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2nd Easter without him


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I'm glad that my family never did much celebrating.  Oh, when the kids were young we had their birthday parties and our biggest kid (Billy), he always started dropping hints before birthdays, Christmas, and Father's Day.  I remember one time fussing at him because the kids could not afford some of the things he wanted and I so wish I  had not done that.  They enjoyed buying for him.  Call me "The Grinch" because some days I feel like that ole monster.  I'm still selfish, mostly on days to remember I just spend my time trying to forgive myself for being a joy breaker.  I am still that way, I don't want to celebrate anything.

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This is also my second Easter without Angela...a little different alright....But a stuffed Chicken is on the menu, with cranberry sauce....Prefer these days to be alone on special holidays....I remember the treats and goodies for the kids, they were spoiled....

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Al and I always had the family over for Easter and a few more holidays.  He would always color eggs for the grandkids and hide their baskets with clues to find them.  I think he had as much fun as the kids!  I sure miss those good times!

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Gin, I never had an Easter with Dana. We came back together last May, and she was gone by mid-December. But hearing of Al's fun with colored eggs reminded me of how I would "hide" eggs for my two boys.  When the weather was bad, and we had to hide inside, I would put them at odd places -- taped to their bathroom mirror, taped to their toothbrushes, on top of door knobs, in the mouths of horse-head book ends, etc. They would giggle and laugh, and I was delighted at their fun.

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This will be my 12th.  I remember after he died (on Father's Day), getting through the 4th of July when his closet rod broke and I had to box up his clothes.  Then came Labor Day, the day that was so big in my family, we always went camping, our last hurrah before the kids would go back to school...this Labor Day a deer hit my car and no one called to make sure I made it home okay. :(  Then came my birthday, I cried myself to sleep because no one remembered it or said happy birthday and George had always made such a big deal of it.  Again, his absence was palpable.  Then Thanksgiving, with his empty chair and me fleeing to the kitchen in tears, the kids not knowing how to respond, my daughter coming in to put her arms around me.  Then Christmas, I'd wanted to skip it but my son was home on leave from the Air Force and they wanted to go get a tree, so I let them, and they helped put it up and decorate.  It was harder to get through than they can imagine.  New Year's, leaving behind the last year I'd ever be with him in.  Valentine's, going to our church banquet without him, enduring all the Sweetheart theme alone, it was really really tough.  We'd been so romantic, so in love, how do you do Valentine's without your Valentine?  By the time it rolled around to Easter, I major rebelled!  NO EASTER!  My kids understood.  I stayed home from church and ignored the day.  No special dinner.  Nothing Eastery.  The following Sunday I had my kids up for a big dinner but we made no mention of Easter.  They understood.

The truth is, everything changes for us with their death and the holidays are hard hitting.  I want to wish you well on your Easter but I understand if it's just plain old a really tough day.

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Kay, I am really, really, sorry for what you and everyone else is going through with the holiday, and holidays in general. My toughest times will be May 6 (the day we reconnected after 32 years apart), the week of June 14-22 (when she came and spent the week with me), July 8 (the anniversary of when she fell and broke her neck and injured her mouth and jaw, rendering her unable to eat solid food and starting her toward her eventual death) and November 8, her birthday.

Please know that I am thinking of you and everyone else on here today, and what you must be enduring.

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Hello everyone

This is my first Easter without my hubby. It has been 4 1/2 months. A friend asked me what I was doing and I lied and told her had been invited to  Neighbors. I had not been and if I had I would have lied to them also. Today, I want to be alone, to be depressed and to feel the woo is me theme. I dont want to have to pretend. i dont know what I will eat today...maybe pull out a patty from the freezer and have a hamburger, naybe go out and get a pizza. I just want to alone and miserable today. Crazy, eh?!  Lots of I wants I know but today it is  I and not We, alas.

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Autumn, I understand exactly. My sister had invited me over for a family thing. Which I accepted, but did not want to attend. She just notified us that my brother-in-law had a bug, and they are cancelling. I am certainly not glad he doesn't feel well, but I am relieved not to have to go put on a happy face today. If it had not been my Sis, I would have fibbed too.

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I hate holidays now because of how good they once were.  Talk about a twist in attitude.  We didn't do anything special for Easter, but before I didn't care when I heard about others plans.  Now I nod and smile only wishing we were dong our nothing special.  Take away that half of yourself and you see just how all these holidays, celebrated or not, will never be the same.  I could never handle going to anyone else's gatherings now.  Tried it a couple of times and talk about feeling lonely in a crowd, no matter how much attention I got.  Or maybe that was the problem.  I'm not regular folk anymore.  Even when people try and treat me that way it magnifies I am not.  The only solution is one that is not possible......going back.

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2nd Passover and 2nd Easter without Crystal. She loved me telling her about Passover and all the associated traditions. She loved doing Easter egg hunts with her kids. I find myself wondering how her family is coping over this weekend.

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I am so glad it is the start of the week. Not too long ago (4.5 months) I was a TGIF person even though retired. Now I have become a TGIM person...wonder why!? Weekends are awful, particularly with a holiday and yet I wanted to be alone.I kept busy yesterday, ate my hamburger for my Easter lunch and cereal for dinner and allowed myself to be morose. No, I didnt cry but did lots of good and bad thinking. Hope this week is positive and not too bad for everybody.

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I understand the TGIM except now that I'm retired it's not like that for me anymore.

It would have, could have been a good Easter but for the news I got that pretty much ruined it and then some.  And of course still going through the Plague of the Mice (in my car).  Sick to my stomach...

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