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Hi there, I'm Elliot, I'm 27 and from the UK. I have never really posted on a forum about something like this but I am hoping someone may be able to give some advice or share their experience for my current situation, or maybe I just needed somewhere to get some of this off my chest. So I live in a household of five, myself and my partner, grandparents and my mother. Sadly in the last week or so my mum has been taken into hospital due to covid, and unfortunately after putting up a good fight and things beginning to look positive, I received a call from her doctor today to inform me that unfortunately she is very likely to pass within the next day or two. There is still a possibility of her pulling through, but due to the severity of the condition and other health issues, it's really a slim possibility. In addition to this, myself and the others are in isolation, after having ourselves all tested, my grandmother who is in her late 80s with an array of conditions has also come out positive for the virus and unfortunately her condition too has worstened. She is currently being monitored closely from home, on the advice of the paramedics we had in earlier as the additional stress of being hospitalised may be more harmful than good for her, unless we absolutely have to. I like to consider myself a realistic kind of person and don't like to "kid myself" (for lack of a better term) with false hope. So I am doing my best to prepare myself mentally for the worst should it happen, whilst remaining as positive as possible but its difficult as I have never had to deal with this kind of situation before. Here lies the real struggle I am experiencing right now. At the moment, I've really had to step up and take some responsibility (with the support of my partner who has been brilliant through this) particularly in making sure my grandparents are cared for whilst isolating, and supporting them mentally as not only is it my mum in hospital, but their daughter. I keep reminding myself of this and try to put a brave face on for them but it's getting difficult now, especially with a second family member now in a troubling position. Fortunately, according to our recent tests, myself, partner and grandfather are all negative for the virus, however as per the rules we're going to have to stay isolated until everyone living here is clear. This is fine as the last thing we would want to do is spread this to anyone else, but it does make it hard as the only person not considered "venerable" to the virus I have a new heavy sense of responsibility to stay strong and look after everyone here as best I can, as at the moment they don't really have anyone else. From a practical sense this is relatively easy with so many remote options available I have been able to make sure we have all the necessities delivered and so on.My concern at the moment is for myself mentally, as someone prone to depression. Something which I have managed well myself in the past, I need to make sure I can look after myself in order to ensure I can continue to support the rest of my family. I don't want to seem like I'm making myself out to be in any way worse off than anyone else as of course this is a global pandemic and I'm sure thousands are in a much tougher position than myself. I am counting my blessings that I have others with me right now and at least some of us are still healthy. But I was hoping that someone may be able to provide some advice or perhaps share their own experiences. Thanks kindly in advance.
Hi, I’m new here, so I’m sorry if I’m doing this wrong. I lost my mum in January 2017 and feel a lot of guilt about it. My mum had mental health issues, and whilst 95% of the time she was functional and fine, sometimes she really struggled. She had psychosis and sometimes she would hear voices in her head and when she got like that she would drink and go to bed. One night she was struggling and had been drinking and went to bed like she normally would. I was the only one in the house and I was watching something on TV. Usually I would hear my mum get up in the night a lot to go to the bathroom, walk on the landing, go downstairs etc, but this night I hadn’t heard anything. I remember getting a little worried and wondering if I should go check, and this wasn’t a new feeling because in the past I would feel like this when she had been on the same state and I’d go check on her just to see if she was still breathing in bed and she obviously was always fine. This night I didn’t go check, I thought “she’s probably fine” because she was always fine! And I thought it was just me overthinking and being worried like I normally was, so I didn’t go check. I still felt worried but I didn’t go check and just tried to think of other things and watched TV. Later my dad came home, went to check on my mum, and we found she had died. Turned out it was mix of the alcohol and the medication she was on (that we weren’t told could be fatal when mixed together, but that’s a whole other sad story) I feel responsible in a way for my mum’s death. I feel like if I had checked when I had that thought she could have been struggling and I could have got her help or something, but i was selfish or lazy and didn’t go check on her. I know logically that if I had really thought something was wrong I would’ve gone and checked, but me having that little niggling doubt should’ve been enough and I should h e checked! I’m so angry with myself, I feel like I was just being lazy or selfish. What if she would still be alive if I had checked? I’ve told my family this and they don’t blame me and say there’s just no knowing when she died and even if I had checled she could’ve been dead already, but I still feel guilty for not checking. Even if I had discovered she was already dead, I still made the choice not to check for my own reasons, whatever they were, even though I was worried something might have been wrong. I don’t know what to do.
My adopted mother passed away on Sunday the 8th of April 2019. Her cancer had come back for the third time and very quickly spread to her spine and the doctors gave her weeks to live. I heard the news and immediately made plans to come up as soon as I could but she died the next day peacefully in her sleep at 2am. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. She may not have been my biological mother but I don’t care she meant the most to me more than anyone else in the world I know. She was the strongest most resilient woman I knew yet the kindest and sweetest at the same time. Her cancer first arrived and she had several terrible operations and treatments to get rid of it and they worked but at a high price, the second time it came around was in a smaller form this last October of 2018. She didn’t want to even tell me because she knew I’d be devastated, and I remember clear as day I had received amazing news and was delighted with myself as she sat and congratulated me while hiding a horrible secret. I eventually found out however and our bond grew and she had it removed fairly simply. But just this last week it returned in her lungs and spread to her spine killing her as she finally lost the fight after three rounds in the ring so to speak. She helped me through the hardest most confusing hormonal and painful time of my own life and pregnancy using her experience to guide me and reassure me everything I was feeling was normal, we joked and cried together, did everything together, she also helped me to realise I had feelings for the person I am currently engaged to and due to marry. She did everything a mother would have done for me in my life in half the time. And all that whilst having illness and demons of her own that far outshadowed mine, and I wasn’t even her biological child even if by almost every meaning of the word I was hers. I can’t stress enough the amount of things she has done for people helping them and now donated her body to cancer research as well. Not only being an amazingly talented singer and pianist serenading me when I was down always picking me up with her bubbly personality. She’d always doubt herself and say she want good enough and I’d scream and shout to the heavens how amazing she was until she conceded with a giggle and accepted she might just be okay. But now, that’s gone...the most beautiful soul I’ve had the honour of being able to call my mother has been taken from me and the family. And I don’t know how I can move on when I’m still so in love with her and everything about her, just so many things she didn’t get to do and I can’t see her do and be happy...I don’t feel anything now I just sit here shaking and shaking and getting angrier then sadder and crying and fine and loop and it’s endless I can’t just be calm even now the cycle in my head and body round and round it never stops it’s like I can’t function without her I don’t know what to do. The last thing she said to me before she died was “Don’t be sad, I will die the happiest woman on earth who finally found true love” and that helps to a degree, but still not enough to fill this black hole of feelings inside me from my own past that she kept for me in check and controlled which is just raging and raging and I can’t stop it...I can’t do anything now other than think about her and how i just want her to hold me again and say “I love you heaps ya know” like she always would Miss you forever mum...hopefully I’ll see you again one day, god do I hope so.
My Mom passed almost five years ago of Cancer when I was 16. She was ill since I was 12. was an incredible Mom, I am so proud and grateful that she was mine. Since her passing, I have felt an overwhelming amount of guilt as I wasn't there for her when she was dying. I was so afraid - I hid in my room on the computer. In a sense, I still do. I experienced deep, overwhelming depression and agoraphobia. It spiralled out of control. Every time I get a job, for example, I become deeply depressed and spiral into suicidal thoughts and actions. I do not know how to stop this. Since my Mom's passing, I have continually dropped out of schools, jobs and relationships. I struggle with keeping my word and struggle to accept myself. A few days ago my Dad told me he is at breaking point and struggles supporting me as an adult. It is not fair to him. In a few weeks, I am starting school again. I really do not want to fail and drop out this time - I want to succeed. Please help me