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My Daddy Died On 11.14.2003


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My daddy, my best friend, died on November 14, 2003. I'm only 16, and my dad is gone forever. He won't see me graduate from highschool or college, he wont' get to walk me down the isle at my wedding. My heart is broken. Will it always be broken? Will I always have this huge hole in my heart? I was so scared when I had to call 911 because my 45 year old father collapsed on our kitchen floor. I was so scared. I wish I could have helped him somehow. It hurts so much. I love you dad.

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Honey, I am so sorry for you. I also lost my father 11-24-03. But he was 84 and had been very sick. I am having a hard time accepting that he is really gone. All I can tell you is that he is still with you, in your heart, and by your side. He will always be with you no matter where you go. I don't know how long it takes, but its not going to be easy or a short length of time. You are so young and so was he. I am 46 and sometimes things happen so suddenly and so unexpectedly that you are in shock for awhile. This is something you need to talk to people about. All your feelings are important. I will hope for you and pray for you and maybe if we talk we can tell each other the good stories about our fathers. An share our grief somehow to help each other. Kimber

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Hi there, i just wanted to say that my dad died (a few years ago now) at the age of 45 on december 23rd .......... he missed me getting married, having children etc...... but there is one thing i can say to you ..... YES it does get easier but like everything else it takes time.

Your dad will always be with you, watching over you smile.gif xx

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hi~

i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. my dad died on june 9, 2003. he was 72. i really am not sure which is worse, to lose someone so suddenly (and not get to say goodbye) or to have to watch them suffer, deteriorate and die (and try to figure out how to say goodbye and being utterly unable to find the words). my mom's father died on the kitchen floor from a heart attack also (when she was 26) she has never gotten over it yet at the same time she thanks god every day that she didn't have to watch him suffer.

i guess no matter how or when it happens we always wish we had more time. i am so sorry he won't be there for you. life has so many strange twists and turns and mixed blessings...i gave birth to my first child in april of 2002, my dad saw him within an hour of his birth. it was amazing. 4 weeks later he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer during exploratory surgery...they just sewed him back up. in july he walked my sister down the aisle (she moved her wedding up 4 months just in case). he died before their first anniversary. then just two weeks after his death my brother's wife had a baby. now i am pregnant with my second child who is due on june 8, 2004, almost a year to the day that i lost my daddy. these wonderful events will always be touched with a shadow of sadness and loss. of knowing that life will never be the same. i am so sorry that this cold harsh reality has to be yours at such a young age...i am 34 and this is the WORST thing that has ever happened to me.

if you need someoen to "talk" to i am here. i don't think that the broken heart ever mends, sweetie. it just becomes a constant ache that you have to learn to live with. i am thinking about you. ~alice

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Thankyou all for your kind words and advice...this seems so unreal to me. Nothing like this has ever happened to me and I am so confused. He was so alive one minute, and then the next, he was gone. It's not fair. I wish I had someone to blame, to be mad at...but there is nothing anyone could have done to help him. And as much as it hurts to talk about it, I need to talk about it because talking about it helps me cry and let my anger out. I wish I would have gotten to say goodbye...or hold his hand...I keep telling my mom that if I would have known he was going to die, I would have pushed the paramedics out of the way and held his hand forever. What a shock. I didn't believe it for such a long time, and sometimes I still believe that somone is going to call and say that they made a mistake and my dad is really alive....but deep down I really know that he is gone. I wish I could see him, and sometimes he does come in my dreams, but I never get answers. I'm so for all of you who have lost your parent...this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life.

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i know what you mean about wanting to believe it didn't happen. it's been six months...it's amazing how your mind can work. you know what happened in reality but there is part of your heart that somehow really BELIEVES you will see him, that this is just a temporary situation. every time i go to my parents house i honestly expect him to come walking down the stairs. it's like the concious part of your brain grasps the concept that he is gone but there is some parallel universe where you can still reach him. that is the hardest part for me. the permanence of the loss. i have dreamt of my dad too. i believe it is their way of telling us to go on, that they are okay, that they know we love them and they love and are protecting us. he is still there...and will be in all those times when you need him most. talk to him. if you need to talk i am here too.

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  • 3 weeks later...

My dad died on November 14th too. My friends who have lost their dads say that the hole in your life will always be there, especially when something good (or bad) happens that you'd normally tell him. I hope that you have friends that you can talk to......they are priceless.

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FROM ONE DADDYS GIRL TO ANOTHER

I am so sorry for your loss. I too, lost my Daddy 6/2/00. I think the best advice I can give you is to experience every emotion and don't ever feel that you need to subside whatever emotion...weather it be depression, anger, bitterness, sadness, or down right ticked off at the world because you are the one going through this...no one else. These are YOUR feelings....please remember that. I remeber yelling out "WHY!!!" And wanting my Daddy back home to hold me like he always did...I still miss that! As I write these words to you wanting to comfort you in some way, tears are streaming down my cheek. That's another thing I need to tell you....you learn to cope...but the pain NEVER goes away. There are 5 girls in my family and if you ask them, they will tell you who Daddy's girl was and still is.

One story I would like to share with you. On the day of my Daddy's funeral. My brother looked up on the roof and saw a (brown/grey) dove. You see, my Daddy was known as the "Peace Maker" of the family so it was just fitting that a dove would show up. Well, ever since that day. All 6 kids and my mother have been surrounded by these doves on special days, holidays, and even when I am out working in the yard doing gardening. (My Daddy had a Nursery and a garden for decades) So you see my daddy still contacts us from above.

I hope these words have helped you in some way.

Take Care,

wiggleworm6200

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I am so sorry to hear about your dad, my mom died september 23 after being sick for almost 8 years. She was diagnosed with cancer when i was 13, i am 22 now, and i am having a really hard time moving on too. i just wanted to tell you that even though you didn't get to say good bye, your dad still knew. my mom was in a comatose state for the last 3 days (she was a fighter) and i was the last person to say goodbye, she didn't say anything because she couldn't but i know she heard me because 30 min. later she died. I know that she was holding on for me, because i am the youngest in the family, she wouldn't even let me move out of the house, so here i am all alone without mom. I wish i could tell you something that will make you feel better but i really can only say that prayer, and time is what heals. I am so very new to this. she was sick so long that i almost got used to it, i never thought she would die. i feel like i am still in shock when it has been over 3 months. I feel so young, my mom will never see me get married or have kids or move out or graduate college. But you know, in the same sense she will, i feel that Jesus lets our parents visit us when we really need them, just my feelings, because i know that the times that i am hurting and feeling really alone, my beautiful mom is there. i hope i help just as much as i could, Natalie.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am very sorry to hear about your father and to all of the other folks who have responded with stories about their loss. I am 27 years old. I lost my father to lung cancer when I was only 6. I can't imagine what you are going through; you had so much more time to know and love your father than I did, but I can tell you about what you will be experiencing. Believe it or not I did no grieving for my father until I was about 18 years old. As my life began to change and my priorities shaped, I began to feel the hole in my life. As I formed relationships with men I realized I had no idea what a healthy one was. My mother never dated, not once, after my dad. I harbored anger at my father. How could you have shildren and continue to smoke 3 packs a day. I cry at weddings everytime the bride dances with her father. But I think the worse part of the whole thing is the look of pity in other people's eyes when you are a teenager and someone finds out about his death. I remember all the 'help' my mom used to get from people and the school counselors I was forced to see. The counselors wanted to force me to talk about it, but being a six-year-old, all I wanted to do was play with the toys in his office. One year, the school gave us a Thanksgiving Dinner 'box' that was supposed to go to the needy. We didn't need food, we needed a dad, and my mom needed her husband. And then there were many years that my mother didn't even speak about him. His memory was closeted. I urge you to talk about him with the rest of your family. Share stories. Understand that when others reach out to help you in ways that don't seem so helpful, they are just trying to say 'I'm sorry for your loss'. Write your dad letters, lots of letters, and believe that he will be waiting for you/watching over you/and always proud and protective. I was a daddy's girl too. My heart goes out to you. Believe me, over time you will find your own ways to honor his memory. For me, I burn a candle for 24 hours on his birthday and death day. I am getting married in a few months and will be having a special floral arrangmentfor him. No one knows that's what it's for but me and my fiance. I find these things comforting. And when you are feeling pain and hopelessness know that he cherished you, and knew you loved him too.

All my best wishes, Becky

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi, I just lost my father 2 weeks ago to cancer. I am 33 years old. He had suffered terribly over the last 6 months, but I still did not want him to go. He was taken to the hospital for pneumonia and my mother and my siblings and I acted on his living will. The hospital treated his pneumonia, but could do nothing more for the pain he was having. His mouth/throat cancer had also left a tumor in his head that was taking over. My dad requested to go home a week after being admitted to the hospital and so my mom took him home. Hospice came in and helped my mom. My dad passed away 2 days later. While in the hospital, my siblings and I all had a chance to tell my father how much he meant to us and how much we loved him. It still does not ease the pain I feel today and every day since then.

I still feel as though I am walking around in a fog. I wonder if I will ever be able to get over the loss of my father. Everyone says it will ease with time, but I wonder how that will happen.

He was my hero and I loved him very much!

How do I help my mom cope with his loss? She devoted the last 35 years to my dad and cared for him every day when he was fighting cancer. He was her entire life. This has been extremely difficult for her as well.

Thank you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wow. . . is all I can say, you all have been such a help to me! I was so lost when my dad died, and I felt like I was the only one going through this pain. It means a lot to me that you guys have gotten through loss and come out alright. It gets easier day by day for me, but sometimes I still get those pangs of pain in my stomach when something reminds me of my dad. I suppose those memories will always come to me, and actually I'm glad of that. Anyways, I just wanted to say thankyou and to everyone else hang in there because slowly but surely it gets a little easier.

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  • 4 weeks later...

My dear, I'm 26 and my dad past away on June 30, 2001--three days before my college graduation when I was 23. I was his beloved little girl and I couldn't imagine what did mean to me of his "disapparence". I couldn't really accepte the fact and denied his death for about one and half year.

I just want to say I understand what you are going thru now. The pain is unbearable when we think of other girls could have their father beside them but we will never have...It's sad and paiful. But dear, I now believe we do have our beloved dad... Your dad is still somewhere near you, he is watching you still, you may not "see" him, but he is there, somewhere... He will see you graduate from highschool and college, know who you are going to marry , attend your wedding, see your kids- his grandchildren, from above.. And one day, when the time is ready, you will meet him again.

Your daddy needs you to take care of his precious princess....

Take care!

kim

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I lost my dad two weeks ago today on March 25, 2004. I am 35 years old and he was only 62. He had struggled with terminal heart disease for the past 5 years and he died suddenly at home from a heart attack. I had just called him and we said I love you to one another before hanging up the phone as always, then he laid down in my mom's arms where he died peacefully. They were married for almost 40 years, and still in love, so it was both fitting and sad that this was how he left the world. He also had the intial stages of Parkinson's disease, and his greatest fear was that he would live crippled by this disease. So my mother and I are comforted that he did not suffer.

I am lucky because I have no regrets about my relationship with my father. I am not filled with anger, or regret, or confusion- just overwhelming sadness. He was my best friend and I am having such a hard time dealing with my life without him each day.

What complicates things so much more is that my Mom has stage 4 cancer, and actually, we were expecting her to die before my dad, as her condition has worsened over the past few months. I am single and live close to my parents, but I have decided to temporarily live with my mom and to take a leave of absence from work to help care for her and to spend time with her so that I have no regrets when the time comes that I lose her as well.

The hardest part is that I am an only child and that I cannot imagine being alone without BOTH of my parents. The pain, fear and anxiety is unbearable. Each day I feel overwhelmed and so sad. It is also so hard to avoid feeling sorry for myself and to keep my attitude positive for my mother, who is often overwhelemd by her sadness for my having to deal with all of this- she is an amazing, selfless person.

I am reading these posts and it is amazing to me how many people are experiencing the same thing. I agree that this is the hardest time, when life returns to "normal" and when the visitors stop coming and when you feel like you are the only one in the world with these thoughts.

I believe that my father is not very far away, that he is watching us and helping us through this time. I just wish I could dream about him or see him again. His death has hurt me deeply but has also helped me to see some things more clearly. I have no idea how I can manage each day with my grief about the loss of my father while I prepare for the loss of my mother. ????

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  • 2 weeks later...

Im touched by the supportive comments on here, it really is fantastic to read that im not the only person in this situation, and there are other people feeling the same things.

I like to think of the times we had before he got ill, the happy memories, like holidays, listening to music, playing the violin and him accompanying me.

I think of him in heaven, or wherever he is in the sky (theres a star that i see at night that twinkles, and i think thats him) and what he will be doing, or thinking. Its comforting to think of that.

I did plan to post to your comment and offer advice, but i've realised that i cant really do that, because everyone is different.. i guess we can only offer each other support. Does anyone else think like that??

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  • 2 months later...

Hi there. Firstly, I'm so terribly sad for your loss. I know it's been awhile now since your first post, and time is beginning to heal the sharp tang of the original hurt. Still, I hope you'll get this message.

I am 20 years old. My father passed away from Cancer on July 6, 1998. I was 14. I stumbled upon this forum recently because I just looked at the date and realized that the anniversary of the 6th year without my father had come and passed without my noticing. I'm not going to lie to you, you're going to feel this pain for the rest of your life. Though time has healed some wounds, there still exhists a pit of pain in my heart that was never there before my fathers death, but will never be absent again. The hardest moment for me was when I sat on the stage during my high school graduation. I recalled sitting there years before on the same stage during my junior high graduation, when my father was sitting in the audience. I imagine my wedding will be painful as well, but I consider that moment when I accepted my diploma to be the pinacle of my grief. I think you too will have a moment when you come to accept the situation. You may of already had it, it may be years into the future, but you will remember it always.

My father was a wonderful man, an immigrant who strove to make his life and his families as happy as possible. I have his eyes, and I always imagine that I continue to look at the world through the 'looking glass' of my father. The greatest gift that you can give to your own father is to take what he taught you, and what you learned from his example and apply it to your own life. The greatest compliment I can ever be given is when people tell me I remind them of my father.

It helped me to read other peoples experiences while I was in the early stages of grief. If you feel like talking, I hope you'll e-mail me. There's something to be said about sharing your experiences with strangers, it can sometimes be more freeing than when you speak with someone you know well.

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