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When you realize that life is about love


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The things I thought were important in life aren't. I remember doing everything possible to ensure that my life was together and the way that I wanted it to be. I thought it was everything to have a job, be financially stable and have a house. Those are the things I worked so hard to accomplish especially last year. I finally thought I was getting it all together, checking a few of those things off my list. Those were supposed to bring me happiness....right?? No....I was WRONG. I spent too much time worrying about the wrong things that I missed out on valuable time with people that I love....time that I can never get back. Now here I am today....working and financially stable but it all seems meaningless to me now. Yes I have a job make my own money and all the things I wanted to do but I don't have anyone to share it all with. So everyday I go to work feeling empty...I get off feeling lonely. And now that it's too late.....I see that life is nothing without love. 

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AB,

It has only been a few months for you.  You are still so early into this journey.  If I may, I'd like to caution you about second-guessing the past.  What you did, you did because you were looking ahead.  Your fiancé had health issues and you knew that the best thing you could do would be to create a stable environment.  Otherwise, your actions were based on love and the best information you had.  What was lacking was knowledge about the future.  

I don't know if "those things" are meant to bring us happiness but they are meant to bring us security.  Happiness is found in sharing with others experiences that enrich our lives.  At least that is what I've always found for me.  Now we are missing that one special person life does seem empty and lonely.  For my trip, I booked various operas, concerts, and musicals in the cities I will be traveling to.  For each event, I booked two tickets with the hopes that I might be able to find someone on the tour who would like to go to an event with me.  I did this simply because going alone sounds daunting.  I want to share this with someone.  

My hope for you, today, is that you can be kind to yourself.  You spent time concerned with your future and that isn't a bad thing.  My marriage was about as perfect as any I have ever seen.  We sailed through thirty-seven years without a hiccup.  Deedo loved me and I her; unconditionally.  And yet, if I allow myself, I regret the times I spent on the computer, reading, working in the yard; times that I wasn't worshiping her.  But then these times were all part of who we were; they were also what made our relationship so unique.

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1 hour ago, Brad said:

 your actions were based on love and the best information you had.  What was lacking was knowledge about the future.  

We are all in the same boat there.  Knowledge of the future.  And even if we did have it, it would have altered our daily lives because we had knowledge of a terrible thing coming.  I think about how that would have changed and messed things up even more.  It was bad enough knowing we were fighting a demon, but knowing how bad it would get would have cast a dark cloud over the time we had before it did.  

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Very true Brad and Gwenivere. I often think about this. If I had knowledge of what came to be it would have changed the dynamic of my relationship. I would have treated him different....our day to day interactions would have changed....and what kind of life would that have been. But of course I would go back and change certain things at the end if I knew. Maybe one day life won't feel so meaningless. 

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6 hours ago, AB3 said:

Very true Brad and Gwenivere. I often think about this. If I had knowledge of what came to be it would have changed the dynamic of my relationship. I would have treated him different....our day to day interactions would have changed....and what kind of life would that have been. But of course I would go back and change certain things at the end if I knew. Maybe one day life won't feel so meaningless. 

AB3,

None of us know the future, we only have what we have today.  You have already learned a valuable lesson about the quality and meaning of life. I believe we all learn lessons from all of this grief journey that we are going through.  I started to make a list of what I am grateful for each day.

There is a hope and a future for each one of us.  I still have my introspective days.  I starting asking, " what am I supposed to be learning through all of this?"  For me it is to take care of myself as well as I took care of other people.  It is  a struggle because of my upbringing. I'm not blaming ...I was taught to put others first which would put me last.  It is taken awhile for me to comprehend that I need to care for myself so I can care for others better..  

We are each given a new day each day with new Grace for that day.  Who knows what is just around the corner of life. I am not perfect, none of us are.  We just strive to do better each day.  And some days just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. 

Hang in there. You are not alone in here. - Shalom

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I am going to chime in with kind of the same sentiments.  I also had a great marriage with John, but I also wish I had known time would be so short (even though we were married 47 years).  He had just retired and we were talking about traveling, etc.  We had been pretty poor in the early years and worked hard so that we could have the time after we were done working.  But now, I wish we had done that more even while we were working, just made the time and figured out how to do it instead of waiting for retirement.  I guess we thought we had so many years left....he was so healthy seeming up until he was diagnosed.  We did have a very rich relationship and did quite a few things together.  But, that is the way you live your life isn't it?  Not thinking it's going to end, but just riding the wave of joy and feeling like it will go on forever....peace to all, Cookie

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On 3/28/2017 at 8:38 AM, AB3 said:

The things I thought were important in life aren't. I remember doing everything possible to ensure that my life was together and the way that I wanted it to be. I thought it was everything to have a job, be financially stable and have a house. Those are the things I worked so hard to accomplish especially last year. I finally thought I was getting it all together, checking a few of those things off my list. Those were supposed to bring me happiness....right?? No....I was WRONG. I spent too much time worrying about the wrong things that I missed out on valuable time with people that I love....time that I can never get back. Now here I am today....working and financially stable but it all seems meaningless to me now. Yes I have a job make my own money and all the things I wanted to do but I don't have anyone to share it all with. So everyday I go to work feeling empty...I get off feeling lonely. And now that it's too late.....I see that life is nothing without love. 

You have learned what we all have learned...how their death puts everything in perspective for us.  It wasn't wrong to work for stability and home, none of us could have foreseen any of this.  Retrospect looks so different than looking ahead.

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I love that Gin! 

Ab, I agree with some of what you say, life is about love...and you were making plans for that very mindset, love.

everyone has had such great insight I loved reading all the discussions...

loneliness is a tough battle....putting ourselves first is not easy to do ....

I need to plan somethings for me....still trying to figure that one out...

hugs, Marie

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1 hour ago, Marie Lee said:

...loneliness is a tough battle....putting ourselves first is not easy to do ....

I need to plan somethings for me....still trying to figure that one out...

hugs, Marie

That is so true. I can get my feelings hurt and I would rather have just opted out of some family activities.  However, My sister would have been deeply hurt if I didn't show up and participate.  It is not about me and it did bless my sister.  I try not to let my feelings rule the facts.  Family dynamics are an interesting mix.  - Shalom

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