom home but we had to still get her to the bathroom but she was getting weaker and weaker and harder to get her to her feet so we finally had to call hospice. She was frustrated that she couldn't even stand because of weakness. I was fooling myself trying to convince her we just need to get your strength back and Hospice would put her back on regular medical Insurance. Her mind was still sharp. She start having bad dreams and reacting scared to loud noises as Hospice had advised us. I held her hand and tried reassuring Mom. She all of a sudden said something is very wrong, something is happening. I said I Love You, Mom said I Love you so much then she went into a coma. It was a long painful week of watching Mom in the coma, we gave her medication for pain. It was on July 4th my brother and sister were sleeping and she took her last breath in front me. I try to remember the good times but I see the terrible pain and humiliation she had to go through. I don't know what to do with my days I go through boredom, depression, try to distract myself and with the holidays coming up will be a stressful time without her. I guess my poor health keeps me distracted but my Brother and sister seem to have moved on and really don't respond to times when I want to talk about Mom. That's where I'm at
  4. My best friend passed away suddenly last year, March 27th, 2015. It's still hard for me to even write that sentence.. but somehow I've found strength in my writing. Pain is like a thief in the night... best time to write. Fortunately, Elite Daily has given me a platform to speak about my grief.. and hopefully in some crazy cosmic way help others dealing with it do. If you feel inclined, please check out my latest article A Year After My Best Friends Death, I Realized Grief Has No Timeline .. feel free to share and discuss. Thank you all for listening
  5. To our best boy, our Chappie boy , our best friend forever, 01/7/2002 - 12/20/2015. Our way home, our path to a better life. You gave us the best 13 years we ever had. You were our best boy, we miss you so much, we hurt every second, and we want you back so so bad. We are so sorry you had to go this way. We feel so sorry you had to feel any pain. we cried behind your back so you would not be stressed because we knew how much you didn’t like us to be sad until the end was near we could not hold back our tears and we cried with you in our arms, we felt so bad as you got sick we didn’t want you in anymore pain, you got so sick so fast we tried to take your sickness away by taking you to the doctors and even tried different ones, we finely found a vet that promised us some hope. You did so good after your operation , we thought you was free of the cancer , after your operation you did so well everyone even the surgeon was so shocked you were so perky you were running again walking and eating back to your young self, it was the best week we had for that year. we found your cancer was so ruff we did everything we could to help you dear boy our best friend we cried during your surgery we prayed asking for you to come back to us safe and sound to your home you came and incredibly you were back on your paws you were so good we brought you to your favorite places and we shared a few good days we thought it was gone the horrible tumor was gone for good , the morning we saw that lump come back we took you right back to the vet they did another test and the test was 2 cancers in one we almost died we was so sad so shocked it was coming back again and fast it was two types of cancer in one spot, it was so fast boy I’m so sorry we tried everything to slow it down but it was coming back to take you away, you lost so much weight and would not eat we fed you with a syringe and wet your lips when you were so thirsty we got you the best organic foods that you loved Beef Bison salmon and pork chops , so sorry to take away the carrots and sweets for we were trying to starve the cancer of sugars . we got you everything we could we did all we could to make you cozy and full, we held you in my arms for 3 weeks as the cancer got worse, watching you throw up was heart breaking we know you were so thirsty and it was so hard not to see your thirst go away daddy packed your dressing with Manuka honey and essential oils to try to soften your area so you could poo and fight infection , We soaked you in the tub only to sooth your ulcerated wound, we took you to the doc as much as you hated them they all realy loved you tried their best to Help us , we got you the top supplements to boost your body and fight the cancer toward the end you could not drink your water and hold it down you didn’t want to eat anymore you were so sick boy your poor eyes were starting to sink in, we were your helpers your nurses you parents your companions we helped you as much as we could, Daddy and mommy went above and beyond to make you better but the cancer was too much it spread so fast without us seeing it was already there destroying your insides, when we first noticed something was wrong we took you to the doc a number of times but they said they couldn’t help you anymore . at the end we was so upset we did not sleep for 3 nights as we took turns holding you in our arms and sleeping by your side. when we got up you would cry for your mommy and daddy to come back and we would run back to you boy . For we will remember your first bark when you was only 4 months old and last howl at 13 years, whenever Daddy was away at work mommy was there for you daddy had to work and he would feel your pain when working he would sometimes break down and cry at work. We knew it was very bad when we felt the hunger in your belly but would not eat and could hear you breathing funny in your sleep. We didn’t want to throw in the towel we wanted to fight it more but we couldn’t bear to see you in any more distress and pain. Toward the end your bum was so ulcerated and so painful we couldn’t let you go on any more. We didn’t want to see you go I held the phone in my hands for three nights finding it too hard to make the call. we just couldn’t see you like that anymore after all the years of our going for walks and going for rides to the park going fishing and camping playing ball, you walking with your skunk toy and fox tail, every day daddy came home from work we really di love you greeting me at the door to take my hat , this year we will really miss you pulling the Christmas tree down the trail with Sukie beagle we will have to take your place for we don’t know if she will pull it without you there . We went for a walk and she smells you’re sent and looks all around we think she thinks you ran away and will be back she looks to your bed every night to see if you are back. All the good days we had together. You really were our best of boy. We couldn’t bring you to a place to let you go so we called a nice doctor who come to the house with here bag of things to take the pain away, she insured you would pass with no more pain, daddy held your head to my head like we would do before bed and every morning before we left for work, mommy held your hand and Andrew rest his head on your back we felt your last breath as your drifted to the other side to the end we always said we would be there with you till the very end the end was here end we love you we had to stick to it and we did , it was by far the hardest thing we ever did but we knew we had to be there till the end it’s what we promised you your whole life I’m so sorry the end was now, we always just thought one day you would pass in your sleep and old happy dog we really didn’t want you to suffer from sickness daddy and mommy always love you we have taking your pain away now and put it right into us . My eyes bleed like never before you were our love our past and present you are always with us we will never forget you , my only wish is to see you one day when we pass to play tug and sniff in the woods together, i ask you to make us a place there where you are we will see you again , we hope you found your way we hope you found your friend bun buns were sorry about her to, she was your friend we knew when she passed you missed her dearly we are gathering all your pictures I’m putting them all together so we can see you all the time , suki beagle your companion is still at the fridge barking for food she thinks you are in the woods she goes in the yard and watches the woods for you she is confused for now she misses you and we will take care of her just like you I’m sure she will be there with you soon for she cannot stop eating. we will never forget the day we took you home , you were the most hansom beagle you walked like a show dog you were so tiny with your dome head that bumped the coffee table , we lived in a small apartment that would not take dogs when you learned about your bark we could not hide you there anymore , we would take you in and out hiding you in a back pack till you grew out of that , we finally moved , boy it was you that helped us move on to a new place away from the city , a place so peaceful we enjoyed you every moment , we will miss you till the day come that we can be together again, we will walk together and you will show us your new home . You were and always are my best friend best companion. Our best boy, Buddy Chappie Beagle. You rest easy, You will be greatly missed love always, Mommie, Daddy, Andrew and sukie .
  6. Hi, I've never participated in an online forum before... so forgive my acknowledgement to potential "mannerisms" I do not follow. There is a support group for grieving pets that meets once per month, but unfortunately, I am always obligated to be somewhere else...either work, school, or my internship. My point is, I am having such a hard time coping with the loss of my baby boy... Dexter. I am so desperate to see if other people may have experienced similar symptoms I am experiencing... and if they are, how they cope or did cope... and even to possibly hear from those that can prove that things do eventually turn back to normal. I talked to Dexter when he was still developing in his mamma's stomach. I was there right after he was born, and when his eyes opened, and took him home as soon as I was allowed to. I got him when I was 18 years old. My baby boy. He was so much more than a dog, as I'm sure most of you can relate. He was my companion, my confidant, and my rock. He traveled all over the country with me... I hardly ever left him at home while I traveled. I swear he traveled to more states than the average American. He has always been relatively healthy throughout his life, besides some seasonal allergies. The past 8 months have been a nightmare. It all started one day when I noticed he had difficulty looking up at me. Instead of bending his neck upwards, he attempted to strain his eyes to see me. I immediately took him to the doctor to see what was up. Long story short, he was diagnosed with Intervertabrae disc disease. I kept him on steroids as needed. A month later I noticed when he was going potty a large red bulge coming out from his rectal area... I immediately took him to the doctor thinking it was a hernia or something...well it turned out to be cancer. Long story short... the cancer hadn't metastasized or spread anywhere else throughout his body. We paid to have it removed -- luckily, given the area, they were able to remove the tumor without having invasive surgery and instead were able to remove it fully another way (ill save you the details). How happy was I, my baby boy was cancer free. He was running around again, jumping, and giving me lots and lots of kisses every time I walked through the door. He was 8 years old at this time. I thought the nightmare was over. Early this past December I noticed he developed a head tilt. His primary vet diagnosed a tumor on his shoulder and suggested it had spread to his brain. I took him to an oncologist/neurologist and he immediately denied all suggestions. He stated it is simply due to how much pain he is experiencing in his neck/shoulders... after Dexter began to decline we decided to have a MRI. The MRI results indicated something nobody expected.....No bulging disc, No interverterbrae disc disease... but, that there was a significant amount of fluid that had built up in his spinal cord. If anyone is familiar with this.. then you understand that when any kind of pressure is put on the menegies (sp), the stuff that surrounds your spinal cord... it is SEVERELY painful... Long story short. there was so much damage to the spinal cord already that it was a 50% chance he would be paralyzed from the neck down if we attempted to drain the fluid... worse than that, the reason the fluid was in there in the first place was because it was simply the way his spine developed as a baby. there was nothing anyone could do about it, and no way any one would have picked up on it without having an MRI done. Since it was a structural problem... the fluid would have just returned... My baby boy was in severe pain... to the point where he needed to be carried to his water bowl, down the stairs, in different spots to pee, and anywhere he needed to go. he was not able to stand without falling, and would rather pee on himself than tell me he needed to go potty. I made the raw and crucial choice to put him down that day. I have in my entire life experienced such an overwhelming surge of guilt, pain, depression, and anxiety all at once. But I knew as his mother I would never let him suffer, not one more day. It has been just about one month since his passing...I am still having severe panic attacks...I still cry just by simply thinking about him... I feel a loss and a sense of abandonment. When my boyfriend goes out of town... I lose it.. I have to go stay the first night with a friend because I will start feeling panic and anxiety. I will burst out in tears and absolutely not be able to concentrate on anything. I am still able to manage my personal commitment to my own clients, my school, and my job... but I can tell I lack motivation, I lack the ability to cope with every day stress.. I am barely able to calm myself down... I got Dexter cremated and he sleeps by my bed. I thought I would be able to spread his ashes.. but this attachment is to strong.. and I Feel as if I cant let go. Does this feeling ever go away? Am I crazy? or is this just a part of grief? I feel lost. Please help.
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