Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Recommended Posts

A little over a month ago my soulmate was in a fatal car accident. I drive a truck so I had just delivered my load and got a phone call. She was in MI working when someone crossed into her lane hitting her vehicle head on. It was instantaneous for her, which was a blessing. I had to leave my truck and go up there to get her in MI. I had no one to help me or to really understand what I needed. Anyway less than 24 hours had passed and her kids (22 & 21) filed a lawsuit for Wrongful Death, with the guidance of another relative. I found out this like two weeks later, as well as one of those kids filing for Administratrix of the Estate, basically trying to make sure I had no say. Anyway she had a two life insurance policies. Our main life insurance and a secondary for her kids. Oh I raised those kids for 18 years. 

She and I never got around to getting a will drawn up. We discussed how to make sure things were done. Her kids had a whole separate policy and my kids were to get about $25k each. The rest was for bills and me to put away some, as well as have some to survive off of for a bit. Long story short I gave my kids the $25k each and her kids $15k the oldest had a baby, and the other of her kids $10k. Well one of my kids told the other children I only gave her $200, even though I told her about her banks rules. So this started a shhhh storm. Needless to say I am now the most horrible person on this earth, not welcome in my own home, and told that I deserve nothing but to die. This is starting to weigh heavily on me and I know it's a trial, but it is so hard when I have done nothing but try to support them. I plan on selling the house she and I had, moving and buying one. 

 

Anyone been through this and how do you cope, does it ever feel as though the weight is lifting off you? I don't know if the relationship with the kids can ever be saved. I know that I did what was asked and now it seems as though greed has kicked in.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JaseScott,

I am sorry for your loss, it's one of the hardest things in the world to go through.

Unfortunately, people aren't always at their best when grieving, it's hard to think with clarity.  When my mom died I discovered she left everything to my brother and nothing to us five daughters.  Stuff happens like that and fairness doesn't always enter in.

I would see an attorney about your legal situation if you weren't married and she didn't have a will.  What the two of you talked about may not enter in if there's no proof but we don't have anyone qualified to speak to you about legal matters here I'm afraid.

As far as the relationship with the kids goes, time will tell if it can be saved.  I do know forgiveness is important because without that we can build resentment that only hurts ourselves.

I hope you're able to get this straightened out satisfactorily for all of you.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Geez, I am so very sorry for everything. i just dont get it when it comes to money. I have been fortunate. Everything was in order and still a real challenge BUT in my experience in life (73 years) I have seen families torn apart by a teapot. I just dont get it! You have been thru so much and if I understand it is one of your kids, no less. I am sure your heart is doubly heavy. This is a grewt group and you will learn you probably are not alone...not that that makes it even easier. Hugs.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jase, I honestly thought I was the only one who had trouble with "kids."  Mine are middle aged kids now.  Some of the stories I could tell, and have.  My son is like me though, he does not ask for anything.  

Billy's family were poor as church mice.  They fought over "nothing," absolutely nothing.  No money, rented house, no car, not even a horse or dog.  They fought over absolutely nothing. (Billy did not fight).  He said "I got all I needed from Daddy" and they were all over him wanting to know what he had.  He said "I had his love" and they all shut up, wonder of wonders.  

I am comfortable, but if I go, they gonna lose a lot of stuff.    

My poor little country grandma ran a little crossroads country store that was put together with probably flour paste.   She kept all her accounts on a red Big Chief tablet of paper with a #2 pencil.  That is what she wrote her will on, properly documented also.  That little country woman left those six remaining "children" money and land and assigned things in the house to each "child."  She wrote them a letter and in it she asked "Please don't fuss."  Yep, with her #2 pencil on Big Chief Tablet.  (Tell me there are still people alive besides me that remember those rough paper Big Chief writing tablets.)  And of course they fought.  May have threatened lawsuits, and they were all so mean I know the Devil would not keep them in hell, so maybe God keeps them corralled.  I hope so cause Mama was so looking forward to being with her sisters.  Of course all husbands died before any of the girls, strictly for their own protection.  

I know your feelings are hurt.  During the whole 54 years of marriage Billy tried to hold me down from "fighting back," to just be laid back and cool.  I was always the antsy, anxious, panicky person.  I knew Billy would outlive me years and years.  Now I am listening to Billy.  (I'm trying damned hard to listen anyhow).  They sure can hurt us though when we are already down.  

My best to you Jase, protect yourself, things will calm down hopefully, but my little grandma lived into her 80's with the rowdiest family I have ever been around.  Bossy, mean old kids.  Good luck.  They say only the good die young.  Mama was 95.  She was the last one.  

(Yep, there goes another of the 10 commandments down the drain).  "Honor thy father and thy mother."   

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mom had a life insurance policy. She left it to my grandmother. My grandmother passed several years before she did so she told me she changed the policy to me. 

After she passed away I had to go to court. I racked up 5000$ in costs, 2500$ to take care of her passing, gas driving back and forth....

she had a family she cared about. They had abandoned her the last year. I split the bank account and the furniture in the house with them. 

It turns out on the back of one of her bills to the insurance company she had written the new phone number and the friends name. The insurance company decided that she wanted to change the beneficiary to that person. I was out all the money and he got the policy. Nothing I could do. It was wrong. I felt like she was still abusing me after her death. I thought I was devastated by this until I experienced Brian's death. Now I know what true devastation really means. 

I finally let it go the best I could. 

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nightwinds, I'm so sorry.  I do know how you feel.  I'm glad you've made the choice to let it go, that is the best thing sometimes.  None of us daughters challenged my mom's will, although we had the legal right to, it was all just "stuff" we've lived without all our lives.  We can't understand my mom's thinking, but she wasn't right all her life...I look forward to the next life where she'll be well and clear in her mind for the first time.

You are so right,nothing compares to the death of our spouse, everything else pales in comparison.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what hurts the most is that it's FAMILY that does this.  Strangers seem to be so much more patient and giving at these devastating times.

Sorry for your heartbreak @JaseScott.  I do hope that things will improve soon.

 

@Nightwinds  I'm going through a financial sh_t storm with family and am on the losing end.  All the loss since his passing has been awful.  I wish I had your grace. Hugs ? to you.

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been blessed in this area. I have so far been surrounded by love and support. I do not take that lightly. I have witnessed first hand the squabbling over minute items. I am so very sorry JaseScott... This must cause great stress and heartache when you are already going through so much...

I pray love and peace covers us all..

hugs, Marie

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...