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iPraiseHim

Shock and Awe after two years...

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You can send the pork sausage to me, Marg, my body wouldn't like it, but I would!  I tried to be good yesterday, didn't have any desert, even though it was plentiful and looked good, I tried to ignore it.  Too many carbs for a Diabetic, though, potatoes & gravy, rolls, stuffing, not a "healthy" diet!  

Well, one holiday down, guys...

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I ate everything we usually have for a "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner.  However, I did not gorge myself with food as in the past.  The bread dressing cooked in the turkey was so delicious.  It was the most carbohydrates I have had since starting this KETO way of eating almost six months ago. Everything tasted wonderful.  It was one meal in my life and I have no cravings or desires to return that way of eating.  It was a good family day with none of the usual stress from my sister. 

Today, 10 years ago, my mother was taken off of the life support machines and all of the family was there to be with her.  She died within two hours. It was difficult to experience and I was haunted by the memories for several years. It is surreal that it has been ten years now.  I found out later my best friend had died in his sleep on May 7th (the same year as My Mother's birthday).  Then my brother, Patrick ( 3 years younger) died in his sleep 14 months later on February 1st. He was only 50 years old. So much death in a short span of time.

Fortunately, my wife, Rose Anne, was with me to comfort and console me through the grieving process. Alas, she also died 2 years and nine months ago.

Life is a mixed blessing.  Through this grief healing journey, I am learning to take each day as it comes; Grief, hope, healing, and loss. It is all part of life.  What I chose to focus on is the hope and promises of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  Since we are still among the living then I chose to move forward and grasp for my hope, dreams, and goals.  And at the same time, acknowledging, and feeling the pangs of grief and loss in the midst of this (my afterlife).  She will always be in my heart, mind, and soul. I am learning to accept life as it is and striving to do my best each day as it unfolds.  It is okay to pursue goals and dreams for the future meanwhile remembering the love and lessons from the past. - Shalom     

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Oh, I have to partake of grits dressing (cannot eat cornbread),, but I have learned to make grits bread that is just as good.  I fuss because I cannot have my southern mainstay of onions, any kind of bean, except stringbeans, but I can fix stewed potatoes and can have spinach, just not raw.  Have not had a vegetable salad in over three years, but can have cooked carrots.  That pecan pie looked wonderful, cannot have it, and my daughter has diabetes so I have a sweet potato pie, apple pie, and ice box lemon pie.  Unfortunately, I can have all of them, and probably will.  

I am just not much on socializing, but I met a new tenant that says she will live here till she dies.  Cute little fluffy blond, friendly, and I do not feel old around her.  Most of these women are as old as I am and they make me feel old.  Still do not want to socialize.  I have so many former classmates and coworkers I have promised to have dinner with, and we will, when I am ready.  More able to socialize that first year than now.  

My sister fixed a wonderful dinner, with all the trimmings, but I finally got my family to agree with me, all of them.  Next holiday........we will start a new tradition.....we will "eat out."  Probably down at the boats on the riverfront, they have a great buffet.  

My memories are full of old holiday traditions, family reunions, but I was a kid and did  not have to wash the dishes or stand up at a hot stove. 

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Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and gave thanks ....Up North our Thanksgiving was last month...Same tradition, lots of food and Football.....I'm still geared up on my downsizing plans...if anything,  I will get 5000 lbs of stuff out of my house within next 6 or `7 months........This Christmas will be the first year I buy a Stuffed Turkey roll...  and add pre made gravy and cranberry sauce....And I'll start eating two days early,  because I'll be flying North on the 27th...Like many of us..I'm still not ready for the full Socializing,    too many triggers...

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George, glad your Thanksgiving went well, no problems from sister.  It was tasty but I'm not used to all those carbs anymore!  I'm sorry you have so many memory associations this time of year.  :(

Marg, I wouldn't make a good Southern girl, I despise hominy!  That and okra are the two things I can't tolerate.  Give me kale and spinach any day!

 

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I can take grits or leave them.  They happen to be the only corn product I can eat.  Always hated hominy.  Love spinach.  Ham, turkey, mashed//creamed potatoes and even though yams/sweet potatoes have fiber, I can have it.  My diet is low or no fiber.  Bad on a person, but the only way I can keep living.  It is called "low residue" and as much as I love pecans, etc., can have none of them.  Like diabetes,  you learn not to eat stuff instead of to eat stuff.  That is why I like a buffet.  

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Busy work week. I accidentally  overbooked work for Saturday... about 12 hours.  It was our wedding anniversary so it is better to keep busy. Not much to celebrate now.  Christmas and special days don't have the same meaning and excitement as they used to. My Dad does not celebrate Christmas because of his religious beliefs.

I'm planning to work on January 1st.  - Shalom

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I'm sorry you are working so hard George.  The being busy to get through the tough spots almost works but it is exhausting.  I think of you often and it motivates me to try to be a better person.

I do hope you will find time to do something special for yourself at this difficult time. ❤️

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Twelve hours is a long time for someone our age, especially such physically taxing work.  You will come home exhausted and collapse, undoubtedly.  I know Roseann will be in your thoughts regardless, because George is always in my thoughts and it's certainly not less so on our special days.  I'm sorry your dad won't be celebrating Christmas, do you have someone else you can be with that day?  Maybe a Christmas Eve Service?  (I'd love to go to one but no longer can drive at night.)

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I don't know how many times I have mentioned we need to eat out for the Christmas dinner, but it always comes down to Mama's dressing, and it would be what Billy wanted also.  He hated turkey and our family is divided on that also.  When it all comes down to it, it is just another meal, a big one for the family..  Your dad might not recognize Christmas, but he eats and you know what he eats.  If your sister is not going to make it a family dinner, you can cook for yourself and your dad and just throw in what you want to for Christmas cuisine without making a big thing of it.  I  know you bring him dinners and eat with him sometimes.  Heck, bring pizza.  I am not going to fight it.  My granddaughter is the youngest and she still wants Christmas food.  So, we will do it.  Everyone is in such a financial bind, gifts are optional, but they will be there anyhow.  There are a couple of people that are not family that I would prefer not to come, but my Xanax gets refilled before Christmas..  Wish I could drink eggnog.  Used to be my favorite.  At my grandma's all the sisters and their husbands made eggnog from scratch.  I preferred to not see the raw eggs, even if they were "cooked" by the whiskey.  So many rituals we have left behind, so many ghosts of Christmas past.  Some were very good memories, some are terribly sad, which will be a melancholy thing we now bring into each holiday.  

Don't work yourself too hard George.  I told my sister last night that I was tired, just plain tired and I was going to bed early.  She is alone, except for me, and if each of us do not take care of our own physical well being, there is really no one else to do it..............and we all are in the same boat.  Or maybe our own pirogue.  Left to my own rowing that tiny boat just went round in circles.  I do that in life too.  

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My sister plans to make the Christmas meal. So Dad and I will be there but it is just not the same.  Family dynamics is different. It is the game families play and we each have our role. This is my afterlife now....  

I preferred my own family(Rose Anne and I)  - Shalom

 

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OMGosh, don't I know that.  I am just hoping two that are not kin, I am hoping they don't come.  They are not living with either progeny.  Would have to make accommodations for them to sleep more than one night; five at Thanksgiving.  Also buy groceries..  And George, I have gotten rather ornery.  I like things to go the same, we have a routine. 

We know my family dynamics are a nightmare.  I wish you well with yours.  Both kids do not live with their partners of many years.  I don't think I will borrow trouble before it happens.  Christmas in jail might be new.  I said I'd like to eat out.  

Good luck George.  Don't work too hard.  

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On 12/8/2017 at 5:58 AM, Marg M said:

There are a couple of people that are not family that I would prefer not to come, but my Xanax gets refilled before Christmas..

Marg, you are a hoot!  :D  You always give me a smile or a downright bellylaugh!

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On 12/8/2017 at 5:58 AM, Marg M said:

Wish I could drink eggnog.  Used to be my favorite.  At my grandma's all the sisters and their husbands made eggnog from scratch.  I preferred to not see the raw eggs, even if they were "cooked" by the whiskey.

My recipe cooks the eggs...

EGGNOG  (serves 32)

1 ½ c. sugar

8 egg yolks

1 tsp salt

1 gal milk

8 egg whites

¾ c sugar

1 Tbsp + 1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp Brandy

1 tsp Rum

2 cups whipping cream, whipped

Nutmeg

Beat 1 ½ cups sugar and yolks, add salt; stir in milk.  Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until mixture coats spoon.  Cool.  Beat whites until foamy, gradually add ¾ cup sugar; beat until soft peaks form.  Add to yolk mixture.  Add vanilla & flavorings.  Dot with whipping cream and sprinkle with nutmeg.

 

 

 

 

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5 hours ago, kayc said:

Marg, you are a hoot!  :D  You always give me a smile or a downright bellylaugh!

There was a commercial a long time ago for something I forget saying never leave home without it.  For Marg and me it's Xanax.  :blink:

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I want to thank all of you for your friendship, love and support since joining this special clan.  Y'all are a diverse and yet very cohesive group. This is the third Christmas without my beloved wife and I know it will never be like it was. 

Through this grief healing journey, I sense more and more of the acceptance of how life is and not how I wished it was. Apparently, the SHOCK and AWE of her death is gradually morphing into the acceptance and reality of life as it is now. There is still so much more to learn and grow through grief healing.  I thank MartyT, and everyone here who have been there for all of us who find this safe haven from the Storms of Grief and loss.  I have not arrived or healed from this condition but rather learning day by day to cope with the challenges of grief, loss and healing. 

My sister will be fixing Christmas dinner for our family tomorrow.  Christmas is just another day on the calendar along with New Years, Valentines Day and Rose Anne's DoD (Day of Death) two days later.  I just take each day at a time.  These dates are not for celebrating now.  

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. - Shalom   

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Merry Christmas to you, George, and I hope you find some pleasure in today, a good meal with your sister and dad.  

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I found these videos tonight in my quest" grief healing journey:

 

and is my grief complicated:

I have come to realize that I have very few truly significant people in my life now that really know, understand, and "get" me.  

The daily battle of grief is real,  and relentless at times. 

Relationships change... Family dynamics change... life changes.

...  Coming out of the fog of Shock and Awe and beginning to face the reality of life as it is...  words cannot fully explain.

There are  wonderful and dreadful changes this year.  As this year is ending and soon the third year "after" trip brings much contemplation, evaluation, and hopeful expectation. 

Merry Christmas everyone. - Shalom

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Yesterday was the first year I wasn't able to at least talk to my daughter on Christmas, she's very sick.  Last year was her first Christmas to not be able to come here (due to the roads/weather).  Not sure what wonderful changes you anticipate, I'm kind of holding my breath, 2017 was not a good year for my daughter and she weighs heavily on my heart.  I certainly hope 2018 is kinder to her.  This was a stressful year.  The newspaper highlighted things throughout the year...I didn't even want to read it, I don't want to think about this last year, I want to move on from it.

I hope your Christmas went well, especially with having your dad with you.

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1 hour ago, kayc said:

The newspaper highlighted things throughout the year...I didn't even want to read it

Kay, my granddaughter will not watch the news.  She is totally paranoid about the president.  Thinks North Korea is gonna pop us.  And the president, makes her very angry and frightened.  As does he make me.  But, I am sure some of my friends, some of the older people love this man because he is going to "make America great again."  I don't know if any of you all saw the movie "The Help."  Well, that is how it used to be.  Sorry, but I lived through it.  Lots I saw that was unfair, and even back then I thought it unfair.  My friends grew from that generation, Billy came from that generation.  I don't want to "go back" to that time and place, but I am afraid some folks from my generation do want to go back.  And, my Billy would agree with them. 

Kay, I know you worry about your daughter.  Mine is with us and so far so good.  I hope you hear from your daughter soon.  My granddaughter cannot understand how I can "forgive" and have my daughter here, but she is my daughter.

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I felt we'd already made it through the year, who wants to repeat any part of it!  They'll do it again on New Year's, recap everything for us.  Cut my newspaper, prices too high anyway.  Half of it is biased anyway.  I feel as your granddaughter does but my family is divided Trump haters or Trump fans, we can only get through by talking one on one with those we agree with and not allow politics to come up at family gatherings, not if we want to continue having a family that is.  I've never seen a time when emotions were so high!  Seems everyone feels very strongly with their beliefs.  I guess there's no politicians on the bandwagon anymore, not like in times past.  I for one would love to see the country calmed down a bit, it's so volatile this year!  I had to block my cousin on FB because he wouldn't respect boundaries and would write stuff on my wall that I didn't like...very belligerent with it.  It wasn't his (imo ignorant) views that bothered me so much as his lack of respect.  I respect and love my son, he's very intelligent but we're on opposite sides of politics, the only way I know to keep things peaceful is don't talk about certain things!

My daughter texted me on Christmas, she's very sick and getting worse.  I feel so helpless, I want to help her.  She's trying to work things out with her husband, I don't think they're back together yet though, he ought to be over there taking care of her.  I feel upset when I think of him, he's kind of blown my view of him, but I'm trying to keep my mind open for the future, he has a lot of proving to do, not to me but to my daughter, if he does it with her, I'm happy.  All I want is for her to be happy and someone to treat her with the care and respect she deserves.

I understand your hanging in there for your daughter, she's your daughter, same as mine is.  We never give up on them, do we!

 

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Well, my daughter has flaws.  She was born of me, she has to have them.  Her partner is a transgender that thinks she is a man.  Honestly, in cases like that I do not believe people can help themselves, I really believe it is born into them.   I cannot talk politics with any intelligence as all my life I have ridden the fence and never made enough money to be classified high, low,, or even middle.  Besides, who would trust anyone who voted for Nixon?  And my favorite politician spent many years in a Louisiana prison.  He was our governor for many years and to me, was the best.  

I feel so deep for your daughter.  All we can do is fight for them and never give up..  I have been in drug houses before and brought my son out with people laying all around saying "hey man"" and brought him home.  A mother never gives up until she breathes her last.  TMI, TMI, TMI.  But that is me.  

But, I will say to all of you that have grown adult children, some of your children grandparents themselves, we never give up.  So many have lost children, small children, grown children, and just like the grief meetings that I could not attend,  because of lost children,  and to me (and this is just my opinion), they are my children until I am gone.  I may be wrong.  I may be a person that causes more problems than I take care of, but I am me.

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My family is all on one side, tho there might be an argument between those who think impeachment is enough & those who want jail too. Hey, it's MA & CT! But I totally respect not letting politics get in the way of talking about grief. Actually my brother uses politics when he doesn't want to talk about the heavy stuff:

Me: I have no life without Susan.

Jack: Did you hear what the moron did today?

LOL. It doesn't bother me because I know he loves me and we were brought up not talking about feelings.

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