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Found 2 results

  1. Two months after the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, my Dad died on March 5th of this year. During those two months, I cried, yelled, hugged him and and let him know it was ok to go. I thought the early grieving would make it easier, but the heartfelt pain is intense. Some days seem foggy, detached from life, alien. Other days, I feel pain more clearly and want to hide away like a wounded dog. Even though everyone experiences death at some point, it seems like no one understands my pain. This is especially hard as it brings up memories of my Brother's death years ago. i've heard that, to the extent that we experience the pain defines our capacity for joy after. My question is, how and when does the pain start to subside? I know it's a natural process, different for everyone, but what is acceptance like? Is it the slow process of filling our lives around the hole that is left or does there come a day when we know we've fully accepted what happened or both? Would like to hear from others going through this process or have made it to a peaceful place...
  2. Growing up my dad wasn't around because he was doing drugs and was a drug dealer. He ended up going to prison for a few years. I've always had an intense longing for a relationship with my dad and we connected through myspace back when I was about 12. I ended up meeting him and we talked over the phone or on the internet ever since. I love him. My dad died in march very suddenly. He was in a car accident, I guess he lost control of his car and it flipped over into a ditch. I didn't find out until a week later. He hadn't been responding to my facebook messages and so I googled his name for some reason. I found the online news article detailing his car accident. I have so many conflicting emotions but I am mostly just depressed. I long to hug him and make sure he knows that I love him. I long for him so much I've spent like 150 dollars calling psychic mediums. I don't even know what I believe and if I am religious or not, I'm just desperate. At the same time I'm somehow still angry I guess because of his absence. The loneliness is killing me. When he was alive I was able to call him about my problems or just to catch up. I just want to call him. I keep thinking about the pain he was probably in. After he was discovered they took him to the hospital and he died later that night. I just imagine him laying in a ditch and I feel terrible. I wish there was something I could have done. He was all alone in pain. I feel so empty....also angry because no one on my dads side of the family messaged me or tried to get in contact with me about what happened, I had to read all the details from an article. And I won't be invited to my own dads funeral because no one in his family knows me ( but they know of me) :'(
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