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Found 8 results

  1. My sisters have pretty much stopped speaking to me since my father died, leaving me the executor. It is rather obvious why he named me executor, since my sisters told him they didn't want him to move to their town -an hour away-while I was trying very hard to coax him to move from PA to AZ. He had Parkinson's Disease and had to leave his split level house. I took care of him for ten years, while my sisters had little contact with him aside from milking him for money. My younger sister was able to find a second husband to provide for her very well, having divorced her first husband, the psychopath, and conning my dad into providing over $100K for her during the interim. She was not named the executor because she's not trustworthy, even though she could have probably determined everything of value in my dad's condo in less than an hour and arranged to have the rest hauled off. My older sister was not named executor because she cannot handle her own affairs, much less adding the affairs of another person across the country. Nevertheless, my older sister and I were always close until recently. When she began really struggling after her losing child support because her kids were over 18 , I bought her art, sent her money, and got my father to send her money when she couldn't pay her mortgage or had no oil to heat her house or whatever emergency she had going. We both helped her a LOT. She didn't even want to have to ask our dad for money-she wanted me to do it, and I did. He got tired of sending her money, complaining "I don't understand why she won't work". I set up an arrangement whereby she would do 2-3 hours of commercial (graphic) artwork for me every week ($40/hour) and my dad would pay her, with me facilitating the transfer of funds immediately upon the receipt of her emailed invoice. He liked it because she was working, To me, it was a luxury-it would have been more difficult to do it myself. My sister...was not so happy about it because she had to create simple invoices, and occasionally I had some input about what she was doing for me and once or twice had the audacity to ask her to change something, like a font. I once asked my older sister if she had seen something that I had put on Facebook for her benefit. She became irritated and pointed out that she could hardly be expected to see some post from me because she had over 700 fb friends. Now she has over 800 fb friends. Her birthday was Friday. I sent her...drumroll...a message saying, "Happy Birthday!" That's it! I'm really sick of watching a parade of all her arty posts about herself and her artsy friends and how cool and artsy they are while I am out here alone crying and digging through our father's possessions, and trying to make room for everything I can at my own small condo by jettisoning my own stuff. My father's collection of stuff also includes things of my mother's and both of their parents, grandparents, etc. My sisters also got a lot of family stuff because our parent's house was way bigger than my dad's condo. My dad brought the things that meant the most to him. It's been really difficult and my sisters are not interested in hearing about it. Today I stopped following my sister on fb...
  2. Hello My Name is Shannon I am new to the forum. I lost my significant other of 6 years only 4 months ago. We shared 4 children together and life is just not the same. I cant figure out why I am numb, frozen and slowing down. Things have gotten very hard, I truly don't want to express how hard. The pain I feel is crazy but I keep striving to be positive and to also find a new identity in this process. Nothing is the same. I started a blog only a week ago called grievingd.com dedicated to him in hopes of finding other women(or anyone) who has lost their partner because I feel very alone in my battle I wanted to express my feelings truthfully and freely amongst individuals in hopes to connect and help heal. I lost Damian to murder so connecting with people who understand that part as well were my hopes. Id like to hear other stories and also have the wisdom of others as well. Hopefully this site can give me this , but I would love for other women to connect and share their stories as well and hear me vent lol...
  3. I love you all. Thank you from my heart for your love and support . I wish you the best of days and pray that you feel the support, presence and love of those we grieve xx
  4. Both my parents died this year within a few months of each other. I am feeling pretty disconnected as I was the only one of my siblings (there are 2 others) who cried during the holidays. Yes, my parents were pretty elderly (88) but it is just hard to see them go. Everyone is the family keeps a pretty tight lid on emotions; frankly that came from my parents and its not always healthy. My middle sister all along has been the one person disputing any splitting of money. (my parents left a sizeable chunk). First it was that she wanted all kind of work done on my parent's house, with their money while her son was renting it. Parents had moved to a senior living apartment and we knew could not return. So that was a big dispute even though the other sibling and I tried to point out they were just renting it; no home improvements projects were warranted. Then, when the house sold she wanted her son to get a bargain. Now they both my parents are gone, she is the executor of the will. Many years ago she borrowed money from my parents, paying it back with interest and all along the plan was that she would take the debt out of her share of the estate. That was always the plan, discussed verbally but not on paper (I know, bad idea). Let's say she borrowed $30K. Instead of paying each sibling back she now thinks she should get a third of the $30K herself since "its part of the estate". Her tax person told her this was the thing to do and she is trying to push it through. I told her I don't agree and she is accusing me of "questioning her honesty". Frankly she is just so aggressive about the money thing that I trust her less and less. If it's for her or her kids, she is just kind of nasty and huffy about the whole thing. And not like she is in great need of money. So is this grief disguised? Old family drama playing out? Or is this just greed pure and simple? Thanks for the advice!
  5. Thank you for this forum topic; I never heard of anticipatory grief until a counselor on a cancer support phoneline introduced me to the term. This I've hit the wall coping. The responsibilities, grief and frustration I feel is overwhelming. I am powerless and can do nothing but support my husband, brother, family and children as we watch and wait for the progression of disease. The loss I feel already is staggering. I can't begin to think about the future. I am barely able to deal with the now. I am emotionally exhausted and the worst is yet to come. On October 5, 2013 my brother (48 yrs) who lives locally, was diagnosed with Stage 4 testicular cancer. Unusual that it was so advanced, but he was in denial of the symptoms. I was devastated, he is my only sibling, single, career military man and it was obvious from the start that he was going to need support scheduling appts and following drs directions; still trying to downplay the seriousness of his diagnosis. Our parents are both 84 years old and feeble. I got him into Stanford Hospital, he began chemo, and within one week contracted a blood borne infection that almost killed him. ICU for 1.5 months, released from hospital Dec. 3rd with an partially amputated left leg. Spent December working with Stanford to clear up the remaining infection and approve him back into chemo. I remember spending Christmas Eve at Stanford at a plastic surgery appt with him. Meanwhile, I run a small business with my husband which we built around my husband's software design skills and we need to keep that going for necessities like shelter and food for our 16 and 22 year old boys. On December 27, 2013 my mostly healthy husband (52 yrs) had a stroke at 3am. EMT's called, rushed to hospital for CT scan and tests revealed metastasized Stage 4 lung cancer to his brain. Emergency crainiotomy removed an egg sized tumor from his frontal lobe. We've been granted a miracle in that he still has speech, his personality, motor skills... but he is almost childlike emotionally, intellectually no longer able to work. It was made absolutely clear by some well meaning but very misguided doctors in the first few days after surgery that his cancer is terminal. The best one said "if you think he'll be here next Christmas, you're fooling yourself. He has weeks, maybe months and will die by stroke, seizure or in bed in the middle of the night". Gee. Thanks, doc. These last few months have been the most horrible, painful, agonizing of my life. I'm running from husband's chemo and radiation to my brother's appts and surgeries, dealing my 16 year old's painful emotions, my parents fears for their son, my husband's fears for himself and us, his confusion and pain, and juggling business projects to contractors. NOTHING IN MY LIFE HAS PREPARED ME FOR THIS!! Everyone says I'm handling things well and how strong I am. I'm not strong, I'm in survival for my family. They don't see my heart breaking daily for the life that I had with my husband. He used to be my strength and my rock. And now surgery is no longer being considered as part of my brother's treatment plan. My brother is thrilled that there will be no surgery. I am the only family member that understands that we are transitioning to pallative care and there will be no cure for him either. I cannot believe that only 6 months ago, I had a great life. I know that I will never have that life back, ever. I could use any suggestions to have the strength to keep going; sharing my situation out to this community gives me hope.
  6. My family has suffered another sad death this week: my 62 year old cousin passed away yesterday from mestatic breast cancer-her 3rd fight with breast cancer. It's so sad because of how hard she fought to beat it 3 times. We come from a very large clan & her family are all like siblings to my family. Friday I had called her sister to tell her I'd be up this coming Saturday to bring a shoe box of photos of their family & our other cousins, I'd found while sorting all Mom & Dad's so her & her sister & other family could enjoy them while Denise was still alive. She said Denise had been having some pretty decent days even with hospice coming in every day & that they'd look forward to seeing the photos. Guess now we can look at them after the funeral. A bit surreal is that her funeral is Friday-exactly 3 months after my Dad died. It's going to be a really tough day & I don't know exactly how to deal with all these different emotions. Was just getting a grip on Dad's death but I have a tough time on many Fridays [THE day, not the date] as it is. I know Dad & the rest of our angel family were there to greet her. My parents were her God parents & Mom is taking this very hard too; she's in Houston with some of my sisters & can't get back so another sister, a brother & I will be representing our family. OH & we also got the news that my Mom's last living sister in law is in critical condition after a fall this week & it's not looking good. Oh & on Valentine's Day we get to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of my best friend's death. I'll actually be travelling to Kansas City with 20 friends & former co-worker to send up gold crown balloons in front of the Hallmark Crown Center to celebrate her life & how we all met [working for Hallmark corporate]. Thought 2013 was going to be better & not filled with death.
  7. Today is our First Father's Day without Dad. It's been 6 months & 15 days. thought this would be easier to get through today. Almost didn't buy my husband a Father's day card since every time I got near that section at the card store I cried. Finally at Walmart, one of my regular customers from work who knows about Dad saw me struggling at the F.Day card section, went & grabbed a big sheet of poster board & held in front of the Dad cards until I could find one for hubby. Today I woke up thinking "Yay, I can call & talk to Dad today." then a few minutes later "oh crap, no I can't. he's gone & I can't tell him & hear him tease me about making a fuss over him". So I'm avoiding looking at ANY photos of him until later when my hubby's at work & I can cry. I so want to hold his hand again, want to hear his voice, want to feel his hugs, share a beer with him. He was the best example of a man there could be-my husband even resembles alot alot of his same good character. His best gift was thew wonderful & gentle way he treated my Mom-he had her so spoiled. He also taught my sisters & I what to look for & expect from a man/partner; sometimes we didn't listen but in the end we all did. I wish Heaven had a phone to call him & tell him Hey Happy Father's Day. I'll see you soon. xoxo this photo was taken 2 yrs ago at my daughter's high school graduation. 3 days later he survived a massive hemmoraghic stroke. This is the last photo we have of him well.
  8. Memorial weekend will mark the 6 month mark since Dad's death. A bit of an ironic "holiday" this year I think. As we'll be trying to visit all our other families' graves we'll also be getting ready to have Dad's headstone finally put on the grave. That seems to be like a final marker for me at least-so far all that marks his "spot" is a metal butterfly garden stake I put there & the broken sod; sometimes I could drive to that cemetary to visit other graves & pretend his didn't exist so it must not be true, right? I'd thought I was doing Sooo good with this grief stuff, even thinking that I didn't really need the very mild anti depressant the dr. gave me. Nope. Now I am to the point where I am going to look for a counselor. I have developed a lot of anger towards people since some of my closest friends have shown that they're not good dealing with "people like me"-I STILL keep getting told to "quit talking about your Dad, he's dead. Is there anything really to talk about?" by a "close friend" & co-worker I even considered a brother. He even told me since I came back to work the day after the funeral that it couldn't have been that bad if I came back that soon. Maybe I shouldn't have gone back that week but we depend on every dime & hour of my paycheck. I'm dealing with so much stress & issues at work that there is anger from that. Mom's has declined to the point where we are discussing other living options & knowing that in the next few months we will be selling Mom & Dad's house of almost 50 years & moving her & dealing with that. My only daughter gets married next summer & she wanted her Grandpa there so much-that's the one thing she'd ever dreamed of: dancing with Grandpa at her wedding. She & her fiance even went to the grave [how I have come to HATE that word!] & "told Grandpa we have to do this without him". I WANTED MY DAD THERE to see his favorite grand child walk down that aisle. Even as he recovered from his stroke he'd tell me "I know Allie's going to be a bride someday and I'll be there to walk her down to meet that boy.I promise you." My parents helped me raise her until she was 6 & out of all 18 grandchildren she was his favorite. I still cry every night.I relive that whole last week constantly-I am so afraid I'm forgetting the sound of his voice & the touch of his hand. And I'm angry at myself for not knowing my Dad better when he was alive-I'm learning more about him from my siblings, stuff I never even knew about him & I get so mad at myself for not knowing more-why didn't I push him to talk to me more?!! with me he was quiet & would show me things more & tell me he liked just sitting without saying anything why the hell didn't I make him talk? Why was I so d*** selfish to just accept his not talking?!!!!! I was his last daughter-I should have done more!!!! I don't tell my husband any of this-he has to listen enough to my venting about my job & dealing with Mom's situation. This is MY pain. I just want him back. I want my Mom back to before the dementia invaded her body. I want to hold his hand one more time. And I thought all this grief stuff would be over by now.
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