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Patty65

Simultaneous Grief and Love

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On 12/4/2018 at 10:23 AM, Froggie4635 said:

it makes it easier knowing there is someone who will accept my grief and support me in every way possible.  I feel blessed.

That's the only way it can work, in my estimation.  I'm very happy for you, Maryann!

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While we haven't had much time to post I just wanted to update how Maui Pasta may be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Last week Patty was featured on a morning show at a local TV station cooking for a spot advertising the Italian Festival in Scottsdale this past weekend. It happened to coincide with the third anniversary of Ron's death which was not an easy time for Patty but we were so busy cooking and transporting food that she had little time to reflect. I only know for certain that he was smiling with love seeing her succeed keeping the dream alive. It's a dream so beautiful it fills my soul with joy.  We now have some evenings with a full restaurant as we approach our first full year of being open.

I can't tell you how proud I was watching her from the shadows at that television studio. She truly is a brave girl.

And by the way as it says on her menu "If it's not made with love, it's not Italian food."  That was Ron's motto.

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My dear Steve, your love story fills my heart with joy. I'm so proud of you and Patty I could burst. Blessings to you both, and thank you for this uplifting update! No one deserves this more than you two. Hip, hip hooray! 

Image result for congratulations gif

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I'm so glad you're able to see the fruition of a dream seasoned with a lot of hard work!  Congratulations!

(You don't know how many times I thought about Arizona this last month as we've been weathering the worst storms of our lives in Oregon).

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Things don't always go great though because while we are doing better we went out to dinner to celebrate Kathy's birthday two weeks ago and the next morning we woke at 4 to go to work  finding our garage door opened. We don't forget to close it at night but we thought that must have been the case. As it turned out someone must have been driving through neighborhoods testing an opener to see if one could work and so later that day when we were working someone entered through the garage door and robbed us. Sadly they took all the jewelry which included Kathy's watches and cosmetic jewelry and Patty's as well. They took cameras  and a little cash which was enough to carry away quickly. We can never replace the personal things that were given to Patty by her mom and grandmother no matter what the insurance does and that is the sad thing. People can be so nasty. It isn't the money but the sentimental value. And what did they get but a few thousand dollars that they could not realize would bring nothing in a sale. I still keep the expensive stuff where no other soul but Patty and I could find. Never in my life have I been robbed but it is an experience that takes away your sense of security. Now we have cameras all over the house since the police say it is best but what a way to live and we are even walking distance of a police station. 

I know Kathy would say it's just stuff but it hits me kind of hard because a lot of who she was.... left that day. To come home and find her urn thrown on the bed gets me. Thank goodness they didn't take that too. 

Guess it's time to buy my bride something to wear when we go out.  💖

 

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Oh Steve. I am sick at heart to read this awful news. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and Patty. I'm sure you know already that this is a significant loss for both of you, and as such, it is worthy of grief. Being victims of burglary can leave you feeling violated and vulnerable, and robbed not only of the sentimental items you describe (which in themselves are hard enough to lose), but also of the feeling of being safe and secure in your own home.

On some level (even if it's unconscious and/or irrational and totally unjustified) you may feel as if you've failed somehow in your responsibility as a man to protect your wife and your home. No matter what steps you may take in the future to protect your home and your belongings, a part of you may still worry that if this happened to you once, then it could happen again. Patty may find it difficult to be left alone in your home. There is just no telling how profoundly this event can affect each one of you.

My point is this: Please don't underestimate the very real (and lasting) effects this event may have on either or both of you. Know that it is NORMAL to be upset about this, and each of you is entitled to feel whatever you may be feeling. It may help to do some reading on this topic, as it will help to normalize whatever you are feeling and add to your understanding of your own reactions. See, for example, Coping with The Emotional Impact of Burglary ~ and it goes without saying that, if you feel a need for more than that, consider a session or two with a qualified grief counselor. (I know from your experience with HOV that you already know a very good one ;))

Again, dear Steve, I am so sorry about this. Know that I am thinking of you both and holding you close in my heart . . . ❤️

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My dear friends,

This is such sad news.  I am so sorry to hear about your losses.  To be violated like this is so traumatic.  I hold both of you in my thoughts. Marty's article about the 'emotional impact of burglary' is good and I also think to talk with someone might help.

Sending love,

Anne

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Steve and Patty, I am so sorry.  I know what that feels like.  I gave George a ring as a wedding present, it was the most expensive piece of jewelry I ever bought, it was to let him know how valuable he was to me, he always wore it when not working.  It was stolen.  We also had our shop broken into and they took all of our new tools, welder, etc.  Another time they emptied our 32 cf freezer of all our handpicked berried and our venison and elk.  It's a horrible feeling, the violation of your sanctity.  I'm glad they left the urn.  :(

If you have any pictures of the jewelry it wouldn't hurt to provide them to pawn shops and check on eBay listings for them.  

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So sorry to hear this, Steve.  Something similar happened to me, too, while I was still in a tailspin after losing Mark.  Someone who was staying in the house during the aftermath took, among many other things, a very special type of stone that is said to be drops of the Aurora Borealis, or Northern Lights, fallen from the sky (Labradorite, if anyone is curious).  Both of us loved this stone because I found it on our last vacation trip in July 2016, and I had it in both our hands while he was taking his last breaths.  All I have left of it is a photo.  The other things that were taken were just "stuff" in comparison, but I didn't notice these items missing until it was much too late to call the police-- that's how out of it I was.  It was sickening and made me feel like I had taken a sucker punch to the solar plexus for a second time.  After the discoveries, I locked every screen/storm door as well as interior door, and put a metal bar on a window that had a loose security thingamajig, so it couldn't be forced open from outside.  😖

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Thank you my friends. It gives us comfort knowing people care. This event has changed our lives for I never had to deal with robbery before and I have been on this planet for some time now. Now we have alarms and several security cameras installed with technology only Patty can understand.😊  I often hear how people feel violated when this happens and for some reason it just doesn't affect me that way. Stuff is just stuff as Kathy would always say and those personal items? Well I still have a lot more. The gold whale flukes of Kathy's that I wear around my neck had the chain break not long ago and was just sitting on my dresser.They overlooked it which brought me joy amidst all of this. So you look at the bright side and cherish your fortune. Life is too short to allow this to get in the way. I am so not the man I was years ago.

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I felt violated when it happened to me.  It's not just about the stuff, although the ring I gave George on our wedding night was not just "stuff" to me.  My sanctity of my home was violated.  When someone takes the door off the hinges and infiltrates your space for nefarious purposes, it's very much a violation.  Some things cannot be replaced.  I've heard it said to take pictures inside your head of those things and carry them in your memory, where no once can take them.  Only dementia and brain injury can steal from your mind, but then you don't know of it.

They stole our new welder...George and Paul were working on a project together, they were building a custom bumper for Paul's truck while he was on break from the Air Force.  Usually it was Paul showing George how to do something, but for once it was George teaching Paul how to weld.  The robbery brought that to an abrupt halt, it didn't just steal stuff, it interrupted a memory in the making.  They didn't get to finish their project together.  That's a robbery that can't be made right.  George died not too long afterwards.

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