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Older Cat Dies Following Rabies Vaccination


MartyT

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Monica,

You only did what most of us have done - trusted your vet.  I understand how you feel, believe me.  I lost 3 of my precious girls within a year and a half's time and if I had to do it all over again, things would have been done differently.  Their deaths were not related to vaccines, but there were mistakes made.

Mary

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Dear Marty,

Thank you so much - I love it when I see that you sent me a message.

Yes, I am trying to honor My Precious Baby Pearl's memory. I am so grateful I found you and your invaluable help. And I do hope that my message can be read by many, many Pet Parents so they can learn about the dangers of over-vaccination.

I can't thank you enough, Dear Marty, for your support - You are a Light in the middle of this ocean of pain, guilty and sadmess.

With love, gratitude and admiration!!

I wish you a lovely day,

Monica, broken and destroyed

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Absolutely!  It only makes sense!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I hope you find peace.  

the vets at the clinic I use vaccinate older cats with caution...and have said,  "If he hasn't caught X by now, he's not going to."  I understand your pain, but 'post hoc, ergo propter hoc' shouldn't be the only science we consider.  Rabies vaccines *have* been the source of tumors *at the site of the injection* which certainly wasn't your Baby's bladder.   

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Dear Ipswitch,

Thank you for your message!! 

The vet also told me that the rabies shot can cause a tumor on the site of the injection, but I read what that holistic vet said on the internet, and that just crushed me because I was trying to follow our vet's advice and I ended up killing My Precious Baby Pearl - it has been 1 year, 2 months and 6 days - and I'm just as hurting as if it had happened now; I had never killed another living being, but I ended up killing my own Daughter because I just had to agree with that vet, how could I do that since I have no knowledge of  Veterinary Medicine?????? I am so destroyed!! I just hope she is not in pain anymore!!!!

I apologize for venting, it is just that I am grateful when someone lets me talk about my pain.

I want to thank you kindly for your message to me !!

Thank you for wishing me peace - I don't know if I will ever experience it again, but I thank you so much!!

Monica

 

 

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You probably didn't kill your baby.  tumors come...and we don't always know why.  My husband died from lung cancer, not unusual for a man who smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years.  So did entertainer Andy Kaufman, a vocal anti-smoker who carried a little fan with him to blow smokers' exhalations away from him.  Sometimes, it's just the luck of the draw.  I voiced my guilt and disappointment to the vet over Maxine's tumor.  Other people have cats living 18, 20 years and I'm not having that experience.  He said, for one thing, all cats aren't living that old, and secondly, I got her as an adult.  If she went into heat a couple times early in life, (before I adopted her) She's predisposed to get mammary cancer.

Sadly, it may just have been Pearl's time.  

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Dear Ipswitch,

I offer you my condolences about your husband 's passing.

Also, it is so sad your Baby Maxine has a tumor. We wish that our Love could be enough to protect the ones we love, being a human being or a Furry Baby!!  We wish we could join those people whose Cats live up to 20 years of age, it would be so nice to have the joy and privilege to share our lives with them, as much as possible!! Although you adopted Maxine when she was an adult, please be sure that she feels , and will forever feel, all the love you have for her!! I was told that the bond of love we share with an Animal, of any species, is eternal!! As the love I feel for my Baby Pearl is eternal; but I believe I reduced her time on this Earth by agreeing with that vaccination. This is so sad. Now I carry this pain until I die.

Ipswitch, I thank you so very much for your messages - they mean a lot to this destroyed creature I became.

i wish you a lovely day!

Thank you kindly,

monica

 

 

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Thanks.  if I'd read Maxine's profile more carefully, I probably wouldn't have adopted her!    She had a hard time with house training.  And when my husband died, (2010) and then my mother (2013)  I was finding cat urine everywhere.  I had two cats at that time, but figured out it was Max.  (Cue the V-8 head slap when I remembered 'adopted and returned twice') Visits to the vet.  Clear medical history.  Prozac for the cat.  Anti-depressants for me.  Cue the painting of the floor,, twice, with oil based primer. Then i sequestered her to the rooms I used most-kitchen, sewing, dining, and scooping the litter box every time I saw something in it. That part actually worked

I promised her a forever home, though.

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Dear Ipswitch,

I think that even if you had read Maxine's profile more carefully, you would have adopted her anyway because I think you had already fallen in love with her!!  That little baby had faced some challenges (adopted and returned twice), Maybe she was traumatized, that's why she had trouble being house trained, but the best thing that happened to her was the fact that you adopted her and welcomed her not only in your home but in your heart. I believe that after your husband 's and your mother's passing, she felt that and missed them and that is why she was urinating outside the litter box.

I think you are a wonderful person who has a loving heart because you kept her, you had patience and love for her!!!! That is simply beautiful!! You did not give up on her!! Other people did not give her a chance, they brought her back, but you you showed her Love and that is fantastic!!

I wish you a wonderful night!

monica

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We were meant to be their moms, and whatever we go through wouldn't change a thing, we'd still be devoted to them and give them all the love they deserve.  Those who are here are loving parents to their furbabies and gave them the best life they could.

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Dear Kayc,

You are a wonderful mommy to your Precious Arlie!! And what breaks my heart is that I love My Baby Pearl with each fiber of my being and I failed her, she did not deserve that; if I could I would have gone through a bladder transplant to give my bladder, or half of it because she is small, to her; what is destroying me is the fact that my actions - my agreeing with the rabies shot - killed My Little Life. :( It is so sad. All I wanted for her was love and health and joy, but I caused her death. I am destroyed.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dear Monica,

I sincerely apologize for taking so very long to respond! Endless to-do's, then summer holidays, and my own ailments have overwhelmed me, and unfortunately, all but holidays are ongoing. But I was thinking about you the whole time and feeling badly I couldn’t get to this until now. I’m also so sorry you also suffer with migraines, on top of everything else. :( (have you looked into herbs like Butterbur, for those? or EFT tapping?) In any case, I’ll try to make up for my tardiness now, in this terribly lengthy response! :o (apologies in advance, and read it in little snippets if that works better for you!)

You are most welcome for any kind of relief I can possibly provide in this dark night of the soul you’re going through. I am incredibly touched, too, that you were “crossing (your) fingers” to have me respond to your post! Truly, Monica, you cannot imagine how very grateful I am to hear such a sentiment, when my feeling of having worth to anyone is at an all-time low. So a huge THANK-YOU for making me feel so valued! :wub:

I have more than a few thoughts on guilt. Firstly, guilt is the gateway to our conscience and as such, is part of our inner guidance system. Where would we be without feelings of guilt? We’d have no morals or ethics by which to conduct ourselves. So while the feeling feels bad, the guilt itself isn’t. It has a worthy purpose.
 
Hence, I won’t try to talk you out of your feeling such guilt as I’ve learned from experience that, akin to anger or shame, guilt can also be used as an incentive to do better, or be more effective with various undertakings in the present and future. Whereas, if guilt is pushed down and ignored, our values and moral systems deteriorate, and often depression (from the unawareness of our own self-loathing and the refusal to look at our "shadow side") ensues as well. So we need to work with guilt, since it’s there for our spiritual growth.

I have known people who either don’t allow guilt to surface, or are incapable of even feeling guilt or remorse in the first place. Those are dangerous people to be around, and are not the types you’d want making decisions on behalf of anyone, since their consciences are compromised or non-existent. But you can KNOW you’re not that type or you wouldn’t feel guilty, and therefore of course you deserve forgiveness! It is only those who don’t see or feel any real need for forgiveness (like sociopaths) who don’t “deserve” it, meaning, that no human has to try and forgive them if that’s their attitude. (this is actually also stated in the Bible, if that matters to you)

So although it may be tough to do, I hope you can carry a wee bit of thankfulness for that guilt you’re plagued with. Whether any part of it is warranted or not, at least you know you DO have a conscience, and that can always be utilized for yours and others’ betterment. And whether that guilt ever evolves or disappears entirely or not, it’s obvious you’ve already learned from it and are already applying that learning. In other words, you’re not a "lost cause,” nor do you deserve to be.

On a personal note, I’ve made what I consider to be some horrendous, ‘unforgivable' mistakes, too….or at least my earthly perception of them is that they certainly seemed unforgivable. My own fur-son begged to differ, however (discovered through one of the world’s best Animal Communicators I hired back then), and when I was racked with guilt/self-loathing/confusion/searing pain & ZERO self-forgiveness, he relayed this message to me about the guilt I was suffering over his final hours:

“There IS nothing to forgive.” 

And he repeated that again, for emphasis, knowing I was doubting it.

It took me many years to even begin to emotionally receive what he’d said, and I still carry a bit of guilt…yet not enough to stop me from growing from it. That deep-seated guilt spurred me to do even better for his beloved sister, our Nissa, and for her transition 6 years later, and that relieved a bit more of it, knowing I’d at least used it wisely. Sadly again though, another deficient vet ruined my girl’s and my final moments together (the vet sent out to do our home euthanasia was NOT the one I’d spoken to, resonated with, & had expected our clinic to send out; their primary vet was away yet again, so never attended to either of their deaths!), so I have to be content with the fact that I’d done my part for whatever had been under my control up till then, and then try and forgive myself for the deficiencies in my responses that I was incapable of correcting in the moment…all due to the crippling pain of knowing my baby girl was going to be gone from my life in mere moments…all while desperately trying to not sully her return to Spirit with my own inner turmoil. Much as I wish I’d done better, I have to somehow be content in knowing I did the best I was capable of in those moments. Do I feel some shame, still? Yes, a bit. Do I feel I could have done better by her? Yes, still. Do I think I made a wrong decision? Yes, in hindsight. But, at the same time I can also feel compassion for myself, for not being perfect, not knowing everything, for not stepping up as I would have normally done if I hadn’t been forced into a panicked state and having to make a wholly unexpected, last-minute choice on her behalf, thinking at the time that I was doing the better thing for her, then regretting it later, AS IF that vet knew more than I'd already been told! But who’s thinking “normally” when we’re put in such precarious positions, and we’re overwhelmed with deep-running emotions? Mainly only those who aren’t so “invested” in another’s life, or who can’t feel very deeply.

We also have to factor in a known FACT...that being that the older, reptilian part of our brains -- the amygdala — kicks in and takes over when we’re flooded with upset, or afraid, causing physiological changes in us that actually render us “stupid," i.e. actually incapable of calm, rational thought. This, too, deserves self-forgiveness, because it really is out of our conscious control when it happens, and only if we are aware of this and can then use a personal arsenal of tools to self-soothe and bring our heart rates back down in the moment, can we hope to control it. But that physiological “moment” normally takes most folks at least 20 minutes to accomplish! And frankly, when faced with a serious situation that has us wanting to do the “right thing” by our loved one, I can barely imagine being able to use those tools to much good effect, since they involve doing things that bring us pleasure, and being able to step completely away from our worry or concern while doing them.

So when we’re expected to make a snap decision on the spot???…how many people could or would respond with, “I need at least 20 minutes before I can give you an answer” ? And how many would even accept such a response? And in your particular case, it was a battle just to convince your husband to go to the vet in the first place, much less return a second time to give you more time to think or do some research first. Plus, I suspect you were also feeling some inner relief that at least you didn’t have to battle, again, over yet another medical cost/procedure argument with your husband. You can hardly blame yourself for your whole life for that whole-picture scenario. It’s understandable you jumped on-board that vet’s recommendation, given all this and your past experiences as well.
 
I’ve even known of people who actively battled against vets’ insistence upon (in particular) Rabies vaccines. They had to be incredibly strong in the face of these nonsensical laws, and had back-up plans as part of their rational arguments against it. (perhaps you can google for what those arguments can consist of in the U.S., as I don’t remember where-all I’d come across these years ago, but some were brilliant!) The prevailing medical system has come to use such coercion and fear to push people into compliance, and imo, that’s just wrong. I’m facing such nonsense right now, but this time for myself, and am not sure I have enough resilience left to withstand the onslaught that results from trying to uphold my own rights to say “no." (nowadays you're often then labeled as a "non-compliant patient" and blackballed - nice!) So I’m saying, it’s not for the faint of heart. Most people aren’t that strong or well-equipped for such battle.  

I realize you’re not “most people,” though, and that alone makes you stand apart from the crowd, but as a similar type of person who by nature also leans toward (now tempered) perfectionism, perhaps trying to look at the bigger, more spiritually-driven picture might help? I don’t have the answers in your case, but for instance — what do you believe, or might you come to believe, about Divine Timing?...even if such a belief, or such pondering, doesn’t give you ALL the answers you want, but possibly some of them? What if, say, Baby Pearl's transition really was just as divinely timed, in the Big Picture, as her arrival into your life (it seems to me) was, for reasons you can’t yet fathom? Perhaps this is a gateway for you to start exploring such questions and more, and to aid in that, one of the gentlest, most respectful, and useful books I can suggest is:

Saying Goodbye to Your Angel Animals:Finding Comfort After Losing Your Pet, by Allan and Linda Anderson. Their website is also lovely: http://www.angelanimals.net/

A note though - despite its title, I’ve NEVER said any actual “goodbye” to my own furchildren, because that would imply they’re truly gone, while I believe they’re only “invisible” to me on this earthly plane, but are still right with me, with NO real “distance” between us. I’ve never even quite finished this book, either, because I can still burst into tears at some of the exercises. Still, it’s a great guide and the authors are very heart-centered people.  

I also suspect you can’t help but feel even worse than you might otherwise, when you and your husband have such divergent viewpoints (at core) on the value of nonhuman beings. It can certainly make your grief feel sharper when there is no one to share in these common/natural feelings of crushing guilt. And so you take all of it upon yourself, alone, with no one at hand to share the emotional burden and the toll that takes. In turn, that can exacerbate the loneliness, guilt, and despair we feel when someone who loved us so greatly and who sustained our very spirit, is now absent. And because that’s missing, we can’t even imagine how those things might be felt less keenly if we had that kind of emotional support. I lived that, too, and speak from my own experience, as (only discovered recently) my husband has had (from birth) a neurological brain dysfunction that adversely impacts all interpersonal relations, particularly those of an emotional and closer nature. All of this is also made much harder if a partner is abusive - emotionally, verbally, psychologically, &/or physically. (yes, those are all deemed abuse now) Those feelings within grief loom even larger then, due to sheer sensory overload. Even worse if you’re an extra-"sensitive" type, which I think you likely are. (see Highly Sensitive People if you'd like to check)

You’re right though, the old Monica has also died. But we “die” in everyday moments too, with experiences that change us on an ongoing basis. We are seldom ever exactly the same as we were earlier. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. But I know what you’re really saying — the sheer agony of never having felt as you do before now…well, I understand that feeling, and concur. Same for that feeling of losing who you thought you were, in other words, feeling like you failed yourself, too. I get it. They’re both terrible feelings to have to go through.

I am presently facing more soul-crushing heartbreak that is slowly but surely killing me, yet so far, like you, there has been NO pain worse than that of losing my precious furkids, or feeling like I “failed” them in certain aspects (feels even worse than failing myself), much as you feel, too — through ignorance, lack of other knowledge I gained only later, trusting then distrusting my inner senses/intuition/inner voice, trusting vets who didn’t care or even understand at anywhere near the same level I did. So I get that, really I do. There has been NO human (or even other felines) in my life who could ever hold a candle to my relationship with my furkids, period. Many other people now openly attest to such feelings from the heart, so we’re NOT alone in that sentiment. It is what it is, whether others like it or not.

So failing them as their parent?! That just wasn’t supposed to happen! But maybe it really wasn't failure, in the Divine scheme of things… Maybe you two had a soul pact with each other, to help each other grow, experience, FEEL DEEPLY into life, endlessly, for both your sakes, and those of others...but how it played out wasn't what you'd thought, here on earth, it would be. For myself, I suspect/intuit that the WHY my darling Nissa died when she did still hasn't quite finished playing out for me to see, yet I have a good sense of what it's all about, that Bigger Picture...but that's taken 11 years so far, and counting.

As to why you once believed in the value of vaccines, who can blame you? In a nutshell, that’s what happens when entire populaces are deliberately duped into compliance with rules and ridiculous, irrational systems that seek to control, for greed and all such nefarious things. In essence, all you can really fault many of the vets and doctors for is not having either enough “smarts” or a strong enough desire to look more deeply into these faulty, reductionist systems of thought. And "reductionist" IS what the current health'care' model is based upon. There are pluses and advantages within even this faulty system, but there are also massive numbers of negatives. I've been waiting about 2 decades for the bulk of the world to finally catch up, but it's finally happening, slowly but surely. My patience has worn very thin by now, though.

And truthfully, even such diseases as distemper can potentially be survived (though there may be some non-lethal damage left), given the right treatments soon enough. And sometimes there are survivors even without much intervention. But most vets wouldn’t accept that idea, while homeopathic &/or holistic vets certainly would. (how do you think they turned to studying  homeopathy in the first place?…because they had more open and discerning minds than their colleagues and questioned the present medical model!) And as always, finances can impact procuring such treatments as well. In any case, I’d encourage you, but only as you’re able to emotionally handle it, to start searching for whatever you can find on re-educating yourself after the fact. I’ll help you if you like, as I'm able to. (just PM me through your Messenger in your profile here & I can give you some sources to begin where you like)

However, most of us learn the HARD way, through medical tragedy and heartbreak. But we can’t keep beating ourselves up forever for not knowing what we didn’t know in the past. For whatever reason, many of us need that painful push to step out of our comfort zone. But the mark of having a conscience is that it will keep urging us forward, because we already learned something new that speaks to our core values. And so, the most useful answer is to listen to this higher calling and voice, and follow that up with some kind of action. Even simply allowing ourselves to feel the soul-crushing pain is an “action” all by itself, and that alone can take a lot of time and effort. Yet you’ve already taken it further and are seeking to inform others by sharing yours and Baby Pearl’s personal story. So I say “kudos!” to you. You’re doing better than you think you are, it seems to me.

Personally, I feel blessed to meet someone like you. You feel deeply, you have a wonderful, working conscience, you are capable of deeper thought and introspection, you’re very kind, and your heart is certainly in a higher place when it comes to animals. What you “deserve” includes gratitude, from all those who are wired as you are, for being YOU, for being on this planet, and for wanting to better the world and help animals out! Please don’t give up on yourself. People like me highly depend on finding some kindred spirits in the world, in people like you!

I know how it hurts, beyond comprehension, beyond what you think your heart can manage. My own heart was physically searing in pain over my furchildren’s deaths for many months afterwards, and it sank at every new piece of information I later found that I hadn’t had when it really counted. Sure, I already knew all I cared to know about vaccines (and even more info has come out since, all very depressing, yet self-empowering), but there were still other things I hadn't known about that actually were already around back then. And with every new piece of info, every new intervention that wasn’t available when we’d needed it, it stung afresh. I felt as if I would die from the earliest pain, and actually wished my heart would suddenly give out after my girl transitioned and I had no more furchildren. It has been a grueling and lengthy journey, that hasn't really ever stopped. But hopefully, I’ve helped educate and inspire a few others along the way. Hell, I’m still surprised at times when I actually remember something of what-all I learned back then! ;) 

So I won’t tell you I know you’ll come out of it totally unscathed, because I couldn’t possibly know for sure. But I will tell you, to me, I see you as being worth the tough, internal struggle! And I’m quite sure your Baby Pearl thinks so, too. I truly believe she wouldn’t have loved you and your heart and soul as she did, if you were truly “unforgivable." I certainly know I was loved beyond measure by my kids, and continue to be (through all the ADCs I’ve received from them since), despite what I see as my abysmal failures. I’ve come to trust their spiritual assessment more than anyone’s. To not trust that would be dishonouring their very souls…something I could never, ever consciously do. At the very least, I hope you can come to that point too, in your own time and way.

Similarly to what Kay (I believe?) said to you, someone I know in the animal rescue world once told me, Every cat wants to be your cat!” One of the best, most cherished compliments I’ve ever received!!! And that helped me hang onto myself during my grief and heavy guilt. So please, DO fully receive what Kay told you, take it in, and ponder what good that reflects about you!

And let me ask you this:

Were the shoe on the other foot/paw, and Baby Pearl was instead the one who had to make a health decision on your behalf, and you died because of it...would YOU be unforgiving of HER and HER ignorance of what might happen as a result of that decision? I highly doubt you will answer "yes," simply because you LOVE her, and you would probably recoil in horror at the thought of not forgiving her for any "failing" she saw on her part. Remember, above all else, love is first and foremost a CHOICE, a decision to love. So conversely, how shallow would her love of you have to be, OR yours for her, to shut out any hope of forgiveness, to not FEEL that immense love as the most vitally important thing there is, or to not want with ALL your heart for your beloved to forgive themselves, should they be feeling guilt and self-loathing? That wouldn't even BE love. Think about it...  In real love, "there IS nothing to forgive," when you get right down to love's core nature. All else is just our earthly conditioning with which we've been taught to hurt ourselves.  

Please try to hang in there, Monica. Your remaining catties need you, and this world needs you. Keep pouring your heart out here for as long as you need to, or for as long as it helps. We all need to feel heard, to express ourselves, no matter how excruciating our feelings or thoughts may be. That's one way we slowly work through it all. 

Many hugs and purrs, and hoping your find more comfort even in the midst of your great sorrow,
Maylissa

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On 9/1/2017 at 11:58 AM, Broken heart and soul said:

Dear Kayc,

You are a wonderful mommy to your Precious Arlie!! And what breaks my heart is that I love My Baby Pearl with each fiber of my being and I failed her, she did not deserve that; if I could I would have gone through a bladder transplant to give my bladder, or half of it because she is small, to her; what is destroying me is the fact that my actions - my agreeing with the rabies shot - killed My Little Life. :( It is so sad. All I wanted for her was love and health and joy, but I caused her death. I am destroyed.

For some reason, I never got the notification that there was further activity on this thread until Maylissa's post, so I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond to you.  

Of course you love your Baby Pearl and would do anything for her.  I was surprised anyone read my story about Arlie because I removed it right away, thinking it inappropriate to draw attention away from your story at hand.  I do apologize for that.  Each of us here truly loves the one we lost and it's so hard to go on without them here in our lives, waiting until we can be with them again, at last!  But I truly believe we will be...it's just hard waiting in the meantime.
That's why I love this video, it helps me to think about it...

 

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Dear Maylissa,

I want to thank you soooooo much for your wonderful message!! I can't thank you enough for all you said, I thank you for your loving heart and for the time you put into writing to me, but since I have been having those migraines again, I just want to say a brief thank you for now, in other words,  I want you to know I read your fantastic message and that I will answer it appropriately, as soon as my head is better and I don't feel these symptoms anymore. My laptop is broken, so I use the cellphone to read my email messages and this screen is small, so when I'm better, I will write back to you!!

In the  meantime, please do know that you are simply wonderful, if only there were more people in this world that were 1% like you, we would be living in a kinder place!!

With love , admiration and gratitude!!

monica

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Omg, Monica, if I had known you had to use your cell to read everything, I would have been far more concise!!! Your poor head and eyes!!! I can't even imagine.... But I hope those migraines disappear very soon for you so you feel better. No worries on when you reply, just get some rest and take good care!

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Dear Maylissa,

please find below my answer to your wonderful message!! Please, there is no need to apologize, you are so busy and you have your life to take care of and I want you to know that I am extremely grateful for the fact that you answer to me at all, in other words, I mean the fact that you write to me is an honor!!! I appreciate it!!! So, please, know that there is no reason to apologize!!!

You mentioned that your ailments have overwhelmed you - I do hope that they are gone and that your health is restored and that you are feeling great again!!!

Thank you for mentioning the herb Butterbur - I don't know it but I'll look for it; I drink chamomile tea with honey. I am familiar with EFT, which I do love!! Please, Maylissa, do not say :" I'll try to make up for my tardiness now, in this terribly lengthy response!" Please, know that your wonderful, amazing, wise, kind message touched my heart, as all your messages do, and I am beyond grateful for the fact that you wasted your time with me - I no more deserve a friend like you, like the amazing wonderful Marty, like KayC, and all the other beautiful kind hearts that take part in this extraordinary site - but, at the same time, I am extremely thankful for the fact that you guys write to me!! 

Maylissa, I can't believe you said:"......when my feeling of having worth to anyone is at an all-time low"!! 😳😱😱😱 How can you say, think or feel like that????? I am pretty sure I am not the only person who reads all your posts and feels much better to hear your words and also who feels much better from learning from what you say!!! Please, know and I am saying this with all my sincerity (Maylissa, btw, if I didn't feel this way, I would not say it because I am a transparent person, so I always say what I feel and I always don't say what I don't feel) - so I say: You are extremely valued for who you are - your heart and your soul!!

Yes, I agree with you: guilt has a worthy purpose. I learned that I will never, ever make the same mistake again.

Maylissa, I don't mean to be rude but no one will be able to talk me out of my guilt because what I have done (agreeing to the rabies vaccination) caused my Daughter 's death and, consequently destroyed my heart ). I do feel very different now - it is like I am still there, at the vet's office and, over and over, I keep seeing my Precious Baby Pearl looking at me, with serious expression in her little eyes and I was stupid enough to make this joke to my husband: " oh, look, how Precious is her little face!! Oh, My Baby, you don't have to be afraid, the shot you will take will be like a little pinch, it will not hurt too much, just like a little pinch; this doctor has experience and he treats many furry babies like you, My Love. And Rocky, Bubbles and Spotty they also got their pinches; mommy wants her Loves safe, sound, protected and healthy!!". I swear, I wish my heart had stopped beating the moment I said that stupid sentence to her!!! I should have had a heart attack there!!! I failed her because I should have been able to hear what she was telling me!!! I always wanted to be like Dr.Doolittle and I read about this gift of talking and listening to Animals and I thought I could communicate with my FurChildren , I mean, I should have been able to hear her, to listen to her because now I know that that Precious serious face she was making was because she knew somehow, she knew it was not going to be something good for her!! 😭😭    My"yes" killed an Innocent Little Being who loved me so much, and that is destroying me. When I realized what had happened - her symptoms and that last day, when she received the euthanasia - at that moment I felt something huge happening inside me, I felt something, my essence, my soul, my spirit left my body and I felt so light and so heavy at the same time, and a feeling of emptiness, like I have my physical body, but it is hollow inside. I am still "there " - at that office, on that day and everything happens again and again in my mind,; although I am very able to fake normalcy to my husband, to the cashier at the supermarket, to a neighbor when I wave at them when I go to the mailbox pick up the mail, in other words, I am able to function, but I no longer have my heart and my soul inside. It is weird, sad and weird. 

I dont know if my guilt will disappear - I don't want it to disappear because that would be, to say the least, immoral; after all, it was my agreeing with the vaccine and my zero knowledge of it that caused My Daughter's untimely passing - and that was cruel, evil and unfair to that Precious Little Baby I forever and eternally love!! I can't forgive myself for that!!

i have also contacted an Animal Communicator in order to know how My Baby Pearl is and also to ask for her forgiveness. The lady said she did not blame me, but the vet and since it was a vet fast telephone session, only 45 minutes, and I was not well, I was much worse than I am now, my emotional state, I want to contact another one again in order to contact My Baby Pearl - I need to know if she has reincarnated, if she is happy, how she is doing and, again, beg for her forgiveness and tell her I am forever sorry for killing her and separating her from her Son Rocky and tell her I had never imagined that the rabies shot would be able to make a mass grow in her precious baby bladder!! 😭😭😪😓😨😱😳😭😭😭😭😭😭 I wish all my organs had been infected with cancerogenous cells!!!! 

Maylissa, I just loved what your Fur-Son told you via the Animal Communicator!! ❤️❤️ I hope your Fur-Baby Boy has met My Princess, My Baby Pearl!!! And I hope and pray they are Happy!!!! 💕💕💘💖😻😻😻😻

Oh, Maylissa, I am so sorry to hear you also had horrible experiences with vets!! 😪😓 And, yes, you are right again when you say: ".......I have to somehow be content in knowing I did the best I was capable of in those moments."

Thank you so much for explaining to me about the amygdala!! 

I would do anything, Maylissa, if I could, in order to go back in time and say " NO!!!!!!  " to that horrendous rabies shot!!!! I would give my life to have My Baby Pearl back!!!!! 

Yes, I did jump on-board with the vet's recommendation because I was stupid and idiotic enough to think vaccines were good - how wrong was I!!! 😪😓😒😱😭😭😭😭😭

oh, I so admire these wonderful people that battled against vet's insistence upon the rabies vaccine!!! I bet each one of them can sleep well at night, no guilt, no nightmares, no dispair in their souls!!!!! I will google that, for sure!! Thank you for telling me about it!!!!

Maylissa, please, I do hope and wish you find your resilience and use your rights to say " no " to whatever it is that is a nonsense. Please, always remember that you are a very strong woman and you can do that!! 

I will definitely buy the book you mentioned and I will visit their website, as well!!! Thank you again!!!  However, pardon me for not agreeing with you - please know that I don't mean to be rude for not agreeing with you - but I do not believe My Baby Pearl's transition was divinely timed - no, no!! I, unfortunately, caused her death and if I had not given her the rabies shot, she would still be here with me, Maylissa. And that is what hurts the most because it was not a natural death,........ I caused it.....by agreeing with the shot! 😓😪😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I took, at least, fifteen years of life she still had. 😪😓😭😭 I know, I feel, deep inside, that I am a murderer!! 😭😱😱😱😱😭😭😭😭😭

i agree with you - I don't like to use the word "goodbye " because it seems so final. I love that you say " they are only invisible to me on this earthly plane! " I always say My Baby Pearl is inside my heart - always and forever!! I just hope she still accepts to be in my heart, I hope she still wants to be in my heart; however, if she no longer accepts this idea, I thoroughly understand and respect her wishes - after all, look what I did to her!!! 😒😒😪😓😪😓😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it is extremely natural that she does not want anything to do with me - ever!! I can accept that; however, I will always......always, forever, eternally and infinitely love her!!!!!! 

Yes, the feeling of having failed her - My Precious Innocent Little Baby - is waaaaayyyy much worse than failing myself! Why didn't I " hear " what she was telling me?? 😒😪😓😭 She didn't want to take the shot - pure and simple - but I failed to allow her to have a say in her own health, in her own life - and because of that I made a mass grow inside her precious little bladder!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it is destroying me!! It is awful!! I would give everything, I would give anything to go back in time!! I completely agree with you - there is no one that can or could ever hold a candle to my love and relationship with my Babies - they are Absolutely Pure Love!!!! But I did this unforgivable thing to my Daughter, who I love eternally!! 😭😓😪😒😭

When you said that maybe we had a soul pact with each other, so, don't you think I - unfortunately - destroyed that pact? 😓 , you know, by killing My Baby Pearl?? 😭😭😭😓😪😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

When you talk about your Precious Nissa 😻💖💕💞💝💘💗💓❤️😻, it is soooo beautiful and touching!! Maylissa, I do believe that she will be back in your life!!!! Maybe she is already back, sporting another precious furry little body.... because the story you both have is so magical!! 

I do wish all vets really cared only about Animals 's wellbeing and really searched for holistic treatments and only cared for their Furry Patients 's health!! I applaud the homeopathic and holistic vets!! Thank you so much for offering to help me re-educate  myself, but I have to admit, I am not ready, yet, to learn more, at this point in my existence; what I have learned - after the fact - (vaccines cause tumor, cancer in older cats and dogs) destroyed, crushed me and I am not ready to continue; if I ever get to a more stable emotional state, I will definitely let you know!! Thank you so much!! I want you to know I thank you for your wonderful offer!! Also, thank you, Maylissa, for saying that the fact that I'm sharing My Precious Baby Pearl's story is something positive. I hope all Furbabies's parents learn from my horrible mistake! 😒😪😓😭

Maylissa, thank you so very much for saying you feel blessed to meet someone like me, when I can only feel hate for myself!! I am in a state where all I feel is aversion, loathing and repulsion for having killed My Princess!! 😒😪😓😭 so, I thank you for your kind words!! 

Yes, for sure, it stings afresh when I learn anything about vaccines - yes, you understand how I feel. For sure, it does seem like a never-ending painful journey! 

I feel in my heart and soul and I deeply know that this whole experience scathed me for good - I mean the pain of knowing that my action (agreeing with the vaccine without having any medical knowledge!!!!!) caused My Baby Pearl's untimely passing; also, I also feel completely destroyed because her son - Rocky - doesn't have his Mommy anymore and it is soooooo sad to hear him meow - I know he meows because he misses her, but my husband says that he meows because he is partly Siamese, so he is vocal and he also says that he meows because he wants treats, but I believe he meows because he is sad since he doesn't have his Mommy anymore. 😪😓😒😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I have had , like everyone else, bad situations in life before and some of them broke my heart , but I got up, looked ahead, kept a positive attitude, time went by and life went on; but, this, this was simply the worst thing that had ever happened to me and the feeling that comes with this circumstance is different, for I feel as if my heart broke in millions of tiny little pieces and therefore it is not possible to pick them up and glue them back together because some pieces got lost, they are gone and that is why I feel holes in my heart. My husband said that I have to accept death because people and Animals die and I told him that I understand and accept that - obviously, I become sad someone died, I mourn, I grieve, but I told him that what is difficult for me to accept is the fact that I killed our Baby, I murdered her with the rabies shot and I feel destroyed inside because the only thing I wanted to happen was to keep My Four Little Balls of Fluffiness healthy and protected from any illness........and I accomplished only the opposite..........because a mass grew on her precious little bladder. I could never have imagined that a vaccine would be able to cause cancer!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 

Maylissa, I think that it is beautiful and so very much accurate the compliment you have received, " Every Cat wants to be your Cat! " ❤️❤️ This is wonderful and it reflects the amazing person you are!!!! Yes, I did receive the beautiful and touching words KayC pronounced, when I read her message I became profoundly happy, she is also extremely kind and wonderful!!!! I am destroyed beyond repair, but her words are beautiful and I am very grateful for the fact she said them!!!!

Oh, no, if the shoe was on My Baby Pearl's Precious little paw and she made a healthy decision on my behalf and I died because of it, I would not even blame her on the first place - I would tell her that mommy continues loving her, and forever will,  from the invisible plane!!

Dear Maylissa, I can't thank you enough for the wonderful message(s) you sent me - I do thank you for the time and the knowledge in your messages!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!! I will contact an Animal Communicator because I need to know how My Baby Pearl is doing and I need to beg her to forgive me again!!

I wish you a lovely day!!! Love, hugs, kisses and gratitude!!😀❤️💕😀

monica

P.S.: I apologize for the delay in answering your fantastic message!!!! I am very grateful for the fact you sent it to me!!

 

 

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Dear Kayc,

I want to repeat what I said before: thank you so much for sending me that cute and wonderful video !! I love to watch it!! I'm having a good week, which simply means that I am not having migraines!! So, it is easier to deal with the sadness and emptiness I feel. 

Yes, you are right: I love My Baby Pearl and I would do anything for her; unfortunately, I did something horrible for her.......I do hope she doesn't feel pain anymore!!

KayC, thank you for your wonderful message and I wish you a great day!!

monica 

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