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I lost my grandpa on 23/11/2015 when I was only 16 years old. He was my best friend and when he left us our world fell apart. My grandma couldn't handle his death and she developed depression and then passed away 10 months later on 3/9/2016. They were more than just my grandparents and although it's been so many years I still can't seem to get over their deaths. I know I'm supposed to go on with my life and stuff but I see them everywhere...in every little thing we used to share together and I now I have to do all of them alone. I just miss them so much and I still wish I could have done something to keep them here for a few more years. Rest in peace, my angels... I swear I'm gonna make you proud!
My grandfather has been a stand-in father for my whole life. He took me and my siblings in over a decade ago and he's done nothing but love and support us throughout everything. He's been such a strong, compassionate rock for the whole family and he's slowly withering away from stage IV pancreatic cancer. He beat it once and after months of chemo, a huge operation, and a long grueling recovery it came back. Between the chemo and radiation, he's tired, he can hardly eat, he's pale and in so much pain. I try talking to him and being there for him as much as possible but my brain can't stop wandering to the fact that this is the beginning of the end. The end of the barbecue's, holidays, birthday parties, movie nights, an end to our long talks during the summer by the pool. Every little positive memory between him and I feels like the last one I'll ever have. I still call, text, go over and cook, or do anything I can to be by his side, but knowing the other shoe is gonna drop sooner or later has me on the verge of tears nearly every day. My family and I are all coping the best we can but I feel so distant from everyone. How can I try and stay positive throughout all this? How can I bring us as a family together to be there for him? How can I power through schoolwork and life's responsibilities when all I want to do is cry and sleep? I just feel broken and frustrated at how unfair this all is and how sad it is that I only have so many days left with him. I feel so nostalgic for the times where I never had this giant thunderstorm hanging over my head and could just enjoy spending time with my grandpa.
I lost my grandad very suddenly 3 weeks ago. I am 34 and he was 75, fit, healthy and full of life. He had a brain haemorrhage at home and was taken to hospital but never recovered consciousness, passing away 12 hours later. I managed to get to the hospital before he died and was with him, along with my mum and Gran. Although he was unconscious in the hospital, I felt he could hear us talking to him and although I didn't get to say everything I wanted whilst he was conscious, I'm glad I could say that to him in the hospital before he died, and that we were all holding his hand/cuddling him as he took his last breath and also playing his favourite country music track, which will stay with me forever. My grandad was a father to me, and words cannot describe how close we were and how much we loved each other. I am his only granddaughter, and I know how lucky I was to be so adored by him. I am very close to both my grandparents and my mum was their only daughter, so we were a small, close family. Grandad was very much involved in my life into adulthood, and that of my two children aged 11 and 9, both of whom have autism and are unsure how to deal with their own grief. I am absolutely heartbroken and feel so confused as to how this could have happened to my hero. I woke up that morning with a grandad, and by the evening he had died. My whole life is shattered and I don't know how I can go on. I spent the first week in a total daze and hysterical tears. These now come in waves, but I don't feel at all that I have accepted that he is dead. I feel like subconsciously I am avoiding 'going there' and I know I need to face it to help me grieve, but I don't know how? I am prone to depression and anxiety, but before this I was in a good place. Now I feel well and truly depressed, no enjoyment in anything, constant anxiety and a heavy, yet empty sinking feeling. Along with my own grief, I am now beside myself with worry and heartbreak for my Gran who has lost her soulmate and best friend; husband for 56 years and together since the age of 15. I feel sick at the thought of what she must be feeling in comparison to my own grief and can't bear to think of her alone at night once I have left her house. Her whole, wonderfully happy life has been changed in an instant. She is strong on the outside and putting on a brave face, I guess avoiding facing up to it, but I know that once she breaks she will be a mess... but she will do it alone and I want to be with her! She is so independent and I don't want to smother her but at the same time I need to be there for her (and selfishly, I need her presence to help me grieve). I made a promise to my grandad last year that I would look after her should anything happen to him. I'm also beside myself with worry that something will happen to her and she will be alone and unable to get help. This thought is keeping me awake at night and tearing me apart. Then there is also my mum to consider, who also lost her father in law the day after her own dad, and my children... also my husband who my grandad treated like his own son...There is just so much grief going on and I don't know how to cope with life. I want to face it but I don't know how to accept I've lost him and that I will never see him again. I hoped the funeral would help with my acceptance, but it just left me numb. I have wonderful wonderful memories to cherish and hundreds of photos that I can't stop looking at, plus 5 years of iMessages between us where we told each other we loved one another... and these are a comfort but it's still not my grandad, here and alive. Please help me xx