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Widowedbysuicide

Goodbye to my fur family

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2016 has been a year full of losses and I pray that I never have another year like it.

In January my husband suicided and within a few days our Katie Cat passed away in her sleep.  The ground was too frozen to bury her for several days.  Her partner cat, Huckleberry has finally figured out that Katie isn't coming back.

In February I found a deceased cat near my driveway.  He was a beautiful young chocolate point Siamese.  I could not locate his owners and took him to the SPCA in the hopes someone would claim him.

In September I had to euthanize my Standardbred gelding Dakota.  He was injured and I didn't want him to suffer.  My mare, Kachina, would have been too lonely so I have a nice younger horse here to keep her happy.

Just about 2 weeks ago my mother-in-law passed away after a surgery and then I found one of my barn cats had passed.

So much loss.  I really can't get into the spirit of Christmas this year.  Goodbye my beloved family.  I hope you are all together in heaven.

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Marita,

One of those alone would be hard enough, but put them together and it's more than too much. I wish you a better 2017, you're in my thoughts and prayers.  You're a sweetheart, you deserve so much better, sometimes I wish life was based on that!

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I had to put my last horse down last week.  My Kachina 🐎

was with me to deal with so many troubling times and now she has crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  For two months I tried to rehabilitate her but in the end I could see she was suffering too much.  

My barn is empty of animals.  It doesn't look right and it certainly feels wrong to me.  So much sorrow this year as well.  I hope my two dogs will remain with me for years to come.  

I feel so lost.

 

 

 

 

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Marita,

I'm so sorry.  It has to be tough.  I imagine the emptiness of your barn and how hard that must strike you.  I, with you, hope your dogs have a long while with you yet, we need that companionship.  It's amazing the bond we form with our animals.

You're in my thoughts and prayers...

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On 9/18/2017 at 11:39 AM, Widowedbysuicide said:

I had to put my last horse down last week.  My Kachina 🐎

was with me to deal with so many troubling times and now she has crossed the Rainbow Bridge.  For two months I tried to rehabilitate her but in the end I could see she was suffering too much.  

My barn is empty of animals.  It doesn't look right and it certainly feels wrong to me.  So much sorrow this year as well.  I hope my two dogs will remain with me for years to come.  

I feel so lost.

My heartfelt prayers go out to you during this time.  I have a client that their horse passed away at the time I was cleaning their home. 

Death is so hard to experience and seems to be more of a toll on us who experience such a devastating lost of our beloved spouse. 

Here is a virtual hug  {{{  H U G  }}}

Please know, you are in my daily intercessory prayers.  - Shalom, George

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2 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

Thank yous Marty, Kay, and George.  This loss is really huge for me as my support person is gone too 😥

We are always here for you. - Shalom  :)

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I can imagine how hard it feels, I've lost all the animals George and I had.  My son was here for a couple of them but in the service when I lost the others, it's hard to face these things alone, heck, it was hard enough when we had our spouse!

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Last year on this date, after I had to euthanize my beloved Kachina, my heart was so broken.  I really did not want to face the world around me.  All I wanted to do was sleep the sorrow away.  For a month I struggled.  Then I had the opportunity to care for and love another horse.

He is a funny fellow.  Much like a big dog with following me about and nosing into whatever I might be doing.  Keeping him was mostly great for my heart.  Although I never was able to go on a trail ride with him he was a great pal.  After I sold my horse trailer to pay the funeral home several people told me that they would trailer me when they went riding.  I don't understand why people make hollow promises.  How do they think it's ok to be only on the benefitting side of a friendship?  I'm hurt, disappointed, and angry!  I allowed myself to hope, to trust the word of people who I have been kind and giving to, and now I just want to erase them from my memory and my future.  In the nearly 3 years only one person took me out one time.  Keeping a horse is expensive and I am not able to afford to keep Scout.  Shoes cost $110 every six weeks thus over $900.  Hay for the year is another $900.  Then there is vitamins and get  bills... I can't do it.  It hurts my heart to have to say goodbye to him but his owner wanted me to buy him or she would sell him to someone else.  So, he has sold and will be leaving in two weeks.  

I am ranting and feeling sorry for myself.  There is no one to talk to, nevermind someone who cares.   Come here to shout - cry - scream or whatever.  It does help.  I will work through the crap of this but I won't get over the losses and the heartbreak of losing my husband and my animals.

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Marita,

I am so pained that you have to go through this.  Horses are another one of God's beloved creatures that speak love to us without saying a word.  I remember, a client's horse ( a Friesian), that would stop, turn around, look and follow my wife when we were outside of their home.  She always wanted to own a horse and I was not able to provide that for her.

Please know that I will pray and intercede for you as you grieve yet another loss on this journey you travel. 😭- George - Shalom

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As one of many horse lovers your post brings tears to my eyes.  I am so sorry to hear this coming from your broken heart. I remember how much you loved your Kachina. I have no idea what it cost to keep a horse today but my heart hurts for you. Scout sounds like a wonderful horse. You have every right in this world to be disappointed and angry.

When I was growing up I had a horse named Buttercup and I loved him.  We were too poor to keep him and a neighbor bought him from my father.  I was lucky to be able to ride him for several years after that.  Coming from a small town horse riding was something many of us did.  It was a different time then.  Buttercup was the first animal I can remember ever really loving. We had dogs and rabbits and farm animals but they belonged to everyone.  I loved being able to ride Buttercup for a few years after he was sold and then we moved to a city.  My most favorite memories were when I was in fourth and fifth grades when my two best friends and I used to ride whenever we could.  After sixth grade, I took up dance.  I threw myself into dance and became an average ballet dancer.  After I graduated from Point I broke two bones in my leg and was not able to continue dancing so I decided that playing an instrument was safest for me.  I played violin in the orchestra at my high school.  I was never very good but enjoyed those years.  When I became an adult and living near horse stables in AZ I spent many hours with horses belonging to others.  My last riding took place back in 2002. Arthritis took over my body and I could no longer ride. For years I spent time visiting a stable near me just hanging out with the horses whenever I could. This satisfied me but when my beloved Jim became ill I was consumed with caring for him for over five years and could no longer visit the stable.  I do understand the pain you are feeling.  You have every right to “feel” sorry for yourself.  I have had two very special furbaby dogs. One was my granddog and the other was a dog I rescued. I understand a broken heart.  I have always felt that my rescue dog found me after Jim died.

I send you hugs to your broken heart. 

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Thank you for the perfect image @MartyT.  It speaks the truth.

And @enna, thank you too for your understanding.  There is just something about a horse that is magical and I will use that.  I'm glad you have other fur babies to love and be loved by.  Animals give the true unconditional love 🐕🐩🐱🐎❤️ 

Do you have any pictures of Buttercup or your current fur family?

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I do not have a picture of Buttercup (the early 50s)  but here is Benji and Fred ~

Both are in Rainbow heaven now... Benji (a Schipperke-Poodle) was my rescue dog and Fred (a Beagle was our granddog...my heart still hurts.

 

 

 

 

FRED.jpg

Benji.jpg

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Marita:  So sorry to hear about your sadness.  Animals are such treasures.  I hope you will find comfort in knowing how much your being with Scout must have meant to him.   When my daughter was growing up she always wanted a horse, but living in the city it was not possible.  During her teenage years she did have friends who had a horse who would invite her to ride.  You sound so much like her with your love of horses.  This past month, some friends of my daughter and son-in-law are boarding a pair of horses on their acreage in Oregon.  She is in heaven caring for the horses and despite her back problems was able to take a brief ride on the gentle horse.   My heart goes out to you.  Dee

 

 

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Marita,

My heart hurts for you, I am literally sick to my stomach because I do know what you mean.  Just as I was told people would take me camping with them when George died...I haven't been once.  And as for the horse, I can't afford to own a horse, when I was married years ago we had one, but that's a whole long story of someone swindling us out of our horse.  I can only say maybe karma will visit, at any rate, we're told all our wrongs will be righted one day.

In more recent years, I fell in love with three horses down the street.  One had dreadlocks, not as a fashion, but because his owners didn't care for him.  In all his years here, no one rode him, no one brushed him.  I felt so sorry for him.  He was so sweet.  My dog and I walk every day, twice a day, we'd walk to where the horses are and they'd come running up to the fence.  They loved getting treats, apples, carrots.  They also loved the attention...the grey one loved getting rubbed under his chin.  I wished they had the masks to keep the flies out of their eyes like other horse's owners get for their horses.  But alas these owners only visited once a week, briefly.  I guess they thought all they needed was some food thrown out for them once in a while.  :angry2:  Last year about this time, I gleaned my crop of apples from my trees and walked down to give them some...and they were all gone.  Reno, the headstrong one, Ashley (I named him because they didn't give him a name) the sweet grey one, and Chance, the shy one.  Gone.  I found out they took them clear across the state to their daughter's ranch.  I will never see them again, I didn't get to say goodbye, they didn't get their apples.  Arlie and I were heartbroken.  I remember Rino and Ashley giving him a kiss, they'd lean down over the fence and they'd touch noses...Arlie wanted to be a horse and run with them.  When he was a puppy (albeit a big one) he got loose once and got into their fence, it was a wonder they didn't step on him!  But they weren't easily spooked and very gentle and patient with this crazy dog.  I'll always miss them and hope they are doing better on their ranch and can only hope and pray that their daughter is a better horse owner and does something with Ashley's dreadlocks.  I pray they get brushed and attention.

It's so hard, these goodbyes.  I've lost so many pets since George has been gone...Tigger, King George, Chappy, Lucky, Skye, Miss Mocha...it's hard with each one.  And now Kitty is 23 and hasn't much longer here, and Arlie too is facing old age.  Sometimes we feel we can't handle another loss.

I pray where Scout is going, he is happy.  I know your heart is broken.  (((hugs)))

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