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Found 6 results

  1. Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. but after being together for a little over 1 month, his brother tragically and suddenly passed away. Since then, he has been a totally different person. I have been there for him since the second he got the news, and I haven't left. We had a fight where he spoke to me and treated me in a way where I won't condone in a relationship that has been built on mutual respect and honesty. (this wasn't the first time and he blames the outbursts on his anxiety about his brother) I have been VERY understanding about his outbursts and high level of anxiety due to his brother's passing. But out of anger I broke up with him, he didn't seem to even care. Later on that day I call him to talk and take back what had happened.. but he did some self reflection and realized that he "needs space" because he doesn't want to treat me the way he has been treating me. What I don't understand is why he needs space from only me and why he is only pushing me away and is more involved with being with his friends when I have been nothing but good to him and there for him. He hasn't made me a priority at all since his brother died and I understood he has so much more going on, but why is it okay for him to be with his friends and not me? Why am I the only one that he needs time away from? I'm giving him the space he asked for, but it is really hard for me because he was so contradicting and confusing and refused to really talk about it. I love him and I believe what we have is special and he says the same...but then why the sudden change of heart.
  2. My mother was kind of crap when I was younger. She didn't want to be a mom. Her and my father divorced before I was even 1. They both had their share of problems. My mothers parents took us in initially. I was the first grandchild in the family. It was that way for over a decade. My mom and I were not super close. She would say things like "don't ever have kids, it's the worst thing you could do!' Her mother was my rock. Her parents totally helped us out when I was a child and until I grew to an adult. All of my school clothes, my bedroom decorations which were always fashionable and cool were from her. She drove hours every month to take me to and from my appointment for my braces. She has been such a role model, poised, witty, strong, full of love. Her life has come to an end. Right now she is in Southern California ( I am here in nor cal) my mom and aunt are with her. Her kidneys are failing. She has been getting worse with her dementia for the last few years now. My aunt has taken her on full time. It has been a lot to handle. My nanny is ready to go, she told me almost 6-7 months ago she was. Now that it is time I am feeling super sad I can't take the time to be there. I am sad I can't hold her hand even though she won't even know I am there because of the morphine. They give her anywhere from a day to a week to live. She wakes up sometimes and is confused and upset. This is just a hard time for me. I feel like the figurehead of my family is going to pass. This woman I have idolized will soon be gone and even if I were there with her I could do nothing. It is life, it ends and that is natural. She is 83. I just love and admire her so much. My family is not religious AT ALL. My papa, her hubby, had no memorial or service. This hurt their community a lot. They are pillars of the community and many ppl needed to pay their respects. I worry that my family won't allow a service of any sort for my nanny either. Lots of pain in my heart right now. Just had to let it out somewhere.
  3. I love you all. Thank you from my heart for your love and support . I wish you the best of days and pray that you feel the support, presence and love of those we grieve xx
  4. On our very first date my now boyfriend told me his mom was battling cancer and had been for the past eight years. Now, two years later, she's losing her battle and I'm starting the battle of how to deal with the grief that my boyfriend is going through. I'm looking for a way/advice to help me cope with his grief as he is shutting me out and closing me off. He claims he's fine and that he's prepared for her death, but I know something is wrong. He is throwing himself into work, not eating, doesn't sleep, had no interest in intimacy or touch, and seems to be lost. Last week I confronted him about his recently behavior changes and while he continued to deny that it had anything to do with his mom, he did say that he doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship, even though he still loves me, doesn't want to break up or for me to move out. At the time, I told him that I was going to stay until he asked me to leave, determined to help him get through whatever hard time he's having right now, hoping to make us an even stronger couple. Now, a week later, I'm struggling to keep that same positive attitude. My love languages are physical touch and quality time and I've been getting neither in the past week. Granted, he's a farmer and it's haying season so even if we weren't in this current situation I might not be seeing him much and I'm trying to remember that. I'm doing my best to give him space and time, while offering positive encouragement about work and life in general. We've had a great relationship these past two years, full of love, laughter and happy memories. We often talked about getting married and what our futures hold. I don't want to give up on that or abandon him in his time of need, but every once in a while I worry that he really doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore and just doesn't have the guts to break up with me. Maybe blaming the entire situation on his mom is just my way of denying it? If anyone has any ideas, thoughts or similar stories, please share.
  5. March 16, 2012 was the day my world stopped, the day I had to become an adult and the day where my life took a drastic turn. I vaguely remember the smell of the bleach in the hospital room and the eery silence that filled the room as I gave birth to my deceased daughter. As I look back now, sometimes I find it surreal and above all bewildered that this actually happened to me. Never should a parent have to bury their child, but I was only 20-years-old. I was a child losing a child. Although my pregnancy wasn't planned, that doesn't mean that I still wasn't extremely attached to the idea of becoming a parent. My daughter Parkar didn’t get the chance to grace the world with her presence; she was taken away from me at only a mere 5 months along in the pregnancy. When we were told that she had a severe form of Spina Bifida and wouldn’t live to make it full-term, my life partially ended on that day. Devastation doesn’t even begin to describe the gut-wrenching emotions that swirled in my head and heart. At the time, I was so distraught that I honestly felt like I was dying. To be as sad as I was, I probably needed some sort of medical help for how deep of a depression that I sunk into. We found out on March 9, 2012 that we were having a little girl and on March 16, 2012 found ourselves in the hospital having to let her go. And for several months following, I suffered immensely, to the point where my life became a disoriented mess. One of the main problems was that I was at an awkward age where people didn't know how to treat me or what to say. I wasn't a child but I wasn't really an adult so most people ignored Parkar's death and acted as if it didn't happen. The second problem was that I had completely lost control of myself, my relationship, my friendships and everything in between. Several months down the road, I woke up in the middle of the night and almost had what you could call an epiphany. I didn't want this life of suffering anymore. I knew that I needed to change my life and turn my grief and hurt into something more positive. So the very next day, that is just what I did. I started to enact a plan of attack on how to get my life back on track. And with tiny baby steps I transformed my life. I sincerely believe that my daughter's death happened for me to help other parents. I think Parkar's death happened so I could learn to be a voice for young parents that are stuck in a rut. Now at the age of 23, I have devoted the last couple years of my life to helping people better understand what loss means for people in their 20s and 30s. ​Perhaps the greatest words of wisdom that I can provide, is that despite how horrible your child's death is, you are in fact strong enough to get through it. On days where you don't feel like going on and moving forward, you have the answers within yourself to heal, find love and real happiness again. Parkar's death was the greatest tragedy of my life, but somehow, someway I got through it.
  6. It was about three weeks since Lily’s death and we were in Wanaka, visiting my brother and his partner, leaving my sister back in Auckland. One night while I was there, I woke up after having a dream of Lily. In the dream Lily simply said, “Tell Lou I’m sorry I wasn’t there”. So not thinking much of it, I was prompted to call my sister, Louise. I asked her how she was and she said she was fine, although she said she had been to a funeral the previous day. She had managed to get through the service with dry eyes until the end when someone got up and read the very same poem that she, my sister, had read for Lily at her funeral, three weeks earlier. At this point she lost it and could hold back the tears no longer. Lily had obviously been with her at this funeral, trying to let her know that she was still there with her. Lots of love, Erica The poem read: “Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room I am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other That we are still, call me by my old familiar name Speak to me in the easy way you always used Put no difference into your tone Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow Laugh as we always laughed At the little jokes we always enjoyed together Play, smile, think of me, pray for me Let my name be ever the household word that it always was Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow in it Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was There is absolute unbroken continuity What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you for an interval somewhere very near Just around the corner, All is well. Nothing is past; nothing is lost One brief moment and all will be as it was before How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!” by Canon Henry Scott-Holland
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