Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Hi, This is my first time on any forum. I have FB.. But never did a group forum online before. I lost my husband June 12th of this year. We were hit by a semi on the interstate. He died instantly. I believe he saved my life as he swerved over to the right taking most Of the impact. I am doing quite well physically. It's so hard to comprehend that we were in the same car. I had some survivors guilt for a bit, still sometimes wish I could lay down beside him and rest. I miss everything about him. August would have been his 55th bday. September would have been our 29th anniversary. October, I turned 50... Without him to celebrate with me. I try to think positive...we were in a good place in our marriage...we had just spent a great weekend with friends... He didn't suffer..he got to meet our grand daughter Evelyn born in May in Indiana. I am so thankful we made the trip... I am lost...Tried to go back to work, but missed a great deal of work due to grieving and doc appts... I am hoping it helps to connect with others that have had the same type of experience. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him... picking up the pieces in FL...somehow... Marie Lee 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Marie - Welcome to our little group. I am so sorry you have reason to be here and hope you can find some comfort. I hope you have found a grief counselor as you have so much to deal with. Four months is such a short time and the circumstances also complicate the process for you. We are here for you. Brad 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Thanks Brad. I did some grief counseling for a couple of mths. It's not the direction I thought I was going in...but, here I am. Thanks for your warm greeting and kind words. I love your quote from A A Milne :-) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 I am so very sorry for your loss, Marie. One of the things we do here on this forum is support one another. Your grief is fresh and it will take time for you to process what has happened. We will be here for you. Those of us here have lost a significant other ~ some just recently and others a while ago. Reading posts from others will help you be connected to those who do understand. Anne 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Thank you Enna. I do feel like I have had a big group hug as I read others and can relate. I see so much love and support. Blessings... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Marie I feel your pain and what brings you here saddens my heart I do not wish on anyone it is so hard, I lost my husband on May 17,2016 so I am not much farther than you in this journey we were together for 26 years he was 47 when he passed we will miss them for the rest of our lives in time we just learn to live with it though I am not quite there yet have along way to go but I keep trying it's all I can do it is so nice that he got to see his granddaughter I am sure that brought him so much joy, my Kevin would have done the same thing as your husband had he been driving they were our protectors, your positive attitude will help you in this journey I was positive to for awhile then fell into a darkness but I am slowly trying to climb out this is an amazing community of people who truly understand your pain and what you are going through this place has saved me many a lonely night know that we are always here to listen and offer comfort to you I know how you feel I never got to say goodbye but now I am glad I didn't because goodbyes are permanent and I believe that they never truly leave us we will see them again even at his viewing I didn't tell Kevin goodbye I told him I Will See You Soon. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 I love that, I will see you soon ... Perfectly put. My beloved husbands name was Kevin too :-) Eevie did bring him great joy ? Being a widow does seem to be a bit of a lonely journey. I don't mind some alone time, but I miss my partner... Our simple life... Hugs 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mik Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Hello Marie Lee and welcome. I am so sorry for your sudden loss. This is a wonderful group of caring compassionate individuals who share and support those who have also lost loved ones. I am not always on here, but will try and make more of an effort. I lost Les, known as LC on July 23, of this year. He had back surgery in September, it should have gone smoothly but did not. He died of complications from this surgery, while being in numerous hospitals and personal care homes. I know I cannot say anything that would ease the pain you are feeling other than the fact that we are here for support and sharing our feelings with others. I hope in some small way it helps to cope with your loss. Kim (mik) 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Hi Kim or should I say Mik? :--) Oh my, it sounds like the back surgery put y'all on quite a painful journey with a sad ending ...Very sorry to hear :-/ Thank you so much, it does bring a great deal of comfort... Blessings... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Marie, I hope you will find that no matter what or when you feel anything, you will find some or all of us have. It won't cure the loneliness, but, for me, it saved my sanity many times, if I dare use that word. There is nothing sane about grief. I cannot imagine the shock you feel having this be a sudden death. I had time with Steve to talk about all we knew was coming. There were no good byes tho. We could never say that. We are here for you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Hi Marie, glad you found your way here. We are all on this hard journey together. We all support one another and try to boost each other up. At least we understand. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Welcome, Marie Lee. I am glad you found us. This group of people are a great support through loving, sharing, and caring. As I read your life story it shocks me how suddenly it was. My wife died suddenly and unexpectedly. I came home from work one day and found her. She had some medical issues but her death was so shocking. We were married for 25 years; best friends, and soulmates. My life now is learning to adjust and accept it. It took me a couple of weeks to find this forum but it has been such a blessing. Our hope is that you will find your way through this grief path. We are here to listen, help, and pray for you. I found that I grieve deeply because I deeply loved my wife, Rose Anne. Marty T, has some great tools and resources here to help. It helped me to read others posting when they first came here and how they have managed to deal with grief and loss. - Shalom. George 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Good morning, Thank you so much Gwenivere, Gin And George... Today is a new day.....The sun is shining....I was up late reading many posts. I can almost hear my Kevin tell me .." Good morning beautiful"... I am so happy to find you all! Ours is a hard journey.. Peace, Marie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Marie Lee, I, too, am so sorry you've been given reason to come here, but am glad you found us. This is a safe place to be, knowing you'll be cared about and understood. My husband was 51 when he died, I was 52, it was unexpected, heart attack. I'd gone to my sister's reunion and he had a heart attack after I left, ended up in the hospital, died two days later, awaiting surgery. He looked the picture of health, wasn't an ounce overweight. I, too, like my solitude, but forced solitude all the time gets really old. I hope you'll look around on this site, there is so much help here! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Thank you Kayc ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted October 20, 2016 Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Welcome Marie, to our tribe. We sit around the "fire" many nights and share our lives and our sorrow. This is my family who have pulled me from the "rabbit hole" too many times to remember. I'm so sorry that you lost your Kevin and in such a horrific way. I lost my husband Ron in May 2013 after a 6 month battle with cancer. We were married for 40+ years. A year later, I lost my daughter Debbie, also to cancer. This is a long and lonely journey we are on and we will walk beside you. Karen 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 Hello Ms. Karen, I am honored to be able to spend time with you and everyone else around the proverbial campfire. Cancer is horrible. Lost a colleague last year, way too young. She fought a courageous battle with breast cancer. My neighbor also was diagnosed..she fought and has been victorious ! She and her sister were so there for me around the funeral, cooked many meals and sat with us to share them. I love them very much! It is unfortunate circumstances that bring us all together, but I thank you all for being there. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you have comfort with your many memories of your beloved Ron and lovely Debbie. Our family and friends are God's most valuable treasures... Hugs, Marie 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 I feel closer to you all than I do some who are physically here. They either don't get it or are busy. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet T Posted October 21, 2016 Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 You are so right Kay! Most people in my life don''t understand and seem to not care! I get so tired of all the canned things people say. They do not give me any comfort or make me feel better. Only somebody that has lived it can understand. Janet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2016 My mother and I talk about it sometimes. I now see what she went through back in 98 when dad passed. My children were young and I was very naive to grief .... Especially what's it like when you lose a spouse. I am thankful for you all....and you're right, most friends and relatives don't understand. There is a huge void and you don't feel like you belong anywhere. I tell myself, ok..not going to dwell on it today...got to get busy, sometimes it works for a little while and then the wind in my sails totally dies and I am knocked down...back to the numbness and emptiness and lost in direction and care even.... My daughter called me last night and we cried a little together...I hear her grief too and I know how different it is. strange, but true...I now know this... Oh well, to have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all, right ? I am still standing...Love to all... Marie 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 22, 2016 Report Share Posted October 22, 2016 My mom lived 33 years beyond my dad. I tried to be there for her, I brought her grandkids to her (we lived 60 miles apart) every week for years, listened to her on the phone, we talked about my dad, but you're right, it's not the same to lose a dad as it is to lose a husband. NOW I know how she may have felt! My dad was 62 when he passed, my mom 59...my George was 51 when he passed, I was 52. So I have even longer to go if I live into my 90s...I hope I don't have to. Yes, I do think it's better to have loved and lost than to have never known George's love. He was the bright spot in my life! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 Hi KayC, The future is a bit daunting for me as well, at the thought of living to 90 without Kev.... I enjoyed being married and loved our simple life... Take care, Marie 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 23, 2016 Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 I so miss the ordinary things. Eating together, cooking together, gardening, going to plays, watching T.V., discussing everyday events. He would have loved talking about the political events. I guess they were not ordinary, because I miss them so. And most of all, I miss Al. Gin 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted October 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 Hi Gin, Yes! The ordinary daily routines ....are sooooooo missed.... Been scrap booking pics from grand daughter Evelyn's birth May 2, 2016.. And Grandson Mason's third bday 9-11-16.. Just did grandpa's page with Eevie...in May, he passed a month later, June 12 th. oh, how my heart aches with the missed times he would have had and that they would have had with him. He was such a kid at heart ...a great story teller..he was made for the role of grandpa . Sigh.... Heavy heart..Marie 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet T Posted October 23, 2016 Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 I too miss the ordinary routines. I got up this morning to get ready for Sunday School, which was an ordinary routine for us. I just could not do it. We were in a couples class and it is so hard to walk back in that class without Bob. The members have all been kind to me and were very supportive through Bob's sickness and death, but they no longer speak of it. The class just talks about Christmas socials, class breakfasts, etc.. my heart wants no part of that. I am not interested in being festive and participating in those things. I just want things back like they were. I am lonesome and miss my husband!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now