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Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. but after being together for a little over 1 month, his brother tragically and suddenly passed away. Since then, he has been a totally different person. I have been there for him since the second he got the news, and I haven't left. We had a fight where he spoke to me and treated me in a way where I won't condone in a relationship that has been built on mutual respect and honesty. (this wasn't the first time and he blames the outbursts on his anxiety about his brother) I have been VERY understanding about his outbursts and high level of anxiety due to his brother's passing. But out of anger I broke up with him, he didn't seem to even care. Later on that day I call him to talk and take back what had happened.. but he did some self reflection and realized that he "needs space" because he doesn't want to treat me the way he has been treating me. What I don't understand is why he needs space from only me and why he is only pushing me away and is more involved with being with his friends when I have been nothing but good to him and there for him. He hasn't made me a priority at all since his brother died and I understood he has so much more going on, but why is it okay for him to be with his friends and not me? Why am I the only one that he needs time away from? I'm giving him the space he asked for, but it is really hard for me because he was so contradicting and confusing and refused to really talk about it. I love him and I believe what we have is special and he says the same...but then why the sudden change of heart.
This is the first time I am posting here but I am really struggling. My boyfriend of over two years, who I live with, very suddenly lost his mother back in July. She had taken her own life and he had found her. He seemed surprisingly okay in the following months until the end of October came around. His best friend, who he spoke to on the phone on almost a daily basis passed away from an OD. After his mother had passed I remember him calling this friend and begging him to stop the drugs because he couldn't lose him too after his mother had just died. I cannot even begin to imagine how he is feeling right now. My friend also passed away in August but we were not nearly as close. Last night my boyfriend confessed to me that this past weekend he had a very intimate and almost romantic conversation with his friend's sister's friend who he had just met. He told me that he felt like she just understood him and that we never have conversations like that. After telling me this he begin to tell me that that conversation has made him rethink our relationship and he is not sure if he wants to be with me. He says he still loves me and is in love with me. We had all these plans for our future, moving out of state, starting a business... and now he doesn't know if he wants any of that. He was always SO excited about these plans and for him to not want them anymore is terribly confusing and disheartening. He means so much to me and I know he is going through a lot and I should probably give him space but I don't want to lose him. Earlier this year he was even looking at rings for me to ask me to marry him and now this might be the end... Does anyone have nay advice for me?
SORRY FOR THE ESSAY! Hello, I am incredibly confused and hurt by a recent situation. I would love some advice and help. Four years ago, I lost 5 family members over the course of the year. Most of them came suddenly and without warning. I felt emotionally numb for a long time and my grief process was delayed. I began grieving for my losses 2 years ago. Last year, I moved to another city on my own to pursue academic and career goals. I met a man who I hit it off with instantly. He eventually told me that he had lost his mother a year prior to meeting me and I shared my losses with him. We found it incredible that not only was there chemistry of all levels between us, but we were going through similar times. Everything was going well between us. We had our separate lives and made time for one another as well. Last summer, he came to visit my hometown and I attended his friend's wedding. Then he went to visit his only surviving uncle. When he came back, he became incredibly distant. I would only see him sporadically and he stopped taking care of his health. He began smoking, drinking too much, and using drugs. He would call me randomly when he was having a hard time and I always left whatever I was doing to be with him. I constantly told him how much he was loved. He was an only child who lost his mother and never knew his father. But he has a lot of smart and kind friends in his life. He would tell me how amazing I was and how I always made him feel better. But he could not be in a relationship right now because his uncle was dying and he needed to work through his emotions on his own. I said whatever he needed but I was always a phone call away. Those phone calls came and I was there for him when his uncle died in November. In December, he went to visit friends in different cities and help his aunt out. I returned to my hometown to spend the holidays with my family. I hardly heard from him. Early this year, I met up with him and he said he thought I would have moved on by now. I was surprised by that comment and said I was interested in dating. We also only had a sexual relationship at this point. Three weeks ago, he talked about the future and how he was going to make more time to spend with me. He said many hopeful things and I thought maybe he was making progress to find some "normalcy." Two weeks ago, I couldn't get a hold of him. He wouldn't return my calls or texts. Then I saw on social media that he had got a ridiculous tattoo. I also saw another woman commenting on his photos quite a bit. I left him a voicemail and told him I was concerned rather than applauding his tattoo the way others were. Last Friday, he deletes me off all of his social media, texts me goodbye messages after writing an essay of my good qualities. I asked him what was going on. Then at 3am while I was sleeping, he texts me and says he's serious about someone else now and can't have me in his life. The woman he is with is a grievance counsellor and the same girl applauding his ridiculous behaviour. I am so dumbfounded. I believed him when he said he couldn't be in a relationship because he needs to find the right feelings. That was a lie because he's in one now. I feel hurt that I lost someone I truly love and care for after going through my family losses. I was there for him and tried my hardest to be a good person. I compare myself to this new girl and I can't figure out what she's been able to do and give him that I didn't. Then I hope that this counsellor isn't one he's seeing professionally. Advice? I don't know what to do. I'm hurt and genuinely concerned for him.
On our very first date my now boyfriend told me his mom was battling cancer and had been for the past eight years. Now, two years later, she's losing her battle and I'm starting the battle of how to deal with the grief that my boyfriend is going through. I'm looking for a way/advice to help me cope with his grief as he is shutting me out and closing me off. He claims he's fine and that he's prepared for her death, but I know something is wrong. He is throwing himself into work, not eating, doesn't sleep, had no interest in intimacy or touch, and seems to be lost. Last week I confronted him about his recently behavior changes and while he continued to deny that it had anything to do with his mom, he did say that he doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship, even though he still loves me, doesn't want to break up or for me to move out. At the time, I told him that I was going to stay until he asked me to leave, determined to help him get through whatever hard time he's having right now, hoping to make us an even stronger couple. Now, a week later, I'm struggling to keep that same positive attitude. My love languages are physical touch and quality time and I've been getting neither in the past week. Granted, he's a farmer and it's haying season so even if we weren't in this current situation I might not be seeing him much and I'm trying to remember that. I'm doing my best to give him space and time, while offering positive encouragement about work and life in general. We've had a great relationship these past two years, full of love, laughter and happy memories. We often talked about getting married and what our futures hold. I don't want to give up on that or abandon him in his time of need, but every once in a while I worry that he really doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore and just doesn't have the guts to break up with me. Maybe blaming the entire situation on his mom is just my way of denying it? If anyone has any ideas, thoughts or similar stories, please share.