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  1. I went to upload a profile picture here. I had to scroll through all of my photos to find one. Seeing my mom in all of these pictures, where I have so many wonderful memories... it was painful. I don't know why but I have a hard time looking at pictures of her. My coping mechanism has been to accept accept accept. I find myself turning away when I see her on a picture on the wall or anything like that. She was just here a few weeks ago, vibrant and energetic just like in the pictures. What is my life to be without her. It pains me to think about💔
  2. My birthday is tomorrow. 3 weeks since my mom passed away. Mine is the first in our family since it happened. I kind of wish we could just ignore it this year... I am staying in my childhood home. Taking care of my father. He is almost completely blind. It has been nice to be with family and the home I grew up in. Where all of my favorite memories with my mom took place 🤍 I felt okay about it today. I decided to take my daughter to our favorite café here and then bake a cake. A few of our relatives are coming. Most live far away - I am not a very good hostess like my mom was. She was the
  3. My husband died June 30, 2017. A social worker observed I wasn't functioning too well and advised me to move from my apartment where I'd lived for 10 years to a personal care home. I took her advice and made the move and wish I hadn't. Not only did I lose my husband, but also my apt and all my possessions as well as my car. Now it is 3 years later and I have no life. The loss of my car meant I can't get to support groups that would help me and my independence. I live on social security disability and of that $1,000 a month goes for rent to the personal care home. I also went to a dental clinic
  4. It has been almost a year since I have regularly posted on this specific topic of my journey through grief and healing. Next month it will be four years since my beloved wife(Rose Anne) died. This past year has been full of reflection, and real acceptance of her death. The time line is different for everyone of us and it has been full year of introspection. The loneliness and accepting the reality of all this is what my mind wrestles with daily. Irregardless, life continues to march on one day at a time. Initially, I was certain I was going to die from a broken heart but apparently
  5. I don't know if anyone will still read this. It is quite long.. but I can only wish someone would try to help me. I'm grief stricken with guilt over a stray outdoor cat. He was recently euthanized in a shelter a week ago. I've been caring for him the last year and a half. He was left by his feral mom when he was little in our property. Since we already had 2 cats indoor, my hubby didn't want anymore addition so I just fed him from our deck. There he stays and after eating would just lie down on the chair next to our sliding door. At night he comes back to sleep on the same chair. Our cats
  6. An Indomitable Ending The air was cold, sterile even, as I rounded the corner and entered room twenty-two of L&M Hospital’s Emergency Room. Nurses and orderlies bustled busily up and down the hallway behind me, their brightly colored scrubs covered cute animal prints clashing violently with the somber, worried atmosphere of the ER. Monitors and machines in every room and at the nurses’ station beeped constantly in maddening dissonance. The crisp, sharp smell of disinfectant and impersonal care hung heavy in the air. My mother lay to the left, in bed one of ER room twenty-tw
  7. I have been reading through this thread & other parts of the internet trying to put my mind at ease with what i can do. My situation at the moment is the following. I had been dating someone for about a year & a half. He always struggled to express emotions as most Men do which i understand. We had a great "Honeymoon Phase" we had fun all the time. Barely fought about anything. I had met him once i had come back to my hometown after being overseas for about 4 years. He introduced me to new people & all his friends whom all accepted me. I was so happy being in a relationship w
  8. This is a question about grief and a close friend’s behaviour that’s really troubling me. I am a woman in my late thirties, I lost my father to a prolonged illness a month back. My mother passed more than decade back. I have had a really close male friend who’s been one of my closest friends for many years. We are both in our late thirties and have been friends for twenty years. He himself has lost both his parents in recent years, and through my father’s illness has provided a listening ear and emotional support to me. He wasn’t at my dad’s funeral as he lives in another city, but 4
  9. Hello everyone, To those seeing this who are grieving, who are lost, who need comfort - I send love and light. Most people, like myself, find this place during hard times and that’s ok, because it means we are not alone. My mother passed away over a month ago and her death has devastated me like nothing before. I’m shattered, lost and not myself. My heart and soul are broken and the person I was when she was alive is not who I see and feel now. Everything is different and the pain, the numbness, the lack of connection, hope, clarity, peace and all is the by far, the worst experience
  10. We lost our Little Bear on Monday. She was a dear little girl, only 10 years old and she came down with an illness we were never able to definitively identify after two vets and many visits. Repeated blood tests were normal. X-rays revealed nothing. The best they could tell us was "cognitive canine disorder" similar to Alzheimers in adults. She didn't appear to be in any pain, but this once joy-filled little dog that was so full of love and zest for life no longer wagged her tail at all, or enjoyed anything she used to...she just slept and ate. It broke our hearts to see her like this. She had
  11. Grief sure seems to make a lot of people worse...more narcissistic, more crazy, more of whatever they are. I had a friend named Wayne, who was a gifted ceramicist and painter. He was also a fighter pilot in Vietnam and the agent orange and jet fuel exposure he got from decades flying and training pilots caught up with him via cancer, and the second bout killed him in early Dec 2018. He was a sweetheart of a man and had many friends. After his military retirement he devoted himself to art and was very prolific. He had a ceramic studio in a trailer he owned, took classes at the community college
  12. Hey guys, my mom's health is declining rapidly and I would like to start gathering some resources for myself. I am overwhelmed by the number of books you can find online. Can anyome recommend a few good one's for help with grief after death, or anticipatory grief?
  13. My baby of 8 yrs whom We spolied and loved more than ourselves was attacked & killed by another dog while boarding in a kennel facility while me & hubby were on vacation.We have no kids and he is our life!There is a huge guilt on our part.What if we didn’t leave him, what if we didn’t go on vacation, all sorts of “what if.”We’re so broken that we both can’t sleep sincecwe found out (12.22.18).We cry ourselves to sleep & wake up crying.We skipped the Christmas celebratiom as we’re both on bed and miserable.I myself can’t & won’t do anything.We haven’t gone back to work.I’ve bee
  14. When I was 4 years old I woke to find my greatest nightmare come true. As I walked into the kitchen that day calling her name, completely unaware of the trauma that awaited me, I found her on the kitchen floor. My tiny self did not understand death and I thought she was sleeping. I tried so hard to shake her awake, but to no prevail. So I did what she did for me every night. I ran to my room and got my blanket and pillow and favorite teddy bear. It wasn't until I tried to lift her head and kiss her cheek and the hair fell off her face that I realized my life as I had known it was over. The one
  15. Hi Everyone - My Dad passed away one week ago today. He had liver cirrhosis which lead to liver failure. I have known for 3+ years that this would eventually kill him. It was a very slow, painful, and difficult process to watch my Dad - the strongest man I've ever known, end up in the state he did. My step-mom and I took care of him the last 6 days before his passed and were doing in-home hospice care. My Dad and I were extremely close. I've spent nearly every weekend with him since he first got sick, talked to him on the phone every other day, and now that he is gone it doesn't feel real
  16. Easter is almost here, and I'm missing my mom and dad so much. Mom died April 12 last year, and was buried on Good Friday. She never had the chance to open the special Easter basket my brother and SIL fixed for her that had the sonogram of her new grandbaby, a beautiful, precious boy born on December 4. We were supposed to spend Easter as a family at Oschner in New Orleans, but she passed away instead. I hate cancer. It has wrecked so many lives. My dad was heartbroken and we think her sudden death contributed to his. He had COPD, diabetes, and other health issues, but his heart was bro
  17. Hello. I’m very new here, and I don’t know where to begin except to say that I’m heartbroken. I apologize in advance if this post is long. A lot of terrible things happened to me, and there aren’t many places I can be myself and just talk about my feelings. My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly on April 12, 2017 at Ochsner of acute myeloid leukemia. It happened less than two weeks after her ENT initially suspected that she had cancer. None of us, not even mom herself, knew she sick, as she was so vibrant and active. It was devastating. She was truly the heart of our family. S
  18. My girlfriend broke up with me recently on 10/30/2017 we had a great relationship and were the same page. She has two kids and told me her kids are her life. I accepted them and we started going out together. The kids are 2 and 5 one days she was on her way to visit me and she was running late. She was in a car accident someone t boned her on the driver side my girlfriend suffered major broken bones and her daughter was killed in the accident. I’ve been there for her since the beginning. She wanted me there with her at the hospital she even wanted me with her when they took her daughter out of
  19. On the outside I am very successful. I have a good job , nice home and kids who live away and are doing well and a nice boyfriend who likes to spend time with me . Yet I feel so alone in the world. There is a deep sadness that shows up on Sunday afternoons that reminds me of all the losses my dad who died suddenly when I was 9 years old my mom 2years ago and now my dog that lived for almost 15 years. I see mothers and daughter andpeoplewithfamily a foam so jealous that I never got to experience family peace. One of four children we barely talk we were never close. I have tried mindfulness exer
  20. Worse days are coming.. I was put in such a situation where I had to rehome my beloved dog.. Because of my finances I worried that something would happen to her and we wouldn't be able to afford it. That is enough to bring someone to tears alone.. Here's where it takes a turn for the worse.. My dad just lost his job. If he doesn't get a new one in 3 months we will lose the house. On top of this my worst fear is coming true.. My dog is now walking with a limp. She can't put any weight on it. It's her birthday today. This is literally bringing me to tears right now. If I give her to a rescue wha
  21. Since Dad's passing I've become fascinated with what Heaven is like. I was reading "The Lovely Bones" the week of his death & I like the books version of heaven-that it's your favorite places & things you might not have had on earth & there are different areas you can go & jobs you do. I imagine Dad up there with my 4 yr old sister, in an area with lakes and mountains & trees, log cabins & lots of horses & 3-wheelers to ride. Dad's dream was to have a horse farm & go to Alaska. His favorite things to do was to travel up to Vancouver or out West with friends
  22. Hi, I've never participated in an online forum before... so forgive my acknowledgement to potential "mannerisms" I do not follow. There is a support group for grieving pets that meets once per month, but unfortunately, I am always obligated to be somewhere else...either work, school, or my internship. My point is, I am having such a hard time coping with the loss of my baby boy... Dexter. I am so desperate to see if other people may have experienced similar symptoms I am experiencing... and if they are, how they cope or did cope... and even to possibly hear from those that can prove that thi
  23. I was so proud of myself for getting a handle on my grief over Dad's death a couple months ago. But lately I'm mired down in deep sadness. Lots of tears every night & even at random times such as driving home. Music really sets me off-Dad & Mom loved it. My Mom is still alive but temporarily living with my sisters in Texas until we can decide what to do with her when she gets back north-she has dementia that is progressing quickly. I was a total Dad's girl & he was one of my best friends. I live less than an hour from Mom & Dad; have always lived within a couple hours so I
  24. Next week on the 26th will be 3 months since Dad's death. That first month I didn't think I'd survive the grief. The second I discovered I could- even with Christmas being the day before the 2month mark & not as many tears as I expected. Now I can actually laugh at some of the memories of our family & wonder why did Dad do some of the things he did. Or even laugh at wondering why did he take so many photos of deer, elk & mountains & then make 3 copies of each photo? The same elk! Really Dad? I know he had a story to tell about them but I can look towards the heavens & im
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