Thanksgiving

[Widowedbysuicide]

 

Here in Canada, Thanksgiving was celebrated on Monday.  It was an awkward 'first' for my son and I.  The concept of feeling greatful while my son's father, my husband, is not here with us (because he chose to end his life) is mind blowing.  My brain just ached with trying to make the day into something positive or good while all the time I was dreading hurting my son.  

We did survive it.  There was no turkey dinner or family gathering.  In fact we never heard a word from any of my husband's family or mine.  I felt sad, angry, and truly disappointed that no one made any effort to include my son in their celebrations.  It also makes me realize that Christmas will very likely be just as bad if not worse.  So now I am even more anxious and depressed about Christmas.  I'm trying to make things the best I can for my son and I'm failing.  

I know he is 29 yrs old but he is still my child and he has been traumatized by the suicide.  He suffers from anxiety and depression as I do and I can't stand to see his pain.  So, I tried to find some thanks in Thanksgiving and some gratitude too.  We worked out in the yard together to improve the look of that area, we were both tired when we finished.  While working I said that although I wished his dad was here with us I was grateful to him for providing us with a home and the things we needed to live.  I'm also greatful for the years we had together and all of the love he gave us.  The other thing I wanted to do was to honour my husband.  So we talked about being thankful for what we have and honouring Gord's life and our memories of him by taking good care of the things he provided us with.  We can have a good life if we choose to because he gave us love, laughter, memories and a great foundation.

Thank you Gord.  We would give it all away to have you back with us.  We love you and miss you desperately.  You are an honourable, respectful and loving man.  We will look after what you have given us and hope you will be proud of our efforts.   Forever in our hearts and memories you will stay.

 

[kayc]

Of course your son has been traumatized by the suicide, and you too.  I am so sorry that no family on either side reached out to either of you.  You have each other, I hope he can draw some comfort in that...in knowing that his mom can be counted on and is always there for him.  Suicide is a hard thing to understand, let alone survive.

[MartyT]

Your words are a thoughtful and beautiful tribute to your husband, Marita. Thank you for sharing them with all of us  ♥

[rdownes]

Marita you words are truly touching and I can feel your love for Gord what a wonderful way to honor him.

[KATPILOT]

Marita  I'm sorry I saw this so late but I'm glad I did. What a beautiful touching tribute to your dear husband and at the same time lets you share how you feel.  The first holidays are so hard I know but perhaps next year you will find them softer. I miss Canadian Thanksgiving. This one slipped right by me for I lost that connection years ago and I so miss it.

[Widowedbysuicide]

Thank you for your comments.

it is nice to know that I can find comfort on here.