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Shock and Awe after two years...


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I think I live in the tornado belt.  Went with my dad (who knew some of the people) when I was about 6-7-8 to small town close.  I think the death toll was high and I remember the air having a green color to it.  I figured the tornadoes would head through the corridor of least resistance like the flat land of Kansas and Oklahoma, but we lived for a few years in a little town called Mena, AR.  Beautiful town of probably about 6,000 people, thereabouts.  Mountains all surrounding the town, just cannot be matched for beauty, but that little town seems to be a tornado magnet.  Don't know why.  Someone lots smarter than I am can tell you.  The last one, a friend of ours told his mother to sit in the hall and when he hurried to her house, there she was sitting in the hall and the house blown down around her.  Weather phenomenons.  I saw one in a distance traveling down I-20 in Louisiana.  We have no mountains, but I would have thought (in my stupid mind) the mountains would have been protective.  

Anyhow, glad you all escaped them.  Billy would have stood in the doorway and watched one but Brianna and I have sat in the bathroom in middle of the house many times.

Daddy was so anxious about them he would make us come to the RR depot down the road from where we lived.  Those things can be so dangerous that the brick building he was in was right next to the wood yard of the paper mill.  Very dangerous place to be.  He thought the brick building was safe.

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George, Wow, I'm sorry!  I'm glad YOU are safe!

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I'm glad I paid attention to the signs.  I was given three in rapid succession.  Today the weather is warm and back to normal conditions. We get lots of thunderstorms but very few tornadoes. we have had a few touchdown the last couple of years. 

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We haven't had one here but had one once at the coast when I was there (a very small one) and there was a very small one at LCC in Eugene a few years ago.  I wouldn't want to live around tornadoes, very scary!

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Marg, keep us posted, I hope it is going well for you.

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Sun is out, beautiful day.  I like apartment living.  I guess they are susceptible too.  Really, these things around in these parts are common, but still cause death and damage.  I grew up being afraid of earthquakes, (which we don't have)..

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  • 4 weeks later...

I realize that it has been almost a month since I last posted here.  It is difficult to write so much about the negative stuff that has been happening.  I get down even writing about it. My Mom's saying, " If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all", swirls around my head.  I somehow sense this phase of grief would be different than the first two years. I seem more introspective and less about telling others about it. I sometimes just get bored with my own despair.  

I realize it is important to share here all aspects of this journey so others will have a snapshot of the reality of this grief. What hit me the most is realizing that I will not be able to pursue my dream of flying anytime soon. I had a large drop in income again, cancellations and a bizarre encounter with a customer that could be a drama scene on Netflix.  It really brings up the question of what is the purpose of all of this.

In addition, My sister's heart surgery is scheduled this month and my Dad's cataract surgery is scheduled a week later.  Also my Dad has some addition problem needing a visit to a Urologist( we don't know why yet?)  My Dad is showing more signs of confusion, dizziness, and falls..... Then May is a month full of memories of Rose Anne(met 2nd, BD 17, etc...)  and my mother (BD 7th)....( I am so weary of all the Mother's Day commercials reminding me that my mother is not here!)

I came across this video that may help some of us who are in that place of trying to rebuild our lives and discover who we are and want to be from this point forward.  Take what you can hear and apply it... This does not discount your grief but may help us all seek a balance co-existing with grief and life as we journey forward.

How can you stay happy with your job, school or life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z13oS1Rc8l4

PS. I am still practice flying my SIM Plane and still looking forward to flying someday. - Shalom, George

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My dear George,

I have missed you here, I really have.  I think we've all been in our own little worlds of pain in our own ways.  But you're right, it helps to come together and share in all of it.

I'm sorry you went through the fodder of a Netflix movie, I hope it's something you can put behind you.  I'll be praying for your father and your sister as they each go through their own physical issues.  And you for your finances.  I've been taking some hits financially, it's funny how long and hard it is to build it up and how quickly something can take it away!  I had a day from hell yesterday filing with my insurance, the agent said it wouldn't raise my rates but afterwards they tell me it could.  And they informed me I no longer have rental car on my insurance, don't know when or why they took it off over the years, but I'm stuck now, not even sure I want to go through with this claim.  Spent 2 12/2 hours on the phone with them and haven't even heard from the adjuster yet.  All of this over the mice damage to my car.  Woke up today to tiny ants in the house, not used to dealing with them.  Always something isn't it.

I'll go watch your video, thanks for sharing it, you always have something positive to share.  (((hugs)))

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Today, Twenty nine years ago, I met my beloved wife, Rose Anne, across a crowded room.  The instant I saw her, I knew there was something special and wonderful about her. 

Yesterday, I repaired my gutters again.  The wind almost blew them off.  I called a friend to steady the ladder since the ground was soft from the heavy rains and I didn't want to fall.  {My Dad fell off the roof of his home when he was 65. He worked alone and never thought he would get hurt.  He was laid up for six months (20 year ago)}.  I was outside about an hour and found out last night that I got a sun burn.  Ironic, since my friend was telling me I should get one hour of sun daily for health... lol

KayC, you can use peppermint oil mixed with a carrier Oil (Olive, grapeseed,etc...)  and spray the areas where you see ants are coming in. - Shalom, George

 

Edited by iPraiseHim
Wisdom
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Loved this installment of your meeting your bride for the first time ? more please George.

My father lived with us for a few of his senior years.  He was a determined ol' Scotchman so when he was continually up the ladder and on my roof (in his late 80's) I decided to hide the ladder.  Asking him to stay on the ground didn't work.  I miss him, he was a great Dad.  I'm afraid of heights and so any ladder stuff will have to be contracted out now.

If you spent an hour outside my house yesterday you would have grown webbed feet or gills!

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George,

Beautiful tribute to your lovely wife,thanks for sharing!

Thanks for the tip, I emailed the suggestion to myself so if I go through it again I will be able to find it (I don't like to rely on my memory). :)  My sister suggested I spray the outside of the window frame with ant spray so I did that last night, in addition to an ant trap in the windowsill, and Terro in the kitchen.  This morning I found two dead ants and the rest are gone. Yay!  I hope it lasts a while.  I never did find a "trail" from the outside, I suspect they're under the patio where I can't see.

I had a laugh over your sunburn just after being told you need to get some sun.  Not that much though!

I'm glad you didn't get hurt repairing your gutters.  I've had some problem gutters...when the guy replaces my roof on my patio (35' x 15') I'm going to have him leave an overhang and remove the gutters, it should flow down just fine.  Two very wet long winters have started some rot on my patio that I need to find a contractor to replace, grr!  This all happened because the contractors I hired to re-roof my patio last year did such a horrid job.  I have grounds for a lawsuit but do not have the money or mental energy to do it with people I'd probably never get money from anyway (the first one turned out to be on drugs, the second one retired and went out of business).  

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Today, Twenty nine years ago, Day 2..  The first phone call...

I can tell I have progressed from my first and second year "after" anniversary of these dates.  These memories fill my heart with love and joy. They are precious and remind me of the special love we shared.  In some ways, it seems like yesterday.

Today was a challenging work day, a six hour job turned into a nine hour job.  And It was my BIL Birthday so we had dinner plans and everyone was waiting for me to finish.  Traffic seemed busier and slower than usual. We all had a nice dinner and then back to my sister's home for cake and fellowship.  It's time for bed and another work day tomorrow.  Thanks for listening to my memories of my sweet precious Rose. - Shalom 

 

Edited by iPraiseHim
Wisdom
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George, thank you for sharing a special memory with us. :)  I'm glad you got to celebrate your BIL's birthday and got through that very long job!

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Twenty nine years ago day, Three.  We spoke about four hours on the phone after work...When I read my earlier posts of the first and second "anniversary dates" I remember just missing and longing for her. I still miss her but the group here is right. The intense grief changes over time especially when we work the grief tools and suggestions given by many members here.  I still miss her daily and speak to her often.  The love we shared came from somewhere beyond just us.  I grew to love her more and more each day.  Even now while she is not here physically she will always be a part of me and my heart.  She taught me to be more extroverted and to reach out and take risks. I look forward to the time when we can see each other again in heaven.  - Shalom

Edited by iPraiseHim
Wisdom
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It's funny you mention her voice.  George's voice had quite an affect on me.  It was a voice I could listen to the rest of my life!  And he felt the same way about me.  

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George, I love your stories about how you and Rose Anne got to know each other.  Dale and I were friends first for about a year before we started to date, we even used to go on double dates that 1st year, then it hit us that we were needing to make we an us and started to date.  I miss him dearly, everything about him, but like you said, now the memories are bringing some comfort and I don't feel like I want to tear my heart out so much.

Joyce

 

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14 hours ago, kayc said:

It's funny you mention her voice.  George's voice had quite an affect on me.  It was a voice I could listen to the rest of my life!  And he felt the same way about me.  

So True! Rose Anne's Voice is still answering my business calls and voice mail. I saved all of the messages I had on my phone when she would call and it went to voicemail.  Wow, how I miss her voice. 

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Twenty nine years ago day, Four. We talked all night. :wub: - Shalom 

Edited by iPraiseHim
Wisdom
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