This Is Real And Not A Nightmare...

[Candace]

It was Monday, March 13th 2006. It, to me, was like any other Monday. I had been ill myself and was not in touch with my Mom....Always thinking that you should call her....I didn't. I got a strange call from her landlord...telling me to call her asap. She said that the neighbor felt strange that she had not seen my Mom yet that day. I didn't call the landlord. I got in my car and drove there....and I found her dead, she looked so peaceful....yet she was not there. Shes not there....all I want is one more minute with her...to tell her I love her. To do something nice for her. To hug her. Her birthday was March 15...she would of turned 80. At this time in her life she was just getting set financially...and she was suffering from asthma, and she was "spunky" as the neighbor said when she saw her at 6 PM the night before she died. I dont know what to do. I am so lost. I miss her beyond anything I could ever imagine....I function, I dont function. I cry all day. I cry all night, I cant sleep, I force myself to eat. I am mad. I am weary, its beyond my compreshension, and yet I feel happy for her finding peace.

I love you Mom.

[Pandorasbox]

Huge, huge, ((((HUGS)))) to you, Candace! I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad on February 12th, and I'm still in that surreal dream/nightmare stage, and reality is very slowly starting to hit me, and it's bad.

I'm right there with you, still living my life, trying to figure out how it is that someone was just here, and now, all of a sudden, they're gone.

Just take your time, this isn't just a really bad dream that we're going to wake up from.

Much love, and good thoughts, to you, and a few more ((((HUGS)))) as well.

We'll get through this.

[shell]

Dear Candace,

I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you found her and the unexpectedness of it. You have been hit with three devastating events. It is natural to feel as you do, so don't think there is anything wrong with you. Just keep posting here and read some of the other posts. We are here to help each other as best we can and you will get through this.

Hugs to you and hang in there,

Shell

[LoriW]

Candace,

I too lost my Mom very suddenly on Nov. 30, 2005. I had just seen her the previous Friday and she was fine...she was fine the night before her death too.

I also feel like sometimes this is all a bad dream. I guess my mind just knows the last time I saw her she was fine....how could she be gone? But...she is.

I am nearly 4 months into this journey of grief. At first, I was in shock. My brother and I had to help my Dad with arrangements. I did what I needed to do, however, I couldn't sleep well and my stomach hurt me for days. I cried....a lot. I barely got through Christmas...but had to because I have 2 young daughters. I was dropping things all the time and making silly mistakes. My mind was not right.

Now things are different. Oh, how I wish I could talk to my Mom. I keep a journal on my computer...it helps....I can see where I was and where I am now. Some days are good now and other days are really crappy. I think of my Mom at least 20 times a day. I had a rough time during my birthday...not receiving her call or a card signed by her. Now there are times that I can talk about my Mom and not cry...but laugh....that makes me happy. Oh how I miss her though. She was my first teacher and I must take all the valuable lessons and use them and pass them on.

Your grief is new and raw. I too was mad about the abrupt end of my Mom's life at a time when things looked good for her. She said to my 9 year old daughter 5 days before her death. "Now that Grammy doesn't have to work so much she wants to come spend more time with you." That time spent will now be in memories. We must cherish what we both had and keep our Moms' legacies and spirits alive.

You have my deepest sympathies.

Lori

[shubom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious mom. I also lost my mom. It's been almost about 3 months. Sometimes I wish the months would go by faster. The faster I get away from that day, the better for me. I lived with my mom. I came home from work and found her dead on the couch. She appeared sleeping at first. And I got upset, because it was almost 4pm. I always worried about my mom. Especially after my dad died. She was so sad and I tried my best to comfort her. She would sleep late some times, and it would worry me. It was normal for her, but it made me worry. I worried about her health, I worried about her well-being. I worried...I worried...I worried...I worried...I worried ! Sometimes she'd laugh saying I'd drive her crazy. My dad went into the hospital for chest pains, the next day he died. IT was so quick and sudden, and ever since then I worried about everything. Especially my mom. She was the only parent I had left. So when I saw her on the couch, I worried that something was wrong. So I stared at her chest to make sure she was breathing. (Something I always did). I thought I saw her chest move. So I put my backpack down and was about to head upstairs to my room. But something made me turn around and look at her again, and this time I said her name. She didn't move ! So I touched her and she was sooooo cold ! I knew she was gone. It was so shocking. She looked like she went to sleep. She was my best friend. I still can't believe it ! We don't know what happened, she was only 56, with her b-day just around the corner. These days get harder and harder and harder. Because I know that she is really gone ! Why did she have to die so quick. Her friends also saw her the night before, and she was talking, eating and having fun. She came home about 10pm that night and I saw her. I didn't really talk to her, because it was getting late. She had just parked her car and I watched her walk to the mailbox and check the mail. I watched her (something I always did) just too make sure she was ok. I held the door open for her to come in, and then I told her I was going to sleep because I was tired. She said ok. The next morning I woke up, her bedroom door was closed, so I knew she was sleeping. I left for work. When I came home, she was on the couch. So apparently she had gotten up and came down stairs to the couch, where she died. I don't know. THe memories and thoughts play over and over again in my head. Life is so cruel. What in the world? To lose both parents so quick. I'm shocked and don't understand. This nightmare is reality ! I cry everyday ! I cry hard ! I sit at the gravesite just talking to them. I feel so sad. I can't go home, because it's so lonely in that house without my mom. There's furniture older than I am in there ! Everytime I look at that stuff, I can't stop crying ! It hurts so much ! I miss both my parents !

So I know exactly how you feel losing someone so quick, without any notice/warning, etc. One day they are here and the next day not. So many thoughts go through your mind on what exactly happened, how they felt, etc. I get so angry sometimes, and sometimes I just cry and cry and cry. My dad.....my mom.....life is cruel. It really is.

[Candace]

dang I had a lot written and it poofed away.

In essesence..thank you for being here

shubom my dear one, I would wrap my arms around you and hold you tight and say its all going to be ok...but I dont know that it will be for me/it's still like a dream and I want to wake up. I read things about grief and it says Im right on track...I dont get that tho. I feel dead myself, just going thru the motions, life sucks