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This is a question about grief and a close friend’s behaviour that’s really troubling me. I am a woman in my late thirties, I lost my father to a prolonged illness a month back. My mother passed more than decade back. I have had a really close male friend who’s been one of my closest friends for many years. We are both in our late thirties and have been friends for twenty years. He himself has lost both his parents in recent years, and through my father’s illness has provided a listening ear and emotional support to me. He wasn’t at my dad’s funeral as he lives in another city, but 4 days later, came down to be with me over the weekend. I was still in a bit of a daze, and was largely busy sorting through my father’s belongings etc. but spent evenings with my friend, prioritising him over other relatives etc., who also wanted to meet with me. I was grateful that he came down to be with me, but wasn’t quite myself so soon after it had happened. We talked about both our parents, loss etc. and also about other general, somewhat silly stuff. Towards the end of his visit, we had (to my mind), some very frivolous, silly banter about his dating life (he’s single and looking). He hugged me and left, but called me on the phone a while later. To my utter shock, he shouted at me, as something I had said had touched a raw nerve somewhere. I was so shocked by the sudden change in his tone and the fact that he would yell at me while I was mourning my Dad, that I broke down on the phone, told him I couldn’t talk about this at the moment and kept the phone down, but not before hearing him say “yeah whatever”. It totally broke me. Later that night, I sent him a couple of messages expressing how I felt shocked at his behaviour and that I couldn’t believe he would yell at me at such a time, about something so trivial and obviously frivolous. He never responded to it. It’s now been over a month and I have heard absolutely nothing from this friend. I’m not only deeply grieving my father, but also confused, angry and deeply hurt about his behaviour, as I simply cannot understand why someone whom I considered one of my closest friends for over two decades would abandon me at a time like this. I simply don’t understand his behaviour. Am I missing something here? Should I just consider the friendship over? Have I done something obviously wrong? Surely, I don’t deserve to be treated like this?
About 13 years ago I was hoping to get a horse. I was introduced to a guy and lucky me, I found a horse and a place to board. My husband was so good to me because he gave me the opportunity that I had dreamed of for 40 years. Horses are time consuming and costly manure makers that change you in good ways. I got Foxy 13 years ago this month. My equine love affair with her was very short but oh so sweet. So the guy I got my horse from was with a woman that I had known from school days and my husband's family knew her family. As I spent more and more time with my horse I was spending time with Bruce and Maureen as was Gord. The four of us got along quite well. We would ride together and sometimes go out. As time passed we became closer and Bruce and I loved to banter back and forth with each other. It was all in good fun. We had a great time trying to out do each other. My husband would just shake his head, Maureen would shake hers - they both were quieter personalities. When the four of us went out it was almost guaranteed that people would assume wrongly about who the actual couples were. We four were good friends for about 6 years. We had a lot of fun together, all of us, Gord and Maureen enjoyed laughing at Bruce and I and they would often 'set up' a topic for 'discussion'. Life was mostly good back then. Compared to now it was SPECTACULAR! Sadly, on a horse sale I was making, Bruce intruded and broke my trust. He tried to sabotage the sale. I told him that I was very hurt and he said that I would get over it. I didn't get over it; what he did I would never do to someone I considered a friend. He didn't appologize or admit to any wrong doing and that hurt me deeply. I moved my then 3 horses to a different boarding barn. After a year my husband and I bought a place with room for the horses and moved 30 minutes away. No contact was made by Bruce to reconcile the friendship and thus we are no longer friends. Over the years I have tried to maintain a friendship with Maureen but it has been unreciprocated. In reality I guess we weren't really friends to begin with. I miss my husband and my marriage desperately. I am still new (9 years) to my rural community and the friends from days gone by and 30 minutes away seem to have disappeared from my life, except when they have needed or wanted something they would call. Since Gord's suicide in January there has been only silence from them. I know that not all friendships last. It's just that I can't seem to accept/get over all the losses... Foxy died March 5th of 2004. I got Dakota on April Fools that year. I need to have him laid to rest this fall. In March of 2005 I got Kachina, my cheeky mare. Today is her 19th Birthday. In the following years we bought and sold Lever, Cash, and Abby. So today I have two horses that give me more care and love than I can describe in words. I am thankful to have been able to enjoy and care for all of the horses, dogs, cats and other creatures that have been in my life. I am saddened that too many animals are so poorly treated by so many people. I'm saddened also that animals are so giving and forgiving..... Kachina de Chelley, my cheeky girl, Happy Birthday!