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Cha Cha changes....

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So everything has changed...Everything.....My life has take a 180 spin and now I go in an entirely new direction..All by myself.

I am young, I am unsure whether to return to work...who knows..

I did start a counseling session. It is for grief but also for some other things I have needed counseling for ...

I am trying out a gym for a seven day free pass....might join up...it's nice to get out of the house and have many physical fitness options...

I have invited friends and family for dinner...I am trying some meetup groups..

I live in a rural area ..I am thinking that needs to change. I need activity close by.

Yesterday was the nine month mark of the wreck and Kev's passing.. :-/

I think I am accepting this now. He lives in my heart and I cherish the memories ...somehow I must move forward.. 

I am not a Tree...

I still have three of our pics together  beside my fave chair in the tv room...and I look at them often..

I wish he were here ...so many decisions I have to make on my own now..

In a couple of months, we will celebrate Evelyn's first birthday...our lovely granddaughter ..he said she was a petite little flower when he held her in his lumberjack arms....so tiny...I miss those strong arms...but that's nothing new...

I have dated, it's awkward...I feel like I am making a mess of things....I overthink....maybe the counseling will help me with that..lol...

How is everyone doing?



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Marie, I have dream amnesia usually.  I went back to sleep this morning because I usually jump right up, but I was having a good dream.  It wasn't about Billy, and now cannot remember what it was, but that's okay. I am not young.  There will never be another person in my life and that is fine with me.  I used to tease him and say if I ever got rid of him I sure would not get another..  That was in much younger years and was said in jest.  For some reason, in life, it meant a lot to him for there never to be another person in my life, of the male sort.  Gosh, after 54 years, (of marriage, 74 years of life) what else is there to do but live and worry about extended family.  Things like my son's job not making money yet so he is on my couch, my daughter is stuck up in the Wizard of Oz country with no hopes of making it home.  I cannot afford to get her back. My "condition" will not allow me to drive for long periods.  All her furniture is up there.  I cannot have her animals in my small apartment.  Honestly, having two bipolar children is kind of like running a zoo in Central Park.  Keeping the cages closed is important.  Getting too old to chase them down.  My sister's teaching job ends this summer, then starts again in the fall, but she has to live over the summer.  In the meantime, today is my granddaughter's counselor session.  Tomorrow a school day.  We go from A to B to C to D and back again to A.  I don't regret leaving that 2000 sq foot home in paradise.  Billy was not there so it was not paradise.  My mom is gone now.  She had been ready to go for a long time, in fact, she actually left years ago.  I still have not cried but I put new flowers up last week end, or was it the one before?  I got up today getting ready to go see "Beauty and the Beast" before the counseling session only to learn it is not till next week.  Damn, I took a shower for nothing.  Guess I do smell better.  

On a serious note, I hope you all in Chicago and the northern states that are getting pounded, I hope you all keep warm.  This is average Louisiana weather.  My daughter is weathering Kansas cold drying  winds and says if she ever gets back in swamp country she will never leave again.  I think I've heard that before.  Don't know how to get her home.  Her "friend" is going to have to come up with something.  And so is life this Tuesday, March 14, 2017.  I know that date cause it is in the right corner of my computer, but I woke up thinking it was Sunday.  

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I seem to remember a song, probably country, about "I shaved my legs for nothing" and sometimes that is about how I feel about each day.  I like a smooth road, mine seems to have potholes lately.  Gotta learn to drive around them.  My Ferris Yaris car has tiny tires.  

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George, happy to hear that, that is a big relief!  :lol:

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Wow, a memory came to my head reading back over this.  I think it was a country song and it was a date that had gone bad and I think she said "and I shaved my legs for that!"  I am sure it is on google but I'm headed to town.

Okay, my OCD got the best of me.  Do you ever fight with yourself not to go back and look at something and you know your gonna do it.  Well, this will help nobody but me.  It was a Deana Carter country song.  Funny how things will stick in your head.  This is it, to nobody in the world but myself.  George, don't shave your legs.

I bought these new heels, did my nails
Had my hair done just right
I thought this new dress was a sure bet
For romance tonight
Well it's perfectly clear, between the TV and beer
I won't get so much as a kiss
As I head for the door I turn around to be sure
Did I shave my legs for this

Read more: Deana Carter - Did I Shave My Legs For This? Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

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