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Simple things aren't simple anymore


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Temperate Rain Forest   , I lived around there for about ten years...Surprised how much its grown.  Agree with KayC, this is the time you gotta look out for yourself.....And living by yourself      not that difficult once you get the hang of it.....you will do fine..

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20 hours ago, Marg M said:

Mental illness is hard on the patient, and the whole family.

You are so right!  I remember telling my sister, "You think it's hard being around her, imagine how hard it must be to BE her!  She can't get away from herself!"

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20 hours ago, Marg M said:

My parents should never have had children.  I'm sorry to say that, but it happens sometimes.  I did not leave my kids with them

Same here, Marg!

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16 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

There will be no softening on her part

Marita, my mom didn't soften either except for Dementia and drugs took the edge off some at the end.  I don't think you should have any regrets.  You can't allow her to interfere with your parenting or berate you and she'd do it to your son too if given a chance.  My mom was hurtful to my kids as well but they quickly learned there was something wrong with her and learned not to give her power over them, not to let her affect them.  I'd stand up for them but she just didn't get it.  If, after she dies, you feel bad about not seeing her at the end, get over it.  I mean that kindly.  Reject any stupid guilt, because quite honestly, you don't deserve it!  We tried our best with our moms, sometimes there's no dealing.  :wacko:

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I found on two separate  encounters with dementia, how  it effects the victims differently....  There is the bitter side and then the better side......I was blessed my Wife took the better side ...At my group I heard stories of the bitter, and some people went plain nasty/mean.......It is not a condition that can be changed and treatment is marginal at present.....I believe this next decade great advances will be achieved in this field..... 

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Kevin we have seen the bitter with my mom, and then the taming of her brain we wished we could have seen as children, and I know my dad wished he could have seen..  Sometimes I forget how old I really am and I am shocked because my friends got old the nearly 20 years I lived away from home.  I was doing genealogy and saw where a cousin had passed away in 2014.  I didn't even know.  I remember her husband as a high school basketball star but now he is in final stages of Alzheimer's and his five grown kids are taking care of him.  My cousin died of a heart attack driving in town.  I remember these people when they were "kids."  Reality slaps you in the face and then beats you to the ground.  I can see some things about Billy now, in my mind, that were changed.  My gentle man developed road rage in later years, which was surprising.  He was so laid back and calm, I knew he would last forever, but when he got ready to leave, I did not know he could travel so fast.  I will forget names and my granddaughter pushes me until I remember.  I want to Google instead, but she pushes me.  I hate to tax this old brain any more than I have to.

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My mind is as good as ever(only 65), my body on the other hand is pushing 80....I have a hard time bending, climbing, getting up/down....new hip will change things I hope....My fears with my family is Alzheimer's...almost epidemic in Canada...fewof my  family members already showing signs....it's a Wonderful Life

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23 hours ago, kevin said:

I found on two separate  encounters with dementia, how  it effects the victims differently....  There is the bitter side and then the better side......I was blessed my Wife took the better side ...At my group I heard stories of the bitter, and some people went plain nasty/mean.......It is not a condition that can be changed and treatment is marginal at present.....I believe this next decade great advances will be achieved in this field..... 

Kevin,

I didn't realize your wife had dementia.  My mom had dementia, Lewy Bodies.  A lot of people haven't heard of it, everyone knows Alzheimers, Lewy Bodies is kind of like a cross between Alzheimers and Parkinsons, there is the falling, bruising, she also had Leukemia.  It kind of took a back seat to the Dementia, they didn't treat it because she was going from the dementia anyway.

I was just talking about this very subject with my sister last night, how some are mean, swearing, very hard to be around in their dementia.  It's not them talking, it's the dementia, but oh so hard on the family members especially with young children.  My mom didn't go that route either.  My mom became softer, more appreciative.  I thank God.  She had been difficult all her life, she had mental illness, so she could be very nasty, unappreciative, controlling...when she got dementia, it's like she became the person she was meant to be, minus the memory/brain function.  It was weird.  I, too, am very glad it affected her this way rather than the other way.  I don't think they choose either way, it chooses them.

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21 hours ago, Marg M said:

Sometimes I forget how old I really am and I am shocked because my friends got old the nearly 20 years I lived away from home.

Marg, I reconnected with an old friend I'd been away from for 30+ years.  When we first met after all these years it was funny, I felt like we were two old people playing dress up in old people's bodies! :D

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