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Although this site does not seem to be too active by looking at the dates of the post, I will post my story and hopefully others will reach out and can relate. My middle sister died tragically at the age of 62 on my 60th birthday (Nov 23, 2019). There are no words as to what I am going through. I am currently in counseling...which is helping. Within 5 years, I loss my mother, older brother and youngest brother and my sister. Prior to my sister death, my younger brother's death hit me the hardest, we were very close..that's when I found a wonderful counselor and that was about 5 years ago. However, the tragic death of my sister hit me the hardest. She was killed by a hit and run driver on my birthday while crossing the street. I did not find out until the next day. I had a great 60th birthday celebration. I am sure it was not meant for me to hear the news until the next day. Grieving brings out so many emotions and pass hurt and pain..that is why it is sooooo important to not sweep things under a rug and think it will go away because it won't. It will re-surface in one form or the other. It is so hard in dealing with pain whether it be from relationships, divorce, etc., but it is very necessary to deal with it because again, at some time or another , it will re-surface. Grieving is so hard and I cannot imagine anyone going through it alone.
I somehow can't move forward. My young little dog passed away unexpectedly due to fatal mistake by a bad vet. I am riddled with guilt for letting him go there. This was a different vet we found out too late he was incompetent and killed my dog, just for a routine dental cleaning. Something that takes less than an hour. He did nothing right and everything wrong. My dog did not deserve this. It was voluntary and I regret sending him there. I grieve and cry every day. I don't now how to manage this. It's a big loss. He was the pack leader and such a wonderful friend to his 2 brothers. What do I do? I am beside myself. He didn't need this done. He was only 6 and very healthy. He was a fearful dog. It's possible they kept him in fear against his will without calling me to alert me that he was frightened. It' only my 2 other dogs that keep me going. Is there really a bridge? I need some kind of hope. I am lost. I don't eat right. I'm down 17 lbs and haven't gained any back. His passing is tearing me apart inside. I loved my little guy and I feel I failed him. I had on word to say to prevent this fro happening. I could have said NO, that he was not coming in and I would have kept him home. He'd be here today instead of in a box in my closet which I still cannot open!!!
Hey, this is my first post ever, anywhere, and I am not sure if I am posting in the right place, but thought I might give it a try. I'll give a little bit of an overview with a background so hopefully I am not repetitive. I just recently lost my 25 year old brother to a heroin overdose...I was living in a different state just waiting a few days later to leave back to my hometown. I got a call from my mom on November 5th and my life changed from there. Now let me tell you, my brother has overdosed 5 times before that (but this last time he was 4 months clean prior). He was struggling for YEARS with drugs but I am not too sure how long with heroin. I remember seeing him "jonesing" and the aggressive, manipulative, withdrawing side of him, but never understood why until my parents told me. Ok so fast forward back to this past 5 months. I was in a different state and my brother called me up asking for money, I contemplated on and on as he sounded so desperate and I needed to figure out what his actual motive was, so I called my dad and asked if he was okay. Conclusion included me NOT giving my brother the money he begged me for. We had a falling out and I, regretfully, did not talk to him after that, but I did not block him, in hopes that maybe he WOULD be better one day and reach out to me if he wanted to talk. I guess I waited too long to go home. I can't help but feel like if he knew I was coming home, that he wouldn't have taken that last shot of heroin. I can't help but feel that I didn't show him exactly how much I loved him, but the old him, the sweet kid I remember. The sweet older brother that defended me, held me when i was a baby and just see the love in his eyes being an older brother. Along side him was my oldest brother, they were BEST friends. I miss my brother so much and I wish so badly that things didn't leave off this way... I don't think I have been able to fully grieve due to the fact I am extremely empathetic, so if I am either busy, on the move, or with someone that is happy or peaceful, I generally feel the same...but in the back of my mind I am depressed. The only way i was ONCE able to get my true feelings out was the day after I got home, I got a 6 pack and went to my friends house and broke down. That was the 1 time I feel I actually started truely feeling the effects of this loss. Ever since then I have not drank, so in hand I feel my mind does not let me go to that place where I need to go to start healing. I feel like I am stuck in a loop with my feelings. I mostly feel regret, anger, and sadness all at once but again, my mind won't let me get that out. I don't know what to do and I am truly hoping that I can get some input on this, because I feel like Im not grieving the right way. Please help