Margm Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 Kay, my middle aged "children" and "elderly" sister give me more cause to worry than my 17-year-old granddaughter. And, I go to sleep at night, my bed looking at the big cross at the foot of the bed on the wall. I don't know if my prayers go any further than the cross on the wall, but that is all I can do. My son asked me why I still let people boss me around and I had never thought about that, but I have always had someone to "lean" on and now I have to do it myself, with other people leaning on me. I try to make it stop in a gentle way because the anxiety will kill me for sure. I keep thinking about the young girl I worked with that lived in a neighborhood that had gunshots each night and it was terribly dangerous. I asked her how she felt about leaving her tween-aged children alone and she told me when she went out the door she turned them over to God. Now, that is faith I really need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 Marie, I remember when you first shared with us your life story and tragic loss. Your loss seemed even more sudden and unexpected than what I experienced. (Not that we need to compare our loss) I remember that I was in such shock when I came home to find my wife dead with no warning or even inclination that she passed. It took me a long time to get out of that period of grief (hence the Title of my posts, "Shock and Awe"). I decided to post my journey and trials through this grief to help others as well as myself to learn, grow, and share. I had those same flashbacks and memories flood into my mind at around the first year of my wife's death and then again this year. It just sucks, I felt like I was reverting back to day one and that I made no progress. However, that feeling is not a fact because I can review my posts and check on the progress I have made. Marie, You are one several people I pray for peace, comfort, and restoration. I surely don't have the answer to this grief journey that we are all thrust into but I trust God that He knows what is best (even though I may not like it). Hang in and Hold on. This place is my saving Grace where we understand what we have gone through and help to support each other. You are not alone. Grace is new for us each morning. My prayers continue to be with you and others in this group. I am learning to live with both, grief, hope, and joy as each day unfolds. Some days still suck others are better. Shalom, George 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 George thank you for always knowing what to say. Your comments are so encouraging and supportive. I wish I could be as faithful and graceful as you are. Big hugs to you for being so understanding ? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 George, you, Kevin, Brad and Steve give us hope that we might accept this world we live in, even if we don't like it. We have some new fellows on that are gonna chime in also. And our women, they are such fighters in what always seems like a losing battle, but they fight on. Inspirations everywhere. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 1, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 Thank you George.. your thoughtfulness overwhelms me with much gratitude.... These are tough days for sure as I near the one year mark... oh how I miss my lumberjacks bear hugs!!!!! Peace- Marie 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 It's so hard to fathom that I was in the same car... how do I have peace with this outcome? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 2, 2017 Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 Al had a shirt that I said was a lumberjack shirt. He loved it. I did not much care for it. I guarantee all that I will NEVER GET RID OF IT. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 :-) Gin that makes me smile ... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 This is going to be one helluva month for me... too many triggers...I know he wants me to embrace life wholeheartedly.... I just don't know how to do this all without him... Got to hold on tight on this ride...its going to be one helluva month... Hugs everyone- Marie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 2, 2017 Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 Marie, You are in my thoughts and prayers as the anv. of death approaches. I know this is hard, it is one aspect I've never really gotten used to. (((hugs))) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 2, 2017 Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 Marie, I wanted to share this with you, since your loss was due to tragedy, something to ponder... http://www.aftertalk.com/ask-dr-neimeyer/index.php/truamatic-images-of-dying/ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 Thank you Kay... I will work on positive imagery... watched a med show last night that portrayed a dying husband after a car wreck waiting for his wife to arrive... it was too much.. I turned off the TV and went to bed.. sleep did not come for a while... these June days are going to be tough... too many triggers...I guess allowing myself the time to feel the pain may be a bit of a therapy within itself. Hoping so anyway..I have a few social obligations and plans.. I know I need to socialize.. but I am not sure I have the strength to go...I know he wants me to Live, Love, Laugh... I just don't know how to do it without him... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 2, 2017 Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 I'm thinking of you too, Marie. I can totally relate to medical, shows. Actually, anything medical. It is not something I can remove myself from anymore. We've all here have lived it. The sets look real of places we spent real tragedy in, but the actors get up and go home. Anniversaries are tough and not something outsiders understand. I find them more isolating because even telling people really doesn't help much. They may nod and mean well, but they don't get that sometimes the longer it is, the worse we feel for that missing them rather than 'getting used to it'. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 2, 2017 Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 Thinking of you, Marie. It is tough reliving this type of anniversary date. Once again I have made it through May 5. July is hard for me. Debbie's birthday is July 15 and she died on July 27. Bittersweet. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2017 Karen - I can only imagine your pain- hugs. Gwen - Yes, I am finding it to be that way- and am trying to accept that I am going to be sad..really having a tough time .. I am planning to cancel all social plans this weekend.. just can't do it at this time of year. One day at a time- hugs everyone and thank you! Marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 3, 2017 Report Share Posted June 3, 2017 Thoughts and prayers are with you Marie. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2017 Thank you Gin! Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 3, 2017 Report Share Posted June 3, 2017 16 hours ago, KarenK said: July is hard for me. Debbie's birthday is July 15 and she died on July 27. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as July approaches, Karen. My month is June...my dad's birthday & my parent's anniversary June 10, George's birthday, June 14, George's death day June 19/Father's Day (wouldn't you know he'd die on Father's Day so most years I have TWO anv. of death days!).This year it's a Sunday/Monday duo. To top it off, my son-in-law's birthday is June 6 (he's the heel that left my daughter) and my daughter's June 26, it's a very painful month. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 3, 2017 Report Share Posted June 3, 2017 Too many sad days for us all. I don't know how to convey how much I would like to boost everyone up. Please all, just know that my heart is here with each me of you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 4, 2017 Report Share Posted June 4, 2017 As our hearts are with you, too, Marita. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted June 5, 2017 Report Share Posted June 5, 2017 On 06/02/2017 at 8:47 AM, Marie Lee said: This is going to be one helluva month for me... too many triggers...I know he wants me to embrace life wholeheartedly.... I just don't know how to do this all without him... Got to hold on tight on this ride...its going to be one helluva month... Hugs everyone- Marie Hugs to you too. Those darn triggers...so many sometimes. Will be thinking of you, Cookie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted June 7, 2017 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2017 Ty Cookie - yes the triggers continue for sure - just don't even know who I am anymore 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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