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My big dog died and it's my fault


FreekierLeek

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My husband was working a night shift so I decided to take them for a walk through the forest in the rain alone. I did this because when it's raining there are no other dogs out so they get in less fights. They don't attack but bark and bark. I thought I was being good by walking them.

The big dog hates the car. When he senses we are walking back to the car he tries to run away. He will run away, hide for a bit and then prance back into almost an arm's reach and then bounce away again. Normally after running around for 10-20 minutes, attempting to trick him and attempts to grab him I could get him and put him on a lead, so that he was safe walking past the road. But 2 nights ago he was taking it to extremes. I must have spent 30 mins just trying to grab him. In the end I decided to take the smaller dog to the car. I sat in it and watched as Sony walked down the hill bit by bit towards the car. He goes past the gate behind the car and I get out and try to call him over. He runs away.

I wait again and next he comes right up against the car. This time I get out with treats. He doesn't care about them and runs away.

So far it's been 40-50 minutes of me trying to catch him. I ring my husband but my phone is playing up and wont connect properly. I see he is now in front of the car but I didn't think he would go so far as the road. I text my husband and when I look up he has actually crossed the road into the field.

I panic and decide to drive around the corner, hoping he would panic seeing me leave. After a minute I drive back to where he is. He recognises the car and bounces over as if he's happy I'm back. I get out of the car thinking he would come over. Nope he bounces away again.

I actually open the windows thinking he would come over if I'm not out of the vehicle and I can maybe grab him. But by now it's pouring and my business papers are getting soaked. The look he is giving me is one of defiance, as if to say "I'm not getting in the car and there's nothing you can do about it."

I decide to take the little dog home because he is crying and struggling by this stage being in the boot so long. I think I can get my husband and we can corner him together. I am only away a few minutes but by the time I get back he has been hit and a car is damaged. Thankfully no human is injured. He died without me or my husband.

But I failed. What I should have done was waited at the gate and blocked it so he couldn't get past me. My husband was coming so I could have stayed there, I just didn't know how long he would be or if he was definitely coming because the stupid phone kept cutting out. But I was tired and soaked by this stage. I really didn't think he would run into the road when a car was there. Now I will never see his fluffy smile again. I had plans for his future, hikes together and a ham bone I hadn't given to him yet. I just hate myself.

I really loved him. Now my little dog has realised something is wrong and keeps crying and looking for him. He was only a year and a half old which makes me feel so bad because I should have protected him for at least another 8 years minimum. I hear people on this site and others talk about seeing them in the next life or even in dreams. I hope that's true because I can't bear not seeing him again. I found out his name was Sunny, not Sony. I heard it wrong when I picked him up the first time. I like this because it makes me think he is somewhere warm and bright.

This is now the biggest mistake of my life. Do you think I did enough? I tried so hard but the one thing I could have done to save him I didn't do. <3 Sony <3

Fat Sony (2).png

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I am so sorry you lost Sunny that way.  

I do know what it is to walk a big dog that has a mind of his own because mine was up to 140 lbs (Husky/Golden Retriever), he takes after the Husky side in stubbornness.  There are tricks to walking a big dog, on leash, I use a halti so he can't pull as hard.  If I see other dogs approaching that will get him worked up (he gets overstimulated) I wrap his leash around a fencepost or something until the other dog passes, telling the other dog NO, GO HOME!.  I tell their owner not to approach.  My dog has never bitten anyone, but he gets like a wigged out horse with overstimulation.  Another thing I do is hold the leash with my right hand and put my left hand into his collar, lifting up and turning just a bit, not enough to choke him, but it gives you leverage.  I talk to him firmly but gently to sooth him.  I've been walking him for 8 1/2 years, and my son's Husky for years before that.  They aren't known for coming to you if you call them.  If my dog does get loose, he weighs his freedom against whatever I have to offer.  Not enough to put the tailgate of the truck down and expect him to jump in.  I have to have pizza or something ready to offer.  Fortunately he's never gone further than my street (it's a dead end road) so I can go back to the house and get something, heating it up a bit makes it smell stronger and more appealing.  Pizza never fails.  If not that, 1/2 english muffin with ham & cheese on it.

None of that helps you now, but maybe if you have another big dog in the future.  Your dog has a beautiful face and smile.  Yes, I do believe with all my heart we'll be together again.  I've lost many pets over the years and it's so hard each time.

I know you blame yourself, we feel we should be able to protect them from anything/everything, we feel it's our job, and I'm sure you did your best.  But I also know that we are human and make mistakes and sometimes things are beyond us to control. I do hope you'll read these links and take it to heart.  He wouldn't want you to blame yourself, he loves you just as you love him.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml 

 

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I know it takes a long time for the pain to fade, but I pray as your adjustment continues, you find each day just a tad bit easier.

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