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My girlfriend broke up with me recently on 10/30/2017 we had a great relationship and were the same page. She has two kids and told me her kids are her life. I accepted them and we started going out together. The kids are 2 and 5 one days she was on her way to visit me and she was running late. She was in a car accident someone t boned her on the driver side my girlfriend suffered major broken bones and her daughter was killed in the accident. I’ve been there for her since the beginning. She wanted me there with her at the hospital she even wanted me with her when they took her daughter out of life support. I knew it was going to be hard and I will have to be patient. She recently broke up with me almost a month since the accident. She told me that she felt like she can’t be in a relationship right now and that everytime she sees me it reminds me of that fact that she was on her way to visit me the day that she lost her daughter she said she thought I was being pushy that she not blaming me but she can’t help it that it’s wrong and that she can’t show me the love I deserve or need because of that thought. Ever since then I just left her alone I did write to her but did not get a response. I don’t know what to do I don’t k kw if there might be a way I can get back with her. We both were in love with each other and I still am but don’t know what I should do please help me and advise would help thank you This is what she wrote to me the day of the breakup. I know you're there for me. But I can't open up to you. I just can't, I know you've done all these things for me and I'm highly appreciative. But I don't think that I'm in a position right now to have a relationship. The person I love the most is gone. My daughter is gone. And I lost her on my way to your house. When you were being pushy and needed me there at a certain time you're always so pushy. And I'm not blaming you. But every time I look at you I think about that. It's not right. It's wrong. But I can't help it. I don't want you to be angry. But I can't do this. I can't give you or show you the love you deserve. I'm numb. I hope that you can please understand. I really need some room to breathe. My life seems so surreal. Everyday is getting worse. I miss my daughter so much. All the love I have is for my kids. I don't have anything left of me.
Here is my story as it is still relatively fresh in my life, in hopes to find insight from both sides as to how I should continue with my situation. I am a 19 year-old college sophomore and about 3 weeks ago now I was left by my girlfriend after a beautiful two-year relationship. And, yes, it pains me how cliche my situation is. However after some complexities, it becomes more unique. After two years of being together- meeting in high school, both going to college down in LA (she's a grade below me)- her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and soon passed two months after his diagnosis. She's 18 years old. I tried to be as supportive as I could possibly be. I drove 8 hours to be with her while her dad passed. I brought her family closer to mine to give support during their grieving process (invited them to our Thanksgiving). In every way I knew how, I was there for her. It was difficult for me to be with her every second as we went to schools an hour apart. Long distance is no stranger to us, as we maintained our relationship when I was 8 hours away from her in LA for my first year of college. And during the past 4 months we have been both happy maintaining our semi-long distance relationship at different schools. When the holidays came around, I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime to climb Mt.Kilimanjaro for free. I did the trip, but felt incredibly guilty not being with her in support as she went through the first Christmas and New Years without her dad. While I was away, we talked whenever I had internet connection and were both excited to see each other. When I got back, we spent a great few days together before I invited her to come on a vacation with me to Tahoe (in hopes it would both bonding and therapeutic). In the last minute before leaving, she told me she needed to be with her family and couldn't go. When I got back from Tahoe, she sat me down and told me she couldn't continue our relationship anymore because she needed to grieve her dad alone and valued the opportunity to be alone more than the opportunity to continue our relationship. That to me is something that is hard for me to fully understand. It hit me like a train. That night was sleepless and filled with anxiety attacks. I had 8 days before we each drove down to LA again. In my head I thought back to the 6 days prior when we were still together and everything was seemingly great, Only in retrospect do I realize she had been wearing a thick mask to hide her sadness, but I still am lost as to when the love slipped away with it. The dynamics had changed in our relationship after her dad, but my perspective was I was giving her the chance to be sad without me forcing her to be happy. Again, I didn't know how to handle to situation as I have never been there before. For the next 8 days, I spent time with her, cuddling, laughing, wrestling. She made it clear we were still broken up and used this time as a chance to easily transform our relationship into friendship. I saw it differently. I saw the 8 days as a chance to fight for our relationship. She would openly say she was confused, to the point that on night 5 she slept with me. From my perspective, there was hope and I wouldn't accept the idea that the relationship was over. When I tried to confront her about it, she would tell me I needed to forget about her and move on. And of course that’s the last thing I wanted to do. My mind was split between fighting for what we had to rekindle whatever had been lost, or to give her the pace I knew she needed. Still, the entire week I suffered anxiety attacks and cried excessively. In the last days before we parted to school, she became stern with her decision to split up and I truly began to mourn our relationship. On the day of departure, still a wreck, she kissed me goodbye and told me she wanted to stay in contact. My mind was spinning with the never-ending question of “why.” After she had expressed her desire for me, she still kissed me goodbye, told me she cared about me, and went on her way. I texted her on good terms as we each settled into our lives separated in LA, but told her to reach out to me when she wanted to talk. After a few days I never heard anything from her. It was so difficult to see her continue with her life so effortlessly. “Business as usual.” I used social media to see that she was having fun and still in contact with her friends, but I somehow had been cut out of the picture. I still loved her, but it was impossible for me to move on. I was an emotional wreck, lost in our memories and attempting to take my first steps towards recovery. I finally had the courage to call her after a week of silence, knowing that by giving myself a week I would get over the initial blow of emotions I would go through in the first week of separation. It was hard. Like withdrawal from a drug. My chest always carried around an aching pain, while my mind went on autopilot throughout the day. I would take advice and keep myself busy, meeting with friends, getting out of the house. I even picked up running. By the time I called her I thought I could begin to foster a friendship, knowing that giving her space would be the best thing for her. Deep down, I hoped she would turn back and say that she was wrong, but of course she didnt. We made small conversation about how our weeks had been, acting as though we were friends with no history. My mind was ruptured. It hurt that she never reached out to me in our week of silence, but boy was it good to hear her voice now. I quickly realized she didn’t want to get into the relationship. She made it obvious she was over with me, but my mind still hung onto this idea of hope from the kiss, sleeping with me. My mind seeded this idea that she was confused and still in love with me and there was some hope deep down. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to cling on. But at the same time the last thing I wanted to give up on something that was so good. Finally I mustered up the courage to be direct about the situation. I understood she needed space, but was there any way I could be in the picture for that? No. Why did you kiss me goodbye? Closure. I want you to tell me you don’t love me anymore. I don’t love you anymore. We took a few minutes discussing why she felt the way she did in a blunt conversation. In the end she told me she needed space to be independent, not worry the stress of our relationship. But how could you give up on we happiness we had? I expressed my passion for our companionship, how happy we were together. A bad tactic, I know. At the end, I told her that for my sake we shouldn’t talk for several months. A peppy “OK. I understand.” Today I find myself in a situation where I know the healthiest thing to do would be letting her go and moving on completely to enjoy my time here in college. However it’s difficult to ignore the potential our relationship our had and the incredibly unique experiences we shared at such as milestone in our lives. My head has moments of clarity where I see the future as a single person, where I can develop myself, be with other people. But I am constantly reminded of the amazing memories we share and still not entirely understanding why it had to end with me out of the picture. My heart is suffocating from the anxiety and withdrawal of having a best friend. Where I need guidance is to assess where I stand in her life and how much should I be part of that. All I want to do is talk to her everyday and support her in such a difficult time in her life. The irony is before I didn’t know how to support her because I had never gone through any major grief in my life, and now that she’s left me, I see through her mask and can recognize the pain she must be in. I have several anxiety attacks each day, almost a month after she left me, each one inspired by a rabbit hole of thought as I think about how she is fine without me. I am reminded constantly of our past and am intimidated about the future. I’ve been told to support her from afar, but how do I do that without hurting myself? If I don’t talk with her will she drift too far and I then lose all hope of us getting too far? I want to give her space, but keep me in the picture as support. Should I fight or fall back? How do I cope with the anxiety? If anybody has lost a parent, what has been their experience with their relationships? What is it that she needs and is there anyway I can be in her picture? I know I am 19 and the story sound like the classic first loves drama. But the pain that I am going through gets harder every day as I think about her drifting. TL;DR My girlfriend left me after the passing of her father for reasons pertaining to her needing space to grieve. She fell out of love with my, however gave me strong signals of hope after we had broken up. After confronting the hope and beginning my first steps into acceptance, I am lost on truly understanding why she left me and how I should best allow the situation to play out to foster the potential for getting back together. The pain is overwhelming and I want to be there to support her but she has kindly told me she needs to be alone. How do I cope? How do I fight? How do I let got? What have been your experiences in relationships when losing your parent?
Can someone please help me!!!!? I met the love of my life last year, Jan 2015. We talked marriage and forever. He father passed July of that year. The dynamic of the relationship changed but I tried to do everything I could to help her in any way. I loved her more than anything. She started becoming distant but then we would have moments where she seemed back to her old self. She broke up with me Feb of this year saying she couldn't do it anymore, however we were still in each other's lives as she said she had hope she would come back to herself. In June she was telling me she loved me again. In August she said she has to focus on her and she doesn't care about me or anything really. I am devastated. Can grief do this to a person???? Can the girl I met who wanted to marry me be really gone. It's like her dad's death changed her and it seemed to be ok then got worse then was ok and now she told me she is gone and not coming back i am devastated, please help me understand this. Len 0
H, I have been reading on many topics, and has sort of helped me understand. I was wanting some advice,help, anything to be able to understand exactly what I should do. Well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit. He just recently broke up with me, as I am hurt I am also ooh so confused. He lost his dad 7/16/2016, recently. When we got the news about his being ill, he caught the next flight out the next morning. His dad lived almost after becoming ill. He was out in another state for a 1 month. We would facetime often to see each other, because we missed each other soo much. We would tell each other often, and we talk about our days. Well, when they got the news about his dad getting worse and was put on life support, his mother wanted to drive to see her ex-husband. So they asked me to join her. As I did. i left my kids with their dad and left. All because I wanted to be his support, and of course to see him. So, i was already on 24hrs no sleep. So, I drive up there 17hr drive, I made it in 14 hrs. When we get there I am greeted by him at the hospital. Man, was I SOOO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. I got to meet his son and daughter. And the rest of the family, he introduced me to his family as his . girlsfriend/future wife. I thought he was joking but no he was serious. So, while being out there I enjoyed it. being with him as his support, and playing with his kids. Well, there came time that his father could have visitors, soooo his family asked me to go in there with him to see his dad and check him out, and get all the answers for them, because I am a nurse. and I could break it down for them in simpler understanding words. Well, he took me in there. and I met his dad. (tearing up as I type this). He said "dad look who is here , my girlfriend, the nurse, the pretty girl, the smart and crazy funny girl, I told you about the one I really love" I said hi and talked to him. he would sign because he had that ventilator tube in him. He asked to hold my hand. And I did. He squeezed it. And then my boyfriend talked to him, when his dad signed again and asked for my hand. He pulled me in a bit, and squeezed my hand and made a fist and pointed to my boyfriend. I said you want me to punch him, b/c I can't b/c he is sooo tall and I'm soo little. He smiled or tried. My boyfriend told him see dad I told you she is crazy and short. He nodded. He squeezed my hand again made that fist, and pointed to him. All I could say was 'ok I will". We both held our tears and sad we will see you tomorrow, I was leaving the next day, I didn't tell him, but I said I'll see you later ok.. and you continue to fight. and he nodded. well the day I left my bf was already acting funny, but understood that it was too m uch for him. So, I just talked and joked around with the kids.As I was driving I caught him starring so I looked and said "what" He said " I love you" I really do. You drove all the way out here for me and to bring my mom. My kids love you. And I want to get over all this and go back home and do us. And figure out our future. I was like really. cause he jokes alot. He said yes. I was like ok. so days passed dad was removed off life support and still lived 2 weeks after that. We were ok. I kept myself busy with my kids and work. He would facetime me before work. It was all ok. I didn't bother him too much, because I know he was busy. But I get on IG and Fbook and see he is just drinking and what not, which I understood you don't see your brother often so you guys are having fun. Well, then came the day his dad passes. He facetime me that morning telling me that his dad was not to good, and that he was passing away. I'm like i'm sorry, if you need anything let me know. and to stay strong and positive. Well, he asked me for money on top of the $150 I had already sent him. So, I did. Well ever since we spoke less, texted less. Me not understanding how someone griefs. I kinda called him out on it and asked him wat was up and he told me my dad just died does it look like I want to be lovey dovey. THAT is when I understood. So I left him alone on it. I let him call me. mann, he of course would call me at night when he had been drinking and was a bit drunk. We would facetime, and he would tell me that he is just ready to come home. I said whenever your ready. Welll they did the memorial. He stayed a week after that. THIS is when it really got sad,and ohhh so confusing. He told me he was going to come a certain Saturday, and then later during the day says, I'm not going back until 3 wks more. I was like why, he said he wasn't ready. well come to find out he came when he originally said. And found out by social media. at this point i'm more confused like really why lie? So that day came and no text or call. I was like ok cool. U want space i understand. well I get that 3 am phone call and he is telling me why i haven't called or gone to see him. I was like you asked for space. He said come over tomrorrow, i was like ok. Soo here I am and I get all dressed for him. and never called to tell me where I was at, or anything. So, I sent him a msg and he answered with he found out something about what an ex said. I was mad and was like really. I got mad. and didn't say anything. so of course he is like i'm done with you. I was hurt, badly. but I left it alone. Come on Tuesday he called after I had seen pics of him at a bar with one of his good girl firend, who he knows I don't like. caption saying "she drives me crazy" I didn't say anything to him about it. So, He tells me he loves me and misses me and what not. He opens up a little about his father, and i'm just listening. well next day no contact, but see another pic. at this point of course i'm mad and hurt. still didn't mention anything. Well, he comes Thursday and calls me and asks me what i'm doing for the weekend, I tell him nothing boys go with their dad. I'll be alone. So he said lets do something, come over, i was like ok. sooo Friday I get that text telling me he was going out of town for work. my heart sinks to my stomach, I had already gotten my hopes up. he facetimes me and tells me that he would let me know. I was like ok. Well, never got that call, until 3AM, After he was out drinking. He tells me to come over. I was ok,sure. so there I go... We hug and tell each other how much we miss them and love each other. Well, next morning, he was up and was really cold. We are in bed and asks me if he was a a-hole, answered and said you can be, but i love you and standing next to you. Well, he says I think this is why I stay single. I stayed quite, shed some tears without him seeing. And I tell him, your stuck in your ways where you do what you want no matter what. and actually tell him tallk to me. I don't know what you are felling but don't bottle it in, he gets up and says STOP SEE YOUR JUST SOO PERFECT.. I am far from perfect, I've just lived on hell of life and learn. He turns around as I am laying there he hugs me sooo tight, and i just let him do that while I rubbed his back. It was hug that had soo much emotion. Well he gets up quick and says he has something to do and said me too. So, I leave. Well, that was the end of that. He says he will call me later to go to dinner, i was ok. I knew damn well knew he wouldn't. well surprising I don't get that call. well I see on social media a video of him with some girl. and he is smiling. I still haven't said anything, but at this point I feel so disrespected. That sunday I did me. Did not worry to much about him. Untill he post a pic of him drinking and crying. I wait about an hour and then just text him asking " How are you, u ok? He answer yes why. Told him cause I cared and loved him. we is in denial. well, LATER that night tell me. to move on. i'm liike why.. tells mehe is no good for me. Here is where the breakup goies. He got rude and said I'm done with you. I am now lost, and asking why? just tells me he can't anymore. I tell him that he promised he wouldn't hurt me. and said so did others so i'm no different. Im now more hurt then anything. So its been 3 days, I haven't texted or called him. But I have written and typed soo many letters on why, and i don't understand, and to let me his rock. and I needed to furfull his dad's command. He said NO. Well, my question is he really done? Or is he just pushing me way because of the passing? and what should I do? Because I Look on his IG and out pics are still up. and on fbook i'm still tagged in them. hasn't deleted them. I understand he is grieving!!! I am willing to just stand back and give him that space, he wants but again, it isn't fair that he is out there taking pics with gurls and posting them, that litarally hurts. And I deserve some respect. s*** i was the only girl who helped him and was there. I drove out there. I sent him money. I'm not asking for him to not grieve, ive given him his space, but yet goes out there taking pics and him being at the bars. I understand he needs to go out and distract himself, but how long do I have to put my emotions on hold for him. When he has given me every reason to leave him. but can't nor will I. Some ppl are telling me to give him time and he will be back. He is just soo lost. depressed, hurt and sad. I've been wanting to write him and email it to him. letting him know i'm here. and not going anywhere even if didn't want to be with me. or is that not a good idea? and state a bit on how he makes me feel buy those pics. Or should I just let him go????? should I continue to reach out to him every few days? If someone could give me advise on what to do? he is the one person I TRULY fell in love with. and he knows that. And I know he loves me but is just pushing me away. ughhh!!! I'm sooo lost and confused!!! thanks and blessings