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So I couldn't sleep this morning due to stressful bad dreams so I woke up around 6am. Put the TV on and tried to go back to sleep. This some came on in the show I was watching that took me to a really sad place. Pearl Jam came on in the background. They are, or were, one of Jack's favorite bands (we had a pic of when he met Eddie Vedder at the foundation room in Vegas on our wall. Eddie was so short compared to Jack he actually picked him up like you would a small child for the pic). The song is 'just breathe' and my memory was years and years ago when our relationship was still new we had a split. When this song came out and I first heard it I immediately called him. Because of his illness I had already early on taken on this caretaker role. Hearing the song when we were separated made me break down and cry. I called him and shared it with him then. It brought us back together in a way. Hearing it today just reminded me of why I cried that first time. Because I knew we were more and we weren't supposed to be apart. It reminded me how much we loved each other. And today I totally lost my s*** crying just thinking about my loss. Haven't done that in a while. I'm still crying actually. Here is a link to the song. Enjoy. The last lines "hold me till I die. Meet you on the other side." I was holding him when he passed, so now I sit and wait to see him again. I am a health nut and only 32 so I will be waiting a very long time ?
I read through some posts here - about triggers and grief-bursts - music specifically - when I listen to music the past 26 months, I discover that I listen with a different ear than before - certain songs have a much deeper meaning to me than previously - and those songs come alive - when it's THAT type of song, I immediately download it and make a short video, using it as background to images of My Margaret - like this one - I'm not sure where I heard it, it could even be here. Here is my little video, if I may share: Regards from South Africa Andrè