I Feel So Alone - Like An Orphan At 36

[Guest Ann B]

I just lost my dad unexpectedly on the 13th of March. I had just gotten home from having surgery (had melanoma on my leg - turns out to be ok) He had some chronic health problems, but I don't know if we just got used to them or what. I am an only child and single at 36. My mother is in a nursing home due to a brain tumor and is a step away from persistent vegitative state. My dad was my rock, and I'm having a hard time just making it through the day, much less the financial estate planning that goes with it and having a challenging job.

It also seems like everyone is very supportive for about two weeks and then your time is up - you should be better by now.

And my family is (an 84 year old grandfather) is being downright evil about some of his belongings. I am more than gracious about giving stuff to anyone who wants it, but stealing a dead person's possessions? What is up with that? Why does death bring out the greed in people?

I also saw another post that said something about being absent minded and having "brain fog". I slept right through a blaring alarm clock this morning and missed a doctor appointment.

I just am beside myself with grief. I already take antidepressants and occasionally see a therapist, although they have never been much help. I always feel as though I am entertaining them more than anything.

Does going somewhere and screaming out loud help?

[shell]

Ann B.,

Yes, going somewhere and screaming helps! I've done it.

I feel so badly for your loss, you have my deepest sympathies. Almost all of us have experienced the "two week support". That's why most of us are on this board. We found a place where people we don't know care more than the people in our own lives! And isn't it weird how greedy people get? It's disgusting, isn't it? Sorry your grandfather is being such a ...well, you know!

I know the feeling of grieving and then having to deal with all the "legal" stuff at the same time. It's very, very hard and draining. All you can do is try to take the best care of yourself that you can. Hang in there and keep coming here, it's a great board with a lot of nice, giving, caring people. They have helped me tremendously. And go someplace and have a good scream.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[whoopie]

Ann,

I'm so sorry for your loss! I lost my Dad January 11, of this year. Now I take care of mom. I could feel your pain by just reading your post. I don't have alot of words of wisdom other than taking it one minute, one hour, one day at a time and don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything, or making any major decisions. Just tell them you will get to it, when you can! You are doin the best you can right now, and that's all anyone needs to know. Cry alot, scream alot, whatever ya gotta do to make it thru. Hang in there hon.

huggies,

whoopie

Edited March 29, 2006 by whoopie

[FUNNYFACE]

Ann B.

I to am an only child and lost my father 1 yr ago after 15 with Alzheimers and lost my Mom in Sept 2005. I am married and have 1 son + a wonderful daughter-in-law but I too feel like I have no famiy now. I really don't have any other family members..I was very close to both of my parents+ feel like a little lost sheep.Funny how we all have experienced the friends+support for right around 2 weeks than they are gone.In my case I was the one that always made sure that if there was a death in the family or anyone that I remotely knew that they had food...that was my thing...not one person offered to bring food to my house when my parents died...I am the one to call my "friends" to check on them when they are going through hard times...the phone lines only go one way..I guess. I just finished the book the HOV puts out + it is great...also tomorrow night will be my second with the group sessions...just being able to sit down and type this and know that there are others at their computers too that are going through the same thing and understand and support makes a world of difference. Glad you found us.

Really the only thing that I can say is know that you are not crazy....and things are bound to get better....I started a new job and boy...do I feel stupid...can't concentrate on learning what I need too....never had this trouble before....

Always here.....Funnyface

[Ann B]

Thank you everyone - I can really feel your true empathy and understanding through your posts.

It has gotten a little easier each day, I am more at peace with it now. I am feeling his presence kind of "guiding" me along the day.

I can relate about the food - I sure could have used some as well. You sure don't feel like cooking - I found myself eating a lot of fast food, which, I don't know about anyone else, but it makes me feel sick.

Again, thank you. I'm looking forward to the day when I will be able to help someone through this period.

[Guest Guest]

sorry for your loss, ann. yeah, its that feeling that life has been kicked out from underneath you and that youre all alone.

i lost my mom at 17 (33 now) and really feel i didnt do well with it back then. my family took cues from my dad about it, and i honestly think he was secretly relieved she was gone.

and since that time no one has spoken of her, which is an honest to Goodness shame. she was one in a million.

anyway, some days i think there ARE no good ways of expressing the pain of a loss of that magnitude. but take care of yourself.

[Guest Guest_susie_*]

I, too, feel as if I'm living my life in a fog. Found out on March 1 that my mom has very advanced lung cancer...had metastasized to her brain...causing seizures. My coworkers keep asking me how she's doing. I'm at the point where I reply with, "She's dying". What else am I supposed to say? Found out when I got home from work today that she had another bad seizure today (She's refusing treatment) and she may not make it through the night. I'm angry at the world. I want to take everything made of glass in my house and throw it against a brick wall.

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QUOTE(Ann B @ Mar 28 2006, 07:45 PM) ←

I just lost my dad unexpectedly on the 13th of March. I had just gotten home from having surgery (had melanoma on my leg - turns out to be ok) He had some chronic health problems, but I don't know if we just got used to them or what. I am an only child and single at 36. My mother is in a nursing home due to a brain tumor and is a step away from persistent vegitative state. My dad was my rock, and I'm having a hard time just making it through the day, much less the financial estate planning that goes with it and having a challenging job.

It also seems like everyone is very supportive for about two weeks and then your time is up - you should be better by now.

And my family is (an 84 year old grandfather) is being downright evil about some of his belongings. I am more than gracious about giving stuff to anyone who wants it, but stealing a dead person's possessions? What is up with that? Why does death bring out the greed in people?

I also saw another post that said something about being absent minded and having "brain fog". I slept right through a blaring alarm clock this morning and missed a doctor appointment.

I just am beside myself with grief. I already take antidepressants and occasionally see a therapist, although they have never been much help. I always feel as though I am entertaining them more than anything.

Does going somewhere and screaming out loud help?

[shell]

Suzie,

I am so sorry. I lost my dad to lung cancer a little over a year ago. He was coughing (thought he had bronchitis) and then he started coughing up blood. He went to the hospital for a week, came home and was gone three weeks later. It was so sudden and such a shock. My uncle (who is a "relative" by marriage only, but was our closet relative, ironically) died a month and a half before my dad of the exact same thing. Again, sudden and a shock. I know the fog you are in and how overwhelming all this is. The only solice when someone goes quickly is that they didn't have to suffer, and it doesn't help a lot, but you just have to remind yourself of that from time to time.

My thoughts will be with you. Try to hang in there as best you can.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I am so sorry for all your losses, I am still feeling like I am living in a fog even though it has been over a year for my mom when she died and it is coming up to a year for my dad in August. I live thinking who will be next. I have a yellow lab who I have had since she was five weeks old, but now she lives with my brother and I rarely get to see her anymore. I live wondering if and when I will receive that phone call that something has happened to her. I have left my childhood home after my parents died. I did live there with them. I left my comfort area and my job because of relocating to a sister's home. I am constantly wondering what comes next I have developed some health problems as well. I find it hard to talk to people face to face so I am so very glad to have some where like this to vent and to talk to people who actually know what I am saying. Thank you for listening and I will be praying for you all and know that in time it does get better so I am told. God bless you all and do take care of yourselves Shelley