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Found 5 results

  1. Hey, this is my first post ever, anywhere, and I am not sure if I am posting in the right place, but thought I might give it a try. I'll give a little bit of an overview with a background so hopefully I am not repetitive. I just recently lost my 25 year old brother to a heroin overdose...I was living in a different state just waiting a few days later to leave back to my hometown. I got a call from my mom on November 5th and my life changed from there. Now let me tell you, my brother has overdosed 5 times before that (but this last time he was 4 months clean prior). He was struggling for YEARS with drugs but I am not too sure how long with heroin. I remember seeing him "jonesing" and the aggressive, manipulative, withdrawing side of him, but never understood why until my parents told me. Ok so fast forward back to this past 5 months. I was in a different state and my brother called me up asking for money, I contemplated on and on as he sounded so desperate and I needed to figure out what his actual motive was, so I called my dad and asked if he was okay. Conclusion included me NOT giving my brother the money he begged me for. We had a falling out and I, regretfully, did not talk to him after that, but I did not block him, in hopes that maybe he WOULD be better one day and reach out to me if he wanted to talk. I guess I waited too long to go home. I can't help but feel like if he knew I was coming home, that he wouldn't have taken that last shot of heroin. I can't help but feel that I didn't show him exactly how much I loved him, but the old him, the sweet kid I remember. The sweet older brother that defended me, held me when i was a baby and just see the love in his eyes being an older brother. Along side him was my oldest brother, they were BEST friends. I miss my brother so much and I wish so badly that things didn't leave off this way... I don't think I have been able to fully grieve due to the fact I am extremely empathetic, so if I am either busy, on the move, or with someone that is happy or peaceful, I generally feel the same...but in the back of my mind I am depressed. The only way i was ONCE able to get my true feelings out was the day after I got home, I got a 6 pack and went to my friends house and broke down. That was the 1 time I feel I actually started truely feeling the effects of this loss. Ever since then I have not drank, so in hand I feel my mind does not let me go to that place where I need to go to start healing. I feel like I am stuck in a loop with my feelings. I mostly feel regret, anger, and sadness all at once but again, my mind won't let me get that out. I don't know what to do and I am truly hoping that I can get some input on this, because I feel like Im not grieving the right way. Please help
  2. My Mother Passed away on July 4th 2016 Let me give you background How close my Mother and I are/were We talked on the phone a few times a day, then I would go over and spend 5 or more hours with Mom, we sent each other cards once a week to cheer each other up and I would buy her flowers once a month ( she could keep flowers going strong looking fresh for 2+ weeks) She is my best friend and purpose for life. I try not to use past tenses. I'm her Son, friend, caregiver and would do anything to keep her happy, motivated and continue going with whatever I could research and buy to keep her as comfortable as possible with health issues. I would buy her nice gifts whether it was a $400 Armani Tinkerbell , sericels , even little stuffed animals ,her whole house was filled with collectibles which made her happy. The only reason I looked forward to Christmas was to see her open the many gifts I got her. She had a difficult life with a bad marriage, my father was verbally abusive to all of us especially Mom and like all women Mom tried to keep the peace and not let me get aggressive with him. When he died in 2000 she was finally free and happy but only a few good years before the health declined. She had emphysema, diabetes, kidney issues, cancer polyps etc. as the years went by things got worse with neuropathy in both hands & feet could no longer drive walking was difficult, in and out of hospitals 24/7 oxygen nebulizer prednisone, she got weaker and weaker, the last ten years she had a very rough health declining issues that made her life very frustrating and painful.I left my job for 2 year to take care of her when she had blood clots, then 3 years later I took off 3 years to take care of her so she could live at home and never go to a nursing home. 2 years ago I had a TIA stroke and I had to move in with Mom for 2 weeks because I was so weak and shaky so, we took care of each other. It was always Me & Mom whether it was Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas even though sister lives close it was Mom and I that stayed Catholic, had same political views, same taste in TV shows and the only time I felt relaxed and comfortable was going over to Mom's house and spending the day with her. I had my time with women in my 20's & 30's but my health declined with anemia, iron IV's diabetes & the TIA so we enjoyed each others company and would confide in each other and talk about the news or whatever was going on. My life was dedicated to Mom , all my time was spent trying to find a way to keep her going. Now I'm conflicted part of my brain doesn't accept she is not there, I'll have panic attacks at times. Going to the store and seeing Halloween things made me sad I would buy her a animated stuffed animal and some fun cards but got a empty gut feeling remembering I can't buy it for her and make her smile. The other part of my brain is more rational and reminds me that she was in so much pain, suffering and her body just wouldn't let her go on anymore. She had such a horrible humiliating and painful passing. It started with weakness and breathing problems. The hospital got her steady after 2 weeks but her bed sores were getting worse and painful. I guess because of the skin age it kept breaking open, she tried to keep busy on her feet even though it was painful. When she got home even though nothing changed her blood sugars went crazy, had a diabetic coma, the paramedics resolved it but then she got C diff. it makes you go all the time you can't control it and when you can't walk very much you have to wait for someone to walk you to the bathroom and help get you cleaned up. I tried my best but then she got dehydrated and incoherent which was heartbreaking to see. Back to the hospital. Horrible waiting for nurses to change you plus was multiplying the bed sores. The hospital pushed her out after 2 weeks so she went to a rehab which I researched and got the best possible but again she had to wait to be changed , I did my best bringing in her favorite food, although she couldn't each very much. The rehab people are polite, helpful did their best but when you keep going over and over it takes everything out of you and was embarrassing, painful and frustrating. I got Mom home but we had to still get her to the bathroom but she was getting weaker and weaker and harder to get her to her feet so we finally had to call hospice. She was frustrated that she couldn't even stand because of weakness. I was fooling myself trying to convince her we just need to get your strength back and Hospice would put her back on regular medical Insurance. Her mind was still sharp. She start having bad dreams and reacting scared to loud noises as Hospice had advised us. I held her hand and tried reassuring Mom. She all of a sudden said something is very wrong, something is happening. I said I Love You, Mom said I Love you so much then she went into a coma. It was a long painful week of watching Mom in the coma, we gave her medication for pain. It was on July 4th my brother and sister were sleeping and she took her last breath in front me. I try to remember the good times but I see the terrible pain and humiliation she had to go through. I don't know what to do with my days I go through boredom, depression, try to distract myself and with the holidays coming up will be a stressful time without her. I guess my poor health keeps me distracted but my Brother and sister seem to have moved on and really don't respond to times when I want to talk about Mom. That's where I'm at
  3. I don't even know where to begin. I lost my mom 8 months ago. She was 70 years old and she had COPD. I feel as though I am still in a fog. I always found myself in denial of how sick she really was. When she would tell me that she didn't feel good I would roll my eyes or say it's because she needs to get out of the house. Or I would blame it on the weather. I would even blame all of the medication she was on. I would come up with any way to excuse it all away. I should have been more understanding. I just wanted her to be better. I didn't want to accept that she was really sick. If I had it to do over I would have just held her and pampered her. After a bad COPD related illness in Dec of 2013 things became really bad. She spent more time in the hospital than out. The time spent in the hospital was filled with so many ups and downs. ICU, emergency surgeries, being moved to an acute care center then back to the ER and ICU to Palliative care. We would have hope one minute and then be crushed the next. I stayed by her side the entire time. Thanks to hospital WIFI I was able to work from her room and the bedside table became my new desk. She went into the hospital in March and did not make it back home. She came to my house through Hospice on Friday June 13. She passed away on Monday June 16, 2014. I was able to pray over her, pamper her and play her favorite gospel hymns. It was the greatest honor to be able to care for her in her final days. My parents celebrated their 54th anniversary New Years Day 2014. Which was also the 9 year anniversary of my brother's death. He died of AIDS and he suffered a very long slow death. My mother cared for him in her home. Watching her own son die a little each day for over a year. Having 2 children of my own I can't even imagine how excruciatingly painful that must have been. We were very close and his death was the hardest thing I had experienced in my life...until now. Right after my mom died I felt as if I was beginning to suffer the same symptoms that she had. I thought that because I refused to accept how she felt all those years now Karma will make sure that I feel it first hand. I told my husband and he said I was being ridiculous. It felt very real to me. I later read an article that this is sometimes a symptom of grief. Two months after her death while eating breakfast, out of the blue, a rush came over me. I became very light headed. My heart began to pound out of my chest. I was extremely dizzy and I couldn't breathe. My entire body was trembling and I honestly thought I was dying. I took my blood pressure it was 186/112. That confirmed it. I was having a heart attack. My husband took me to the ER and it turned out to be an anxiety/panic attack. I had never experienced anything like that in my life! They thought it may have been caused by my thyroid being out of balance. After plenty of follow up visits with my Dr. and lab work it was determined that I am in perfect health. I have since also found that anxiety is a symptom of grief. Although I have learned to control them through breathing and self talk I still live in fear of the attacks. I feel that it's never the right time or place to cry so I have mastered the art of holding it in. I have had to help my dad deal with his loss. He was totally dependent on my mom. He is healthy but they come from the generation of the wife being the homemaker. He had never even made a sandwich or stepped foot in a grocery store. I have had to take on 2 households not to mention two budgets and my full time job. My dad has come along way over the past 8 months with cooking, cleaning and shopping. He also began seeing another woman within the first 6 weeks of my mom's death which is a whole other story and I'm sure I have already exceeded the post limit. I'll just say that I was NOT ready for that! My stomach feels like it is in shreds and I have lost a lot of weight due to a nervous stomach and lack of appetite. I feel so exhausted all the time. I want to go to bed and stay there. Life is too much to handle. I am now having to double check all of my work because my brain is mush. I feel like I'm losing it. Although I have read some of the same words in other post I can't help but think no one knows how I feel. I never expected these physical symptoms. Maybe my brothers death caused the final decline of my mom's health and her death will be the death of me. It's been 8 months. I know that grief takes time. I know I will never be the same. Everything I read says this is normal. I'm also beginning to have memories of how I grieved for my brother and even my grandmother. My mom's mom died 5 years after my brother. I am sorry that I have rambled on but I feel like this process has become more about how I feel physically and mentally instead of being able to genuinely grieve and miss my mom. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and thank you for allowing me to ramble on here.
  4. LOST ANIMALS If your companion animal is missing/lost, in order to maximize the chances for a happy return, rather than having to suffer a more definitive loss, my first piece of advise would be to do web searches for "lost animals resources" or the like....and follow as much of the advise from each site as you can! In conjunction, were it me, I'd hire a recommended Animal Communicator from one of the lists provided, as an invaluable aid and understanding counsellor during such trauma. There are several good sites out there now, but I will list just one of the most helpful & info-packed ones I've found through the years, as a start. Many of the other ones I've favoured are listed within this site anyway: This is an excellent "lost pet" resource site compiled by Morgine Jurdan, a well-known Animal Communicator who also includes this service as part of her work with/for animals. Please check out ALL the categories listed there, as there are several lists, each under different headings: http://findalostpetresources.com/ TREED CATS RESCUE SERVICES If your, or someone else's cat, is ever stuck in a tree and cannot (or will not) get down on their own, PLEASE do NOT leave them up there, hoping "they'll come down eventually, on their own." Cats have suffered and died this way, and fire departments apparently often do NOT mythically provide rescue help for these situations, although you could always ask, of course. Of immense interest and relief to me, I recently came across this helpful site and resource. Dan Kraus, an arborist and award-winning tree climber, has rescued more than 950 cats to date (!!! ) and offers his service, helpful tips and other info, PLUS a directory listing of other arborists who also help rescue cats stuck in trees across the US, Canada and even Internationally. Each place where they are available for hire, is under his "Directory." But also invaluable is all the other info he provides on treed cats and what you should & should not do. I would also highly suggest anyone peruse his whole site well in ADVANCE of such a scenario ever happening, to be prepared and avoid making possibly lethal mistakes, should a dear cattie ever get stuck in a tree. http://www2.catinatreerescue.com/view/Directory_view.cfm?directory_id=1
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