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  1. I have been lurking for a while until I had the courage to share my story. I am still not ready to see a therapist which I really need to. This is the first step in getting better. I have felt if I don't talk about it it can't be true which I know isnt the case. Anyways on with my story. In a span of less than 3 months I had 3 people in my family die. My cousin and my uncle both dies after long battles with cancer we all were prepared for their deaths. But on Friday June 13th 2014 my world was forever changed. My dad died. It was not expected his health was relatively good however, he had a hernia that he was waiting for his appointment to have it looked at. My dad had turned 82 on June 8th just 5 days before he died. I never got a chance to tell him happy birthday. I called but my mom told me he was busy (typical of her) she knew that I had wanted to talk to him about some other things and it was her way of preventing me from doing so. She told me that she would tell him I called. I tried to call a few other times but either no answer or my mom answered and I got the same excuses. My mom and I didn't have the best of relationships. When my cousin died 3 weeks before my dad died, my dad really wanted to be up here for his Sister. She was going through a lot as her husband was terminally ill and only had a short time with us. My mom convinced my dad not to come up since they had been up in April. So my dad didnt come up. The day my dad died I had gotten a call from my sister. At first I thought she was calling to tell me my uncle had passed. When she said that Dad was gone I didn't believe her. I completely lost it. It was as if someone kicked me in the stomach and ripped my heart out as well. My sister, brother and I all got on the first available flights and were with my mom within 8hrs. We pulled together as a family at least for a few days. I wanted to see my dad before the cremation and my sister tried to talk me out of it. I insisted and I went. Afterwards, I completely lost it sobbing for hours i reached out for support and a hug but was flat out ignored and then told to knock it off that I am not the only one who was grieving. I went home the next day. Last month my siblings and I were at my parents house that they still have in town and we were going through things of my dads that hadnt been moved to their other house. There were several items that I asked if I could have but was told that names were drawn for those items and my brother got them. Other things went to my sister and to other family members. Nothing was set aside for me. Not even a picture. I was really hurt.I completely lost it and had a nervous breakdown to which my brother told me in a nasty text message that I needed to put on my big girl panties and stop throwing a temper tantrum. And that I was crying wolf when I had told him that I didn't see the point of living. I wasnt in a good place. I was devastated, this wasnt about not getting anything of my dad, I was grieving for my dad. And I was being told that I obviously dont care that others were grieving too. I have asked my siblings for pictures of my dad or even digital copies but they are unwilling. I have a feeling that my mom doesn't want any pictures to go to me either. I have given up. I cant handle it anymore. I am so depressed and I miss my dad so much. I was a daddy's girl. Born many years after my siblings. So I kinda grew up an only child and had a strong bond with my dad. My girls also had a strong bond with their Grandpa. He would tell me that he loved all of his grandkids but my girls were extra special to him especially my youngest daughter. I am sorry for writing such a long post. I pray that things will get easier because I still cant get through a day without crying.
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