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This is my first time posting and it's a long lost but please help me out here. 


So I met this girl about a year and a half ago, when she started working at the country club that I was working at (Sept. 2015). I liked her from the get go and I eventually asked her to senior prom (she was homeschooled so she never had the chance to do that kind of stuff and I thought since I liked her it would be a great first date). Unfortunately she had a boyfriend at the time which I didn't know about so she couldn't go with me for obvious reasons. So after I quit working there we never really talked until about a month ago when she asked me to the movies with a couple of friends of hers and I eventually learned it was a double date and that she was attracted to me romantically. We went and had a wonderful time and when we went back to her house we talked for six hours straight about everything; religion, politics, everyday things. I ended up leaving at 6 in the morning (I picked her up at 5 the night before) and the whole way home I just smiled and thought how wonderful she was. 

So the whole week I was either going to her house for 5 or 6 hours or she was coming over to my place for that long. We really liked each other however she was wanting to wait to make it official because of how awful the last relationship she was in was. So her and her family all left for a camping trip they do every year and her older brother had to stay home to work. She was gone for a week and we were texting back and forth the whole time she was away. She used up three of her data cycles snapchatting me. We started saying I love you while she was gone. The whole 9 yards. We were going to make it official the day they got back but when they got home they had found her brother dead in his room. I'm not at liberty to share how he died because that's not my place to do so however none of them knew cpr but it was within minutes of his death when they found him because his body temperature was still normal. That was a rough day for her obviously however later that evening she wanted me to come meet her extended family because they were all at the house. So I went over there and met the family, and was there to comfort her. I went over the next few evenings when she asked me to be there I would be there and do something for her. I took them a Shepherds Pie one night, and she cried herself to sleep in my arms another night, and I was there whenever she needed me.


So Wednesday and Thursday I'm not over there which is fine, I understand, and I went to the viewing this last Friday and her father and everyone was very glad to see me. I stayed for about an hour because I had a friends birthday she wanted me to go to. I was more than happy to skip it if she needed me there but she told me to go. The funeral was the next day and I went to that and the father wanted me to eat with the family and so did this girl I've been seeing so I did that. She had a couple aunts and uncles that asked if I was the boyfriend that they were hearing all about, and she told them not yet so things are going pretty good between us still. After that was the burial which of course they wanted me at that. So that night we don't really text about anything except for me telling her that I'm here for her if she needs anything and she didn't respond which I expected. We didn't talk this last Sunday, I did however send a "I hope your day is wonderful" text and she didn't respond which I assume was because it was her sisters birthday and she was having a hard time. Fine I get it. We talked for a bit yesterday and I told her my church was having a free lunch on Tuesday if she wanted to come she'd be more than welcome butane said she had to work. Ok that's fine and we get into the topic of my leg healing up from a surgery a couple months ago. She said I need to hurry up and enlist in the army like I've planning on it so I kind of joke with her "Are you trying to get rid of me or something? ;)" And she said "I might be." Me of course having read on here what happens most of the time freaks out and I say "I hope that's a joke" and luckily she said it obviously is. So I go to this lunch today and I ask if she wants me to bring her a meal and she said she just had lunch with friends. So I immediately thought about how she had work but then I thought she was probably just forgetting that she had already switched days and there's nothing to worry about and we've been texting pretty frequently today. It seems like the couple times I've asked if she wants to do something she doesn't want to it would rather be with friends. 


Any advice on how to handle this going forward is greatly appreciated. While it's very possible that it could happen, I'm not afraid of losing her at this moment judging by what she's saying and the fact that we are still having long conversations together.  I just need some advice on how to handle it. 

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It might help to read up on how to help someone grieving:

It will be important to take her cues and be respectful of her wishes.  She may not know what she wants herself, she may feel conflicting things at once, all of that is normal in grief.  There's a myriad of feelings one goes through in grief.  She may feel she can't focus on a relationship at the same time she is grieving.  It's important not to pressure her or make any demands on her.  Telling her something as innocuous as "I miss you" can be perceived by her as pressure.  Grievers can be thin skinned as this is a time they are very sensitive, vulnerable, confused, so much more. 

I hope you make it through this.  Try not to read something into everything she says.  If you question everything she says and does it could push her away.

Be understanding, patient, there in the background, come to the foreground when she wants you to.  Understand this is not something quick nor easy.  Friends don't require as much but relationships do so that's why people sometimes break off relationships yet still see friends.

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Also, is this normal for her to not want to see me right now, but wants to see friends? Will that blow over? I ask because she isn't talking like she wants a break and like she still wants to see me but she doesn't want to see me physically.

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18 hours ago, KW97 said:

is this normal for her to not want to see me right now, but wants to see friends?

Yes, unfortunately.  No one can predict how it will go but if you've read all of the threads in this section you can kind of get an idea.  Understand, though, that the fact she hasn't requested a break is a positive sign.  As I said earlier, friends don't require as much from her as a relationship and she has nothing to give right now.

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