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Deeply affected

Grieving the sudden loss of my only sister

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May 27,2016 I got a phone call from my brother saying my older and only sister was gone. It's not fair she was 48. My sister and I loved each other but from a distance. We had very little in common. There was several years between our ages which made our opinions and ideas very different. Most of our very small family had no idea she even had health issues. She went to bed on the 26th never to wake from a massive heart attack. I'm feeling so quilty for things I should have done and said. I'm playing the what if game. It's getting very close to the first anniversary without her. Please if anyone can help or give me ideas of how to move forward please I couldn't thank you enough.

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I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend. You say that as this first anniversary of your sister's death approaches, you're playing the "what if" game and looking for how to move forward in your grief. I invite you to read these articles, in hopes that may will help:

Guilt and Regret in Grief

In Grief: When Tears Won't Come

In Grief: Dreading The Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

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Thank you Marty T. I read the articles that you suggested. The last one gives me so many good ideas for being able to deal with the pain on the day of her death anniversary. I feel a bit more hopeful that I will survive this very painful day. The others also give me hope. I don't feel so alone in this. My husband is such a rock in my life, he seems to be the only one that is helping me through he just doesn't know what to do for me seeing he has not suffered a loss except for his grandparents. I have always been known as the " sensitive one " in the family. Growing with the rule we were never allowed to grieve anyone's death. Sorry for going on and on. You have just been so much help and friendly to someone you don't even know.

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You are so welcome, my dear. This is why I think it's so helpful to learn more about grief, because until it happens to us, we really don't know much about it, and what we can do in the face of it. You say you've always been the "sensitive one" in the family. Here's another article that you may find helpful: How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences 

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I, too, appreciate that article and want to point it to someone in my grief group that will soon face the anniversary of her husband's death.  She also has not been able to cry, although she was a crier before.  It could be that she's afraid of losing it beyond the point of no return.  Although the article on crying was addressed to someone who "wouldn't" cry, it may also be of help to someone who feels that "haven't" or "can't" cry.

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