Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'multiple losses'.
Found 2 results
I feel that no one my age can possibly understand the depth of the pain I have to live with everyday. Grief is a burden; for every loss, it's like you must carry a heavy bag that no one can see. I am carrying so much pain and it takes so much for me even to get through the day and do even one or two things. I feel so isolated by grief because I have been forced to experience so much tragedy at a time in my life when it seems that everyone else has everything. I am so resentful of social media. I also feel resentful of people who have ignored my losses, people who I considered to be friends, and then it feels so heartless that they can't even address such a huge loss in your life. I see people having kids and getting married and having huge family dinners and their lives are so full, it makes me feel even more alone. I try to be grateful for all that I have, and grateful that I had such meaningful relationships to begin with, but losing them is tearing me apart. I lost my father suddenly and tragically when I was 26. While I was still trying to get back on my feet, my brother was diagnosed with a rare cancer. During that time, my mom was very sick but it wasn't until another 6 months had passed that she was diagnosed with advanced cancer. My brother died within 18 months and I am approaching the 2 year anniversary of his death. My mom is now in palliative care and I am caring for her at home. I cannot bear another loss and losing my mom is disconnecting me from myself in a way the previous losses didn't. My mom is my best friend, my guide, and has helped me cope with all the pain in my life. I don't know how I will face anything without her. I want to retreat and hide away from the world but I am also afraid this loss will harden me and take all the joy from my life. I want more than anything to live, and yet, I am paralyzed by sadness.
Can someone help please? I am confused. 20 Nov 2016 I lost a student of mine to death under influence of substance (he jumped out of a hotel window hallucinated and imaging he could fly after a wild party). I broke news to his parents abroad and with the school chaplain, pretty much took his memorial service first on 27 Nov, and then funeral on 7th Dec. The same evening as I returned from his funeral, totally depleted physically and emotionally, my husband broke news of my friend's unexpected death the day before, 6 Dec, due to a heart condition, aged 56. She was the only one I confided in about the student's funeral a few days prior to the funeral. A date was finally set for her funeral on 7 Jan 2017. Late afternoon on 5 Jan, I received a phone call from family members that my half brother (somebody very special and meant a lot to me,in my oriental culture, he was always my brother as there is no word for 'half brother' in my language) had passed away earlier that afternoon, and in a follow-up phone communication I was told that his cremation would actually take place on the same day as my friend's (a very swift development apparently common practice in Spain). I attended my friend's funeral in the end, as I could not get any air ticket to fly out within such a short space of time. I cried at my friend's funeral, remembering the circumstances under which I was told of her death, also agonising for the fact that another funeral was taking place at the same time,of which I should have but could not be part of. I eventually made my way to be with family on 21 Jan for a few days. A friend of mine said to me last Sunday, '... it's still early days, especially for such extraordinary multiple losses...' after learning that I had not taken any time off since it all happened last November and that I had little support and no counselling. But I thought I have been coping at work and I should be able to carry on functioning at work, because all this will fade and it's better to let it fade, isn't it? I am very confused with my approach with the multiple losses ( a term I only learned two days ago online) because I believed that it would work, but my friend was concerned as more and more tears streamed down my face as the conversation deepened and emotions seemed intensified. But I thought everything was fading... Nevertheless I have been reading stuff about grief and losses for the first time since Sunday and that's how I came across this forum. Can someone tell me if I am doing it right to let it fade and carry on as I have been for the past weeks? Should I be seeking professional help?